Ice Pick Jokes
29 ice pick jokes and hilarious ice pick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ice pick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Ice Pick Short Jokes
Short ice pick jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ice pick humour may include short ice cube jokes also.
- Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line) Enough to break the ice, how's it going?
- Leon Trotsky asks a travel agent if they have any hotel rooms in Mexico. The travel agent responded by saying that Mexico would be a very ice pick.
- Sometimes you go to 7-eleven to pick up ice... ...and sometimes ICE goes to 7-eleven to pick you up.
- Did you hear about the hipster with sticky hands? He tried to pick up an ice lolly before it was cool
- The other day, a man ran into the room screaming with an ice pick raised over his head while my new friends and I were sitting together in silence.... it was a great icebreaker
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Ice Pick One Liners
Which ice pick one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ice pick? I can suggest the ones about ice cold and icicle.
- I picked up a tub of ice cream and a tub of light ice cream They weighed the same.
- A king holds up an ice pick to a boy Someday son this awl will be yours!
- What tool is essential for all social situations? An ice pick. (to break the ice)
- Why does Snoop Dogg carry an ice pick? In case he needs to chizzel, baby.
Ice Pick Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about ice pick you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean iceberg jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ice pick pranks.
A lady walks into a dry cleaners...
...she's carrying a beautiful black dress. She tells the clerk, "I'll need to pick this up tomorrow."
The clerk, hard of hearing and distracted, innocently asks, "come again?"
Unfazed, she replies, "No. Vanilla ice cream this time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
little Johnny
Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
A man goes ice fishing...
He takes out his ice pick and begins to hack away. Suddenly, he hears a booming voice from above say, "There are no fish there."
He moves to a new spot and begins again. Again comes the voice, There are no fish there either."
He tries a third spot, and again the voice informs him, "Not there either."
Frightened, the man calls out, "Is that you, God?"
"No," the voice booms, "I'm the rink manager."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Finger l**... Good
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.
He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
"Just watch, this is the dumbest kid in the whole world."
The barber puts a dollar bill in his right hand and a quarter in his left.He then asks the boy,"which one do you want?" The boy takes the quarter and leaves the shop. The barber chuckles and tells his customer,"didn't i tell you,that kid is really dumb.Even after so many years,he has still not learnt to take the dollar."
sometime later ,the customer sees the kid having an ice-cream outside.He walks up to him and asks ,"Hey son ,I don't think you are dumb. How come you never picked the dollar ?"
The kid answers ,"Because, the day I take the dollar ,the game is over."
A penguin is driving his car through Arizona...
His engine begins to shudder and overheat, so he pulls off at the nearest exit. As luck would have it, there is a small auto repair shop close to the exit. He drops his car off for the mechanic to inspect and notices an ice cream shop just across the street.
Mr. Penguin chooses a vanilla cone and due to his lack of suitable appendages, gets ice cream all over his face. Upon finishing his cone, he returns to the mechanic to pick up his car. As he approaches the shop the mechanic approaches him and exclaims, "Looks like you blew a seal!" to which Mr. Penguin replies, "Oh no! It's just ice cream, I swear!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny and the math teacher
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny then says, "I have a question for you Sir. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like the way you think.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
I was following an ambulance today
Going down the road with the lights on and siren blaring. We were on a highway with a high speed limit so I could keep up without being too close.
The ambulance goes around the curve ahead of us and the back door flings open. A cooler rolls out and lands on the side of the road.
I figured they would have saw it but I pulled over where it landed anyway. I got out and picked the cooler up. A little dented but still closed and intact.
I opened the cooler and found it was full of ice, and what appeared to be someone's severed toe. "Surely they noticed the door open and will come back shortly" I thought.
I waited for an hour and no sign of them so I decided to just give up waiting and call a tow truck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Naughty Little Johnny
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with
your gun, how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
l**... her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one s**... her
cone, which one is married?
Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But
I like the way you are thinking".
The Teacher Fainted...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic.
The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?”
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!”
The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?”
The little boy says, “if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence.”
The teacher replies, “Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!”
The little boy then says, “Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, another is biting it and the third one is s**... it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?”
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, “Well, I guess the one s**... her cone.”
To which the little boy replies, “Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!”
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.
He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.
He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.
He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."