I Wasn T That Drunk Jokes
28 i wasn t that drunk jokes and hilarious i wasn t that drunk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about i wasn t that drunk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest I Wasn T That Drunk Short Jokes
Short i wasn t that drunk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The i wasn t that drunk humour may include short drunk jokes also.
- Got home and into bed steaming drunk last night, and the wife was furious. She said I wasn't the man she married. I knew exactly what she meant. I live next door.
- I was drunk, the landlord of the pub told me to take a bus home Turns out, I wasn't fit to drive that either.
- I met a drunk ventriloquist at the bar last night. She said I was the most handsome man she had ever seen. I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.
- I went to bed with a 9 and woke up with a 6.... I wasn't drunk. She just changed positions.
- Apparently I need to listen more in church. Turns out the preacher wasn't talking about Jim Beam when he asked if anyone had been drunk on the holy spirit.
- For a first date date, my girlfriend wasn't impressed when I tried to drive over the frozen lake drunk. But, it was an icebreaker.
- A drunk man stumbled up to me and asked what he should do if he finds a abandoned baby "Beat it" wasn't a good answer.
- My friend: "I wasn't that drunk last night" Nah mate, you only took the shower head in your arms ant told it to stop crying
- I wasn't that drunk last night... I wasn't that drunk
"you were standing in my fireplace screaming 'diagon alley' "
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I Wasn T That Drunk One Liners
Which i wasn t that drunk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with i wasn t that drunk? I can suggest the ones about drunk man and two drunks.
- Why did President kennedy never get drunk? He wasn't very good at taking shots.
- I got drunk last night and my house wasn't where I left it.
- Why didn't the drink enjoy the party? Because it wasn't drunk.
Uproarious I Wasn T That Drunk Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about i wasn t that drunk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drunk guy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make i wasn t that drunk pranks.
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn't happy at all. How much have you had to drink? she asked sternly, staring at me. Nothing I slurred. Look at me! she shouted. It's either me or the pub, which one is it?
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, It's you. I can tell by the voice.
I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"
I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."
The first mate on a ship rarely drinks
The first mate on a ship rarely drinks, but the crew threw him a party on his birthday and went out of their way to get him drunk. The next morning he woke up with a hangover, and went to the bridge. He opened the ship's log and found that the captain had written, "The first mate got drunk last night". He complained to the captain saying that it was very rare. The captain defended his entry saying that it was the truth, wasn't it? The next day the captain opened the ship's log, and the first mate had written, "The captain was able to stay sober last night."
So my son came home drunk at 2am.
I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops."
EDIT : Apostrophe
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. Peanut was arrested for drunk and disorderly at a local s**... Club
The arresting officer said it wasn't the first time he'd busted a nut in front of a stripper and it wouldn't be the last.
Drunk driver
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn't her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "mam, he could do that in his own backyard.
The other night I got really drunk at a bar. I started telling some very racist jokes and when I looked up a good friend of mine who is black happened to be there. I felt awful about it and called him up to apologize first thing the next morning.
He said he wasn't even at the bar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend got drunk and thinks he had s**... with a p**......
At first he wasn't sure, but then he was *positive*.
A young man gets pulled over by the police.
"Son, have you been drinking tonight?" said the officer.
The man rolled down his window. He had bloodshot eyes and smelt of whiskey. His left hand had a silver watch on it. "No, sir," he said with a slurred voice. "I am not drunk."
The police officer wasn't having it. "Alright, son. If you're not drunk, can you tell the time for me?"
The man smiled and shook his intoxicated head. "Sure thing, sir." He turned to the watch on his left hand.
"The officer told me to tell you that I am not drunk."
french vs german , who won ?
a drunk old man was found crying inconsolably by his friend .
"what's wrong ? "
"i did something terribly bad that to this day I terribly regret"
"but what have you done ?!"
"do you remember when the germans came to tunisia for the french ? , i offered a french girl a place to hide from the germans "
" you are a gentleman ! , why do you regret it "
" it wasn't for free you know what i mean "
" that's so bad but it's better than being killed if she was ok with that"
" you don't understand , should i tell her that the war is over " haha
So there is a cop hanging out across the street of an Irish pub near closing time...
The cop notices a man stumble out of the bar, struggle to open his car and is obviously intoxicated. The man makes it out of the parking lot and is pulled over by the cop immediately.
The cop makes him get out and do all the sobriety tests. He passes with flying colors. He then breathelizes the man and he blows perfect zeros.
The cop, now confused, asks why he is 100% sober and appeared to be drunk walking out of the pub. The man responds "I wasn't drinking tonight because I'm the DD". The cop, even more confused responds, "but you aren't driving anyone home". The man replies "Yeah I know. I'm the Designated Decoy".
On the top floor of a hotel, there was a panorama bar...
...and two men were each enjoying a quiet drink.
One of them asks the other: "What are you drinking?" The other replies: "Scotch, single malt. It's pretty good."
Then the first man says "You should really try out this bourbon right here - two shots of these, and you can do anything." The second man wasn't convinced, so it was up to the first man to prove it.
He swallowed his drink, went over to the window and jumped out fell all the way to the ground, landed and jumped back up again. "There. Anything, I tell you."
So the other man immediately ordered a double of the first man's bourbon, drank it in one go and jumped out the window where he fell to his death.
Then the bartender looked at the first man and said: "Clark Kent, you are one mean drunk."
Can you give me a push?
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing.