Following is our collection of funny Ice jokes. There are some ice nigloo jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ice icecream puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
.....
an Ice Cube
Cred: Russell Peters
She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"
Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."
Waiter: "I'm sorry?"
Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."
... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"
Bartender: "Water."
Ramsay: "Fresh?"
Bartender: "No, frozen."
Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He can't take it, but he can dish it out.
At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
Just ice.
Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool.
McDonald's ice cream machine
You can explore ice iceman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ice polaroids dad jokes. There are also ice puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Didn't work though, I only got 10% off.
At first I thought it was regular ice, but when I got back on my feet, I noticed my wallet was gone.
What's the difference between dad and an ice cream truck? The ice cream truck has Good Humor!
It slid under the refrigerator. I was really upset at first but now it's water under the fridge.
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream while masturbating?"
Justice
I thought it was regular ice but when i got up my wallet was gone.
While I was out with the family getting ice cream, the crowded shop had one of those awkward moments where everyone randomly goes quiet all at the same time - just as the confectioner handed me my ice cream.
I proceeded to ask Where does someone learn to make ice cream this good?
Confectioner - I'm not sure… the morning crew makes the batches
Did they learn at sundae school???
I could not have been prouder with the chorus of groans and chuckles that rang throughout the shop.
...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."
Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."
And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"
And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."
CEO of Carlsberg orders a bottle of Carlsberg.
CEO of Heineken orders a bottle of Heineken.
CEO of Becks orders a bottle of Becks.
CEO of Guiness orders diet coke with no ice.
They turn around and ask him why he ordered coke. He responds " Nobody's drinking beer. Didn't want to be the only one "
Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.
Sherbert.
... at least I think she was poor; she only had $3 in her purse.
Bartender: What will you be having to drink?
Harambe: I'll have a beer
Me: No, he'll have just ice.
Bartender: Just ice?
Me: Yes, justice for Harambe
Atleast I think she was poor. She only had $.75 in her wallet.
Just ice
AAA (Antarctic Automobile Assn) tows it to the garage in the nearest town, where the mechanic says he has time to look at it, give him half an hour.
The penguin wanders down the street to an ice cream shop and decides to beat the heat with a cone of his favorite flavor, vanilla. Of course, being a penguin, with flippers instead of hands, as well as a beak, he makes a huge mess and gets ice cream all over his face. Hoe goes back to the garage, where the mechanic tells him "looks like you blew a seal."
"No," says the penguin. "That's just ice cream."
But when I do, I use them to break the ice
Bartender: What can I get you ?
Harambe: I'll have a beer.
Man: No, he'll have just ice.
Bartender: Just ice?
Man: Yes, justice for Harambe.
When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"
The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."
...she's carrying a beautiful black dress. She tells the clerk, "I'll need to pick this up tomorrow."
The clerk, hard of hearing and distracted, innocently asks, "come again?"
Unfazed, she replies, "No. Vanilla ice cream this time."
Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.
And this is just their way of breaking the ice.
…half staff. Without missing a beat, hubby says its because the ice cream machine is down. I facepalm as my mom asks when that became a thing. 🤦♀️
He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"
I could only get 10% off.
Nowadays, they got cameras everywhere.
Vendor asks: "Crushed nuts?"
Guy whimpers back: "No. Laryngitis."
Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
Just ice.
Finally: white people in Texas are having problems with ICE.
Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?
He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office.
So the other day I slipped on some black ice, at first I thought it was normal ice, but when I got up i noticed my wallet was missing.
The bartender looks at him and asks The usual?
The lawyer nods. The bartender then serves a glass full of ice.
Just-ice was served...
... milk with ice is iced milk, and tea with ice is iced tea, what's ink with ice in it?
>!(This one works better out loud. If you don't get it, maybe say the answer out loud to someone you know and they'll probably agree even though they haven't heard the lead in.)!<
A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."
Sorry that was a terrible ice breaker
Just ice
They both look great until they hit the ice.
at least I think she was poor she only had 75 cents in her purse.
I tried an old discount card, only got 20% off.
They could never do it before it was cool
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ice frosty jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working ice icebergs piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.