I M Pregnant Jokes
101 i m pregnant jokes and hilarious i m pregnant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about i m pregnant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest I M Pregnant Short Jokes
Short i m pregnant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The i m pregnant humour may include short pregnant jokes also.
- I love dad jokes WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not - What do "I'm pregnant", "we're pregnant" and "she's pregnant" have in common? They all have *contractions*.
- Just a Dad Joke Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
Wife:No you're not - I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?
- My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole. I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?
- Girlfriend: Oh no how am I gonna tell dad I'm pregnant? Me: Leave that to me
*later at dinner*
Her dad: *coughs* I need water
Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water! - "Looks like you're pregnant" says the doctor -"I'm pregnant?" replies the woman cheerfully
-"No, it just looks like you are" - Doctor: it looks like you are pregnant madame. Lady: Wow, I'm pregnant?
Doctor: No, but you look like it. - I'm going to name my kids after what their mother was craving while pregnant... Peanuts and Pickles are great. tequila is kind of an idiot
- Mom I'm Pregnant.... -Mom I think I'm pregnant
-Are you drunk?
-How do you know?
-A mother knows everything Kevin...
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I M Pregnant One Liners
Which i m pregnant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with i m pregnant? I can suggest the ones about pregnant mom and expecting baby.
- Wife: I'm pregnant. Me: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.
Wife: No you're not. - "Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!" "Actually, you're not."
- Girlfriend said "I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late.. ..April fools!"
- One of my sisters got pregnant... Which is odd since I'm the only priest in the nunnery.
- *Destruction: 100* Wife: I'm pregnant
Me: Hey pregnant, I'm dad
Wife: No you're not - "Honey, I'm pregnant" "Hello Pregnant", he whispers, tears of joy in his eyes. "I'm Dad"
- Wife to husband: "I'm pregnant!"
Husband: "You're kidding me!" - Her: I'm Pregnant. Me: You're Kidding... Her: Yes, exactly.
- I'm eating for two That's why I look like I'm pregnant
- I'm either pregnant or I'm the greatest rapper of all time Because I had morning illness
- What does a Dingo call a pregnant woman? A Snack Pack......
I'm sorry - So my sister is pregnant with her first child. I'm so happy to finally be a father!
- A spider bit me, so I eat it Now I'm pregnant.
- My sister's pregnant and I'm the grandfather
- Love leads to amazing things. I'm 21 and my gf is 8.. Months pregnant
Howlingly Hilarious I M Pregnant Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about i m pregnant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pregnant lady jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make i m pregnant pranks.
My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
So I'm already kind of mentally unstable and my girlfriend just told me that she's pregnant.
I think I'm having a zygotic episode.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What a relief!
I went out with this one girl, and she scared me. One day she says to me "Soon you're gonna hear the pitter-patter of little feet!" and I'm thinking, "Oh Lord, she's pregnant"...
She ended up leaving me for a midget.
This woman stumbled upon something called "magic underwear"...
... She asked the manager, "What's magic about them?"
The man replied, "Well, if you wear it, you won't get pregnant!"
The woman bought the underwear but came back a few weeks later.
"You said that I won't get pregnant! It doesn't even work!" The woman lashed out at the manager.
The manager said to her, "Of course it does, miss."
"Then explain to me why I'm pregnant."
The manager simply replied, "Did you take it off?"
Mom! Mom! I'm pregnant!!
ￚ Oh God, honey, where was your head at?!
ￚ Ummm against the passenger door, I think
Pregnant Lady on the Train
A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"
My dad's go to joke...
So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head who are all pregnant. A man walks up to the brunette and asks what gender she is having. She replies saying "well I was on top so I'm having a boy!' He then asks the red head what gender her baby is and she replies "well I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!' He then asks the blonde what she is having and she says 'Oh my god! I must be having puppies!'
Two men are discussing their relationships the one man says to the other "I've been married for 25 years to the same woman! I'm getting tired of the same hole"
The other man says "Well have you thought about flipping her over and trying the other hole?" Appalled the first man says "What? And risk getting her pregnant?"
Dad my girlfriends pregnant
"Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."
"I'm not mad, just disappointed."
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."
"Did you jus..."
"Yes."
"You're ready."
"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."
My girlfriend told me she was pregnant
Me: You gotta be joking!
Her: No, I'm serious!
Me: Hi, Serious! I'm dad.
A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.
A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.
Panicked a man looks around and asks "Is anyone here a doctor?!"
From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. "I'm a vegan!"
Three pregnant women were knitting tops for their soon-to-be born.
One posh one says "I'm taking vitamin A, as I want my baby to have strong bones and teeth". The other posh one says "I'm taking vitamin C, as I want my baby to have a good constitution and good heart". The chavvy one says "I'm taking Thalidomide cos I can't knit arms".
A woman gives the news to her husband.
- My love , I'm pregnant . What would you like it to be ?
- A joke?.
A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps...
She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.
"No, you've got bowel cancer."
What did the 40 year old pregnant lady say when her husband asked her "why are you so upset"
"I'm having a midwife crisis"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm pregnant...
A girl calls her boyfriend nervously. "j**..., I'm pregnant..." There's a long pause before the boy replies"...hi pregnant, I'm dad." Another awkward paid follows before she replies "Actually..."
A man was talking to his girlfriend...
When the girlfriend said, "I'm pregnant."
The man replied, "I don't want to be a parent! Are you serious?!"
The girlfriend said, "I'm serious."
Then the man said, "Good, otherwise you'd be kidding me."
A pregnant woman was in line ahead of me at the store...
Out of no where, she starts giggling.
I asked, "Are you okay, ma'am?"
"Oh yes, I'm fine. My baby just told a joke."
"A joke? Seriously? What did it say?"
She replied, "Oh, I'm not sure you'd get it. It was an inside joke."
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are each pregnant and at the doctor's office...
While sitting in the waiting area, they begin chatting.
The brunette says "I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!"
The redhead says "I was on top so I'm having a boy!"
The blonde starts crying hysterically.
The brunette and redhead ask her what's wrong.
The blonde says "I'm going to have a puppy!"
A man goes to the Doctor
*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pregnant elephants
What is harder then getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen?
Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.
I'm taking a gunsmithing class and this was in the text book with no context. Just stuffed between a paragraph on s**... pins and one on replacing firing pins.
Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine
Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!
Me: You sure do!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman threatens her boyfriend
A woman threatens her boyfriend :
"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"
- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.
- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.
- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"
A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:
1: Religion
2: Sexuality
3: Mystery
Below is the only A* essay.
"Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."
I have the worst luck with women. The last 3 girlfriends broke up with me using he exact same line
"I'm pregnant"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, s**... and mystery.
The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"
Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies
"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"
"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."
A dad asks his daughter if she's pregnant.
She says "No!"
He doesn't believe her and asks her again.
"Dad, I swear I'm not!"
He gives her one last chance to fess up and says, "Are you SURE?"
Exasperated, she reaches into her bag and pulls out a pregnancy test. "I'm positive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde went to the doctor for birth control...
The doctor asked the customary question, "Are you s**... active?" The blonde responded, "Nope." So the doctor asked, "Well, what do you need birth control for? Heavy period?" The blonde responded, "No, I don't want to get pregnant!"
Puzzled, the doctor clarified, "I thought you said you weren't s**... active?" The blonde responded, "I'm not. I just lie there."
Two men are talking about their new year's resolutions
Man #1: My new year's resolution was to get my wife pregnant.
Man #2: Woah, that was my resolution too!!
Man #1: Really? I didn't know you were married...
Man #2: I'm not.
Man #1: Then how was your new year's resolution to get your wife pregnant?
Man #2: I was talking about your wife
I've got a really good dad joke.
My girlfriend's pregnant and she thinks I'm going to stick around.
"Honey, I'm late"
Wife: "Honey, I'm late"
Husband: "You're late? I should buy you a watch."
W: "No, I meant that I might be pregnant. "
H: "I know. I was making a dad joke."
I left my girlfriend because she was getting fat...
...and the excuse she gave me was I'm pregnant
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Australian man is walking across Sydney Harbour Bridge when he sees his ex-girlfriend standing on the railings ...
An Australian man is walking across Sydney Harbour Bridge when he sees his ex\-girlfriend standing on the railings, about to commit s**.... He apporaches her and asks:
\- Hey Sheila, what's the matter?
Tears in here eyes, she says:
\- I'm pregnant Bruce, and it's your baby!
To which Bruce replies:
\- Woah Sheila, not only are you brilliant in bed \- you're also a great sport!
Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.
Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant, Doctor?!
Oh not at all, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.
There are three ways to respond to I'm pregnant.
You're kidding!
You're kidding.
You're kidding? (This is from a universe where the process of making a child, or kid, is called kidding).
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pregnant woman asks the cashier for a pack of cigarettes...
The cashier immediately begins to berate her for such a poor decision. "I can't believe you are being so s**.... Knowing that you are pregnant! You shouldn't buy a single pack until after you've had the baby."
"You're right," the lady replied, "Give me a carton. I'm smoking for two now."
After months of trying, my wife told me she is finally pregnant
Apparently I'm going to be an uncle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I'm leaving you!..."
I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!
But honey, what about our child?
What child?!
Oh, so you're not pregnant?
Son: Dad, my wife is pregnant.
Dad: That's great! I'm so proud of you!
Son: Thanks I'm-so-proud-of-you, I'm your son.
Dad: I have trained you well.
A man is planning his vacation,
As he does so, a friend swings by and offers to help:
-Hey man, may I suggest the Maldives? Had an amazing time there.
-I'm not taking any advice from you! Back in 98, you suggested Rome, I went there and my wife got pregnant, in 2007 you suggested Brazil, I went there and my wife got pregnant, then, in 2013 you suggested France, and, guess what? My wife got pregnant, again!
-Well that's not my fault! You should just start taking your wife with you!
Probably posted somewhere else, can't remember tho
So I walk into my house to my girlfriend holding a positive pregnancy test we exchanged the following conversation:
- (my name) i'm pregnant
Seeing the joke right before my eyes, I followed with:
- hi pregnant, i'm dad
- ummm about that..... you're uncle, is that ok?
Somewhere in Alabama
Daughter : ' Hey dad I'm pregnant.'
Dad : ' Hey pregnant I'm dad.'
Daughter : ' Yes you are.'
April Fools!
girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father
guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!
girl: haha! got me! you're not the father
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: it looks like you're pregnant
Patient: but that's impossible, I'm a v**...!
Doctor: I know, it just looks like you are.
Doctor told my wife "It looks like you are Pregnant"
Wife- "really, I'm pregnant?"
Doctor- "No, it just looks like you are Pregnant"
Wife- "it runs in our family"
Doctor "Nobody runs in your family"
Wife is pregnant, due any day.
Suddenly the contractions Start.
"Can't, won't, I'm, haven't, don't, isn't" she said.
Sometimes the contractions gets so strong, she shouts "y'all'd've"
Lil Johnny's Sheep
Lil Johnny is walking a sheep through town. The Mayor stops and asks Lil Johnny what he is doing.
"Silly Billy has a boy sheep and I'm taking our girl sheep to his ranch to get her pregnant," replies Johnny.
The mayor thinks this is a bad idea and tells Lil Johnny that this is a job his father would be better off doing.
"Nah," Lil Johnny says, "I've seen dad trying a quite a few times and our sheep hasn't got pregnant yet."
A young woman boards a packed bus and goes: "Won't someone give their seat to a pregnant woman?"
As she looks around, a young man jumps up and offers his seat: "Here, sit down!"
With a sigh, she lets herself down on the seat and says "Thank you so much!". The young man: "I'm sorry, but it's not very visible yet. How long have you been pregnant?" She answers: "For about half an hour now. My knees are still all wobbly!"
How I plan on never becoming a Grandparent..
I'll be naming my daughter pregnant so when a guy meets her.
Guy: Hi, I'm Paul.
Her: Hi, I'm pregnant.
Case closed.
Doctor to a Man after ultrasound
Dr: Tt looks like you are pregnant.
Man: WTH, But I'm a man.
Dr. I said it looks like. :)
Broom girl to broom boyfriend: sweetie, I'm pregnant…
Broom boyfriend: But that's impossible! We haven't even swept together!
A farmer and his wife live isolated from other people, but the wife is pregnant and now the farmer has to call the town's doctor
Unfortunately the farm has no electricity so the doctor asks the farmer to light up the room with a lantern so he could see what's he's doing. One after another, 5 children are born. The farmer tries to run away, terrified.
-Come back here, I think there's another baby, but I can't see anything in here! says the doctor.
To which the farmer says:
-No doctor I'm outta here, I think the lantern attracts them!
*Enjoy a poorly translated Romanian joke
Pregnant
"Oh, Mom!" sobbed Mary, "I'm pregnant!" "What? How could you?" screamed the mother, "And just who is the father?" The daughter lifted up her tearful face and wailed, "How should I know? You're the one who would never let me go steady!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Satan: So, what brings you to h**...?
Me: I'm innocent!
Satan: Just tell me, what did you do?
Me: I saw my friend fighting a pregnant woman, so I jumped in to make it 2v2.
Driving home, a man sees a car stuck in a ditch
Driving home, a man sees a car stuck in a ditch.
As he approaches a beautiful brunette steps out.
Man: "Wow! Your the second pregnant woman I've pulled out of this ditch today!"
Woman: "I'm not pregnant!"
Man: "Well you're not out of the ditch yet either!"
Source: overheard on my wife's phone while she was browsing some app and it made me chuckle
Every time I go on holiday, my girlfriend gets pregnant.
In future I'm going to take her with me.
One step at a time
Divorced dad: Son I'm going to marry again
Son: so I'm going to have a step mom
Dad: also she is pregnant
Son: oh no please one step at a time
The fireman climbs the ladder to a bedroom of a burning house, and there he finds a curvaceous brunette.
\`Ah,\` he says, \`you're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year.\`
\`But I'm not pregnant!\`
\`You're not rescued yet.\`
A wife sits down opposite her husband and takes his hand in hers.
Wife: Honey, I've got something to tell you.
Husband: What is it?
Wife: Darling, I'm pregnant.
Husband: Hello pregnant, I'm dad!
Wife: .....no you're not.
My pregnant wife worried I was playing too much poker
"Don't worry," I assured her, "After he's born, I'm going to see him... and raise him!"
A man speaks frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"
The doctor asks, "Is this her first child?"
The man replies, "No! Idiot! I'm her husband!"
