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Hurting Jokes

68 hurting jokes and hilarious hurting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hurting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

What do you do when all the laughing results in your stomach, brain, back, and head hurting? Learn how painful and sore spasms don't have to destroy the fun of a joke with these helpful tips!

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Funniest Hurting Short Jokes

Short hurting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hurting humour may include short hurtful jokes also.

  1. Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
  2. My dentist told me "This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?" I said "Yes, I'm ready."
    He said "I'm sleeping with your wife."
  3. Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god... ...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.
  4. My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space... It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.
  5. Doctor : Does it hurt? Mother : Yes, a lot.
    Doctor : So are we vaccinating the baby, or should I slap you again?
  6. "Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively... "Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."
  7. Losing my virginity was like my first football game. It hurt a lot but at least my dad came.
  8. One of my friends told me I make people uncomfortable by often invading people's personal space I found this really hurtful, it completely ruined our bath
  9. What do pigs use when they get hurt? Oink-ment
    (My 7 year old made this up and wanted me to share!)
  10. Dentist: This will hurt. Patient: OK.
    Dentist: I've been having an affair with your wife since last year.

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Hurting One Liners

Which hurting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hurting? I can suggest the ones about hurts and injured.

  1. What's yellow and hurts if you get it in you eye? A bulldozer
  2. My brother's daughter and I fell down on hard pavement My knees hurt
  3. My dentist is a really mean guy He always hurts my fillings.
  4. So you know how things hurt less when you swear? I call it Ibuprofanity
  5. Why did the Redgaurd's toe hurt? His Hammerfell
  6. Dentist: This is gonna hurt a little. Me: Ok. Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom.
  7. OC from my 10 yr old son: Why do women like roses? Because they are pretty and hurt you.
  8. Mickey mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee?
    Mickey: Disney
  9. How bad does it hurt to get a finger cut off? I'd say about a 9 out of 10
  10. Why did the Mexican take Xanax?  For Hispanic attacks (please don't hurt me)
  11. What is the best way to hurt someone with words? Hit him with a dictionary.
  12. You know what hurts my feelings? Nerve damage
  13. Did you hear about the fire at the bakery? No one was hurt but business is toast.
  14. Why couldn't the skeleton hurt itself? Because it didn't have the nerves.
  15. Why do we cry..... When it's the onions that are being hurt?

Back Hurting Jokes

Here is a list of funny back hurting jokes and even better back hurting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear Pedro Pascal hurt his back during The Mandalorian? It was from carrying the Star Wars franchise
  • Where do Egyptians go when their backs hurt? The Cairo-practor
  • I hurt my back while cutting down a tree. Guess you could say I have lumber problems.
  • I went to the doctor and said: My back hurts in three places... He said: Don't go to those places
  • I hurt my back in Egypt. It got so bad I had to see a Cairopractor.
  • It hurt to send my woodchucks off to the convent But when they come back, I'll have a badass pair of nun chucks
  • Normal back: hurts, backstreet back: Alright
  • I went to the doctor... Because the back of my foot hurt.
    He told it could be months before it heels.
  • My Dad is like the Solar Eclipse If i make direct eye contact he'll hurt me, but when it's safe for me to look at him he already left for milk and won't be back for several years.
  • When I grow old, I am sure I will look back at my life and say "aaaah! my neck hurts"

Head Hurting Jokes

Here is a list of funny head hurting jokes and even better head hurting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I got hit in the head with a can of Dr. Pepper today Luckily I'm not hurt, it was a soft drink
  • What is green and it hurts very much if it falls on your head? A pool table.
  • Patient asking... Patient asking: "Doctor, it hurts when I press my leg. It hurts, when I press my arm. It hurts, when I press my head. What's that?"Doctor: "You have a broken finger!"
  • My head hurts… Doctor: why does your head hurts?
    Patient: a bunch of books fell on my head yesterday…
    Doctor: how did that happen?
    Patient: I only have my shelf to blame…
  • My girlfriend told me her head hurt. I said, "No it doesn't, I really enjoy it."
  • A blind man walks into a bar Now his head hurts
  • She told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt... So I banged her twice and hit her in the back of the head with a brick.
  • I love Honest Abe. Do you want to hear my favourite quote from him? "My head hurts."
  • What is green, has four sides and hurts if it hits your head? A pool table
  • My girlfriend said her head hurt I think it feels great.
Hurting joke, My girlfriend said her head hurt

Stomach Hurting Jokes

Here is a list of funny stomach hurting jokes and even better stomach hurting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • It wasn't when the bully called me a big fat doughboy that hurt as much as the punch in my stomach. It left a big impression.
  • Why didn't the dyslexic bodybuilder workout when his stomach hurt? He felt it was an Abd Omen
  • Three people walk into a bar, a tall one, a short one, and a medium height one. The tall one hurts his hip, the short one hurts his head, and the medium one hurts his stomach.
  • When do l**... have s**...? When neither of their stomachs hurt.
  • Why don't rapists eat at TGI Friday's? It's hard to r**... when your stomach hurts.

Mind Hurting Jokes

Here is a list of funny mind hurting jokes and even better mind hurting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Canada and Saudie Arabia walk into a bar Canada raises the bar to see if Saudie Arabia is hurt.
    Saudie Arabia looks angry and threatens Canada to mind it's own buisness.
  • Dad, the dog is having s**.... Don't mind it, son, it's nature. Yes, I know dad. But it hurts!

Brain Hurting Jokes

Here is a list of funny brain hurting jokes and even better brain hurting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Everyone at my university is morbidly obese, it's making my brain hurt Specifically, I think it's the hippo campus.
Hurting joke, Everyone at my university is morbidly obese, it's making my brain hurt

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about hurting can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of hurting puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Hurting Jokes

What funny jokes about hurting you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean harm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make hurting prank.

A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.

"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...

As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."

Body Pain

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.
That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?
No I'm a blonde , she replies.
I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.

A guy goes to the doctor with bowel problems

"Doc. My b**... just ain't right the past few days." he says.
"Alright," says the doctor.
"Pull your pants down and tell me where it's hurting exactly."
The guy does so, points and says,
"It's particularly painful near the entrance here."
The doctor is taken back and says,
"Well... I believe it is hurting because you just called it the entrance"

gay prostate exam joke

a gay man goes in to get a prostate exam.
he is told to bend over when the doctor starts to examine his prostate.
the man says to the doctor:
"please t**... ring, it's hurting me"
the doctor says:
"That's not my ring. that's my rolex!"

I had my second vaccine jab today. But they put it my leg.

Now my Phizer hurting me.

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.
Which knee is hurting you, Walt?
The famous film producer points to his left knee.
Disney.

Old Buddy Hackett Joke:

A very young amorous couple were walking through a cemetary and feeling frisky . So the woman lay down on a grave marker and they made love. A week later the woman's back is still hurting her , so she sees a doctor. The doctor tells her to disrobe, then tells her to turn around to examine her back . The doctor asks her," How old are you?". She says ," I'm 20 years old, why do you ask." The doctor replies, " Because your a**... says you died in 1898."

An inspector goes to a mental institution to check if any of the patients had been cured

When he gets there he places an empty pool on the ground. All the patients start squealing with joy, and jumping in the pool, hurting themselves. Only one patient stands to the side and doesn't jump. The inspector goes to ask him why he isn't jumping. The patient says: do you think I'm crazy? I can't swim

What did the musician get after hurting himself?

A-minor injury

A man goes to the doctor...

The doctor asks him what's wrong.
"Doc, my chest has been hurting, and I've had a terrible cough for three days. And I think I've been running a fever."
The doctor looks him up and down and quickly says, "Well I can tell you right now you're going to have to stop m**... immediately."
Shocked, the man says "Why???"
"So I can examine you."

I've just had my vaccine, but they administered it in my leg

My Pfizer hurting

To all the people in Madrid that are hurting...

I feel your Spain.

I walked in on my parents as a kid...

As a little boy I walked in on my parents having i**... one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked "Could you do mommy d**... next time? I want a puppy."

So which knee is hurting Walt?

Walt: Disney .

It was my turn to drive in the car pool to work today.

After I picked up Steve we had to drive through a tunnel. There was a semi truck coming down the wrong lane and I had to swerve to moss him. When I got to work my wrist was hurting really bad. It must have been from that car pool tunnel.

I hurt my foot a week ago and it's still hurting.

I guess it hasn't fully heeled yet.

A few weeks ago, my emo friend told me his heart was hurting.

So, I told him to cut it out. Haven't seen him for a while.

In a tundra, a man was trying to shelter himself from the weather

It was hurting like hail.

If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?

It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.

I wanted to learn how to speak italian...

But then my hands started hurting.

What medicine do men take when their privates start hurting?

p**...-illin'

I saw the sexiest guy in the world today.

I went to hug him but I ended up just hurting my face on the mirror.

After looking over the BBC wage list on thing has become clear...

Women knowing nothing about cars or football is really hurting their income

If Colgate kills 99.9% of germs, what does Colgate sensitive do?

It kills 99.9% of germs, without hurting their feelings.

Hurting joke, If Colgate kills 99.9% of germs, what does Colgate sensitive do?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these hurting jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.