Idea Jokes
151 idea jokes and hilarious idea puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about idea that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with a collection of idea jokes - from no-idea puns to business-idea-winks and advice-filled things. Be prepared to brighten up the crowd with these fun jokes!
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Funniest Idea Short Jokes
Short idea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The idea humour may include short concept jokes also.
- My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
- My wife says we should split up because I keep pretending I'm a detective I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way
- I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
- Wow. The neighborhood barber just got arrested for dealing drugs. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
- A man goes on a date Friend: 'How did your date go?'
Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'
Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'
Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1' - I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably. I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.
- Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson" Wife: "So vampire do turn into bats."
(I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.) - I can't stand my wife's ideas for our kitchen redesign And I'm not convinced by her counterarguments.
- 10 years ago today, I married my best friend My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea
- Everyone told me smoking kills, I had no idea how fast. My dad went to get his first pack of cigarettes ever and I never saw him again.
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Idea One Liners
Which idea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with idea? I can suggest the ones about theory and vision.
- To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero... Thanks for nothing.
- The only idea that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
- "Mommy, why does everyone at school pick on me?" "I have no idea, Someoneyourownsize"
- North Korea bans sarcasm What a great idea.
- I had an idea for a fighting game.. But turns out, it was tekken
- Life is like a helicopter I have no idea how to operate a helicopter
- How many men do you need to defend Paris? I have no idea. Nobody ever tried.
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
- Dad: What's the opposite of ladyfingers? Kids : no idea
Dad : mentos - My doctor told me I am colorblind. I had no idea! It came right out of the green
- Animals: winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
- I once told a joke about Orpheus and Eurydice. Looking back...
It was a bad idea. - I spent months inventing a wingless plane sadly the idea never took off.
- Where did the hackers go when they escaped? No idea, they just ransomware
- Two fish sitting in a tank One said to the other I have no idea how to drive this thing
Bad Idea Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad idea jokes and even better bad idea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now" Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher. No idea why the school hired him.
- I once tried to create a comedy routine based on the myth of Orpheus. Looking back, it was a bad idea.
- I smeared ketchup all over my eyes once... It was kind of a bad idea in Heinz-sight
- Why's it a bad idea to eat mushrooms for dinner? Because you won't have mushroom left for dessert.
- Why is it a bad idea to wear tiny shorts on a ukranian holiday? Chernobyl fallout.
- Very bad product name Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?
- I bought my daughter some stuffed animals for her birthday. In hindsight, getting them at the taxidermist was probably a bad idea.
- Why are orphans bad at baseball? They have no idea where home is.
- Some people drink right before flying to deal with preflight anxiety. [I drink ALOT the night before. I'm so hungover, dying doesn't seem that bad of an idea.]
- I have the bad habit of asking internet strangers for advice Do you guys have ideas on how I can stop doing this?
Business Idea Jokes
Here is a list of funny business idea jokes and even better business idea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?" I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."
- An unfortunate business idea I once started a restaurant inside an airplane that was no longer functional. Sadly, it never took off.
- Give a man a fish Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day
Teach him to fish and you have lost a profitable business idea - New business idea We sell cammo tshirts.
We call it "Casual tees of war"! - Business idea Souvernir Shops in abortion clinics - so noone leaves empty handed
- I have a new starter business idea that's going to go viral! It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women… I'm calling it: Cadaviar.
- I have a great idea for a business. Combination nair and rogaine, I'll call it no gain.
- Worst Business Idea Ever Biodegradable Bricks
- My wife said that her shaving foam was missing. "I've no idea, honey," I replied. "I've been busy in the kitchen making you profiteroles."
- I have a friend whose an ophthalmologist, and he thinks I'm not so enthusiastic about the idea of him going into business for himself... In my words. I said Open up a store for all eye care.
Bright Idea Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright idea jokes and even better bright idea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIFU by listening to adults when I was a kid. They kept saying "Don't get any bright ideas." Sure enough, I never did.
- How many GOP congressmen does it take to change a light bulb? Doesn't matter, light wasn't burnt out, they haven't had any bright ideas in decades to turn it on.
- To the guy who invented the light bulb That was one bright idea you had.
- Turned out the lights I started walking down the stairs, and I flipped the light switch to off.
It wasn't a bright idea.
I'll see myself out. - DIY - previous owners thought a bright red living room a good idea. 12 coats of heavy duty primer later... This Kilz the walls.
- So I had this really bright idea Unfortunately I love the dark, so yeah.
- How to you measure the luminosity of an idea? You determine how bright it is.
- Why do the Japaneese have s**... eyes? Do you have any idea how bright a nuke is?
No Idea Jokes
Here is a list of funny no idea jokes and even better no idea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour "No way. That's impossible!" she said.
"Trust me," I said, "I have no idea where our baby is." - My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective... ...and that "we should split up"
"Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground" - If I had a dime for every time I had no idea what was going on… I'd be like Yo, what's with all these dimes?
- Our local pizza guy has been arrested for selling drugs I have been a loyal customer for years. I honestly had no idea he was selling pizzas
- what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon? I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.
- I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."
- I saw Black Panther 2 without knowing anything about it. I had no idea Wakanda movie it was.
- Condoms 1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat. - The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degrees. Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.
- As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way... Maybe being a tour guide wasn't such a great idea after all.
Hilarious Fun Idea Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about idea you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thinking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make idea pranks.
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
We were having s**... the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face.
I have no idea who let her into my office.
"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.
I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.
The plot thickens.
I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery.
None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.
I always thought the hole in boxer briefs was a messy idea...
until I learned it goes in the front.
Jehova
This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
The warning sign
There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor....
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.
"How's the stutter?", asks the doctor.
"It's g-getting better. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man.
"Any idea why?" The doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."
I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.
I had no idea how to pronounce her name.
So the other day, my friend told me that I have no idea what irony meant...
Which was pretty ironic, considering we were at a bus stop.
On average, an American man will have s**...
two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have s**... only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.
My 5 year old daughter wants a t**... for Christmas
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...
My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective.
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
The Wisdom of an Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''
The history of the c**....
In 1272, a Welsh inventor created the first c**... using a sheeps lower intestine.
In 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking it out of the sheep first.
~ Obligatory edit. No, it took them 601 years to get the welsh out of the sheep to make the condoms.
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "j**...".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
Fun idea:
Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.
So Tim Tebow just hit a home run in his first professional at bat
But he had no idea what to do once he got to third base.
In the 15th century the Arabs invented the c**..., using a goat's lower intestine.
In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea
Plaguegiarism
Jesus Christ dafuq is wrong with me
My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65....
Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
I'll leave now.
I was in the confessional booth today and I asked the priest if he thought it might be a good idea to stop m**....
He said Sure, if it bothers you, I'll stop.
It's never EVER a good idea to f**... during a 69.
That's how they found me underneath their bed.
I can't stand abortions
I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.
My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler...
... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.
A church has a rat problem
The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.
A man drunkenly walks into his wife's room...
He loudly proclaims, "I have no idea how I could live without you!"
Flustered, the wife asks, "Is that you talking or the whiskey talking?"
"It's me talking to the whiskey."
In my hometown, a barber got arrested for selling drugs.
Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
Thank God we don't need to hunt for food anymore
I mean, I have no idea where pizzas live in the wild
Shark Tank
*on Shark Tank*
Sharks: what's your idea?
Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
Shark 1: I'm out
Shark 2: I'm out as well
Hammerhead shark: tell me more
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle v**... and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start
The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a c**.... Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said
"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."
A shy cowboy goes into a bar
*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking c**... sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"
An average Englishman has s**... 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has s**... once or twice a year.
This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.
In 1272, the Muslims invented the c**..., using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...
"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."
Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
I asked my priest if it might be a good idea to stop m**...
##
## But he wouldn't.
Would you believe me…
Would you believe me if I told you that I think a dog could retrieve a stick that's been thrown over a mile away? Or would you say that idea is…
far fetched?
One day, a taxi cab passenger touched...
a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"
Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be f**... driver for 25 years.
My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!
"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"
My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"
I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"
(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with grief our own ways...)
BJ for Sore t**...
"You don't look so good today, Bambi," said Barbie.
"You're right," said Bambi. "I feel like I'm coming down with something. My t**... really hurts."
Barbie suggested, "You know, whenever I have a sore t**... I give my husband o**... s**... and the next day I feel great."
Bambi carefully considered this. The next day Barbie noticed that Bambi looked better.
"You look much better today. Did you take my suggestion?"
Bambi replied, "I sure did. It worked great. And your husband just couldn't believe that it was your idea!"
A guy says to his buddy, "I'm thinking about buying a labrador."
His pal warns, "That might not be such a good idea. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
m**... is like buying IKEA furniture.
At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says I'll take a glass of H2O. The second says I'll take a glass of H2O too.
*Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water.*
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
A man walks in to a bar
And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, l**... his eyebrows..
I joined a religion where flatbread tells us about god.
Its a naan prophet organization.
I have no idea why this was the first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning.
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit What can I get you to drink .
The rabbit says I have no idea, I'm only here because of autocorrect .
I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on.
Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
Some y**... had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.
We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.
We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.
My dad said he was going to set me up for life. Of course, I was excited by the idea.
Until he blamed me for the m**... he committed.
I had no freaking idea!
I visited a local news website this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title above saying, "A 34-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 years, and I had no idea that he was a mechanic!
Have you ever wanted to catch up with first person you had s**... with to show them how much better you are at it now?
I tried, but have no idea which parish he's serving in now.
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.
Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
