I Love You Jokes
126 i love you jokes and hilarious i love you puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about i love you that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest I Love You Short Jokes
Short i love you jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The i love you humour may include short i love u jokes also.
- I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
- My granddad always used to say, As one door closes another one opens. Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker. - The creator of Mad Libs died this week. His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
- Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard" - "Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church. But a horrible thing to hear in a mexican prison.
- My girlfriend was devastated when she found out the reason why my nickname is The Love Machine . It's because I'm terrible at tennis.
- As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season... I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
- I love dad jokes WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not - I asked my wife So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty? And you know what she said? Please for the love of god could you stop wearing my bras!
- My son, Luke, loves how I named our kids after star wars characters... My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
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I Love You One Liners
Which i love you one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with i love you? I can suggest the ones about knock i love you and knock knock i love you.
- I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great, I love being my own boss.
- The Bible and the Quran tell us to love each other The Kamasutra is more specific.
- I said I love you to my cake. It burst into tiers.
- REMINDER: If you have promised your SO that you will love them 24/7 Today is 24/7
- Why does Greta Thunberg love this sub? Coz of the amount of reused content here.
- I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels She didn't know I existed
- A girlfriend is like a good US president I'd love to have one
- I love the smell of my f5 key... It is very refreshing
- My love life is like Santa Claus. It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
- I love eBay! Sold my homing pigeon 4 times this month.
- Why does McGregor love springtime so much? Cause you just can't beat Mayweather.
- Kim Jung Un loves to read books, what does that make him? A glorious reader.
- For halloween I'm dressing up as a plate. Girls love to do dishes.
- I got an iPad from my chinese friend... I love homemade gifts!
- In my 4th grade class the cutest girl threw away my love letter.. ..so I failed her!
Knock I Love You Jokes
Here is a list of funny knock i love you jokes and even better knock i love you puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After the quarantine is going to be like Knock knock
Who's there?
People
People who?
People who love and miss you! - I came up with this joke and told my girlfriend. She Couldn't stop smiling. Person 1: Knock Knock?
Person 2: Who's There?
Person 1: I love Yoot
Person 2: I love Yoot Who... - Knock knock.
Who's there?
Kenya.
Kenya who?
Keeeenya feeel the loooove tonight?
Cheerful Fun I Love You Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about i love you you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knock knock love you jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make i love you pranks.
A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: (the Washington Post competition)
I'll go first... I love you and the smell of your hair,Please don't be home when I get there.
EDIT- I have to say, the rhymes and creativity; you all are incredible, Now I have to wonder who's most edible...(no really great job to all)
A wife texts her husband
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are
sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If
you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you
are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: "I am on the toilet. Please advise."
I love you honey pie, my wife said earlier. And I love you tons, I replied.
What, no nickname for me? She asked.
Sometimes I swear she's going deaf.
What is the worst response to "I love you"?
"I'm still pulling the plug Grandma"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl asked her boyfriend "Which do you love more, my pretty face more or my s**... body?"
Boyfriend - "I love your sense of humor most"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.
"I love you Freddy," she said, s**... his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."
I was having a beer with the wife last night, when I suddenly blurted out, "I love you more than anything on earth!"
She said, "I bet that's the beer talking, isn't it?"
I said, "No, it's me talking to the beer!"
in mexico, we don't say "I love you"
cause we dont speak english.
"I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you."
"That's so sweet."
"Not particularly. It was daytime."
My favorite joke from The Sopranos
A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. "What? Do you expect me to spread my legs for you now?" says the wife. The husband replies, "honey, I love you, but i think a vase will work just fine."
A guy is having a beer with his wife says:
You are my dream, my angel, my love. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you.
The wife says 'is that you talking or is it the beer'?
Husband says: It's me talking to the beer.
Dinner with my wife
I took my (now ex) wife to dinner to "celebrate" yet another anniversary. After drinking quite a bit I raised my glass and said:
"I love you and I can't imagine life without you"
She asked "Is that you or the wine talking?" and I told her
"That's me talking to the wine"
Sitting beside my girlfriend I said, "I love you."
She said, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
I said, "It's me talking to the beer."
You're the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. I only go to work and become a better person because of you. You make me workout on weekends and get in shape. And I try to turn you on every night.
I love you, alarm clock.
He: "I took a day off on Feb 14th". She: "Oh ! That's so sweet darling, I love you".
He: "Do you think you can help me sell 2.000 flowers in one day ?"
What did the lightbulb say to his Valentine?
I love you watts and watts
Auto-correct is so crazy now a days...
My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'
It doesn't matter if you're black, white, old, young, tall, short or even if you're from another country. It's what's INSIDE that counts!
I love you refrigerator!
A Man asks his lover in a restaurant
Man : Honey, what do you love most about me?
Woman : I love your company the most darling!
Man : Wow really? that is so sweet of you my love
Woman : Um, it's still making money right?
*edit :forgot to mention that I remember this joke from Benny Hills show, not my own joke
*edit 2 : Benny Hills not Benn, autocorrect strikes again!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An escaped prisoner enters a house...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.
The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?
You came home s**... and got that black eye tripping over a chair.
So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?
Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to t**... clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'
[OC] My friend recently taught his dog how to say "I love you"
I'm still trying to teach my dad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That's some solid advice!
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.
Stevie Wonder was doing a concert, and towards the end decided to play some requests.
A man called out, "Play a jazz chord." So Stevie played a short riff, but the man insisted: "No, no, play a jazz chord."
So Stevie played a longer riff: "No, no," said the man, "play a jazz chord."
Stevie tried again and again, until he was playing chords he'd never played in his life, and still the man wasn't satisfied.
Finally Steve said: "Sing it for me." The man sang, "A jazz chord to say I love you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy escape from prision
A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants s**..., do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!
"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A prisoner escaped..
And snuck inside a house nearby.
The prisoner found a young couple in bed and held them hostage, the woman was tied in a chair and the man was tied on the bed post.
The prisoner walked up to the woman and kissed her in the neck afterwards he went to the bathroom.
The man said to the woman "that guy is an escapee from the prison nearby, he's been in prison for such a long time that he's so thirsty for s**.... I can tell it from the way he kissed your neck. No matter what happens let him do whatever he wants or else he will kill us! Be strong honey, i love you!"
Then the woman replied..
"He didn't kiss me honey, he whispered to me that he thinks you're cute and asked me if we have some lubricant. I told him that we have some in the bathroom. Be strong honey, i love you!"
A man calls his wife late at night.
He says, "I'm sorry honey, but i'm going to be staying with Jack tonight."
She says, "Its ok, honey. I'll see you in the morning, love you."
"I love you, too dear. Have a good night."
The wife quietly hangs up the phone and turns to the man in her bed, "Its ok, my husband is with you tonight."
-Redd Foxx
My Echo
''You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
What do you call a really, really quiet piece of meat?
A shh-kebab.
---
I love you too, fellas.
I took a Scottish girl to the countryside.
"Hello view!" she said, looking out the window of our rented house.
I said, "I love you too..."
Hello? I am calling to tell you I love you!
"Sir, I am sorry but I think you got the wrong number. This is a brewery!"
"I Know!"
A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine...
The wife says, I love you.
The husband says, Is that you or the wine talking?
The wife replies, It's me, talking to the wine.
I thought I would say 'I love you!' to my problems
Maybe they would run away too
People always say, "I love you to the moon and back."
That's not really that far. The moon is only 238,900 miles away.
Uranus, on the other hand, is 1.7 billion miles away.
An eel tried to propose to an eagle...
the eel asks the eagle
"We may look different but I think I love you. Will you marry me?"
"I'm sorry but I can't" says the eagle.
"Why not?" asks the eel.
The eagle replies with "Because that would be eel-eagle"
How could I ever live without you?
An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says.
"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you"
Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?" ... She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."
Two melons have a secret love affair...
One melon says to the other, "baby, I love you so much. I just wanna sneak away and get married right now."
The other responds, "no, we cantaloupe."
Why is the most difficult phrase to pronounce if you have a lisp?
I love you
Source: my father has a lisp
When she texts "I Love You"...
but Auto-correct changes it to "who is this"
Never trust a ghost when it says "i love you"..
It was just the boos talking
You're never gonna believe this
I was just taking a walk, minding my own business, when a gorgeous woman looked in my direction and screamed, "You're so hot! I love you!!"
You can ask Chris Hemsworth, he was standing right next to me!
I was once in a pretty serious relationship with a cake
We went on several dates over the course of a few weeks. The chemistry was great and I thought we really had a connection. One special night I leaned in close to my cake and whispered, I love you."
The cake burst into tiers.
A man and a woman are sitting on a porch drinking a beer.
The man says "I love you."
The woman says "Is that you or the beer talking?"
The man replies "That's me talking to the beer!"
Do you love me for my beauty or brains? asks the woman
Without missing a beat he replies: I love your self confidence dear
What do you say when 2 fans of Bono tell you they love you?
I love you too you two U 2 fans.
What's the difference between your washing machine and your wife
You don't have to say I love you every time you put a load in the washing machine
A guy walks in to a Hallmark Store.......
And asks the attendant:
Do you have a valentine's card that says: "Our love is unique, I love you with all my heart, you are the love of my life"?
Attendant says: How romantic,
Sure, We do have some.
The guy says: can I get 3 of those please.
Beer
A man is watching a game on TV and having a drink when suddlenly he says, I love you! The wife that was nearby asks, Is that you or the beer talking? He replies, Nah, it's me, talking to the beer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Be Strong
A burglar entered a bedroom, t**... the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the bathroom..
The husband said to the wife "Satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love you"
Wife said "He didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he is gay, he needs vaseline and i told him it's in the bathroom. So be strong, I love you too."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up in hospital after having a v**... tuck. There are three bunches of flowers beside her bed.
One from her surgeon saying "all went well".
The second from her husband saying " I love you, get well soon".
The third was from Tommy in the burns ward saying "Thanks for the new ears .
I love you marble
But I won't take you for granite.
My parents have a serious speech impediment problem
They could never say I love you
I hate all of you
April fools I love you all
I love you unconditionally*. -God
*Terms and conditions apply.
See Bible for more details.
Which is the hardest for you to say?
Which is the hardest for you to say?
1. I love you
2. I was wrong
3. I am sorry
4. I need help
5. Worcestershire Sauce
6. I appreciate you
Conversation at the breakfast table this morning.
Him: I shouldn't say I love you with all my heart. I should say, I love you with all my liver, since it's bigger.
Me: Then you should love me with all your ego.
Him: I don't love you that much.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wife comes home with some gifts for her husband.
Wife: babe, I got you this beautiful tie.
Husband: that's very nice of you. But why?
Wife: because I love you. Also, I brought you cold beer, your favorite.
Husband: oh, thank you my love.
Wife: and I was thinking, what about... after finishing these beers, we go to bed and have s**....
The husband thinks for a moment..., then he says: mary, what happened to the car?
A deeply in love boy says to his girlfriend ...
"I might not be rich, nor have any money or expensive apartments, and even not be the owner of many companies like my friend Jack, but i love you, and i always will"
She, hugging him tight and already crying answered :
" If you really love me, will you introduce me to your friend Jack please ? "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband: Do you love me?
Wife: Of course i love you, light of my life.
Husband: Would you love me even if i wronged you?
Wife: I will always love you, my darling.
Husband: But would you love me if i gambled away all our savings?
Wife: i would still love you, my precious husband.
Husband: what if i cheated on you, would you still love me?
Wife: of course. I will always love you, apple of my eye.
Husband: Ok. I forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night.
Wife: I HATE YOU, YOU LAZY, SELFISH IRRESPONSIBLE m**...!!
Null pointer, I love you.
Nothing compares to you.
Clever son!
Father: Which one do you love more , me or Mommy?
Son: I love you both.
Father: Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: Japan.
Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me?
Son: No, I just want to visit Japan.
Father: Very well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: France.
Father: See?
Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan! :D
The girlfriend announced...
"I love you lots, snuggles."
"And I love you tons." I replied.
"Oh, I see." She said, in a huff. "You've got no nickname for me, then?"
Sometimes I swear the fat cow's going deaf.
Telling a dark joke is like saying "I love you"
Some people haven't heard it before.
"I love you!"
"Is it you or the wine talking?"
"It's me talking to the wine."
Business can be generated any how!
An advocate goes to a gift shop 7 days before Valentine's Day.
He bought 40 beautiful cards and wrote - "To my love !! I hope you recognize! Meet me in the evening, "I love you"
The shopkeeper asked: What is the matter?
So the lawyer said - I sent such cards to the nearby colony on the last Valentine's Day. In a few days, I got four cases of divorce.
This time I am sending 40 cards
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Love You..
HUSBAND: I LOVE YOU..
WIFE : I Love You Too, Infact
Love You So Much I Will Fight
The Whole World For You..
HUSBAND : But You Fight With
Me The Most
WIFE : Because You Are The
World To Me..
Funny how Americans call it an "elevator" instead of a "lift" and...
... my American crush says "Stop messaging me or I'm calling the cops" instead of "I love you".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Spanish is a beautiful language.
You don't say "I love you" in Spanish, you say "Yo quiero comer culo" which translates to "you are the light of my life." I think it is one of the most beautiful things to say to someone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Super Dave Seinfeld Joke
A woman is vary afraid of the size of her opening, so she goes to her mother asking what I'm going to do ...
I'm so big down there when I merry my man he's going to divorce me !
Mother says: Don't worry sweetheart, do what i do when i married your father, go to the market, get some raw liver and put it down there and he will never know the difference !
So she does that and had 8 hours of s**... after her marriage. The morning after she wakes up she found a note from her husband under the pillow.
The note says: I love you darling, my heart beaten so hard last night I was afraid I was going to wake you up. Now I'm going to work so I can buy you a house, a car and all the stuff you want ! I can't wait to see you again after work !
P.S. - YOUR c**... IS IN THE SINK !
Little John fell in love with the teacher.
Little John is sitting in his bench and he is fondly looking at the teacher. It got little uncomfortable for her that he doesn't stop watching her so she said to him:
- John, why do you watch me all the time?
- Well, I love you - spoke John.
- But I do not love children - says his teacher.
- It's okay, we'll be careful.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pinocchio was going down on his GF, she started yelling lie to me, lie to me.
Pinocchio:" i love you"!
Ginger kid
Ginger kid: mom, I love you!
Mother: eee... let's just stay friends.
GF: I'm leaving you!
Me: Is it because I create gf nicknames out of names of kitchen appliances?
GF: No, it's because you're always making fun of my height
Me: You know I love you microbabe!
So i said to my wife...
"Every time you correct my grammar, I love you a little bit fewer"
[Better when spoken aloud:] A young man is nervous about his wedding night.
On the day of the wedding, he asks his dad what he should do. "It's easy, son. Just kiss her on the navel and tell her you love her."
So, that night, the newlyweds remove their clothes and get on the bed. The young man leans down, gently kisses his bride on the navel and says "I love you!"
"Lower!" she says.
\[In a bass voice:\] "I love you, I love you!"
Wife always brought a picture of her hubby to work.
H: Honey, why do you always carry a photo of me with you at work?
W: Coz everytime I have a problem, I just look at it and suddenly I feel much better.
H: I knew it! You really love me more than I love you!
W: Well, I just look at your photo and tell myself "no problem is bigger than this".
I love you, too
because I love you less than three <3
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The funniest thing my grandpa ever said
I was visiting my grandparents a couple years back and my grandma brought up that the PA at the local clinic, an attractive 30-something year-old woman, was moving out of town. My grandpa piped up with "Yeah, I'm gonna miss her. Do you know how hard it is for a man my age to get a 33 year old woman to put her finger up my b**...?"
He passed away this morning. I love you grandpa.
You know I always used to think that my girlfriend was just not funny.
That was until I realized that she told me jokes everyday! Like I love you or I never cheated on you
My longtime girlfriend broke things off because she said I was too competitive…
I don't know what that means but I know who won the I love you more game.
