The Best 64 Idea Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Idea jokes. There are some idea hypothesis jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these idea occupant puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Idea Jokes and Puns
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face.
I have no idea who let her into my office.
"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.
I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.
The plot thickens.
I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery.
None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor....
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.
"How's the stutter?", asks the doctor.
"It's g-getting better. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man.
"Any idea why?" The doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."
I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour
"No way. That's impossible!" she said.
"Trust me," I said, "I have no idea where our baby is."
Condoms
1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.
My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective...
...and that "we should split up"
"Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"
On average, an American man will have sex
two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.
You can explore idea thing reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean idea pretend dad jokes. There are also idea puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My 5 year old daughter wants a Tampon for Christmas
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...
My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective.
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
The history of the condom.
In 1272, a Welsh inventor created the first condom using a sheeps lower intestine.
In 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking it out of the sheep first.
~ Obligatory edit. No, it took them 601 years to get the welsh out of the sheep to make the condoms.
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
North Korea bans sarcasm
What a great idea.
Fun idea:
Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.
So Tim Tebow just hit a home run in his first professional at bat
But he had no idea what to do once he got to third base.
In the 15th century the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65....
Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is
what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon?
I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
I'll leave now.
I had an idea for a fighting game..
But turns out, it was tekken
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer
I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
I was in the confessional booth today and I asked the priest if he thought it might be a good idea to stop masturbating.
He said Sure, if it bothers you, I'll stop.
I can't stand abortions
I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.
Wow. The neighborhood barber just got arrested for dealing drugs. I've been his customer for years.
I had no idea he was a barber.
My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler...
... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.
In my hometown, a barber got arrested for selling drugs.
Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
"Mommy, why does everyone at school pick on me?"
"I have no idea, Someoneyourownsize"
To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero...
Thanks for nothing.
The only idea that flat-earthers fear
is sphere itself.
Shark Tank
*on Shark Tank*
Sharks: what's your idea?
Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
Shark 1: I'm out
Shark 2: I'm out as well
Hammerhead shark: tell me more
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start
The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
A shy cowboy goes into a bar
*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking cowgirl sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"
An average Englishman has sex 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has sex once or twice a year.
This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.
In 1272, the Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...
"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."
Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
If I had a dime for every time I had no idea what was going on…
I'd be like Yo, what's with all these dimes?
One day, a taxi cab passenger touched...
a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"
Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be funeral driver for 25 years.
10 years ago today, I married my best friend
My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea
A guy says to his buddy, "I'm thinking about buying a labrador."
His pal warns, "That might not be such a good idea. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
Masturbation is like buying IKEA furniture.
At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says I'll take a glass of H2O. The second says I'll take a glass of H2O too.
*Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water.*
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very sleazy, very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
Everyone told me smoking kills, I had no idea how fast.
My dad went to get his first pack of cigarettes ever and I never saw him again.
The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degrees.
Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.
My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now"
Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher. No idea why the school hired him.
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit What can I get you to drink .
The rabbit says I have no idea, I'm only here because of autocorrect .
I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on.
Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.
We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.
We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.
My wife says we should split up because I keep pretending I'm a detective
I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way...
Maybe being a tour guide wasn't such a great idea after all.
Have you ever wanted to catch up with first person you had sex with to show them how much better you are at it now?
I tried, but have no idea which parish he's serving in now.
Two strings walk into a bar, bartender says Hey we don't server your kind here, get out. Outside one of the strings says I have an idea, here help me
the string proceeds to tie himself up and then dishevels the threads at the top of his head and at his feet. The string then walks back into the bar and orders a drink, bartender looks and says hey aren't you that string I just threw out?
String says No , I am a frayed knot!
My local paving crew seems to have disappeared.
I have no idea when they will resurface.
Why is it a bad idea to invade Finland?
Because you'll be Finnished.
I had a novel idea
I think I'll write a book about it
Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson"
Wife: "So vampires do turn into bats."
(I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.)
Everybody really thought that daylight saving would be a good idea.
I give it six months.
I went to Nintendo to pitch them my idea for a new Zelda game where Link is an herb trader…
They told me it was Hylian likely that they would make the Hero of Thyme.
One of my friends asked me the other day if my daughter knew what the 49th state in the USA was
I have no idea I said
But Alaska
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the idea suggestion jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working idea brilliant piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.