Hurry Up Jokes

Two blondes are locked out of their car...

The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"

True story: Many years ago I worked a drive thru fast food place. A tow truck came through with a car hooked up in back. I asked him what I could get for him. The driver asked for a minute to decide.

After a minute I said, Sir, can you hurry up? You're *holding up* the car behind you.

A twofer

A priest and a lawyer are on a ferry boat along with a bunch of kids who are on a field trip. The ferry boat hits a rock and starts to sink. The priest and the lawyer lower a lifeboat. The lawyer jumps in, and yells, "Get in! Hurry up!"
The priest says, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer says, "Screw the kids!"
And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

2 blondes in the rain...

2 blondes are leaving a bar when it starts pooring down rain. The first blonde realizes that she left the keys in the car and tries picking the lock. After a couple minutes of trying to open the door, the second blonde freaks out and says, "Hurry up! It's raining cats and dogs and the convertable top is down!"

A guy's boss who is traveling calls him and asks, "Is everything okay at the office?"

"Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course, what is it?"
"Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."

Why do bees stay in their hives in winter?

Swarm.
What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?
Hurry up honey.

Two tomatoes are walking across the road when a car drives over one of them.

the other turns around and says "Hurry up ketchup!"

A man and a woman get stuck in an elevator and after a long time, it seems there is nobody to come to their rescue.

Desperate, the woman whispers: "Oh when this is the end, please let me really feel like a woman, for a last time."
The man immediately tears off his shirt,............

....
throws it to the ground and yells:
"Wash and iron, and hurry up!"

Two blondes are trying to unlock a car....

The first blonde suggests picking it with a clothes hanger. As she struggles to unlock it the other blonde panicks and exclaims,"Hurry up the top is down and it's starting to rain!".

If I could say one thing to my late father, it would be this:

Hurry up, dinner's getting cold.

Barber

So a busy guy needed to get his haircut, but later found out he had a meeting right after.
He went into the barber shop where he was greeted warmly.
He sat down in a chair, and asked the barber if he could hurry up.
"I could, but I'd have to cut it a little short"

A mother comes back home...

...and her son rushes to the door and tells her: "Mom, hurry up, dad has hanged himself in the bedroom!". The mother sprints to the bedroom but the room is all clear and there is no one there. The boy laughs and says "Haha April Fools! He hanged himself in the kitchen"

Two blondes are out shopping

When they're done they head back to their convertible, but suddenly realize they locked the keys inside the car.
While they stand there, not knowing what to do, one of the blondes finally has the bright idea to try and pick the lock with her bobby pin.
The other blonde looks up worriedly at the sky and says, "Hurry up! It's about to rain and we left the top down!"

What did the inpatient woman tell the Uber driver?

Hurry up. I'm in desperate need of a Lyft.

Husband came home rushing home all excited.

He opened the door and walked in to see his wife on the couch watching TV. He said, Oh my god, I just won the lottery. A lot. I mean a LOT. Hurry upstairs and pack your bags.
The wife, now excited too, starts getting up and asks, Yay, where are we going?
Husband replies, No, I won the lottery. I don't care where you go, I just want you out.

What's a lesbian's favorite way to say "hurry up?"

Lickety split

A comedian showed up to his venue..

There was only one person, sitting in the back of the rows of chairs.
"Thanks for coming out," the comedian said.
The man responded, "hurry up so I can clean this place."

I'll take an easy HR job anyday

Manager says to the HR person: "what are you doing?"
HR person replies: "reading through lies."
Manager responds: "well hurry up, I ain't paying you for nothing."

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen....

.....Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was,
'Hurry up, for Pete's sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

Two tomatoes cross a road

One gets squished by a car and the other says 'hurry up, ketchup'.

While getting ready to leave on trip, I was trying to get my wife to hurry up.

She says "Why are you rushin'?"
Too which I replied "Because my grandpa is from Moscow."
Duh..

What did the plant say when it was late for work?

"Hurry up, it's time to leaf."

I was waiting for the bus when wife sent me a message

Wife: Where are you?
Me: Waiting for the bus at the bus station.
Wife: Hurry up!
Me: Ok, I will wait faster!

What did the forgetful basil say to the other spice as they were leaving the store?

Hurry up, are you cumin or not?

There are three blonds that went to the store.
After they get done in the store one of the blondes realizes that she locked her keys in her car.
The first blond tried using a screwdriver to unlock the door.
The second blond tried using a hanger.
The third blond tried using pen.
While they are trying to unlock the door the second blond says "We better hurry up guys its about to rain and the tops down!"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!" 
Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

How do you land a plane?

Hurry up, I can see the runway.

What did the inpatient say to his doctor?

Hurry up

[Nsfw] A young couple are trying out...

A young couple decided to try out condoms with a taste. As excited as they were to try this out for the first tine they hurry upstairs and put their clothes off immediatly.
The girl decides that it would be fun to close her eyes and guess what taste it is.
Immediatly she yells:' Meat with melted cheese!'
Guy:' I didn't put it on yet...'

Joe was having a beer in his town bar when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic and started shouting

"Hurry up! Your wife is cheating on your with your best friend in the woods out back!"
Joe slammed his beer glass down on the counter and stormed off to the woods, angry and furious to see it for himself
He returns after a short while, Sit on his chair and continues drinking.
The people in the bar and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened.
Joe grunts and replies "This son of a b**... was just exaggerating. Firstly, it was just a couple of trees that he made it out like it was a forest. Secondly, best friend he says?!"
"It turns out I don't even know the guy".

How does the Spanish carpet fitter get his workman to hurry up?

Underlay! Underlay!

Hurry Up!

To which the response is: "I'm not Russian, I'm American"