Hysterical Jokes
18 hysterical jokes and hilarious hysterical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hysterical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
What do you get when you combine short hysterical jokes with some of the most hysterical ones ever? Read this collection of hysterical kid jokes and some fare from former US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld that will make you mad and distraught with laughter.
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Funniest Hysterical Short Jokes
Short hysterical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hysterical humour may include short hilarious jokes also.
- My 3 year old just got me with this one... 3 yo: Can I please have a mystery?
Me: What is that?
3 yo: I don't know, it's a mystery (laughs hysterically) - I love when girls say they need a man that can keep up with them... but immediately go into hysterics when I catch them.
- Two Snowmen are in a field... ...and one turns to the other and says "Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."
My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion. - (A joke my 3 y/o nephew came up with) Kiddo: knock knock
Mom: who's there?
Kid: Daddy. Because I locked the door. *laughs hysterically* - Poison !! Police: ma'am how did your husband die?
Wife: poison (hysterically crying)
Police: but he had bruises all over his body
Wife: I know. He didn't want to take it. - I want to die in my sleep peacefully like my uncle did. Not screaming hysterically like the passengers in the plane he was flying.
- City council wanted to demolish the local clown museum. They couldn't because it's a hysterical landmark.
- TIL It is common for staff and surgeons to laugh hysterically during separation surgery to conjoined twins. Well it is side-splitting.
- Today I saw this AA man crying hysterically in his van…... I thought, "He's heading for a breakdown."
- Nephew Joke Alert! Him: Why don't cows talk?
Me: I don't know. Why?
Him: I don't know *hysterically laughs*
Share These Hysterical Jokes With Friends
Hysterical One Liners
Which hysterical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hysterical? I can suggest the ones about humorous and ridiculous.
- What do you call a lawyer who is forklift certified? A shyster on a Hyster!
- Have you heard of the hysterical TIE fighter squadron? ... lol lol lol lol ...
- My Mexican friend was babbling hysterically but I just couldn't understand his panic.
- Today I made an immigration officer laugh He was borderline hysterical.
Most Hysterical Jokes
Here is a list of funny most hysterical jokes and even better most hysterical puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a man accused with hysterical and unsubstantiated allegations? Your honor :\^)
- A 7 year old looks through his mom's ID Name: Susan h**...
s**...: F
The child laughs hysterically.
Mom: What's so funny?
7 year old: Can't believe you're so bad at s**... you failed it mom.
Hilarious Fun Hysterical Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about hysterical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comedic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hysterical pranks.
So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...
... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely a**.... So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."
A blonde buys a gun.
A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
My manly password
My wife and I were trying to set up a new password for our computer.
Trying to be clever, I put "Mypenis" and my wife fell to the ground laughing hysterically because on the screen it said:
**"Error. Not long enough."**
A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.
Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!
Marriage
Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*
My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.
Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a maternity ward, waiting to give birth.
The brunette says, "I think I'm having a boy because when we conceived, my husband was on top".
The redhead smiles and says, "in that case, I'm having a girl. I'm always on top!"
At this, the blonde starts crying hysterically. The other two calm her down and ask her what's wrong.
"I'm having puppies!" she sobs
Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.
While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.
After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.
Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.
God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.
They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".