Hurricane Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Hurricane puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Hurricane

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY

That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey

But I am scared my inbox will be flooded

My marriage was a like a hurricane.

At the beginning there was a lot of blowing, but in the end I lost my house.

What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?

Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.

Why are hurricanes named with female names?

Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.

Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy?

Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

Why are most hurricanes named after women?

When they come in, it's exciting and wet, but after they leave, half your shit's gone.

Why do they name all hurricanes after women?

Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car

What happens to a sailboat in a category 5 hurricane?

MAST DESTRUCTION!!!

I'll ~~see~~ sea myself out...

Women are like hurricane...

...when they're coming, they are nice and wet. When they're leaving, they take cars, houses...

Why are women like a Hurricane?

They come at you all hot and wet and leave you without a house or car...

Why is a marriage like a hurricane?

At the beginning there's a lot of blowing, and when it's over your house is gone...

HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE

Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.

The hurricane Sandy.

A guy goes to a bar and looks at the drink menu to see if he can try a new cocktail that he never had before. He noticed there is a drink on the menu named "Hurricane Sandy." The guy never heard of it before so he asks the bartender what is it. The bartender replied "It's a watered down Manhattan."

Where do squirrels go in a hurricane?

All over the place!

Why were hurricanes and tropical storms originally always given women's names?

Because when they first come along it's all wet and wild with lots of suckin and blowin, but by the time it's over and they leave - your house is gone, your boat's gone, your truck's gone...

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.

There's de Brie everywhere

We should just name hurricanes after politicians.

That way we wouldn't have to worry about them actually coming through with anything.

What do a Florida hurricane, a Kansas tornado, and an Arkansas divorce have in common?

Some poor sap's gonna lose a trailer.

How to take a hurricane seriously

If the US wants to take hurricanes seriously they need to give them Muslim names. We got Irma and people don't care. But when the weatherman starts saying Abdullah is coming at Florida as a category 5, the whole country would evacuate.

A teacher reminds her class for tomorrow's exam

A teacher reminds her class of the yearly test tomorrow.

"And remember class, there is no excuse for missing the test tomorrow, not a hurricane, not a funeral, not a nuclear attack, nothing!"

Little Johnny in the corner then pipes up and says

"What would happen if I came into class suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?

The whole class bursts into laughter. The teacher walks up to Johnny and smiles and says

"I'd guess you'd have to write the test left-handed."

Have you heard of the new drink that they're calling the Hurricane Sandy?...

Yeah.. apparently it's just a watered down Manhattan.

A hurricane is a lot like getting married...

Starts with a lot of blowing, then you lose your house.

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.

* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.

But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

What do you call a walking stick that makes you walk faster?

A hurricane

A conversation between God and and Angel

GOD: They scared enough?

ANGEL: Not yet

GOD: You got Trump running?

ANGEL: Yup

GOD: Hurricane?

ANGEL: Yup

GOD: Ok, send in the clowns.

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

Hurricanes Are Like Women

When they come they're wet and wild, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

In a strange way, I was really looking forward to the hurricane and I was disappointed when it was downgraded...

I thought others round these here parts would echo my sentiment, but I guess Carolinians are used to being disappointed by the Hurricanes.

What do hurricanes and a Tennessee divorce have in common?

Someone's gonna lose a trailer.

What does a marriage and a hurricane have in common?

It begins with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end you still loose your house

Remember Hurricane Sandy that hit New York a couple years ago? They made a mixed drink after it

It's pretty much a watered down manhattan

This Hurricane should have been called Snooki...

The're both heading to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.

Hurricane Sandy

I asked my bartender for a Hurricane Sandy. She looked confused and asked, "What is that?"

I replied, "A watered down Manhattan."

Why do hurricanes have girl names?

First they are all wild and wet, then they take your house.

Marriage is like a hurricane...

Starts with a bunch of sucking and blowing, and at the end you lose your house.

A Parrot and a magician on a ship

A Magician, who performs magic tricks on a ship had a parrot which helped him perform his tricks. One day, the parrot died so the magician replaced him with a new one.

On the night of his first show, the parrot would keep giving away his tricks "It's in the hat"..."it's up his sleeve"..."It's under the table"..fustrated, the magician cut his show short. Shorlty after, there was a hurricane and the ship sunk, the magician and the parrot managed to get them selves onto a raft.

The first day passed and not a word was spoken, the magician and his parrot were sat there lookign at each other waiting for help. As day 2 arrised, the parrot is looking around confused and fustrated. Eventually, the parrot turns to the magician and says "Alright, i give up. What have you done with the ship".

What did the Hurricane say to the palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job.

3 girls were being exucuted....

...The first girl was getting ready to be shot. The guard yelled,"Ready aim-"The girl yelled," Tornado! Tornado!!" The guard turned around she escaped. The second girl was being exucuted the guard yelled,"Ready aim-" She yelled,"Huirricane!! Hurricane!!" The guard turned around she was gone. The 3rd girl was being exucuted the guard yelled,"Ready aim-" The girl yelled,"Fire!!Fire!"...

Is it too soon to say a Hurricane Harvey joke

Or should I just wait for everything to blow over?

What did Hurricane Tyrone say as it made landfall?

Where the white beaches at?!?

Texas refuses to remove its statues.

Hurricane volunteers to help.

A hurricane is like a woman.

When they come, they are wet, crazy, and wild. But when they leave, they take your house and your car.

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds?

I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

A hurricane walks into a bar

The owner doesn't have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.

Because the Hurricane Made Landfall at Night...

...does that make it Florence Night-in Gale?

I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.

The width of a milk jug is 5.5"

Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches

93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet

Divided by 5280

1,475,694,444 Miles

Divided by 93,000,000 miles to get Astronomical Units

You get 15.8 AU's.

You're so fat, that even though Florence is dropping 17 trillion gallons of rain, It's still not enough to get to Uranus.

Meteorologists have recently reconfigured the 5 categories of hurricane.

Number 5 will blow you away.

How do you find the eye of a hurricane?

Look near the c!

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hang on to your nuts, this ain't no regular blow job!

So bartenders are starting to make a drink called the "Hurricane Sandy"...

Essentially, it's a just a watered-down Manhattan.

Why do hurricanes have women name?

Because they take away your house, your car, your furniture and everything you have.

Experts are now saying that Hurricane Harvey...

is the worst disaster to hit the United States since last November!

while getting ready for the hurricane I noticed there was less people in the snack isle than the water isle...

I'm just kidding, I live in America.

Why was Batman in Texas trying to stop the Hurricane?

Because it kept leaving Harvey Dents everywhere

In honor of international women's day....

Why are women like a hurricane?



at first they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house.

Would a hurricane close it's doors in your face?

No, but a Lakewood.

Hurricane Irma was coming, and my mother was thirsty.

My mother has a glass of port wine with almost
every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of my friends have also come to wait out the storm with us, as they had to evacuate. While at the grocery store stocking up on food, my mother insists on getting more wine for our guests. However, the grocery store was out of her favourite brand. It's okay. She said. Any Port in a storm.

So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day...

The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly.

New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico.

Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa.

Chuck Norris doesn't fart, because nothing can escape Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes skydiving, the Earth uses a parachute.

When Chuck Norris takes a shower, the soap doesn't clean him. He cleans the soap.

Netflix marathons Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris stared at the sun too long, he wouldn't go blind. The sun would.

If Chuck Norris bit a vampire, the vampire would turn back into a human.

Hurricanes are like women...

...they all start with a lot of blowing and sucking and in the end you lose your house.

Who hits Houston harder?

Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

Hurricane Season

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his wife was rooted to the spot.

She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with him forever.

Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, he felt personally safe enough to open the door and let her in.

I guess Mother Nature watches a lot of Oprah.

Because it looks like everybody gets a hurricane.

What's the most inappropriate Halloween costume this year?

Hurricane Harvey Weinstein

If we drown in this upcoming hurricane, would that make us...

...the Joaquin Dead?

Snooki's kind of like Hurricane Sandy...

She's large, slow-moving, an has blown just about everyone in the Jersey Shore.

What do you call a cow stuck in a hurricane?

A milkshake.

Hurricane Joaquin

This Category 3 Storm is likely to hit the Eastern US this week.

Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix.

This Halloween on the East Coast

I heard a lot of people are going to be the Scorpions this Halloween.
Because we're gonna get rocked like a hurricane.

I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence.

He said, Na-ama-ste.

They should name hurricanes after black people:

It only takes one to ruin the neighborhood.

Girl are you a Hurricane?

At first you were wet and wild, but now you've taken my house and car!

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm?

Hold on to your nuts, it will only be a quick blow.

Whats in the center of a hurricane

The I

What do a hurricane in North Florida, a tornado in Oklahoma, and a divorce in East Texas have in common?

Someone's going to lose a mobile home

How's a divorce like a hurricane...

There's a bunch of sucking and blowing, but in the end she takes your house.

Hurricane Nate is said to go straight North from The Gulf in to Alabama

Experts say it will cause millions of dollars worth of improvement.

What do you call a hurricane that hits Puerto Rico?

A PR disaster

Trump is like Hurricane Matthew

The media is talking about it nonstop. Nobody knows how bad it's going to be, but you can't help shake your head at the Floridan who ignores the warning.

Hurricane Irma

Right now Irma is signaling for a left turn.


But it's Florida so, you know, you can't really be sure whats going to happen.

You know why hurricanes are named after women names?

Because they take away your car, your house and everything you got...

2016 Election

Honestly hurricane Matthew should run for president because I think he left the biggest mark on the country

Mc'Donalds in hurricanes

No wonder McDonalds places are still open during hurricane sandy. None off their customers can blow away anyways

What is the difference between a divorce and a hurricane in the south?

Nothing, someone is losing a trailer!

So hurricane Jose is growing in the Atlantic..

It's going to set records as the first hurricane to put a new roof on your house...

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes