Hunters Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[

Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses...

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Two hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses. The other hunter pulls out his phone and calls 911

"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
#BANG
"Ok, now what?"

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"

"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"





**Bang**



"Okay, what do I do now?"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.

He's not breathing so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"

Why do hunters close one eye when they aim?

Because they can't see if they close both.

Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...

When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.

In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"

"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"

There is a silence, and then a gunshot is heard

"Okay, so now what?"

Two hunters

Two hunters were out walking in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses and falls to the ground. The other hunter calls 911 and says "Help! My friend collapsed and died! What can I do?". The 911-operator replies "Calm down, I can help you. First, let's make sure he's really dead". There's a silence and then a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says "Ok, now what?"

Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America:

Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers.

Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...

when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.

A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"

The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"

The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"

The grace of the hunt

Two brothers, who are hunters, get invited to a very famous Hunting club by their father. Once there, they mingle with the members and have an awesome time. Tons of drinking, lots of stories about big game hunting. As the night was nearing it's end, the young men's father asks them if they would be interested in speaking to the club's oldest member, and they, of course, jump at the opportunity. Their father points them to a very frail looking elderly man sitting in a recliner. The young men introduce them selves, tell the old man some of their stories, and all three of them clearly enjoy each other's company. Just as the young brother's were about to leave, the old man starts to tell them his greatest story.
" I was hunting alone in the African wilderness. I found myself with no food, water or shelter. As the day was coming to an end, i barely managed to gather enough wood for a fire. I start to doze off with my rifle in hand, when i hear a rustling sound behind me. I jump to my feet and, just as i turn around, a 600 pound, male lion jumps out at me and lets out a great big ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! And, i just crapped my pants"
The young hunters look at one another. Finally, one of them says " I mean, sir. Given the circumstances anyone would have done so".
"NO!" the old man replies, "Not then, just now when i said ROOOOOOAAARRRR!!!"

Two hunters fly to Kenya, where they bag six gazelles.

As the crew 
is loading the small plane to return, the pilot says the aircraft can take only four gazelles back.

"Last time, the pilot let us take all six, and he had the same plane as yours," argues the first hunter.

Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and takes off. But the little plane is too heavy, and it goes down.

Climbing out of the wreckage, the second hunter turns to the other.
"Any idea where we are?"

The first replies, "I'd say we're pretty close to where we crashed last time."

Two hunters are walking in the forest

One hunter says to the other,
"DUCK! THERE's A DEER BEHIND YOU!"
The other hunter, however does not duck, and is subsequently shot.
He falls to the ground, and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1.
Before the operator can say anything, he screams, "HELP HELP I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!"
The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually dead."
Another gunshot rings through the forest.

The hunter then says, "What should I do now?"

Two Men Go Hunting

A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."

... There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"

A group of hunters gathered in the woods..

A group of hunters gathered around the campfire after a long, hard day in the woods. *"3"*, said one of the hunters, and the rest laughed.
*"8"*, another said, and they laughed even more.
Now, for one of the hunters, these numbers weren't very fun. He asks, *"Why is this fun?"*. The hunters look at each other, and the leader explained, *"Well, you see son, instead of having to say the jokes to each other we've assigned* numbers *to them."* He looks at the hunter and says, *"Why don't try one?"*
The young hunter thinks for a moment, and then he says; *"42"*.
And this time, the hunters burst out in an explosion of laughter, som even falling to the ground.
Puzzled, the young one asks, *"Tell me, tell me, why was this fun?"*
The leader dries his tears with his hand, and says;
*"We hadn't heard that one before."*

Two hunters were walking through the forest...

all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?

Two Hunters


A classic...

Two hunters are out shooting turkey. One of them takes a leak, and gets bitten by a big black rattlesnake. The other hunter shoots the snake, but is too late: his friend got deeply bit on his wiener.

So, he calls 911 and proceeds to explain the situation: "my friend got bit by a rattlesnake, blablabla, what should I do?"

- Relax, sir. We're sending a helicopter right away. In the meantime, we need you to suck on the bite so as to take the venom out. It's the only way to make sure he won't die. You heard me? The only way you can keep him alive is sucking on the bite! You can save him!

- O.K thank you!"

The hunter that got bit then proceeds to say:
- "So? What did they tell you?"

And the other responds:
- "They say you're going to die"

A Japanese man, a French man, and an American are traveling the amazon...

When out of nowhere, they're ambushed by a pack of head hunters and each one of them is knocked out. When they all come to, they are tied to wooden poles, a native man, the chief, standing before them. He says, "Now before we kill you, I want to let you all know, not a single part of your body will go to waste. We will ground your bones to make powder. We will use your teeth for necklaces and jewelry. Your skin will be tanned and stretched out across a frame to make canoes, and so on." He adds," I will give you all a knife, and you can kill yourselves how you want", he says untiing them. He hands a knife to the French man, he yells, "VIVA LA FRANCE!", and slits his throat. The Japanese man is next. He takes the knife, yells,"BANZIA!", and commits a hari-kari. Then, the American takes the knife, stabs holes all over his body, and says,"THERE'S YOUR FUCKIN' CANOE!"

Two bear hunters...

... are sitting around the campfire after a long, successful day of bear hunting. They had just finished cleaning and gutting their bears when the first bear hunter declares, "I gotta poo." So he runs off into the woods to do his business.
An hour passes, and the second bear hunter begins to worry about his friend. Eventually, bear hunter number two goes to find his missing companion. Not far into the woods he finds hunter number one squatted down in the woods, pants down, and fast asleep.
The second bear hunter decided to play a prank on bear hunter number one. He went back to the campsite, grabbed all the bear guts he could carry and placed them under the squatted haunches of bear hunter number one. With a smile, the second bear hunter returned to camp.
After a short while, the first bear hunter returns to the campsite in a sweat.
"Dude, I literally just crapped my guts out. It was only thanks to the good grace of god and a big stick that I got 'em back in."

Two peasants turned vampire hunters entered the local cemetery....

...Looking for the dreaded vampire that threatened their homes. As they searched among the tombstones, they found one covered in blood, black as night and decorated with a bat motif. As night fell, they begun excavating it, getting to the coffin just as the last rays of the sun began to disappear. They threw it open, stakes at the ready but found it empty. Off to the right, a small ordinary tombstone began to tremble and out burst the vampire! As he closed on the helpless pair he laughed saying, "Ah-HA! You fools! You have made a *grave mis-stake!*"

*sorrynotsorry*

Polish Hunters

Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose.

The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."

Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded. However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"

Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Two hunters are in the woods...

Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn't seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator said, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." After a second of silence on the hunter's end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone and said, ""OK, now what?"

There are 2 hunters in the woods

suddenly, one of the hunters has a heart attack and falls over. The other hunter calls 911. "Operator, I think my friend is dead," he says. "Well before we do anything else, we need to make sure he is dead," responds the operator. There is silence. Then there is a loud bang. "Ok, now what do I do"?

Two hunters are lost in woods.

After spending several hours wandering through the woods, Bob and Jim are thoroughly lost. Disorientated, they sit down to discuss what to do next. "Hey, I have an idea," says Bob. "If we each fire three shots into the air, someone will hear them and come to help us."

Jim agrees, so each of them fires their shots. An hour later, nobody has come to help, so they decide to fire three more shots. Another hour passes - still no one.

"Okay lets try this one more time" says Bob.

"Dude, this had better work," replies Jim. "These are our last arrows".

6 Moose

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They
managed to bag 6.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could
take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly.
"Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the
same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load
and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy, Mick & the pilot
survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we
are?"
"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Two hunters walk into the woods....

One of them trips over, he's not breathing and his eyes have rolled back into their sockets. The other hunter whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The lady on the line asks what's wrong.

"Help, help! I think my friend is dead!"says the hunter.

"Calm down, take a breather, help will be with you shortly. First you need to make sure that he is dead"says the woman.

There is a silence, then a gunshot Is heard.
The hunter goes back on the phone and says "okay, now what?"

Two hunters were walking around in the woods around twilight

One of them grabs the other and pulls him back from a 6-foot diameter, perfectly smooth hole.

"You saved my life" says the hunter. "I wonder how far down that hole goes..."

So they find an old anvil and throw it in the hole. As they're listening for the anvil to hit, a goat comes running up behind them, about 20 miles per hour, and dives into the hole.

A farmer comes along and asks the hunters if they've seen a goat. One responds "We're so sorry, we saw your goat run up behind us and he dove into this hole."

The farmer responds "That's impossible, I had him chained to an anvil."

3 hunters are in the woods.

Ok so 3 hunters are walking through the woods when they see some tracks on the ground.

The first hunter said they were deer tracks.

The second hunter said no they are bear tracks.

The third hunter didn't get to say anything because he got ran over by a train.

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.

"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.

"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.

"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he actually is dead", the woman says.

"Fine, give me 1 second"

*Gunshot fired*

"Ok, what now?" the man asks.

Perils of Hunting

Three guys are out hunting. They are sitting around the fire when one say's I have to go. He goes out to find a place to relieve himself. He suddenly yells back to camp. "Did anyone bring TP?" No the others yell and tell him to use some leaves. He yells back "there are no leaves" One of his friends tells him to use a dollar. He comes back to camp in a few minutes. One of the hunters can't help but notice the smell and brown on his hands. He asks him what happen. He replies is disgust. "Have you ever tried to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel?"

Unicorn hunting...

Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk.

Paul asked Kurt, So, what do you hunt?

Kurt answered, I hunt unicorns.

Paul was startled, but said, Really? How do you do that?

Kurt replied, I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare.

Paul said, Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one.

Kurt said, Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!

There are two hunters

Suddenly one of them collapses. He appears not to be breathing and his eyes glaze over. The other hunter panics and 911. The hunter says "I think my friend is dead! What do I do?" The operator says "Calm down. First, make sure he's dead." A gunshot is heard on the other line. The hunter says, "Okay now what.?"

Two hunters are in the woods when one falls to the ground

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other calls 911 and gasps "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, then a shot is heard.
The hunter's voice comes back on the line "ok, now what?"

Two hunters walking through the forest...

As they're walking they see an anvil, sitting next to a massive hole in the ground with rope tied around it.

Curious as to how deep the hole is they push the anvil in and wait for the splash or thud... nothing. Thinking the hole is too deep they start to walk off. Then, out of no where a goat comes zipping past them screaming at the top of its voice and leaps down the hole.

Confused they walk on and bump into a farmer... he turns and asks if they've seen his goat, they say no, the farmer replies 'That's unbelievable I had him tied to an anvil'

A hunter visited a doctor who was about to give him a spinal tap...

Doctor says "Well this might hurt, I just want you do know." The hunter goes "don't worry doc, I've only been in pain twice in my life, this will be nothing."

So the doctor performs the spinal tap and sure enough, the hunter didn't flinch a muscle. Curious about the hunters statement, he asks "So, what are the two times you've been in pain"

Hunter says "I was hunting once and had to take a dump. I dropped my trousers and squated, and my nut sack triggered a bear trap I didn't see"

Wincing, the doctor asks "And the second?"

Hunter says "When I ran of of chain"

I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster

It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!

Why do hunters make good lovers?

1. They always go deep in the bush.
2. They shoot often.
3. They always eat what they shoot.

Two guys were out hunting. . .

Two guys are out hunting and while they were walking one of them grabs his chest and falls forward


Panicked the other guy calls 911 and says I think my friend is dead . . .

The operator says "ok calm down first lets make sure he is dead."

It goes silent on the hunters end and then you hear a gunshot. . .

The guy gets on the phone and says "okay, now what?"

What do hunters call deer that carry guns?

Fair game

Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

Why do Hunters make the best lovers?

They go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and eat what they shoot at.

A man was asked by his cousin to come with him to his hunting lodge...

With them was the cousin's hunting friends. As it was raining the first day, and since none of them didn't feel like spending a whole day out in the wet, they decided to stay inside.

After a while the man got bored and asked his cousin if they couldn't do anything.
The cousin said: "Well, we could tell each other jokes. I'll start."
The cousin thought for a moment and then said "27". And all the other hunters started to laugh.
" Why does everyone laugh? You just said a number."
His cousin explained that since they had heard all these stories a hundred times, they had given them numbers to make them easier to tell. The man thought this was a bit wierd, but he thought why not.
The "storytelling" went on for a while until finally a hunter said a number and the rest started laughing more than before.
The man looked up and asked why this was so funny. The cousin replied, "Oh, we haven't heard this one before."

Two hunters are in a forest.

They come across a very deep hole and one hunter says to the other "How deep is that?" They both find a rusty anvil and throw it in. The anvil falls so far that the hunters don't hear it hit the bottom but then they see a goat sprinting past them and jump into the hole. They stand by the hole thinking about what just happened until a farmer comes along. The farmer says "Have you seen my goat Becky?" The hunters reply, "Yeah, it ran passed us and jumped into that hole." The farmer says, "That's impossible. She couldn't have done that, she was chained to an anvil."

Two hunters are out in the woods...

When suddenly one of the men collapses. Shocked, the other man quickly calls 911 and exclaims, "Please help me, my friend is dead!".

The operator responds, "Sir try calm down, I need you to make sure your friend is actually dead"...

A few seconds later a gunshot can be heard through the call.

And the man says, "Okay, now what?"

Why are mushroom hunters so selfish?

Because it's mycology, not yourcology!

What do Native Americans call vegetarians?

Poor hunters

Two hunters are in a forest when, all of sudden, a venomous snake jumps and bites one of them in the groin.

His friend, desperate, calls 911.

"Help me! My friend got bitten by a snake!"

"Calm down, sir! First of all, you must find the location of the bite and suck the poison out. Can you do that?"

"Gotcha."

The bitten friend asks: "So? What did they say?"

"They said you'll die, dude."

Three hunters

Three hunters went into a forest and came upon three sets of tracks. The first hunter examined the first set and said "These are deer tracks", the second hunter examined the second set and said "These are bear tracks", the third hunter didn't say anything because he was hit by a train.

Two hunters had just finished hunting moose in the middle of nowhere...

They make it back to the small airport nearby, and argue with the pilot about flying home.

"There's no way my plane is gonna make it anywhere with that huge moose in it!" says the pilot.

"We had this same argument last year with a pilot, and he flew us out of here." says one of the hunters.

The pilot mulled it over a little, and doubled his price, but agreed to take them on.

Everything gets loaded up, and the pilot does a shaky take-off, but manages to get into the air. Unfortunately, he doesn't make it far before the load becomes too much for the plane, and they crash land back into the woods.

Luckily, everyone survives, and as the second hunter stumbles out of the wreckage, he asks the first, "How far did we make it?"

The first looks around and says, "About 100 feet further than last year."

Polish Moose Hunt

Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.

However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the crash. After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"

Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Where do Bounty Hunters go to eat?

Bo Buffet

Two hunters in the forest

Our story is set out in a wooded hunting reserve. Two men, carrying a backpack and gun each, trekked out into the forest in search of game.
After an hour or two in the forest, one of the hunters keels over and collapses on the ground. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed over. The other hunter calls 911. The operator picks up.
"Nine-One-One, what is your emergency?"
"Help! I think my friend might be dead!" The hunter cries.
The operator calmly responds "Okay, I know how to help."
"What do I do?" the hunter replies.
"First of all, you have to make sure he's really dead." The operator says.
There's a silence. Then a gunshot.




"Okay, now what?"

Two Jewish duck hunters make a kill on the same waterfowl

But who takes the bill?

Three men are traveling in the wilderness...

when they are captured by a tribe of hunters. When the three men are brought back to the tribe's village, they're confronted by the Chief's attendant. The attendant tells them that each of the three men has two choices. These two choices are either death or what the tribe refers to as "umbangi". "Umbangi" they come to realize means being bound and essentially raped by the Chief. But afterwards the tribe will release you.

The first man says that he has a family back home and will do anything to see them again. He therefore chooses umbangi.

The second man says that he is too young to die and therefore chooses umbangi.

The third man, unlike the other two, is too proud to choose umbangi and therefore chooses death.

Upon hearing the third man's decision the Chief shouts out "Death by Umbangi!!!"

Two hunters...

..went to a forest to hunt a tiger. They waited on a tree for hours, the tiger didn't show up. They felt the need to take a dump, but fearing the tiger they hatched a plan - they would sit back to back to each other to take the dump so that they would be able to see the tiger if it approaches from either side.
After a while they hear a roar, but can't spot the tiger. One guy asks the other - 'are you scared?'. Other says 'No'. The first guys says again - 'admit you're scared'. Second guy says, 'no, I am not scared, would you just shut up?' First guy yells 'then why are you wiping my ass?'

Why do bear hunters always save the arms?

They have the right to bear arms.

Three hunters find a set of tracks in the woods

The first hunter says, Hey guys, I think these are moose tracks!

The second one says, No, I'm pretty sure these are wolf tracks.

The third one didn't say anything, because they all got hit by a train.

Snake bite

Two hunters go out into the woods and one of them gets bitten by a snake, collapses and stops breathing. The other hunter quickly calls emergency services and says "You have to help me, my friend just got bitten by a snake and died." The operator says "OK, calm down. First, make sure he is dead." The phone goes silent for a bit, followed by the sound of a gun shot. The hunter goes back to the phone and says to the operator "Ok, now what?"

When hunters go ammunition shopping, they have a reputation for being cheapskates...

They're always trying to get the best bang for their buck

Why do hunters make better lovers?

- They penetrate deep into the bush...

- They shoot at least twice...

- They eat what they shoot...

Three hunters come across some tracks in the middle of the woods...

The first hunter says its wolf tracks the second says its bear tracks the third was hit by a trian

Two hunters are out in the woods...

One collapses and stops breathing. His companion calls an emergency number and cries, "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator says, "Calm down; I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot, and the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

Hunters should always know what's behind their target

Behind mine is a Sam's Club and a Starbucks

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls on the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator "I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD, WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!"

The operator responds in a calm, soothing voice "Everything will be ok, first we should make sure he's dead."

After a long silence, the operator hears a shot.

"Ok" Says the hunter "what now?"

I just read that Disney is making a sequel to Bambi. He gets revenge on the hunters that killed his mother. They're calling it.......

Bambo

A polack and a czechoslovakian went missing in a forest.

A search party of hunters formed and they went looking for the two and came upon two very large bears mating. They shot and killed the bears and cut the female bear open and found the polack's remains in her belly. One of the hunters replied "I guess the Czech's in the male"

Not like that...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter?

Camenbert

Honestly I don't like mushroom hunters

Some are nice, others just don't have any morels....

Irish hunters

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip, The pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down. A few moments after, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?" "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."?

Dumb Redneck...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?

The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.

There's a brief silence, followed by a loud gunshot. He get's back on the phone and says, Okay, now what?

3 hunters were walking in a forest when they came across some tracks.

One hunter claims they were bear tracks.

The second frowns, and says "No, those are certainly badger tracks."

The third just laughs and says, "Honestly! You two crack me up! Those are *obviously* baby elephant tracks!"



And then the train hit them.

Two hunters are in the woods when one is killed by a bear...

The second hunter scared off the bear, and immediately rang 911. 'I'm in the woods with my friend' he said. 'He was mauled by a bear, I think he might be dead! What should I do?'

The operator at the other end replied 'Well the first thing you must do is make sure he is definitely dead'. The hunter thanks the operator and the line goes dead. As the operator waits, he hears a faint gunshot, before the hunter returns. 'Ok, what should I do now?'

A hunter tribe in Siberia catches a Camel.

They kill it, and wonder what it is. To find out, they ask the best hunter.

He answers "It is not a fox, it is not a rabbit. Ask the chief of the tribe, he might know".

They ask the chief.

He says, "Not a reindeer, and not a seal. I don't know what it is".

As a last resort they ask the shaman priest. They walk into his tent, and find him sitting on a chair with a ton of smoke around him.

The hunters are not startled, as that is standard stuff. They finally ask him what it is, and the priest answers without delay

"Come on guys its Camel you have to smoke it"

Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.

I hate Bounty Hunters.

Two hunters......

Two hunters walking thru the woods,one slips,and rolls down a steep ravine. The other calls down to him ,but he gets no response. He picks up his phone,calls 911.
Operator: 911 what is your emergency?
Panicked Hunter: my buddy and I were walking he tripped fell down a ravine, and he is dead.
Operator: sir please calm down get ahold of yourself, I need you to climb down the ravine and make sure he is dead.
Hunter: ok hold on
As he climbs down the operator can hear leaves rustling, twigs snapping than quiet, all of the sudden Bam shotgun blest.
Operator: sir you all right?
Hunter: ok he is dead what do you need me to do now?

There are 2 hunters in the woods

One of them collapses and the other calls 911. The hunter says, "I think my friend is dead, what do I do?" The operator says, "Okay, first make sure he is dead." There was a gun shoot, then the hunter said, "Now what?"

Two hunters were in the woods

They were on their way back from hunting when one of the hunters suddenly blacks out. The other hunter immediately called 911

911: "911 whats your emergency?"

Hunter: "my friend paased out, I think he is dead!"

911: "Ok, the first think you need to do is make sure he is dead"

The hunter says "ok" and sets the phone down.

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

Hunter: "ok, now what?"

Two hunters are in a forest.

One of them collapses, his eyes are rolled back and he doesn't appear to be breathing.

The other one whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services.

"I think my friend is dead", he says.

The operator responds in a cool, soothing voice. "Okay, stay calm. The first thing you need to do is make sure he's dead."

The hunter goes off the line before a loud BANG was heard.

"Okay, what next?"

some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old

*what does Santa want for Christmas? Hoe Hoe Hoes
*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds
*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree

What do seal hunters and teens have in common?

They both love clubbin'

Two hunters were driving down a narrow two lane road in an off-road jeep, and saw a sign that said 'Bear Left'...

They turned around and went home.

Two rabbits were being chased by a group of hunters

One turned to the other and asked "Do we make a run for it or stay here and outnumber them?"

Why are the best hunters blind ?

Because they are master baiters.

Two hunters and a hole

Two guys are hunting, one guy says "Whoa, big hole. How deep is that?"

Other guy says "Let's throw something in the hole and see."

They see a rusty old anvil and drag it to the hole, throw it in and hear no sound of it hitting the bottom. Suddenly they hear something galloping and a goat is coming at them at a blistering speed, almost knocking them down as it flies past the two and dives into the hole.

"Becky? Becky!!" Yells a farmer running toward them. He stops near the two hunters and asks them "You guys seen a goat?"

"Yes, we did! A goat ran by us about 80 miles an hour down into that hole!"

"That's impossible," says the farmer. "I had him chained to an anvil."


(Have heard versions in the past, this one is told by Jay Leno on his recent Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee episode, S03E03.)

So once there were 2 hunters lost in the woods...

After a day of traveling they were starting to run out of food and water that they had brought with them on their hunting trip. One of the hunters says that he has an idea.
"How about we shoot up into the air and we stay in this one place. Maybe someone will come after us."
The other hunter agrees.

The first hunter fires once up into the air. After about an hour the woods are still quiet so he fires once more. Every hour he does this until they reach nightfall. No one came that day and it was dark so they set up camp.

The next day comes. The other hunter now tries. Once every hour he fires up into the air. The day is starting to turn to dusk again and no one has came for them yet. The hunter looks at the second and asks him,

"So have you heard any movement? We are all out of food and water now."

to which the second hunter replies,

"No its still quiet, but it better work this time because I'm down to my last arrow"

What are the funniest hunters jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Hunters? Well, here are the best Hunters puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Hunters pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes