I M Pregnant Jokes
101 i m pregnant jokes and hilarious i m pregnant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about i m pregnant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest I M Pregnant Short Jokes
Short i m pregnant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The i m pregnant humour may include short pregnant jokes also.
- I love dad jokes WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not - What do "I'm pregnant", "we're pregnant" and "she's pregnant" have in common? They all have *contractions*.
- Just a Dad Joke Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
Wife:No you're not - I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?
- My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole. I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?
- Girlfriend: Oh no how am I gonna tell dad I'm pregnant? Me: Leave that to me
*later at dinner*
Her dad: *coughs* I need water
Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water! - "Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant "Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"
Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad"
Son, did you just-
"Yes"
You're ready. - "Looks like you're pregnant" says the doctor -"I'm pregnant?" replies the woman cheerfully
-"No, it just looks like you are" - "I'm leaving you!..." I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!
But honey, what about our child?
What child?!
Oh, so you're not pregnant? - Doctor: it looks like you are pregnant madame. Lady: Wow, I'm pregnant?
Doctor: No, but you look like it.
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I M Pregnant One Liners
Which i m pregnant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with i m pregnant? I can suggest the ones about pregnant mom and expecting baby.
- Wife: I'm pregnant. Me: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.
Wife: No you're not. - My wife told me she's pregnant. So I told her, "Hi pregnant, I'm dad."
- "Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!" "Actually, you're not."
- I told my husband I'm pregnant. He said "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!"
- Girlfriend said "I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late.. ..April fools!"
- My wife just said "I'm pregnant!" I said "Hi pregnant, I'm dad!"
- Wife: Hon, I'm pregnant Husband: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad
Wife: Ummm, actually….. - One of my sisters got pregnant... Which is odd since I'm the only priest in the nunnery.
- *Destruction: 100* Wife: I'm pregnant
Me: Hey pregnant, I'm dad
Wife: No you're not - "Honey, I'm pregnant" "Hello Pregnant", he whispers, tears of joy in his eyes. "I'm Dad"
- Wife to husband: "I'm pregnant!"
Husband: "You're kidding me!" - Her: I'm Pregnant. Me: You're Kidding... Her: Yes, exactly.
- My girlfriend told me she was pregnant I said "Hi pregnant, I'm Dad!"
- I'm eating for two That's why I look like I'm pregnant
- I'm either pregnant or I'm the greatest rapper of all time Because I had morning illness
Howlingly Hilarious I M Pregnant Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about i m pregnant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pregnant lady jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make i m pregnant pranks.
My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead...
Were sitting in the waiting room at the OB-GYN. Each of them were pregnant and having a chat.
"I'm going to have a boy cause I was on top" the brunette said. "Ah well then I'm going to have a girl cause I was on bottom" the redhead replied. The blonde thought for a moment, then started to cry. The other two looked at her concerned and the brunette asked "What's wrong honey?" Then the blonde replied through her sobs "I'm going to have puppies!"
So I'm already kind of mentally unstable and my girlfriend just told me that she's pregnant.
I think I'm having a zygotic episode.
What a relief!
I went out with this one girl, and she scared me. One day she says to me "Soon you're gonna hear the pitter-patter of little feet!" and I'm thinking, "Oh Lord, she's pregnant"...
She ended up leaving me for a midget.
This woman stumbled upon something called "magic underwear"...
... She asked the manager, "What's magic about them?"
The man replied, "Well, if you wear it, you won't get pregnant!"
The woman bought the underwear but came back a few weeks later.
"You said that I won't get pregnant! It doesn't even work!" The woman lashed out at the manager.
The manager said to her, "Of course it does, miss."
"Then explain to me why I'm pregnant."
The manager simply replied, "Did you take it off?"
Dearest John
John receives a phone call.
"Hello," he answers.
The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."
John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"
Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."
John: "Oh, yeah, of course! Susan! How are you?"
Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
John: "Say, you ARE a good sport.
A woman goes to the doctor
A woman goes to the doctor one day and tells him she's been having some stomach pains. In reply the doctor takes some samples and tells the woman to come back a week later when the results are in. So a week later the woman goes to the doctor and asks "So what's wrong with me?", "well..." says the doctor "in 6 months from now you be changing diapers.", in astonishment the woman exclaims "wow, I'm pregnant?", "No..." says the doctor "you have bowel cancer."
Pregnant Lady on the Train
A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"
My dad's go to joke...
So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head who are all pregnant. A man walks up to the brunette and asks what gender she is having. She replies saying "well I was on top so I'm having a boy!' He then asks the red head what gender her baby is and she replies "well I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!' He then asks the blonde what she is having and she says 'Oh my god! I must be having puppies!'
Three pregnant women, a blonde, brunette, and red head are at their obstetrician to find out the s**... of their babies.
The brunette says, "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top."
The red head says, "Well that means I'm going to have a girl because I was on bottom."
Just then the blonde starts crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?" the other two say.
"I'm going to have puppies!"
so many poor jokes, where to begin?
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead, all heavily pregnant, are waiting for a scan; the brunette says 'I was on top, so I'm going to have a bay', the redhead responds with 'I was on the bottom, so I'm going to have a girl', at which point the blonde bursts into tears. The other two manage to calm her down, and ask what is wrong? 'I'm going to have puppies!'
Dad my girlfriends pregnant
"Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."
"I'm not mad, just disappointed."
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."
"Did you jus..."
"Yes."
"You're ready."
"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."
My girlfriend told me she was pregnant
Me: You gotta be joking!
Her: No, I'm serious!
Me: Hi, Serious! I'm dad.
A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.
A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.
Panicked a man looks around and asks "Is anyone here a doctor?!"
From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. "I'm a vegan!"
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor...
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor and find out that they are pregnant so they want to find out the s**... of the baby. The brunette says, well I was on the bottom so I'm having a boy. The redhead says I was on top so I'm having a girl.
The Blonde starts crying and says, well I guess I'm having puppies?!
Three pregnant women were knitting tops for their soon-to-be born.
One posh one says "I'm taking vitamin A, as I want my baby to have strong bones and teeth". The other posh one says "I'm taking vitamin C, as I want my baby to have a good constitution and good heart". The chavvy one says "I'm taking Thalidomide cos I can't knit arms".
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all pregnant, are in the waiting room for the OB/GYN....
The brunette says "I was on top, so I'm gonna have a boy."
The redhead says "I was on the bottom, so I'm gonna have a girl."
The blonde bursts into tears and says, "I'm gonna have puppies!"
A woman gives the news to her husband.
- My love , I'm pregnant . What would you like it to be ?
- A joke?.
College Assignment: Short Story
So, the assignment in a college writing class was to compose a short story using as FEW words as possible, but in order to be accepted, the story had to include discussion of three things:
1) Religion
2) Sexuality
3) Mystery
The winning entry:
"God God! I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it."
A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps...
She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.
"No, you've got bowel cancer."
I'm pregnant...
A girl calls her boyfriend nervously. "j**..., I'm pregnant..." There's a long pause before the boy replies"...hi pregnant, I'm dad." Another awkward paid follows before she replies "Actually..."
A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital with one hand on her back...
A nurse asks her what's wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"
The nurse shakes her head and says, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."
The pregnant woman's face contorts in pain as she shouts, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"
The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor.
"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."
A man was talking to his girlfriend...
When the girlfriend said, "I'm pregnant."
The man replied, "I don't want to be a parent! Are you serious?!"
The girlfriend said, "I'm serious."
Then the man said, "Good, otherwise you'd be kidding me."
A pregnant woman was in line ahead of me at the store...
Out of no where, she starts giggling.
I asked, "Are you okay, ma'am?"
"Oh yes, I'm fine. My baby just told a joke."
"A joke? Seriously? What did it say?"
She replied, "Oh, I'm not sure you'd get it. It was an inside joke."
A man goes to the Doctor
*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before
Pregnant elephants
What is harder then getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen?
Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.
I'm taking a gunsmithing class and this was in the text book with no context. Just stuffed between a paragraph on s**... pins and one on replacing firing pins.
Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine
Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!
Me: You sure do!
A woman threatens her boyfriend
A woman threatens her boyfriend :
"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"
- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.
- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.
- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"
A woman goes to the doctor
A woman goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pains. After a series of tests, the doctor walks back in and says to the lady, "Well, hope you don't mind changing diapers!"
Stunned, she replies, "Oh my God I'm pregnant? I can't be pregnant!"
The doctor looks at her and says, "No, you have bowel cancer"
A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:
1: Religion
2: Sexuality
3: Mystery
Below is the only A* essay.
"Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."
"Honey, I'm pregnant"
Hi pregnant ***I'm dad!***
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, s**... and mystery.
The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"
Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies
"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"
"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."
A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery.
Why is your stomach so big? – he asks.
I´m having a baby. – she replies.
Is the baby in your stomach? – he asks, with his big eyes.
Yes, it is. – she says.
Is it a good baby? – he asks, with a puzzled look.
Oh, yes. A really good baby. – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: Then why did you eat him?
A dad asks his daughter if she's pregnant.
She says "No!"
He doesn't believe her and asks her again.
"Dad, I swear I'm not!"
He gives her one last chance to fess up and says, "Are you SURE?"
Exasperated, she reaches into her bag and pulls out a pregnancy test. "I'm positive."
A fat woman goes to the doctor for a check up.
After running some tests, the doctor comes back into the room to tell her the results.
Doc: "It looks like you're pregnant"
Woman: "I'm pregnant?!"
Doc: "No, it looks like you are pregnant fatty"
A blonde went to the doctor for birth control...
The doctor asked the customary question, "Are you s**... active?" The blonde responded, "Nope." So the doctor asked, "Well, what do you need birth control for? Heavy period?" The blonde responded, "No, I don't want to get pregnant!"
Puzzled, the doctor clarified, "I thought you said you weren't s**... active?" The blonde responded, "I'm not. I just lie there."
I've got a really good dad joke.
My girlfriend's pregnant and she thinks I'm going to stick around.
I'm going to name my kids after what their mother was craving while pregnant...
Peanuts and Pickles are great. tequila is kind of an idiot
Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.
Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant, Doctor?!
Oh not at all, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.
There was a writing competition for a story that had: religion, s**... and mystery.
The winner was "Oh god I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it".
A pregnant woman asks the cashier for a pack of cigarettes...
The cashier immediately begins to berate her for such a poor decision. "I can't believe you are being so s**.... Knowing that you are pregnant! You shouldn't buy a single pack until after you've had the baby."
"You're right," the lady replied, "Give me a carton. I'm smoking for two now."
After months of trying, my wife told me she is finally pregnant
Apparently I'm going to be an uncle.
Son: Dad, my wife is pregnant.
Dad: That's great! I'm so proud of you!
Son: Thanks I'm-so-proud-of-you, I'm your son.
Dad: I have trained you well.
Somewhere in Alabama
Daughter : ' Hey dad I'm pregnant.'
Dad : ' Hey pregnant I'm dad.'
Daughter : ' Yes you are.'
April Fools!
girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father
guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!
girl: haha! got me! you're not the father
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
Doctor: it looks like you're pregnant
Patient: but that's impossible, I'm a v**...!
Doctor: I know, it just looks like you are.
My best friend passed away recently..
Grieving before his grave I said,
Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?
A month later, my wife gave birth to a baby boy. As my child grew older each day, I realised he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy my prayer worked.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all sitting in the waiting room waiting to see their OB/GYN.
The brunette turns to the group and says, I'm pregnant and I'm having a boy . The redhead asked her how she knows and the brunette tells her, I was on top when we conceived .
The redhead then says, well in that case I'm going to have a girl because I was on the bottom .
The blonde jumps up and starts screaming, Oh God, I'm going to have puppies!
Doctor told my wife "It looks like you are Pregnant"
Wife- "really, I'm pregnant?"
Doctor- "No, it just looks like you are Pregnant"
Wife- "it runs in our family"
Doctor "Nobody runs in your family"
A young woman boards a packed bus and goes: "Won't someone give their seat to a pregnant woman?"
As she looks around, a young man jumps up and offers his seat: "Here, sit down!"
With a sigh, she lets herself down on the seat and says "Thank you so much!". The young man: "I'm sorry, but it's not very visible yet. How long have you been pregnant?" She answers: "For about half an hour now. My knees are still all wobbly!"
How I plan on never becoming a Grandparent..
I'll be naming my daughter pregnant so when a guy meets her.
Guy: Hi, I'm Paul.
Her: Hi, I'm pregnant.
Case closed.
A blonde, a brunette and a red head were in a doctors office and they were all pregnant..
The brunette says, " I know I'm having a boy because I was on the bottom."
The redhead says "Then I must be having a girl because I was on the top!"
The blonde starts sobbing uncontrollably and the two other girls start comforting her asking what's wrong...
The blonde looks at them through her teary eyes and exclaims "I'm having puppies!!"
A farmer and his wife live isolated from other people, but the wife is pregnant and now the farmer has to call the town's doctor
Unfortunately the farm has no electricity so the doctor asks the farmer to light up the room with a lantern so he could see what's he's doing. One after another, 5 children are born. The farmer tries to run away, terrified.
-Come back here, I think there's another baby, but I can't see anything in here! says the doctor.
To which the farmer says:
-No doctor I'm outta here, I think the lantern attracts them!
*Enjoy a poorly translated Romanian joke
Mom I'm Pregnant....
-Mom I think I'm pregnant
-Are you drunk?
-How do you know?
-A mother knows everything Kevin...
One step at a time
Divorced dad: Son I'm going to marry again
Son: so I'm going to have a step mom
Dad: also she is pregnant
Son: oh no please one step at a time
The fireman climbs the ladder to a bedroom of a burning house, and there he finds a curvaceous brunette.
\`Ah,\` he says, \`you're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year.\`
\`But I'm not pregnant!\`
\`You're not rescued yet.\`
A wife sits down opposite her husband and takes his hand in hers.
Wife: Honey, I've got something to tell you.
Husband: What is it?
Wife: Darling, I'm pregnant.
Husband: Hello pregnant, I'm dad!
Wife: .....no you're not.
My pregnant wife worried I was playing too much poker
"Don't worry," I assured her, "After he's born, I'm going to see him... and raise him!"
A man speaks frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"
The doctor asks, "Is this her first child?"
The man replies, "No! Idiot! I'm her husband!"
call me anything you want, i kicked a pregnant lady right at her stomach, and I'm proud of it
i kicked her from the inside though
Things to expect when you're expecting
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. After a bit, his cellphone rings and he answers it to hear his pregnant wife on the line out of breath and panting loudly. "Where are you!" she moans. "I'm down at the bar," the guy replies. "I think the baby is coming!" she gasps. "Well he won't get in," the guy says. "He's underage."
I once kicked a pregnant women.
I was in the w**.... I'm not evil.
I'm ready for a holiday.
p**... says to m**...,
I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant, last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."
m**... asks,
"So what are you going to do this year?"
p**... replies,
"I'll b**... take her with me!"
