She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"
Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."
Waiter: "I'm sorry?"
Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."
... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"
Bartender: "Water."
Ramsay: "Fresh?"
Bartender: "No, frozen."
Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He went ice Skating before it was cool
At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
Just ice.
At first I thought it was regular ice, but when I got back on my feet, I noticed my wallet was gone.
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream while masturbating?"
What the fuck is "left over wine"?
Justice
I thought it was regular ice but when i got up my wallet was gone.
...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."
Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."
And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"
And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."
CEO of Carlsberg orders a bottle of Carlsberg.
CEO of Heineken orders a bottle of Heineken.
CEO of Becks orders a bottle of Becks.
CEO of Guiness orders diet coke with no ice.
They turn around and ask him why he ordered coke. He responds " Nobody's drinking beer. Didn't want to be the only one "
Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.
I was standing behind this girl at a school dance while we were waiting to get some juice. She was really pretty, so I thought I'd break the ice with a joke.
I tapped her on the shoulder and said "Hey, what's blue and smells like red paint?"
She smiled and asked, "what?"
As I was about to open my mouth, I accidentally tripped and knocked over everyone in front of me. I never got to finish the joke, but that's how I totally screwed up the punch line.
... at least I think she was poor; she only had $3 in her purse.
Bartender: What will you be having to drink?
Harambe: I'll have a beer
Me: No, he'll have just ice.
Bartender: Just ice?
Me: Yes, justice for Harambe
Atleast I think she was poor. She only had $.75 in her wallet.
Just ice
Bartender: What can I get you ?
Harambe: I'll have a beer.
Man: No, he'll have just ice.
Bartender: Just ice?
Man: Yes, justice for Harambe.
When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"
The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."
...she's carrying a beautiful black dress. She tells the clerk, "I'll need to pick this up tomorrow."
The clerk, hard of hearing and distracted, innocently asks, "come again?"
Unfazed, she replies, "No. Vanilla ice cream this time."
Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.
And this is just their way of breaking the ice.
He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"
Vendor asks: "Crushed nuts?"
Guy whimpers back: "No. Laryngitis."
Just ice.
I thought it was regular ice but when I got up my wallet was missing.
Just Ice
Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?
So the other day I slipped on some black ice, at first I thought it was normal ice, but when I got up i noticed my wallet was missing.
The bartender looks at him and asks The usual?
The lawyer nods. The bartender then serves a glass full of ice.
Just-ice was served...
A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Ice? Well, here are the best Ice dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Ice pick up lines to share with friends.