Hunting Jokes
135 hunting jokes and hilarious hunting puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about hunting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Look no further than this collection of hilarious hunting jokes! Whether it's hunting and fishing, the life of a hunting dog, or hunting a wild turkey, you'll find just the right joke to spark some laughs. Read on for some humorous hunting guides, meaty venison jokes, and jokes with a wooded twist.
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Funniest Hunting Short Jokes
Short hunting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hunting humour may include short fishing jokes also.
- Liz Cheney will agree to dismantle the January 6 Commission under one condition That is if Donald Trump can go on a hunting trip with her Dad.
- Thank God we don't need to hunt for food anymore I mean, I have no idea where pizzas live in the wild
- My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it... But he's sticking to his guns on this one. stubborn man.
- (OC) one I thought up this morning What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?
"Lettuce prey" - Why do snowmen love reading mystery novels? They're always on the hunt for the chilling clues!
- I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley Thanks to months of therapy, I'm finally battling my Damons.
- My dad used to hunt. Once a bear sat on him. I asked him how it felt. He said ... Unbearable.
- People who do fossil hunting already have an unfair advantage The fossils are already dead
- A hunter was asked what he did for a living, and he responds that he "hunts tigers in Africa." When it's pointed out that there are no tigers in Africa, he replies "that's because I do my job".
- My boss went deer hunting. He winged a buck but ended up losing the trail. I messaged him oh deer, that must have been stag-gering when you fawned out you didnt get it .
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Hunting One Liners
Which hunting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hunting? I can suggest the ones about archery and hiking.
- In the movie 'The Hunt for Red October' ... the entire story is the sub-plot.
- I bought 75% of shares in a vampire hunting business. I'm the main stakeholder.
- What is the most difficult animal to hunt in Africa? The Polar bear.
- Why did Boba Fett work alone? Because he was hunting Solo.
- Ornithologists in peru have discovered that owls hunt there in pairs They're Inca hoots.
- What do you call a gangster who's always on the hunt for a good deal? Al Coupon
- What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl? Nuclear fishin'.
- I recently signed on as a partner at this vampire hunting firm. I'm a stakeholder now.
- What does Matt Damon call it when he shops for cheap clothes? Goodwill Hunting
- What's the best way to hunt Will Smith? Look for the fresh prints
- House-hunting in Texas is overwhelming... The market is flooded.
- How does Robin Williams go thrift shopping? Good Will Hunting
- I was illegally hunting for mushrooms. I have questionable morels.
- I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date. But she wasn't really Inuit.
- Why are there no feminists in Japan? Because the Japanese hunt whales.
Deer Hunting Jokes
Here is a list of funny deer hunting jokes and even better deer hunting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did Mozart hunt deer? With his Wolfgang.
- I hear that Bambi has been in mourning since the conclusion of last hunting season. He lost a deer friend.
- What did the deer say when the sportsman asked if he wanted to go hunting? I'm game.
- I wasn't sure if I'd find deer out here, until... I saw a sign that said 'Fine for Hunting.'
- Why should you always hunt deer with a high powered rifle? To get the most bang for your buck.
- I bought Deer Hunting 2 for half the price I got Deer Hunting 1... I got more bang for my buck!
- So I'm in the process of house hunting... The deer population has gone out of control in my living room
- What's the best way to hunt for deer? Driving at midnight.
- A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday.
"From what I hear about your aim," said the Pastor, "It's a sin for you to hunt anytime."
Good Hunting Jokes
Here is a list of funny good hunting jokes and even better good hunting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I watched The Hunt for Red October the other night. The characters were good… …and I really liked the subplots
- People ask, "Why do you hunt evil spirits?" It's because my doctor said exorcising would be good for me.
- What are some of your good 'fake names' Looking for some good joke names like:
Mike Hunt
Dixie Normous
Ivana fukalot
ect - Why do Australians hunt with one eye Because a bad eye can't
But a good eye might - What do you call thrift shopping in Boston? Good Will hunting
- Why are Mexicans good at bow hunting? Because they hav-an-arrow!
:D - A buddy of mine hasn't ever seen Good Will Hunting... I always remind him that it's not his fault.
- WANTED: Good man, about 90 years old, half blind, deaf in one ear, bad leg, no teeth, good with a gun.. To watch my wife while I'm out hunting.
- What did Robin Williams say to Good Will Hunting? I don't work with the males 'cuz I used to be one.
- Female Version of Good Will Hunting "It's never your fault"
Hunting And Fishing Jokes
Here is a list of funny hunting and fishing jokes and even better hunting and fishing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two men go bear hunting. The first man asks, "Have you ever hunted bear before?"
The second man replies, "No, but I've been fishing in shorts." - What smells like fish and ends in UNT? Rex Hunt
- What do you call a spear-fisherman hunting a group of fish? A school shooter
Hunting Trip Jokes
Here is a list of funny hunting trip jokes and even better hunting trip puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A hunter went out on a hunting trip. He took his sons cigarettes by mistake. He had an excellent day. He shot 2 bucks, a boar, a black bear, and a unicorn.
- What did the Native American say when he killed his son on a hunting trip? Bison
- What did the eagle say to the viking after the hunting trip? Sorry, but this time there's no trophy for your trophy case, Keenum!
- What is a "successful hunting trip"?
When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
Hunting Dog Jokes
Here is a list of funny hunting dog jokes and even better hunting dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend asked me if I like hunting dogs. I said, "Not really. They usually get away."
- I need some help finding a playful hunting dog with a short white coat. Any Pointers?
- My dog hunted down and killed a lizard today... You could say it was his hunting inskinkt.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Hunting Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about hunting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deer hunter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hunting pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.
They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"
Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
An old ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in
"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"
"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.
"No, only one."
He starts cleaning the rifle again.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...
"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Australian on safari...
An Aussie is tramping through a jungle with his hunting gear. He comes into a clearing and finds a stunningly beautiful n**... women sprawled out across a bed of leaves.
"My god," he says. "Are you game?"
She smiles invitingly, "Yes I am."
So he shoots her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are hunting in the woods.
One of them sees a deer and fires, but accidentally shoots his friend in the back. When he realizes what happened, he immediately calls 911.
"Hello, what is your emergency?"
"I think I just killed my friend while hunting!"
"Ok, we'll send an ambulance immediately. But don't say things like that unless you're certain. Can you make sure he's dead?"
The emergency operator hears him walk a few steps then, *bang!*
"Ok, now I'm sure."
Advice from an old native American hunter:
Never go hunting for buffalo with a dull spear, it is pointless.
This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12
Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...
They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
**p**...**
He became a m**... pad.
A man went hunting in Alaska.
A man was hunting in Alaska when he found himself confronted by a small, agitated bear. In order to survive, he shot it. Feeling hungry, he decided to utilize it and cook dinner in the woods.
It was tasty, even though it was a little grizzly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Three stat professors were out hunting...
...when they came upon a deer by a river.
The first professor fired his rifle, and the shot went three feet to the left.
The second professor fired, and the shot went 3 feet to the right.
The third stood and exclaimed "Alright! We got him!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Conversation between a 911 operator and a hunter
"911, what's your emergency?"
"My friend and I went hunting and he got attacked by a bear, I managed to scare it away, but I think my friend is dead"
"OK, stay calm. First, make sure he is dead"
*Gun shot*
"He is. Now what?"
Whose point is it anyway?
A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."
The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."
The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."
The doctor said, "My point exactly!"
Tennessee Joke
Two guys are hunting in the woods one day and they get to arguing about a set of tracks they had spotted, "Them is deer tracks," one says. The other, "No them's bear tracks!" Back and forth for about an hour... Then they get hit by the train.
An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.
The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.
"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."
"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."
The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets married and decides to set some ground rules..
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride thought for a minute and replied, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s**... here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
Why do only 99.9% of dentists recommend Listerine?
Because the other .1% is too busy out hunting lions
A 96 year old man...
After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."
"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."
"My point exactly," the doctor replied.
Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter...
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me and Tim a hunting went...
...Met three w**... in a pop-up tent. They was three and we was two, so I buck one and Timbuktu.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men go hunting......
o**... is looking through his new scope and says, "Hey I can see your house from here and your wife's cheating on ya." He buddy says, "I'm tired of her. Shoot her in the head and him in the private parts." He looks back and says, "I can get that in one shot."
A young muslim couple go out hunting and shoot a monkey
The woman asks, "Shall we eat him?"
The man replies, "No, that's haram, bae!"
I had a dream where I was in a fight with Jason Bourne, Will Hunting, and Private Ryan.
I'm finally battling my Damons.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a muslim couple goes hunting and accidentally shot an ape. "ouch, that's a shame. can we eat him so he wouldn't die in vain?" said the girl. "no, we cant" the guy replied. "why?"
"it's Haram, Bae"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two r**... are admiring their firearms.
One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.
That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.
Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
Bush, Obama, and Trump go on a hunting trip.
Their hunting guide instructs them to find and follow tracks and they should be able to find their quarry.
Bush follows some tracks and gets a bear. Obama follows some tracks and gets a deer.
Trump follows some tracks and gets hit by a train.
Two men go out hunting…
Two men go out hunting and everything is going fine until one of them trips, falls on a rock, and becomes unresponsive. Thinking the man is dead, the other man calls 911 and the operator tells him to make sure the man is dead. The operator hears a gunshot and the man says "Ok, what now?"
Humans are being tested against the new AI program
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
My wife went mushroom hunting all day and found nothing.
I'm offering morel support.
I went hunting with my preacher.
We went hunting in the same spot together. A deer walked out and we both shot at the same time. Upon inspecting the deer, we couldn't find any bullet holes. I said "It must be yours preacher. The bullet was like your sermons. It went in one ear and out the other!"
Best Joke in the history of jokes, maybe ever
2 guys are hunting in the woods. The first guy faints and stops breathing. The second guy calls 911 and they say "911, what's your emergency?".
The guy says "My friend and I were hunting in the woods and he fainted. I think he's dead."
The 911 operator responds "First make sure that he is dead before anything"
A loud shot is heard. The guy then says "Ok, what do I do next"
I went house hunting over the weekend...
I went to see a house that had mirrors all over the walls and I could definitely see myself living there.
An Indian and a cowboy were buffalo hunting together
The Indian suddenly knelt down, pressed his ear against the ground and said "Buffalo come."
The cowboy was amazed by this and asked him "how do you know this?"
The Indian replied: "Sticky."
Three statisticians go out hunting...
and come across a large deer.
The first statistician fires, but misses by a meter to the left.
The second statistician fires, but also misses, this time by a meter to the right.
The third statistician doesn't fire, but starts shouting in triumph "We got it! We got it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"911, what's your emergency?"
*"Me and my friend were out hunting and... I accidentally shot him and now he's dead!"*
"Alright, sir, calm down. Now, we need to be sure he's actually dead before we do anything else."
**BANG**
*"Okay, what next?"*
I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster
It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!
Three hawks had a hunting contest
The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".
The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that rock over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a deer near it".
The third one went and came back with blood all over him. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that lamppost over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I didn't."
I was out duck hunting with Olivia Wilde.
After a while, Olivia spotted a massive duck in the distance and insisted that I hunt it down.
I started to follow it, through bushes and brambles, woods and fields, over hills and through valleys, until finally, I caught up with it. The huge duck turned in my direction, honked and started running after me...
It was at that moment I realised, I wasn't pursuing a duck for Olivia, I was on a Wilde goose chase.
My dad always told me "you eat what you shoot"
I recently found out he meant hunting.
Winner of the National Championship for Poems - Category: "Timbuktu"
Tim and I off hunting went.
Found three girls in a pop up tent.
They were three and we were two.
So I bucked one and,
Tim bucked two.
The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.
Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.
And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like hunting with my vampire friends.
It's nice to crack open a boy with the cold ones.
I went hunting today and caught a breast
I used a booby trap
A Czechoslovakian and a Russian go bear hunting.
When they hadn't returned for several days, a search party was dispatched.
The search party followed the two men's tracks until they stopped at two dead brown bears, a male and a female.
They cut open the female, and sure enough, there was the Russian.
They didn't bother with the second bear, because they just assumed the Czech was in the male.
Hunting gone wrong
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
Hunting Gone Horribly Wrong
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)
After a long day of duck hunting I was famished... so I decided to sit down, put my feet up, and have my favorite snack...
Cheese and quackers.
A man calls 911
A man calls 911, frantically telling the operator that there has been a hunting accident.
"My friend tripped and dropped his shotgun. It went off, and he accidentally shot himself. He is bleeding, and I don't know what to do. I think he might be dead."
"Okay", the operator says. "Please try to stay calm. First, we need to make sure he is dead".
"Okay", the man says.
The operator listens to an extended silence, followed by a gunshot.
"Okay", the man says. "Now what?"
A little girl went bow hunting with her Dad,
and when they found two nice ones she put her hair in pigtails.
I've been experimenting recently with nighttime hunting
But I'm used to hunting in the daytime so this is just a shot in the dark
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 hunters chat about their hunting stories
2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just about to get me … the lion just slipped and fell on the ground so I escaped." the second hunter then ask him in awe "and how the h**... you didn't s**... yourself mate? so he replies "what you think the lion slipped on ?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.
As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.
Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"
The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can you tell all of that just from listening to the ground?!"
"No", says Grey Owl, "As I listen for buffalo, the b**... ran me over."
I went driving into the woods to go hunting. The sign said BEAR LEFT
So I went home.
Average joke
3 teachers, Science, Auto shop, and Mathematics, go hunting together over their winter vacation. They come across an enormous 6 point buck. The science teacher who saw it first takes aim. He fires and misses by 3 feet to left. The auto shop teacher shoulders him asside and says, " this is how you do it!". He fires and misses 3 feet to the right. The math teacher jumps up and Screams, "we got him!".
I saw a homeless man & I asked him if I gave him $20 would you buy booze? He said no he hadn't had a beer in years. Then I said if I give you $20 will you buy hunting gear? He again said no, he stopped hunting 5 years ago.
So then I said I'll do you better than $20. I'll take you home let you all cleaned up. My wife will cook a fantastic meal for you. Then I'll bring you back & still give you $20.
He asked me won't she get mad? I said it didn't matter.
I just wanted her to see what happens to a man when he stops drinking & hunting!
A couple of Blondes are out in the woods hunting.......
When one of them falls to the ground and her eyes close. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, Help! Help! My friend Holly is dead! What should I do? The operator, in a calm voice, says, Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's really dead.
After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the blonde's voice comes back on the line. OK, now what?
Mommy and Daddy rabbit were enjoying a splendid afternoon in the woods.
Suddenly, the sound of hunting dogs shattered their idyllic time together. They ran for their lives. The dogs were relentless. Finally the two terrified bunnies took shelter in a hollow log. The dogs had them trapped. The situation seemed hopeless.
Daddy looked at Mommy and said "Well, we'll just have to outnumber them."
Shot a bear while thrifting
Goodwill Hunting
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three lawyers go on a hunting trip…
Two were from Germany, the third was Czechoslovakian. They were about two days into their hunting trip, having a good ol' time when two bears come out of nowhere and devoured the three hunters.
Crime scene investigation was called in after a couple of hikers stumbled across the b**... campsite, and the detective came to the conclusion that the two Germans were eaten up by the female bear.
When asked how he knew, he pointed behind a tent where the second bear was sprawled out dead, with a foot sticking out, and he said, 'well, if you do a dna test, you'll find that the Czech is in the male.'
Thank you. I'm here all night.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy meets a Pirate in a bar.
He is missing an arm, a leg, and an eye. I mean stereotypical pirate.
Guy asks, "I got to know, how did you lose the leg?"
Pirate says, "arg, I was hunting a big-ol whale and a rope snatched 'round me leg and tore it clean off."
Guy says, "Wow, so- so how did you lose the arm."
Pirate answers, "I was fighting the queens finest and a cutlass lopped off me arm."
Guy says, "crazy... now what about the eye?"
Pirate says, "A bird sh*t in me eye."
Guy bewildered goes, "wo-wait... a BIRD? Sh*t in your eye?"
"First day with me hook."
For all you economics enthusiasts
Three economists go hunting and come across a deer.
The first economist aims and fires but the bullets misses and goes a little to the left.
The second economist aims and fires but the bullet misses and goes a little to the right.
The third economist starts celebrating and exclaims yahoo!!! We got it!!!
Two guys out hunting, one has a heart attack and falls dead.
Second guy calls 911.
Hunter: My friend just died of a heart attack!
Dispatcher: Calm down, first make absolutely sure he's dead.
Hunter: Okay hold on... \*BANG\* Okay now what?
