Idea Jokes
147 idea jokes and hilarious idea puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about idea that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with a collection of idea jokes - from no-idea puns to business-idea-winks and advice-filled things. Be prepared to brighten up the crowd with these fun jokes!
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Funniest Idea Short Jokes
Short idea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The idea humour may include short concept jokes also.
- My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
- I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
- A man goes on a date Friend: 'How did your date go?'
Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'
Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'
Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1' - I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably. I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.
- Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson" Wife: "So vampire do turn into bats."
(I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.) - I can't stand my wife's ideas for our kitchen redesign And I'm not convinced by her counterarguments.
- 10 years ago today, I married my best friend My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea
- Everyone told me smoking kills, I had no idea how fast. My dad went to get his first pack of cigarettes ever and I never saw him again.
- I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour "No way. That's impossible!" she said.
"trust me," I said, "I have no idea where our baby is." - Our local pizza guy has been arrested for selling drugs I have been a loyal customer for years. I honestly had no idea he was selling pizzas
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Idea One Liners
Which idea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with idea? I can suggest the ones about theory and vision.
- To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero... Thanks for nothing.
- "Mommy, why does everyone at school pick on me?" "I have no idea, Someoneyourownsize"
- North Korea bans sarcasm What a great idea.
- I had an idea for a fighting game.. But turns out, it was tekken
- Life is like a helicopter I have no idea how to operate a helicopter
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
- Dad: What's the opposite of ladyfingers? Kids : no idea
Dad : mentos - Animals: winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
- I once told a joke about Orpheus and Eurydice. Looking back...
It was a bad idea. - I spent months inventing a wingless plane sadly the idea never took off.
- Yesterday I lost 100 sheets of sandpaper... But I have a rough idea where they are
- Haunted House Idea: A room full of women saying "I'm fine."
- I never liked the idea of having a beard Then it grew on me
- My grandma started running 5K / day at age 60 She's 93 now, we have no idea where she is
- So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache. No idea why she had to slap me though.
Bad Idea Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad idea jokes and even better bad idea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why's it a bad idea to eat mushrooms for dinner? Because you won't have mushroom left for dessert.
- Why is it a bad idea to wear tiny shorts on a ukranian holiday? Chernobyl fallout.
- Very bad product name Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?
- I bought my daughter some stuffed animals for her birthday. In hindsight, getting them at the taxidermist was probably a bad idea.
- Why are orphans bad at baseball? They have no idea where home is.
- I have the bad habit of asking internet strangers for advice Do you guys have ideas on how I can stop doing this?
- I was pondering why people keep telling me that juggling bricks is a bad idea. Then it hit me.
- Why is it a bad idea to bring ghosts to a game of football? no matter what, they just keep booing
- When I found out it's a bad idea to do your own electrical wiring, I was shocked
- Why do sumo wrestlers avoid skydiving? Because a fat man falling to Japan is a bad idea
Business Idea Jokes
Here is a list of funny business idea jokes and even better business idea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?" I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."
- An unfortunate business idea I once started a restaurant inside an airplane that was no longer functional. Sadly, it never took off.
- New business idea We sell cammo tshirts.
We call it "Casual tees of war"! - Business idea Souvernir Shops in abortion clinics - so noone leaves empty handed
- I have a great idea for a business. Combination nair and rogaine, I'll call it no gain.
- Worst Business Idea Ever Biodegradable Bricks
- My wife said that her shaving foam was missing. "I've no idea, honey," I replied. "I've been busy in the kitchen making you profiteroles."
- I have a friend whose an ophthalmologist, and he thinks I'm not so enthusiastic about the idea of him going into business for himself... In my words. I said Open up a store for all eye care.
- Business Idea: A Ponzi Restaurant
- I got a new business idea "Cosmetologist-Astrologist" Change your future with a face massage
Bright Idea Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright idea jokes and even better bright idea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIFU by listening to adults when I was a kid. They kept saying "Don't get any bright ideas." Sure enough, I never did.
- Turned out the lights I started walking down the stairs, and I flipped the light switch to off.
It wasn't a bright idea.
I'll see myself out. - DIY - previous owners thought a bright red living room a good idea. 12 coats of heavy duty primer later... This Kilz the walls.
- So I had this really bright idea Unfortunately I love the dark, so yeah.
- How to you measure the luminosity of an idea? You determine how bright it is.
No Idea Jokes
Here is a list of funny no idea jokes and even better no idea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon? I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.
- I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."
- I saw Black Panther 2 without knowing anything about it. I had no idea Wakanda movie it was.
- Condoms 1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat. - The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degrees. Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.
- A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit What can I get you to drink .
The rabbit says I have no idea, I'm only here because of autocorrect . - Fun idea: Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.
- My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler... ... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.
- I wanted to change my name to Frieza but had no idea how much paperwork would be involved. This isn't even my final form.
- Did you hear about that time a hitman held a writer at gunpoint and forced him to write for Amy Schumer? The hitman warned him, Don't get any funny ideas!
Hilarious Fun Idea Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about idea you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean illusion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make idea pranks.
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We were having s**... the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face.
I have no idea who let her into my office.
I Wasn't Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until
I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That's when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!
"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.
I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.
The plot thickens.
I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery.
None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.
I always thought the hole in boxer briefs was a messy idea...
until I learned it goes in the front.
Jehova
This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How much does a s**... cost?
I have no idea, I just know they aren't free
The warning sign
There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor....
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.
"How's the stutter?", asks the doctor.
"It's g-getting better. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man.
"Any idea why?" The doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."
I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.
I had no idea how to pronounce her name.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 5 year old daughter wants a t**... for Christmas
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...
The Wisdom of an Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently entered a blindfolded m**... competition...
I haven't seen the results yet so I've no idea where I came...
How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb?
Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "j**...".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing w**... on his cow farm. I told him it wasn't a good idea.
The steaks would be too high.
My 8 year old brother came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, this is how it went
Bro," what washes up on a tiny beach?"
Me," No idea."
Bro," a microwave."
Followed by about 2 seconds of me not getting it then laughing for a solid minute
So Tim Tebow just hit a home run in his first professional at bat
But he had no idea what to do once he got to third base.
What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea
Plaguegiarism
Jesus Christ dafuq is wrong with me
My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65....
Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
I'll leave now.
My dad was trembling when I told him me and my brother had gotten hired as valets.
I guess he really didn't like the idea of having parking sons.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in the confessional booth today and I asked the priest if he thought it might be a good idea to stop m**....
He said Sure, if it bothers you, I'll stop.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's never EVER a good idea to f**... during a 69.
That's how they found me underneath their bed.
A church has a rat problem
The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.
A man drunkenly walks into his wife's room...
He loudly proclaims, "I have no idea how I could live without you!"
Flustered, the wife asks, "Is that you talking or the whiskey talking?"
"It's me talking to the whiskey."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I know what you have been s**... on"
My nephew has a habit of s**... his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that s**... their thumbs become fat.
At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been s**... on" in the middle of the store.
Thank God we don't need to hunt for food anymore
I mean, I have no idea where pizzas live in the wild
Shark Tank
*on Shark Tank*
Sharks: what's your idea?
Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
Shark 1: I'm out
Shark 2: I'm out as well
Hammerhead shark: tell me more
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle v**... and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a c**.... Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said
"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A shy cowboy goes into a bar
*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking c**... sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An average Englishman has s**... 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has s**... once or twice a year.
This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.
Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...
"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my priest if it might be a good idea to stop m**...
##
## But he wouldn't.
Would you believe me…
Would you believe me if I told you that I think a dog could retrieve a stick that's been thrown over a mile away? Or would you say that idea is…
far fetched?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many cops does it need to change a broken light bulb?
No idea, but they beat up the room for being black and the bulb for being broke
My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!
"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"
My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"
I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"
(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with grief our own ways...)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BJ for Sore t**...
"You don't look so good today, Bambi," said Barbie.
"You're right," said Bambi. "I feel like I'm coming down with something. My t**... really hurts."
Barbie suggested, "You know, whenever I have a sore t**... I give my husband o**... s**... and the next day I feel great."
Bambi carefully considered this. The next day Barbie noticed that Bambi looked better.
"You look much better today. Did you take my suggestion?"
Bambi replied, "I sure did. It worked great. And your husband just couldn't believe that it was your idea!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... is like buying IKEA furniture.
At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
I just got my son a flat peice of cardboard for his birthday
I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks in to a bar
And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, l**... his eyebrows..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now"
Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher. No idea why the school hired him.
I joined a religion where flatbread tells us about god.
Its a naan prophet organization.
I have no idea why this was the first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning.
I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on.
Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some y**... had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.
We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.
We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad said he was going to set me up for life. Of course, I was excited by the idea.
Until he blamed me for the m**... he committed.
I had no freaking idea!
I visited a local news website this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title above saying, "A 34-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 years, and I had no idea that he was a mechanic!
For cookery class, our homework was to bake something.
I said I'd bake dog biscuits.
No idea how to, but i have a great excuse when i don't hand in my homework.
I'm using vibration and oscillation in specific frequencies to impart information
It might seem far-fetched, but the idea is sound.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm about to go to a f**... for the first time, and I still have no idea what to expect.
Remains to be seen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever wanted to catch up with first person you had s**... with to show them how much better you are at it now?
I tried, but have no idea which parish he's serving in now.
Mother: I'm exhausted! I was up until 4 am with the baby...
Father: It's probably not a good idea to keep the baby up that late....
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.
Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What hurts the worst?
A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. "Did you know that childbirth isn't nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the b**...?" the bartender asks the woman. "What?" The woman exclaims. "How can you say that? You have no idea how much pain a woman endures during birth." "Pure logic," the bartender replies. "You never see a man deciding two years later to go out and get kicked in the b**... again ..."
