Ice Cream Day Jokes
80 ice cream day jokes and hilarious ice cream day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about ice cream day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Ice Cream Day Short Jokes
Short ice cream day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ice cream day humour may include short ice cream jokes also.
- I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
- Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him? Yer a Blizzard, Harry.
- One hot summer day on Sesame Street, Bert and Ernie are sitting on the stoop outside their apartment. Bert turns to Ernie and says, _"Want to go get some ice cream?"_
Ernie replies, _"Sure Bert."_ - I worked in one of those creepy ice cream vans over memorial day weekend, and I must say, they really do work. I raked in the Benjamins. Also got a couple Jacobs and Timothys as well.
- Transitional age is when during a hot day you don't know what you want – ice cream or beer.
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Ice Cream Day One Liners
Which ice cream day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ice cream day? I can suggest the ones about ice cream flavor and ice cream cone.
- What's the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise? Heaven ice day
- What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week? Sundae.
- What did the ice cream say to the birthday girl? Go head girl it's sherbert day
- What's the Ice Cream Man's favourite day of the week? ... Sundae
- One day my dad went to buy me some ice-cream...
- How does 50 Cent sing to his ice cream? Go shawty
It's sherbert day. - Boy, you make me like an ice cream cone on a hot day. Dripping.
Ice Cream Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about ice cream day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ice cream float jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ice cream day pranks.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "
This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber.
"That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage.
The penguin asks, "How long will it be?"
The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street.
When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?"
The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
Cletus Cletus goes to work and sees that one of his co-workers has a thermos.
He asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
Cletus was amazed and when he got home immediately went out and bought one.
The next day he goes to work and is proud that he has this wonderful object.
The same co-worker realizes he has a thermos and says, "What do you have in it?"
He says, "Soup and ice cream!"
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
Penguin Joke (kinda dirty)
One day there was a penguin driving in his car on a hot day. He is driving along when his car breaks down. He has his car towed to a mechanic who tells him that it might be a while to find out what's wrong with his car.
The penguin is getting impatient and it is really hot out. He sees an ice cream shop across the street so he goes over and gets and ice cream cone to cool off. He walks back to the mechanic eating his ice cream which melts and gets all over his face.
He asks the mechanic "did you find out what was wrong with my car." The mechanic looks up at him and says "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin wipes off his face and says "Nope, just ice cream."
Little Johnny : I like the way you think
An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?" One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away." The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.
Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, "No, there would be one --the one that the farmer shot."
The teacher replied, "No, Johnny, you're wrong, but I like the way you think."
"OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you," boasted Johnny. "Let's say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently l**... it around the edges, the second slowly s**... the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then s**... the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?"
After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, "Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and s**... out the inside."
Johnny responded, "No, teacher, you're wrong --it's the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."
Oldie, but a goodie.
I Like The Way You Think
One day in school the teacher asks little Johnny,
"If there were five birds on the tree and you shoot two birds with your gun then how many would be left?"
"None because they would all fly away.", replies little Johnny.
"That is incorrect.", says the teacher, "there would be three left, but I like the way you think."
Then little Johnny asks the teacher,
"If there were three women on the bench with an ice cream cone, one bitting on the cone, the other s**... the cone, and the last one l**... her cone, which one is married?"
"The one s**... on the cone," guessed the teacher.
"That is incorrect," replies little Johnny," The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married, but I like the way you think."
A penguin is having car trouble...
A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."
A young boy and a barber
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you. The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son? The boy takes the quarters and leaves. What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns! Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? The boy licked his cone and replied, Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
Dumbest kid in the world.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son? The boy takes the quarters and leaves. What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied, Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
A man and woman have been married for fifty years
However, both find that they are struggling to remember things like the used to, so they decide to go to the doctor's. He sees them separately and tells them that they both have Alzheimer's. They are understandably upset by this news, but the husband turns to his wife and says "look, we are no different than yesterday! Tell you what, it is supposed to be lovely weather tomorrow, we will go to the beach like we used to."
She agrees and off they go the next day. They have a lovely time sunbathing, then the wife decides she wants an ice cream. The husband agrees and gets ready to get up when she says "wait, don't you want me to write it down for you so you don't forget?"
He replies "I'm not an idiot, I'm capable of remembering two ice creams!"
"Are you sure? I want nuts and sauces..."
"No," he said, "it is fine. I will see you soon." So he leaves.
The man is gone for hours and his wife is getting deeply concerned when he finally shows up again, two burgers in hand. She sees this, shakes her head and says "oh you idiot, you forgot the chips!"
Penguin
One day a penguin decides to go to a party. He dresses in his usual tuxedo, and then drives over to the mansion. He eats his dinner and then it was time for dessert. Ice cream, the penguin's favorite! The penguin laps up the ice cream getting it all over his beak and face feathers. On his drive home his car breaks down and he calls for a tow. After the mechanic inspects the car he proceeds to tell the penguin "You blew a seal". To which the penguin replies "No, it's ice cream"
Penguin experiencing car trouble
Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back.
To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the body shop.
"Well," says the mechanic, "looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," says the penguin -- "It's just ice cream."
Penguin's car breaks down
It's a hot day and a penguin is driving his car around when it suddenly breaks down. He takes it to a mechanic who says it will be an hour before he'll know what's wrong with the thing. Now, Penguins do not like heat, so he decides to go get some vanilla ice cream. Flippers however are not good at handling ice cream cones, so he ends up making a big mess. when he goes back to check on his car the mechanic says, "Looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says, "No you don't understand, that's just ice cream"
a penguin is driving through Texas when ...
... his car engine suddenly sputters and dies. close to a service station, he uses his momentum to roll up in front of the garage. he hops out and asks the mechanic to have a look. the mechanic obliges and says "give me 15 minutes". it being a hot day in Lubbock (naturally), the penguin gravitates to the baskin robbins across the street to get a vanilla ice cream. not having lips, the little guy enjoys his ice cream greatly but makes a bit of a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. after finishing, he walks back across the street to the service station. the mechanic says to him "looks like you blew a seal." the penguin replies, "oh no, that's just ice cream!"
The penguin joke (not the ice cream one)
So this guy is driving down the road with some penguins. Now some guys have penguins; this dude had some penguins! Dozens and dozens of the little dudes all piled up in guy's car cruising down the road. Well this state trooper sees him and pulls him over. Trooper walks up to the car, Mister, I'm going to give you a ticket if you don't take all these penguins straight to the zoo!
Guy in the car goes, Yes sir! and rides out. Well the next day the same state trooper is posted up in the same spot and sees the same guy drive by with the same penguins! All the same penguins, all piled up in dude's car: stacked up in the backseat, hanging out the trunk, everywhere! Today, though, they're all wearing sunglasses. So the trooper walks up to the driver, Mister, didn't I tell you yesterday to take all these penguins to the zoo?!!
Yes sir, I did. Today we're going to the beach!
So a penguin is driving along one day...
... and has engine trouble. So he stops at an autoshop and they get to work on his car. It's a rather hot day, so he walks over to the convenience story and buys an ice cream cone.
As he's finishing the cone, the mechanic walks over to him and says "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No no!" he cries, "It's just ice cream!"
A polar bear brings his car in to the mechanic
Mechanic tells him that it will be a few hours so the polar bear goes over to the supermarket and buys a bucket of vanilla ice cream. It's a hot sunny day and he goes over to the park bench to eat it. Then he wanders back to the garage. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic says. "Oh no," the polar bear laughs, wiping his moth. "That's just ice cream."
A little Johnny...
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
Two men are in the operating room
Two men are in the operating room getting prepared for surgery.
One says to the other, "Hey buddy, what are you in for?"
The other says, " I'm here to get my tonsils taken out"
The first man says "Oh that's not so bad. I had that done when I was younger, and I got to eat ice cream for two days strait."
The second man felt at ease with this reassurance. "Thanks for that, doesn't sound so bad. What about you, what are you in for?"
The first man says, "I'm here to get circumcised."
The second man says" Oh I had that done when I was a baby. I couldn't walk for over a year!"
Dumb kid?
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber
whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the
world. Watch while I prove it to you.'
The barber puts a five-dollar note in one hand and two
one dollar coins in the other.
Then he calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you
want son?'
The boy takes the two one dollar coins and leaves the
five-dollar note.
'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never
learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same
young boy coming out of the ice cream shop and says,
'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take
The two coins instead of the five-dollar note?'
The boy licked his cone and replied,
'Because the day I
take the five-dollar note, the game's over!'
A young boy is sitting in class...
A young boy is sitting in class when the teacher asks the group a question: "Five birds are sitting on a branch. A hunter shoots two. How many birds are left?". The young boy raises his hand and answers: "None. The birds heard the gun shot and all flew away". The teacher explains to the young boy: "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for; but I like the way you think!"
The next day, the young boy comes into class with a question for the teacher: "Miss, three women are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream: One licks the ice cream. Another licks the ice cream and spits it out. The last one licks the ice cream and swallows. Which woman is married?" A little embarrassed by the question, the teacher answers: "The woman who swallows?" The young boy says: "No, the one with the wedding ring; but I like the way you think!"
A penguin goes to his mechanic...
A penguin decides to get his car checked out on a hot summer day. He brings it to his mechanic, and decides to get some ice cream while his car is being worked on. The penguin orders a bowl of ice cream, and uses his flippers to scarf down some ice cream. He makes quite a mess of himself while eating. Once he finishes his delicious snack, he goes back to his mechanic and asks what is wrong.
The mechanic replies "Looks like you blew a seal"
to which, the penguin exclaims, " NO! NO! It's ice cream!! I swear!!"
A physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week...
He always orders an ice cream sundae and offers one to the empty stool next to him.
One day the owner asks, "Why do you do that?"
The physicist replies, "Well, the laws of quantum mechanics teach us that there is a possibility that the matter above this stool will spontaneously transform into a beautiful woman who will accept my offer of an ice cream and fall in love with me".
The owner says, "We have beautiful women come in here all the time. Why don't you offer one of them an ice cream and maybe she'll fall in love with you".
And the physicist replies, "Yeah, but what are the odds of THAT happening?
Penguin takes car to the mechanic...
On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin waddles down the road and spots an ice cream shop. When the penguin gets there, he uses his penguin flippers and messily eats the ice cream. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, I was just eating ice cream!"
A youthful child enters a follicle removal facility...
...and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son? The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied,
Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
My wife and I decided to go out for the day. We went for a long stroll in the park, bought some ice creams and sat by the pond, feeding the ducks. Eventually she turned to me and said, "Have you had a nice day?"
I said, "Yes thanks. It was 1987, the sun was shining and I'd just left school."
A penguin is driving along in his convertible on a very hot day...
when it suddenly breaks down. He has it towed to a shop where the mechanic says it will be at least a couple hours while he finds the problem. The mechanic tells the penguin that he can go to a nearby diner to get out of the brutal heat.
The penguin goes into the diner and decides to order a bowl of ice cream to cool off. He dives right in and makes a real mess of himself. He orders another bowl and eats it so fast he's wearing most of it. There's melted ice cream all over his face.
Finally, the penguin pays his bill and heads back to the shop. The mechanic looks up from the penguin's car and says, "It looks like you blew a seal!" The pengiun says, "Nah, it's just ice cream."
Penguin takes his car to the mechanic
On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, it's just ice cream--I swear!"
A young boy enters the barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer…
A young boy enters a barbershop… the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch.
The barber puts a dollar in one open palm and two quarters in the other and asks the kid, Which do you want?
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? says the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why'd you take the quarters and not the dollar? he asks.
The boy licked his cone and replied, Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!
Car Problems
On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, I was just eating ice cream."
Kid vs barber
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.' The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?' The boy takes the quarters and leaves. 'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!' Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?' The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!'
A penguin takes his car to a mechanic because there is a funny noise coming from under the hood.
Leave it with me, says the mechanic. Come back in 20 minutes.
So, off goes the penguin. It's a pretty hot day and he's a cool weather kind of guy so on spotting an
ice cream van he goes and buys himself a 99. Now, penguins aren't very good at eating ice creams—
the lack of opposable thumbs makes it tricky. So by the time the penguin has finished his 99, he is
completely covered in ice cream. It is all over his beak and all over his flippers. Feeling a little
sticky, he goes back to the garage.
Oh, hello, says the mechanic, wiping his hands on a cloth.
Hello, replies the penguin. Was it anything serious?
Not really, but it looks like you've blown a seal.
Oh no, no, no! says the penguin, wiping his mouth. It's just ice cream.
The Mechanic who worked in Antarctica.
A penguin is driving along one day and his car starts making this really strange sound. So, he pulls into the first gas station he sees, jumps out of his car, runs up to the mechanic and says: "I need for someone to look at my car! There's something wrong with it!"
1 The mechanic looks at him and says "Well I can do that but you'll have to wait about 20 minutes or so." The penguin looks across the street and notices an ice cream shop! So he says "OK I'll be back."
He tosses him his keys runs across the street and has a big ol' bowl of ice cream. He comes back, looks at the mechanic and says "Did you figure out what's wrong with my car?" "Well" replies the mechanic "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin quickly wipes off his face and says "OH NO, that's just ice cream!"
A blonde is at work and asks...
A blonde is at work and asks her friend what her new thermos is.
She replies "It is to keep hot things hot and cold things cold".
The next day the blonde comes into work with a new thermos.
Her friend asks what is in it and she replies "Ice cream and soup".
A young boy walks into a barber shop...
... and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.'
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?' The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
'What did I tell you?', said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'. Then the boy, l**... his cone, replied,
'Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!'
A young lad enters a barber shop...
and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son?
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied,
Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
A teacher asks her student a question...
"if there's two birds on a power line and somebody shoots one of them, how many birds are left?"
" Zero" the boy said "the others would have flown away"
"Actually the correct answer is two" said the teacher "but I like where your heads at."
The boy came back to school next day and asked the teacher a question. "If there's three women sitting on a bench eating ice cream and one is l**... their ice cream, one is chomping on theirs and the other is s**... on theirs, which one is married?"
The teacher answered "the woman s**... her ice cream."
The boy replied "actually it's the one with the wedding ring but I like where your heads at."
I was such an ugly baby...
I was such an ugly baby...My Mom was pushing me in a pram one day and was so upset with folk's reaction to her ugly baby. She sat down on a park bench and the tears began to flow. A kindly stranger noticed her tearfully rocking the pram and decided to do a good deed. He bought a large ice cream and handed it to her. 'Listen, dear,' he said, 'I know you have problems, you don't have to tell me what they are, but hopefully this will cheer you up.' My Mom smiled through her tears and accepted the ice cream. The kind stranger returned the smile then held out his other hand and said, 'And here is a bag of nuts for the monkey!'
A penguin's car breaks down
He brings it to his mechanic and the mechanic tells him it will take a while to diagnose the issue. It's a hot day out and so the penguin decides to go across the street to have an ice cream cone while he waits. He then returns to the mechanic's shop and his mechanic says "well, it looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replies "oh no, this is just ice cream"
A Barber's Bill
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. 'Hey, kid! Can I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?' The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Ice Cream...Maybe
A penguin went to get his car fixed on a 120 degree day, he was so hot, the mechanic said, "hey, this is going to take a while, you should go next door and cool off with some ice cream."
The penguin goes next door orders ice cream, the waitress asks, "would you like a spoon?" The penguin says, "no thank you, I will just use my flippers!"
After he eats the ice cream, it is all over his face, he goes back to the mechanic and the mechanic says, "it looks like you have blown a seal!"
The penguin says, "No! This is ice cream!"
Little Peter was on his classroom
his the teacher asks, if I have five birds on a branch and I throw a stone to one of them, how many I have left ...
None teacher ... ..
Why not Peter? ....
no teacher because the others fly away from the fright ....
That's wrong Peter but I like your way of thinking ......
The next day Peter goes to his teacher and ask her, now I am going to ask a question, if you see two women eating an ice cream and one of them is s**... and the other is biting, which one who is married ???? ....
After a little thought the teacher says a little confused, I guess the one who is s**... ...
No teacher, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think ...
A penguin is driving on a hot summer day when his car...
... suddenly starts to make noises and smoke out from under the hood. The penguin coasts into the service space and stops at the garage.
The mechanic there tells the penguin it's going to take a bit of time to see what the problem is, and starts working on the car, so our penguin shuffles out of the garage into the supermarket next door, frozen goods aisle, to get out of the summer scorch and get a bit of a cool-down.
Half an hour later, the penguin shuffles back to the garage, and the mechanic raises his eyes and tells him:
"Looks like you've blown a seal"
"Oh no, that's just some ice cream I ate earlier"
A blonde notices her coworker has a thermos.
She walks up to him and asks it what it is for. The coworker replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The blonde immediately buys one for herself, and proudly displays it the next day at work.
Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?"
"Soup and ice cream," the blonde replies.
p**... the Bear
p**... is out around town doing a bit of shopping, in one particular store he spots something shiny behind the counter and says to the assistant "What's that thing there?"
"Its a thermos flask" says the assistant.
"What does it do?" p**... asks.
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, sir" She replies.
p**... buys the thermos flask and takes it to work the next day. At lunch time he sits down and takes it out of his rucksack.
"What's that thing?" m**... asks.
"Its a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" p**... says.
"Is that so? What've got in it?" Asks m**....
p**... says "Two cups of coffee and an ice cream"
A penguin is driving through town on a hot summer day.
Unfortunately, his car breaks down and he's forced to take it to a mechanic. The mechanic says "I'll have a look, just go do something for a bit and come back. I'll let you know what I find when you get back."
So, with some time to kill the penguin goes across the road to get some ice cream. Due to the heat, the ice cream melts fast while the penguin tries to eat it. He makes an awful mess, all over his flappers and beak.
He goes back to the mechanic when he's done his ice cream and the mechanic says "Looks like you just a blew a seal"
"Oh no I was just eating some ice cream"
A young boy enters a barber shop...
The barber whispers to a customer, "this is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch this". The barber puts two quarters in one hand, and a dollar in the other, then calls the boy over and asks which one he wants. The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" says the barber, "the kid never learns!"
Later, the customer sees the same boy leaving an ice cream shop. "Hey kid! Can I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters and not the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Today, I decided to go and meet my good friend Chris Pine.
We hadn't seen each other in ages, but I decided to go and catch up with him for old time's sake. We went on a stroll down the park, waiting in the ice cream line as it was a hot day. Next, we went to a theater, but the phantom of the opera was showing, and the theater line was full. Exasperated, and famished, we decided to head to grab some food and go home. But there was no lunch, pine.
Kid and barber
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.' The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?' The boy takes the quarters and leaves. 'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?' The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!'
A blonde sees a man carrying a thermos
A blonde sees a man carrying a thermos and becomes perplexed.
"What is that? "
"A thermos."
"What does it do?"
"It keeps a hot thing hot, and a cold thing cold."
"I don't understand."
"If I put coffee in here, the coffee stays hot. If I put ice cream in here, it stays cold."
The blonde is amazed and buys one for herself. The following day, one of her friends spots her with her brand new thermos.
"What is that? "
"A thermos."
"What does it do?"
"It keeps a hot thing hot, and a cold thing cold."
"So what did you put in it?"
"Coffee and ice cream."
So this penguin's car breaks down...
...and he goes to the mechanic, and the mechanic says, Give me an hour, I'll figure out what the problem is.
And it's sunny and beautiful out, so the penguin has a little day for himself. He goes for a stroll, skips rocks by the lake, buys himself an ice cream.
He returns to the mechanic after an hour and the mechanic tells him, Good news! We figured out what's wrong with your car. It looks like you blew a seal.
The penguin looks up at him and says, Oh this? No it's just ice cream.
A boy walks into an ice cream shop and asks the attendant
"Do you have pea ice cream?"
"No" he replies.
After a week the same kid goes back to the ice cream shop and asks: "Do you have pea ice cream?"
"No" he replies. "That's ridiculous."
After a few days, the same boy walks into the shop and asks the same question, getting the same answer.
"I'll fulfill this boy's wish" the attendant says after the he leaves "I'll make a pea ice cream"
A week later the same kid returns to the ice cream shop and asks: "Do you have pea ice cream?"
"Yes" the attendant replies
"Wow" says the kid "That's n**..."
A Grandfather talks to his grandson
Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream
Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?
Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem gawddam cameras around!
A young boy enters a barber shop
.The barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"The boy takes the quarters and leaves."What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
Mr Penguin decides to go to the beach...
...as it is a beautiful hot summer day. He packs up the car and drives to the coast. Just before he gets there, the car sputters and backfires, and the engine starts to smoke. He's able to pull into an auto shop, and the mechanic tells him to come back in about 20 minutes.
Mr Penguin decides to walk around and window shop. He soon finds an ice cream parlor and gleefully orders a cone. Since he has flippers he has a hard time holding the cone, and ends up smearing ice cream all over his beak.
Mr Penguin makes it back to the auto shop and the mechanic says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
And Mr Penguin says "Oh no, I just ate some ice cream."
One day a woman was lying on her couch watching TV when she heard her boyfriend in the kitchen
She assumed he was in there getting some ice cream and she called in there "Bring me some too!" A few minutes later, the boyfriend comes into the living room and hands her a bowl. She says "thanks" and takes a bite and immediately spits it out in disgust. "What is this? It's disgusting!" she exclaimed. "Cat food", the boyfriend answered. "I was in the kitchen feeding the cat and I "brought you some too".
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
"Just watch, this is the dumbest kid in the whole world."
The barber puts a dollar bill in his right hand and a quarter in his left.He then asks the boy,"which one do you want?" The boy takes the quarter and leaves the shop. The barber chuckles and tells his customer,"didn't i tell you,that kid is really dumb.Even after so many years,he has still not learnt to take the dollar."
sometime later ,the customer sees the kid having an ice-cream outside.He walks up to him and asks ,"Hey son ,I don't think you are dumb. How come you never picked the dollar ?"
The kid answers ,"Because, the day I take the dollar ,the game is over."
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer
This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son? The boy takes the quarters and leaves. What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied, Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
Joke of the day
Teacher: "Billy if there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot 1, how many birds are left?"
Billy: "none the others flew away"
Teacher: "the awanser is 4 but I like the way you think"
Billy: "i have a question for you miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 l**..., 1 biting and 1 s**.... Which one is married?"
Teacher nervously awansers: the one s**...
Billy: the awanser is the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think
A blonde and a brunette are taking a break
The brunette pulls out a thermos and starts to sip coffee while eating her lunch. The blonde asks what's up with the funny looking flask. "It's a thermos flask, it keeps hot beverages hot, and cold beverages cold!" the blonde is enthused, and decides right away to get one herself.
The next day the blonde walks in the breakroom with a brand new thermos and shows it to the brunette. "Oh," the brunette remarks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two coffee and an ice cream!"
