Comical & Quirky Hunters Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
Two hunters
Two hunters were out walking in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses and falls to the ground. The other hunter calls 911 and says "Help! My friend collapsed and died! What can I do?". The 911-operator replies "Calm down, I can help you. First, let's make sure he's really dead". There's a silence and then a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says "Ok, now what?"
3 hunters are in the woods.
Ok so 3 hunters are walking through the woods when they see some tracks on the ground.
The first hunter said they were deer tracks.
The second hunter said no they are bear tracks.
The third hunter didn't get to say anything because he got ran over by a train.
Two guys were out hunting. . .
Two guys are out hunting and while they were walking one of them grabs his chest and falls forward
Panicked the other guy calls 911 and says I think my friend is dead . . .
The operator says "ok calm down first lets make sure he is dead."
It goes silent on the hunters end and then you hear a gunshot. . .
The guy gets on the phone and says "okay, now what?"
Why do hunters make good lovers?
1. They always go deep in the bush.
2. They shoot often.
3. They always eat what they shoot.
What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter?
Camenbert
Why do hunters make better lovers?
- They p**... deep into the bush...
- They shoot at least twice...
- They eat what they shoot...
Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[
Polish Moose Hunt
Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**.... After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Two hunters and a cheat
Two men are walking up a mountain when one realizes he could see his friends house using the scope on his rifle
guy 1 " Hey look i can see your house from here!...and it looks like your wife is cheating on you"
guy 2 "just great! we leave just for a little trip and she has, has her 'friend' over. go and shoot em both! her in the head and him in the privet area"
guy 1 "watch me get that in one shot!"
Two hunters are out hunting
Suddenly, they see a bear racing towards them. They start running, but all of a sudden one of them stops and starts to take off his hunting boots and put on running shoes.
The other hunters says to him: "What are you doing? Those will not make you run faster than the bear."
The first hunter replies calmly: "No, but they will make run faster than you."
Not like that...
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
You can explore hunters campers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hunters bear dad jokes. There are also hunters puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Three hunters come across some tracks in the middle of the woods...
The first hunter says its wolf tracks the second says its bear tracks the third was hit by a trian
Three hunters
Three hunters went into a forest and came upon three sets of tracks. The first hunter examined the first set and said "These are deer tracks", the second hunter examined the second set and said "These are bear tracks", the third hunter didn't say anything because he was hit by a train.
Why do hunters close one eye when they aim?
Because they can't see if they close both.
Two hunters are out in the woods...
One collapses and stops breathing. His companion calls an emergency number and cries, "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator says, "Calm down; I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot, and the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
The Stat Hunters
Two statisticians are out hunting. They see a bird sitting on a tree branch someways out. "Go ahead, take first crack at it!" says the first statistician. The second statistician shoots 7 inches too high. The first statistician then aims, and quickly shoots 7 inches too low. The two men look at each other, then simultaneously high five and say "Nice shot!"
2 hunters walk into a bar...
...That was the worst time to misinterpret the word 'duck'
Two hunters are in the woods...
Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn't seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator said, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." After a second of silence on the hunter's end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone and said, ""OK, now what?"
Two hunters are walking in the forest
One hunter says to the other,
"DUCK! THERE's A DEER BEHIND YOU!"
The other hunter, however does not duck, and is subsequently shot.
He falls to the ground, and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1.
Before the operator can say anything, he screams, "HELP HELP I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!"
The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually dead."
Another gunshot rings through the forest.
The hunter then says, "What should I do now?"
I just read that Disney is making a sequel to Bambi. He gets revenge on the hunters that killed his mother. They're calling it.......
Bambo
How do alien hunters keep from oversleeping?
They SETI their alarm-y
There are two hunters
Suddenly one of them collapses. He appears not to be breathing and his eyes glaze over. The other hunter panics and 911. The hunter says "I think my friend is dead! What do I do?" The operator says "Calm down. First, make sure he's dead." A gunshot is heard on the other line. The hunter says, "Okay now what.?"
Two hunters were driving down a narrow two lane road in an off-road jeep, and saw a sign that said 'Bear Left'...
They turned around and went home.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses...
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...
When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.
In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"
"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, and then a gunshot is heard
"Okay, so now what?"
Lately, I've been m**... to Star Wars bounty hunters...
I think I've got a Boba Fettish.
What do Native Americans call vegetarians?
Poor hunters
Two hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses. The other hunter pulls out his phone and calls 911
"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
#BANG
"Ok, now what?"
Two hunters are in the woods when one falls to the ground
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other calls 911 and gasps "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, then a shot is heard.
The hunter's voice comes back on the line "ok, now what?"
Honestly I don't like mushroom hunters
Some are nice, others just don't have any morels....
What do seal hunters and teens have in common?
They both love clubbin'
Two rabbits were being chased by a group of hunters
One turned to the other and asked "Do we make a run for it or stay here and outnumber them?"
Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America:
Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers.
Hunters should always know what's behind their target
Behind mine is a Sam's Club and a Starbucks
Two hunters are out in the woods...
When suddenly one of the men collapses. Shocked, the other man quickly calls 911 and exclaims, "Please help me, my friend is dead!".
The operator responds, "Sir try calm down, I need you to make sure your friend is actually dead"...
A few seconds later a gunshot can be heard through the call.
And the man says, "Okay, now what?"
Why do Hunters make the best lovers?
They go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and eat what they shoot at.
Two Jewish duck hunters make a kill on the same waterfowl
But who takes the bill?
What is the best deterrent of spirits for a haunted house?
Ghost hunters
In honor of Star Wars Day: What do bounty hunters like to put on their salad?
Boba Fetta cheese
Happy May 4th
Where do Bounty Hunters go to eat?
Bo Buffet
Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses
Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.
"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.
"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.
"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he actually is dead", the woman says.
"Fine, give me 1 second"
*Gunshot fired*
"Ok, what now?" the man asks.
Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.
I hate Bounty Hunters.
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls on the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator "I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD, WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!"
The operator responds in a calm, soothing voice "Everything will be ok, first we should make sure he's dead."
After a long silence, the operator hears a shot.
"Ok" Says the hunter "what now?"
It's not a coincidence that a lot of conservatives who oppose abortions are also hunters
They know that anything they kill, they have to eat.
Two bounty hunters are staring at Han Solo frozen in carbonite.
One says to the other, "I'm glad it's not a bust."
The other says, "Yeah, what a relief."
Snake bite
Two hunters go out into the woods and one of them gets bitten by a snake, collapses and stops breathing. The other hunter quickly calls emergency services and says "You have to help me, my friend just got bitten by a snake and died." The operator says "OK, calm down. First, make sure he is dead." The phone goes silent for a bit, followed by the sound of a gun shot. The hunter goes back to the phone and says to the operator "Ok, now what?"
Dumb r**......
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a brief silence, followed by a loud gunshot. He get's back on the phone and says, Okay, now what?
Why are mushroom hunters so selfish?
Because it's mycology, not yourcology!
When hunters go ammunition shopping, they have a reputation for being cheapskates...
They're always trying to get the best bang for their buck
There are 2 hunters in the woods
suddenly, one of the hunters has a heart attack and falls over. The other hunter calls 911. "Operator, I think my friend is dead," he says. "Well before we do anything else, we need to make sure he is dead," responds the operator. There is silence. Then there is a loud bang. "Ok, now what do I do"?
There are 2 hunters in the woods
One of them collapses and the other calls 911. The hunter says, "I think my friend is dead, what do I do?" The operator says, "Okay, first make sure he is dead." There was a gun shoot, then the hunter said, "Now what?"
Why are the best hunters blind ?
Because they are master baiters.
I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster
It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!
A p**... and a czechoslovakian went missing in a forest.
A search party of hunters formed and they went looking for the two and came upon two very large bears mating. They shot and killed the bears and cut the female bear open and found the p**...'s remains in her belly. One of the hunters replied "I guess the Czech's in the male"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses
Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.
The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
**Bang**
"Okay, what do I do now?"
ghost hunters be wary, there's a n**... spirit going around scaring people with a lit match...
...We all need to stop him before he strikes again.
Two hunters are in a forest when, all of sudden, a venomous snake jumps and bites one of them in the groin.
His friend, desperate, calls 911.
"Help me! My friend got bitten by a snake!"
"Calm down, sir! First of all, you must find the location of the bite and s**... the poison out. Can you do that?"
"Gotcha."
The bitten friend asks: "So? What did they say?"
"They said you'll die, dude."
Two hunters are in a forest.
One of them collapses, his eyes are rolled back and he doesn't appear to be breathing.
The other one whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services.
"I think my friend is dead", he says.
The operator responds in a cool, soothing voice. "Okay, stay calm. The first thing you need to do is make sure he's dead."
The hunter goes off the line before a loud BANG was heard.
"Okay, what next?"
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
What do hunters call deer that carry guns?
Fair game
Three hunters find a set of tracks in the woods
The first hunter says, Hey guys, I think these are moose tracks!
The second one says, No, I'm pretty sure these are wolf tracks.
The third one didn't say anything, because they all got hit by a train.
Why do bear hunters always save the arms?
They have the right to bear arms.
Two hunters were walking through the forest...
all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?
Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?
He had no morel compass.
3 hunters were walking in a forest when they came across some tracks.
One hunter claims they were bear tracks.
The second frowns, and says "No, those are certainly badger tracks."
The third just laughs and says, "Honestly! You two crack me up! Those are *obviously* baby elephant tracks!"
And then the train hit them.
What common saying is a favorite among deer hunters and racist cops?
"If it's brown, it's down."
What's a deer hunters favourite type of ice cream?
Moose tracks
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He's not breathing so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"
Two hunters were in the woods
They were on their way back from hunting when one of the hunters suddenly b**... out. The other hunter immediately called 911
911: "911 whats your emergency?"
Hunter: "my friend paased out, I think he is dead!"
911: "Ok, the first think you need to do is make sure he is dead"
The hunter says "ok" and sets the phone down.
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
Hunter: "ok, now what?"
Two hunters are out in a forest.......
...when one of the collapses, the other hunter panics, and calls 911, here's what happened:
Operator: 911, whats your emergency
Hunter: My friend collapsed in the forest with me, what do I do?!
Operator: Can check if he is dead?
There is silence...... then,
\*BANG\*
Hunter: Okay, what now?
Why were the smaller sabre-tooth cats better hunters than the bigger sabre-tooth cats ?
Because they were light sabers
May the 4th be with you !
Hunters Birthday Present
What do you give a hunter for his Birthday.
A Birthday pheasant
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
His hunting buddy immediately calls 911.
"My friend isn't breathing," - he shouts into the phone, - "What should I do?"
"Relax," - the operator tells him, - "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says:
"OK, now what?"
Hunting gone wrong
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters
She's the new Miss Stake.
Hunting Gone Horribly Wrong
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
An old joke.
Two hunters were lost in a forest.
One tells the other, I heard that if you fire three times in the air, that can help people to find you.
They try that once, then again an hour later but still no-one turned up.
The second hunter says I am not sure we should try that again.
The first hunter agrees, saying You're probably right, besides, we're almost out of arrows.
Two hunters are out in the woods
...when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
2 hunters chat about their hunting stories
2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just about to get me … the lion just slipped and fell on the ground so I escaped." the second hunter then ask him in awe "and how the h**... you didn't s**... yourself mate? so he replies "what you think the lion slipped on ?"
Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.
As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.
Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"
The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can you tell all of that just from listening to the ground?!"
"No", says Grey Owl, "As I listen for buffalo, the b**... ran me over."
Two hunters.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?
Two hunters are out in the woods.
When one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"
Two hunters joke
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guys says "OK, now what?"
My Grandfather always told me "never wear animal skin hats in the woods during hunting season"
One day I asked him why and he said "Other hunters might try and make conversation with you"
Three lawyers go on a hunting trip…
Two were from Germany, the third was Czechoslovakian. They were about two days into their hunting trip, having a good ol' time when two bears come out of nowhere and devoured the three hunters.
Crime scene investigation was called in after a couple of hikers stumbled across the b**... campsite, and the detective came to the conclusion that the two Germans were eaten up by the female bear.
When asked how he knew, he pointed behind a tent where the second bear was sprawled out dead, with a foot sticking out, and he said, 'well, if you do a dna test, you'll find that the Czech is in the male.'
Thank you. I'm here all night.
Two friends go hunting....
While hunting, a bear attacks, mauling one of the hunters before being chased off.
The Survivor calls 911.
Survivor: My friend's been attacked by a bear and I think they're dead!
911: Ok, calm down. Can you make sure they're dead?
***BANG***
Survivor: Okay, now what?
