Hush Jokes
32 hush jokes and hilarious hush puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the world of hush jokes, the increasingly popular kind of joke that requires listeners to stay silent when the punchline is spoken. Learn the origin of hush jokes, the rules of the game, and how to play with friends. Plus, explore variations like flinch and Agnes, and why they may become your new favorite conversation starter.
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Funniest Hush Short Jokes
Short hush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hush humour may include short silence jokes also.
- A lady walked into the library and asked the Liberian if she had any books on paranoia To which she responded in a hushed tone- They're right behind you
- What does Nvidia and Donald trump have in common. They both use hush agreements to silence their "partners"
- Said the man to the maiden... Said the man to the maiden as the lay there by the see, "Shh, someone's coming!" Said the maiden, "Hush! It's me!"
- I wonder what will happen to Donald Trump now that the hush payments and Russian stuff is coming to light. It's just unheard of. It's unpresidented.
- And old man and his son were walking down the road A tree up ahead loomed darkly. The boy said "Father, is that tree a bad thing?" "Hush now, son, and think not of these things". Millennials.
- My five year old's favorite joke.. What do you call a dog in the library? A hush puppy.
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Hush One Liners
Which hush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hush? I can suggest the ones about shut and huff.
- Why did the librarian hush the mime? Because actions speak louder than words.
- What do you call a dog in the library? A hush puppy.
- Why was the cotton candy singing? Grandma, hush, that's Nicki Minaj
- What kind of dog is best at keeping secrets? hush puppies
- What's the best type of dog to bring to a library? A hush puppy
- I WOULD tell you about the secret underground library... But its very hush hush
- Amazeballs is millennial for "cool", But it's also Native American for "hush puppies".
- How did the potato get the dogs to be quiet? By saying, "hush puppies!"
- How do you know if a news story about hush money is real? I wouldn't know
Comedy Hush Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about hush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean whispers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hush pranks.
A man is doing a crossword and asks his wife for help.
Husband: Body of water, three letters.
Wife: Bay.
Husband: Flying insect with stinger, three letters.
Wife: Bee.
Husband: To hush someone, four letters.
Wife: shhh.
Husband: Boat Noah built, three letters.
Wife: Ark.
Husband: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
A kid once asked his father during dinner, "Dad, is eating flies healthy for you?"
The dad, disgusted, quickly replied, "hush now son, we don't discuss things like that over dinner. Ask me later."
Afterwards, the dad approached his son and asked him, "now, remind me of what you wanted to ask again?"
The son replied, "oh don't worry about it now dad. There was a fly floating in your soup before, but it's gone now."
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
My favorite Robin Williams joke
U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly.
As he claps, he tells the crowd, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts "Then stop clappin' your hands!"
Thanks, Robin.
Don't Do That In Public
A boy and his mother stood looking at a dentist's showcase. "If I had to have false teeth, I'd take that pair," said the small boy, pointing.
"Hush, w**...," interposed the mother quickly, shaking his arm. "Haven't I told you it's bad manners to pick your teeth in public?"
A bunch of rapists take over a monastery...
... and they tell the nuns to say their last prayers as virgins because they will r**... all of them. Just then a young nun jumps out and says "do whatever you which with us, but please spare our mother superior, she's rather old and fragile". The mother nun then interrupts her and says " hush child ... all of us means all of us"
Hush, Little Actuary!
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night, he says.
Have you tried counting sheep? asks the doctor.
That's the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.
The park
I was about to make love to my girlfriend. "I've loved you since the first moment I first saw you. I'm so glad you're mine now" I said, s**... her hair.
She started to choke up. "I've never really had s**...," she said. My first time was horrible - I was r**... in a park, aged 16."
"Oh babe," I said, "Hush. Hush. It will be so different now. We don't have to rush and I'll be gentle this time."
The pastor states, Everything in modern day life is explained in the Bible.
Everyone in the congregation is trying to stump the preacher. Finally someone yells out, What about p**...? A hush grows through the church. The pastor answered, That's easy. And Mary rode Joseph's a**... all the way to Bethlehem!
