The Best 90 Hunter Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Hunter jokes. There are some hunter deer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these hunter duck hunter puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Hunter Jokes and Puns
Redneck Logic Joke
Two rednecks, Hunter and Cooter decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.
"What's logic?" the Cooter asked.
The counselor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"I sure do."
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the counselor.
"That's real good!" said Cooter.
The counselor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, Cooter said, "Amazing!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"
Cooter was catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the counselor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"
Cooter, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Hunter was still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked Hunter.
"Math, history, and logic!" replied Cooter.
"What in tarnation is logic?" asked Hunter.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked Cooter.
"No," Hunter replied.
"Then you're gay."
Two hunters
Two hunters were out walking in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses and falls to the ground. The other hunter calls 911 and says "Help! My friend collapsed and died! What can I do?". The 911-operator replies "Calm down, I can help you. First, let's make sure he's really dead". There's a silence and then a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says "Ok, now what?"
3 hunters are in the woods.
Ok so 3 hunters are walking through the woods when they see some tracks on the ground.
The first hunter said they were deer tracks.
The second hunter said no they are bear tracks.
The third hunter didn't get to say anything because he got ran over by a train.
Advice from an old native American hunter:
Never go hunting for buffalo with a dull spear, it is pointless.
We gave our children old-fashioned names...
Our little boy is Hunter and our little girl is Gatherer. - Brian Kiley
Why do hunters make good lovers?
1. They always go deep in the bush.
2. They shoot often.
3. They always eat what they shoot.
A bounty hunter walks . . .
. . into the Sheriffs office and asks if he has any wanted posters.
" I just got the one today" He replies, "The Brown Paper Kid"
The bounty hunter asks "Why do they call him the Brown Paper Kid"
"Well he's got a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper shoes and brown paper pants"
"Okay sure. Whats he wanted for?"
"Rustling"
Conversation between a 911 operator and a hunter
"911, what's your emergency?"
"My friend and I went hunting and he got attacked by a bear, I managed to scare it away, but I think my friend is dead"
"OK, stay calm. First, make sure he is dead"
*Gun shot*
"He is. Now what?"
Three boys are bragging about whose dad is the fastest runner...
The first says "My dad is a hunter. He can shoot an arrow, run to where it's gonna land and catch it!"
"That's nothing!" says the second boy "My dad's a police officer. He can shoot a bullet and be at the target before the bullet hits!"
"My dad can run the fastest!" says the third boy. "He's a civil servant. He works till 4 and is always home by 3:30!"
At an outdoorsy store a hunter asks an employee why anyone would want to buy camo longjohns
The employee promptly replies, "They'll never see you coming!"
An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.
The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.
"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."
"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."
The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"
You can explore hunter chaser reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hunter venison dad jokes. There are also hunter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Three hunters
Three hunters went into a forest and came upon three sets of tracks. The first hunter examined the first set and said "These are deer tracks", the second hunter examined the second set and said "These are bear tracks", the third hunter didn't say anything because he was hit by a train.
Why do hunters close one eye when they aim?
Because they can't see if they close both.
Two hunters are out in the woods...
One collapses and stops breathing. His companion calls an emergency number and cries, "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator says, "Calm down; I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot, and the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
Two hunters are in the woods...
Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn't seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator said, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." After a second of silence on the hunter's end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone and said, ""OK, now what?"
Two hunters are walking in the forest
One hunter says to the other,
"DUCK! THERE's A DEER BEHIND YOU!"
The other hunter, however does not duck, and is subsequently shot.
He falls to the ground, and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1.
Before the operator can say anything, he screams, "HELP HELP I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!"
The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually dead."
Another gunshot rings through the forest.
The hunter then says, "What should I do now?"
Babys In Mothers Woom
Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says, "I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says, "I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm going to chop that thing in half!
There are two hunters
Suddenly one of them collapses. He appears not to be breathing and his eyes glaze over. The other hunter panics and 911. The hunter says "I think my friend is dead! What do I do?" The operator says "Calm down. First, make sure he's dead." A gunshot is heard on the other line. The hunter says, "Okay now what.?"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses...
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...
When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.
In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"
"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, and then a gunshot is heard
"Okay, so now what?"
Did you hear about the hunter who traded a prize deer for a high class prostitute?
He got the best bang for his buck
What's the difference between a suicidal ghost hunter and a weaboo alcohol taster?
One drinks bleach and watches spirits; the other drinks spirits and watches Bleach.
Two hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses. The other hunter pulls out his phone and calls 911
"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
#BANG
"Ok, now what?"
Two hunters are in the woods when one falls to the ground
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other calls 911 and gasps "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, then a shot is heard.
The hunter's voice comes back on the line "ok, now what?"
My paper towels went missing
so I hired a Bounty hunter.
Two guys are hunting in the woods
All of a sudden, one collapses. His friend calls 911 in a panic. "What do I do? My friend is dead!" "Just calm down," says the operator. "An ambulance is on the way. First, we need to make sure he is actually dead." There is silence for a moment. The operator hears a loud BANG!!!! The hunter returns to the phone. "Okay, now what?"
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
"Quack, quack."
What do you call an overweight bounty hunter?
Boba Fat
Two hunters are out in the woods...
When suddenly one of the men collapses. Shocked, the other man quickly calls 911 and exclaims, "Please help me, my friend is dead!".
The operator responds, "Sir try calm down, I need you to make sure your friend is actually dead"...
A few seconds later a gunshot can be heard through the call.
And the man says, "Okay, now what?"
Why do Hunters make the best lovers?
They go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and eat what they shoot at.
A man goes to the Doctor
*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before
Why is everyone a social justice warrior ?
Couldn't they pick another class ? Like social justice mage or social justice hunter ?
A hunter went out on a hunting trip. He took his sons cigarettes by mistake.
He had an excellent day. He shot 2 bucks, a boar, a black bear, and a unicorn.
What do you call a hunter class Neanderthal with Parkinson's Disease?
Shakespeare
Did you hear about the hunter who got squashed by the dying elephant?
He finally understood the gravity of his actions.
If Steve Irwin the crocodile hunter was wearing sunscreen that day he would still be alive
Sunscreen protects against harmful rays
A hunter was walking through the forrest.....
When he comes across a beautiful naked women, she smiles seductively and says "Im Game big boy"!
So he shot her.
Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses
Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.
"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.
"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.
"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he actually is dead", the woman says.
"Fine, give me 1 second"
*Gunshot fired*
"Ok, what now?" the man asks.
A buffalo hunter and a Native American guide
One day when they were hunting the guide stopped, put his ear to the ground and listened, then said "Buffalo come"
The hunter asked "How can you tell"
The guide replied "Ear sticky"
My wife's pregnant
90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!
Dr: EXACTLY!!
What does a wolf hunter consider success?
Smoking a pack a day.
Snake bite
Two hunters go out into the woods and one of them gets bitten by a snake, collapses and stops breathing. The other hunter quickly calls emergency services and says "You have to help me, my friend just got bitten by a snake and died." The operator says "OK, calm down. First, make sure he is dead." The phone goes silent for a bit, followed by the sound of a gun shot. The hunter goes back to the phone and says to the operator "Ok, now what?"
A careless hunter accidentally shot my atheist friend in the side with a shotgun.
The near-death experience made him a holier man.
When hunters go ammunition shopping, they have a reputation for being cheapskates...
They're always trying to get the best bang for their buck
A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest.
The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"
"Last year, I shot a sixteen hundred pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.
"How'd you manage that?"
"Twelve trips."
There are 2 hunters in the woods
suddenly, one of the hunters has a heart attack and falls over. The other hunter calls 911. "Operator, I think my friend is dead," he says. "Well before we do anything else, we need to make sure he is dead," responds the operator. There is silence. Then there is a loud bang. "Ok, now what do I do"?
A hunter takes two monkeys to a taxidermist…
The taxidermist asks Do you want these mounted?
The hunter responds No, holding hands would be just fine
A bounty hunter rides into town with a completely sealed box.
He goes up the the mayor, holds up the bounty, and says, I've got your bandit just as you requested 'dead and alive'.
The mayor says, not 'dead AND alive', 'dead OR alive'.
The bounty hunter looks at the bounty and then at the box and then at the mayor, and says, I guess we should open the box then.
Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks
Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!
"Hey. Did you know I'm a zombie hunter?"
"What? Zombies don't exist."
"You're welcome."
Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.
The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
**Bang**
"Okay, what do I do now?"
Why did the duck hunter have no batting average?
All he can hit are fowls.
Two hunters are in a forest when, all of sudden, a venomous snake jumps and bites one of them in the groin.
His friend, desperate, calls 911.
"Help me! My friend got bitten by a snake!"
"Calm down, sir! First of all, you must find the location of the bite and suck the poison out. Can you do that?"
"Gotcha."
The bitten friend asks: "So? What did they say?"
"They said you'll die, dude."
An innocent man was killed by a vampire hunter.
It was a terrible mistake.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
My father recently passed away.
I'll never forget how much I inherited.
From him I got the eye of an eagle, the heart of a lion and so much more.
He was the best hunter this world has ever seen.
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
What do hunters call deer that carry guns?
Fair game
Three hunters find a set of tracks in the woods
The first hunter says, Hey guys, I think these are moose tracks!
The second one says, No, I'm pretty sure these are wolf tracks.
The third one didn't say anything, because they all got hit by a train.
Two hunters were walking through the forest...
all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?
Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?
He had no morel compass.
What did the treasure hunter say when he finally found the map of the Golden City?
Atlas!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He's not breathing so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"
PETA should respect Steve Irwin
PETA should respect Steve Irwin by eating him and using all his parts, not letting anything go to waste.
That's how my uncle, a hunter, explains "respect" anyway.
What do you call a fruity bounty hunter?
A mangolorian
(NSFW) Ther Hunter
Jim and Carl are sitting up their post. Jim looks through his finder for a moment. Then he asks: "Carl, what would you do if your wife cheated on you?"
Carl: "I'd shoot her in the head."
Jim: "what would you do with her lover?"
Carl: "I'd shoot his balls off"
Jim looks at Carl: "If you hurry up you can do it with one bullet"
Hunter: Wanna get shot by a rifle?
Duck: Sure, I'm game.
Did you know Vegetarian is a Native American word?
It means Lousy Hunter
I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I'd share.
TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.
Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
A Hunter and his Friend go Hunting in the Woods. His Friend accidentally trips and hits his head.
The Man hurried to call 911.
911: 911, What's your Emergency?
Hunter: My Friend tripped and hit his head and he is not moving. What do I do?
911: Ok, Don't Panic. First, make sure if he is dead.
Hunter: Ok. *Long Pause* *Gunshot*
What Next?
A knight's brother was slain in battle by monster
Knight: I will avenge the death of my brother!
Hunter: You have my bow!
Warrior: And my axe!
Mage: And my staff!
Necromancer: And your dead brother!
An old joke.
Two hunters were lost in a forest.
One tells the other, I heard that if you fire three times in the air, that can help people to find you.
They try that once, then again an hour later but still no-one turned up.
The second hunter says I am not sure we should try that again.
The first hunter agrees, saying You're probably right, besides, we're almost out of arrows.
First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy
**First night as a vampire hunter:** oh no
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
Quack, quack!
Two hunters are out in the woods
...when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
2 hunters chat about their hunting stories
2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just about to get me … the lion just slipped and fell on the ground so I escaped." the second hunter then ask him in awe "and how the hell you didn't shit yourself mate? so he replies "what you think the lion slipped on ?"
A hunter shot a lion and wanted its head mounted. Unfortunately, the taxidermist got it backwards.
It was a real cat-ass-trophy
Two hunters.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?
If a tree falls.....
A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.
Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"
Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!"
Two hunters are out in the woods.
When one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"
A hunter was asked what he did for a living, and he responds that he "hunts tigers in Africa."
When it's pointed out that there are no tigers in Africa, he replies "that's because I do my job".
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law.
One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"
Two hunters joke
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guys says "OK, now what?"
The bull and the lion
So a bull is walking through the jungle one day, bragging about his enormous size and impressive horns. He even boasted that he was afraid of nothing in the jungle. Well, a lion heard this boasting and laughed as he proceeded to kill the bull and eat him. After getting his belly full, he roared with delight that he was the king of the jungle!!!! A nearby hunter heard the roaring and shot the lion.
Moral of the story? Sometimes when you are full of bull it's better to keep your mouth shut
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion…
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
To what would you change the name of a kid named Hunter if he becomes a vegetarian?
….Gatherer
My Club
A hunter walking through the jungle found a huge, dead rhino with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked, "Did you kill that?" The pigmy said, "Yes." The hunter asked, "How could a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?" The pigmy said, "I killed it with my club."
The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied, "There's about 60 of us."
Doctor's consultation.
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..
Pregnant girlfriend
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
What did the goose say to his wife and kids when he spotted a hunter?
Let's get the flock out of here!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the hunter bear jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working hunter deer hunter piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.