Hurry Jokes
125 hurry jokes and hilarious hurry puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hurry that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with a collection of funny, urgent ‘hurry’ jokes that will have you running to tell your friends. Enjoy a range of jokes from quickly thinking up an excuse, to going faster than expected. Hurry up and get ready to laugh!
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Funniest Hurry Short Jokes
Short hurry jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hurry humour may include short hurriedly jokes also.
- A coma in a sentence can literally change everything. For example: *Ben is in a hurry.*
*Ben is in a coma.* - Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence... For instance:
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma." - How do you get 100 Canadians out of a swimming pool in a hurry? Say: "Would everyone please get out of the swimming pool."
- Comas make a big difference in a sentence. For example,
Ben is in a hurry.
Ben is in a coma. - Comas can change the meaning of a sentence. For example:
"Donald is in a hurry."
"Donald is in a coma." - Alex Trebek died shortly after Sean Connery. He had to hurry and get to heaven before Connery found his Mother.
- A wife was dreaming... Suddenly she wakes up and yells "Quick get out my husband's home!" her husband hurriedly wakes up and jumps out the window.
- What did the doctor say to the short guy in a hurry? You're going to have to be a little patient.
- If you're ever in a hurry... Put your fidget spinner on your dash, then just use the handicapped parking.
- Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!
Me: You sure do!
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Hurry One Liners
Which hurry one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hurry? I can suggest the ones about urgent and quickly.
- Why is Putin in such a hurry to get into ukraine? Because he's always Russian.
- If slow old men use walking sticks, what do fast old men use ? Hurry canes.
- My daughter made this tonight: What's the favourite song of sloths? Don't Hurry, Be Happy
- What does a meteorologist use to walk quickly? A hurry cane
- Customer: Waiter, I'm in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No sir, round.
- What goes "quick, quick"? Duck in a hurry.
- Does the five-second rule apply to soup? Please hurry.
- what do you call a communist in a hurry? A soviet rushin!
(wackady shmackady doo) - Why are unemployed doctors always in such a hurry? Because they don't have any patients
- What's the fastest natural disaster? A Hurry-cane
Credit to my nine year old. - Commas can really change a sentence For example:
John is in a hurry
John is in a coma - What do you call a dinosaur that's in a hurry? A Prontosaur.
- What do cats cook for dinner when they're in a hurry? Minute Mice
- Why was the comrade in a hurry? Because he was Russian
- What does a squid say when it's in a hurry? Lets get Kraken
Hurry Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny hurry up jokes and even better hurry up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do bees stay in their hives in winter? Swarm.
What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?
Hurry up honey. - Two tomatoes are walking across the road when a car drives over one of them.
the other turns around and says "Hurry up ketchup!"
- I was in the Post Office queue yesterday when Diana Ross tried to push in. I said You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait...
- What is wind? Air in a hurry.
(My godmother told me that this joke back in 1930s used to be a sure fire starter) - If I could say one thing to my late father, it would be this: Hurry up, dinner's getting cold.
- What are you called when you're rich and in a hurry to rig the U.S. election? A Russian Oligarch.
- I was just in the queue at Tesco when Diana Ross tried to push in. I said You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait...
- What did one doctor say to to other who was taking too long in the operating room? "Would you hurry it up, I am losing my patients!"
- A man in a hurry goes to a diner and ordered a pancake He asked, Will it be long?
The cook replied, No, it'll be round. - Never ask an undertaker for something to get you out of a jam in a hurry. They always give you the last thing you need.
Comical Hurry Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about hurry you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rushed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hurry pranks.
2 blondes in the rain...
2 blondes are leaving a bar when it starts pooring down rain. The first blonde realizes that she left the keys in the car and tries picking the lock. After a couple minutes of trying to open the door, the second blonde freaks out and says, "Hurry up! It's raining cats and dogs and the convertable top is down!"
The man says to the bartender...
"Gimme twelve shots of your finest whiskey, and fast!"
The bartender lines up a dozen shot glasses and as he fills them, the man starts to down them one after the other.
Shocked, the bartender asks, "What's the hurry, buddy?"
Between shots, the man replies, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I've got."
Concerned, the bartender asks kindly, "What have you got, brother?"
The man downs the last shot and puts all his money on the table. "Fifty cents!"
Barber
So a busy guy needed to get his haircut, but later found out he had a meeting right after.
He went into the barber shop where he was greeted warmly.
He sat down in a chair, and asked the barber if he could hurry up.
"I could, but I'd have to cut it a little short"
One night stand
A guy finishes up b**... a girl he just met at a bar. He says "If I had known you were a v**... I would have taken it a little easier."
The woman says "If I had known you were in such a hurry I would have taken my pantyhose off."
My mom and I were at church Sunday morning
We left the house in the usual hurry.
We made it to church and I was felling kinda sick.I told my Mom and she says to go out
side the frontdoor and she'd be out to check on me.I was about to spew so I ran towards
the door.A few minutes later I returned to my seat.Mom was surprised to see me back so quickly.
You didn't make it outside ,did you?
Didn't have to Mom ,there was a box by the door that said "for the sick or elderly"
A priest is in the confessional box...
A priest is in the confessional box and he has to go to the restroom, so he grabs an alter boy and says, "Take over for me for a couple minutes."
A man enters the box. "Bless me father for I have sinned..."
The boy says, "The priest will be back in a few minutes."
The man replies,"I'm in a bit of a hurry. Do you know what Father Daniels usually gives for o**... s**...?"
The boy says, "Well, he usually gives me a candy bar and a five bucks."
A Brave Husband.
A husband and wife entered the dentist's office.
The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible. "
"You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is. "
The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear. "
What's a lesbian's favorite way to say "hurry up?"
Lickety split
While getting ready to leave on trip, I was trying to get my wife to hurry up.
She says "Why are you rushin'?"
Too which I replied "Because my grandpa is from Moscow."
Duh..
Pour me a drink before I get into a fight
Man: hurry, pour me a drink before I get into a fight
Bartender: here
Man: another one before I get into fight
Bartender: here
Man: another one before I...
Bartender: here, but who are you going to fight?
Man: you maybe, because I got no money.
What do you call a fish in a hurry?
Salman Rushdie.
Not in a hurry
- Alcoholism Is A Slow Death!
- And we are not in a hurry!
A man walks into a hardware store
and asks the cashier, "Do you sell mousetraps here?" She replies, "Yes, sir, we do, but they're way in the back of the store. It'll take a while for me to get you one." The man replies, "Thank you. But please do hurry. I have to catch a bus." The cashier says back, "I'm terribly sorry, sir, but we don't have them that big."
A Navy Yeoman screws up a message
One of the guys got a message from his wife that changed a bit when the Yeoman transcribed it:
She sent: Not getting any better, hurry home.
He got: Not getting any, better hurry home.
What does caravans and women underwear have in common?
Both are in the way if you are in a hurry
A man wins the lottery...
A man wins the lottery, jumps in to his car and goes home in a hurry, screeching in to his driveway. He leaps out and runs in to his house and yells to his wife upstairs "I've won the lottery! I've won the lottery! Quick, pack up your suitcase, I've won the lottery!" His wife is yells down "Woohoo! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The husband replies "I don't care, just get out!"
A English businessman was rushing through an airport when
A English businessman was rushing through an airport when all of a sudden, he bumps into a tiny Asian women.
She immediately says, "I'm sorry!"
In a hurry, the businessman says, "I'm sorry too."
She responds with, "I'm sorry three!"
Confused, the businessman stops and says, "What are you sorry for?"
She yells, "I'm sorry five!!!"
All feminine hygiene products now on sale for HALF PRICE
But hurry - it's just for the Christmas period.
King Arthur
King Arthur was leaving Guinevere in care of Sir Lancelot while he left on extended buisness. He incased her nether regions with a stout chastity belt, entrusting the key to Sir Lancelot. After Arthur had proceeded a short distance down the road, Lancelot galloped up in a great hurry "King Arthur!" he exclaimed, "You gave me the wrong key!".
TIL Harriet Tubman wasn't a real person.
It was just what the slaves shouted to each other on the Underground Railroad, "Hurry it up, man!"
Cr
A woman was having s**... with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang
And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.
As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry
"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.
he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with you.
Why must you hurry when having s**... with your fat fiancée on top?
It's a pressing engagement.
A man walks into a bar
He quickly orders 5 bottles of beer. He immediately starts to drink the beer immediately, as fast as he can. In 2 minutes, he had already finished 3 bottles of beer. The bartender looks over and says, "Why are you in such a hurry?"
The man says, "You would be doing the same if you knew what I have."
The bartender replies, "What do you have?"
The man replies: "25 cents"
A mother comes back home...
...and her son rushes to the door and tells her: "Mom, hurry up, dad has hanged himself in the bedroom!". The mother sprints to the bedroom but the room is all clear and there is no one there. The boy laughs and says "Haha April Fools! He hanged himself in the kitchen"
I've never understood why there's Burger King but no Borscht Czar
After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.
A r**... Came Home and Found His House on Fire
A r**... came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"
Two blondes are locked out of their car...
The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"
Man: Hey Bolt! Get in the car, I'll drop you home!
Usain Bolt: Sorry dude, I'm in a hurry.
A comedian showed up to his venue..
There was only one person, sitting in the back of the rows of chairs.
"Thanks for coming out," the comedian said.
The man responded, "hurry up so I can clean this place."
I saw Trump Jr. Today but he told me he was in a hurry and couldn't talk.
Turns out he was lying about rushin'.
Sir, don't you know that smoking is slow death?
Who said i was in a hurry?
My wife's pregnant
90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!
Dr: EXACTLY!!
Former president Clinton
Walks into a dry cleaner with a suit,
"I'm in a hurry can I get this by 3 today?"
The clerk, preoccupied, quickly looked up and asked "come again?"
"No, it was mustard this time."
My wife rushed into the supermarket to grab a few items
She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"
The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."
A English businessman was rushing through an airport when
A English businessman was rushing through an airport when all of a sudden, he bumps into a tiny Asian women.
She immediately says, "I'm sorry!" in a Chinese-english accent.
In a hurry, the businessman says, "I'm sorry too."
She responds with, "I'm sorry three!" in broken english.
Confused, the businessman stops and says, "What are you sorry for?"
She yells, "I'm sorry five!!!"
I was stopped by a policeman and he asked me why I was speeding.
"Care to explain why you were going double the speed limit?" he asked.
I said, "I'm sorry, but my wife's about to give birth, I must hurry."
"Oh," he hesitated, "are you going to pick her up?"
"No, I'm going to the airport."
A guy's boss who is traveling calls him and asks, "Is everything okay at the office?"
"Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course, what is it?"
"Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."
A Russian runs into a bar
Quick! Quick he yells at the bartender. A v**... before it starts!
The bartender quickly pours him a shot of v**... which the Russian drinks in one gulp.
Another! Fast before it starts...
The bartender gives him another one which the Russian drinks immediately.
Hurry hurry another one before it starts...
The bartender asks "how are you going to pay for these?"
The Russian throws up his hands and says "ahhhh now it starts!"
I used to work for a mining company . . .
It was a boring job; just a slow daily grind.
I would find myself in a depression everyday; unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
One day, the whole drill got to be too dull and as I was about to do something to remedy the situation, everything started to crumble down around me.
I decided I needed to get out of there in a hurry.
So I went for a drink, but as luck would have it, everyone refused to serve a miner.
What do you call an Indian in a fast car??
Curry in a hurry!!
The doctor shakes his head and tells the man, "I have no idea what's wrong with you. I'll need a u**... specimen, plus s**... and stool samples."
The guy says, "I'm kind of in a hurry. Can I just leave you my shorts?"
I wanted Mexican food, but I was in a hurry
So I ordered it ta-co
Yesterday, I saw a man standing all alone.
Even though he was turned away from me, I sensed something in his demeanor that suggested he could use some help. So being considerate, I approached him, placing a hand on his shoulder and asking " Do you mind if I join you? "
He certainly left the u**... in a hurry.
the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers
they were cracka lackin
An 80 year old man walks into the doctor's office
After the examination, the doctor says: "Sir, you have to give blood, f**..., u**... and if possible s**... for tests." The man replied: "Well, doctor, I'm in a bit of a hurry, will it be okay if I just left my underpants?"
How does an old man prepare for Florence when he's in a pinch?
He grabs his hurry cane and leaves.
Two Blondes leave a bar and realize they've locked their keys in the car.
After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I'll run inside and see if they have one!
The other blonde says Ok, well hurry because it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down!
Where do people who are always in a hurry go on vacation?
Russia.
There's a special type of people who are always in a hurry.
The Rushians.
A man and a woman get stuck in an elevator and after a long time, it seems there is nobody to come to their rescue.
Desperate, the woman whispers: "Oh when this is the end, please let me really feel like a woman, for a last time."
The man immediately tears off his shirt,............
....
throws it to the ground and yells:
"Wash and iron, and hurry up!"
What do you call a man in a hurry?
Russian
Two blondes are out shopping
When they're done they head back to their convertible, but suddenly realize they locked the keys inside the car.
While they stand there, not knowing what to do, one of the blondes finally has the bright idea to try and pick the lock with her bobby pin.
The other blonde looks up worriedly at the sky and says, "Hurry up! It's about to rain and we left the top down!"
Husband came home rushing home all excited.
He opened the door and walked in to see his wife on the couch watching TV. He said, Oh my god, I just won the lottery. A lot. I mean a LOT. Hurry upstairs and pack your bags.
The wife, now excited too, starts getting up and asks, Yay, where are we going?
Husband replies, No, I won the lottery. I don't care where you go, I just want you out.
What do you call a European man in a hurry?
He's Russian
Guy walks into a bar and says I need 6 shots of Jack quick!...quicker... Hurry d**...!!!
Come on man, you'd be drinking quick too, if you had what I have!!!
So the bartender offers up the shots 'If you don't mind me asking... What is that you have?'
Man looks him in the eye, whiskey dripping off his chin and says... 40 cents.
I'll take an easy HR job anyday
Manager says to the HR person: "what are you doing?"
HR person replies: "reading through lies."
Manager responds: "well hurry up, I ain't paying you for nothing."
Another joke translated from Arabic
A man was walking home from work when he got in a car accident
His wife comes in a hurry to the hospital and asks the Doctor how he's doing the Doctor says
We got him out of intensive care but he died
A black man walks into a restaurant..
There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."
The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."
The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.
But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.
And you have the nerve to call me colored!"
A guy rushes into a bar, in a hurry
He asks the bartender, "Quickly! How tall is a penguin?"
The bartender replies "I don't know, three feet. Why?"
The guy says "Oh my god, I think I just ran over a nun!"
Two blondes leave a restaurant and realize they've locked their keys in the car.
The husband fiddles with the door but isn't having any luck.
The wife says I know! I'll run inside and see if they have a coat hanger that we can use to Jimmy the lock!
The husband replies Great idea! But hurry, because it's about to rain and the top is down!
A guy rushes into a bar out of breath and manages to excitedly utter to the bartender "Gimme 6 shots of whiskey quick"!
The bartender says "What's the hurry?" as he lays out the six shots. The guy starts downing the shots as fast as the bartender is filling them. As he is gulping down the last shot, he utters "Well you would drink fast too if you had what I have". The bartender says "well geez mister what do you have"? and the guy says "2 dollars".
