Hung Jokes
164 hung jokes and hilarious hung puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hung that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the age-old tradition of hung jokes. These jokes typically play on the double meanings of the word “hung”, using puns related to well hung, hung jury, knot, hang, hangin, and more. Get ready to get your daily dose of laughter as we explore this special type of humor.
Funniest Hung Short Jokes
Short hung jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hung humour may include short hang jokes also.
- Just been banned from a Christian dating website. Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!
- I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall... I thought, that's a little condescending.
- How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
- I got banned from a Christian dating site I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.
- Doctor said getting some natural light would help with my depression. Now I'm depressed *and* hung over.
- Back in the 1800's, cowboys hung lanterns from their saddles at night, It's the first example of Saddle Light Navigation...
- I woke up hung-over to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving.
- Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture only took 1 nail to be hung
- I was in bed with a blind girl last night... and she says "wow your really well hung" to which I respond "you're pulling my leg"
- An unknown number called me, sneezed and coughed a few times and then hung up. I'm getting tired of all these cold calls.
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Hung One Liners
Which hung one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hung? I can suggest the ones about hind and burger.
- Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself? He was already suspended.
- What do you call a lesbian with big fingers? Well hung.
- Why did Germany invade Hungary in WW2 They were jealous of the Hung-Aryans
- Why was Jesus such a hit with the ladies? He was well hung.
- Why is Jesus not in a relationship? Because he is still hung up on his X
- Why Do Women Love Jesus? He was well hung and super into cross fitting!
- How did the mathematician kill himself? Hung himself with a hypotenoose
- What do you call a well hung pirate? Dead
- I'm so tired of hearing people complain about being hung over. Just stop your wining.
- What do you call a well hung black man? Dead.
- I like my parliment how I like my men... Hung.
- I hung a t-shirt on a crucifix I guess that makes me a cross-dresser
- I'm hung like .. .. parliament.
- I once called a psychic. She asked who was on the line, so I hung up.
- I hung a painting today perfectly on the first try I straight up nailed it
Well Hung Jokes
Here is a list of funny well hung jokes and even better well hung puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Life's just not fair. Aaron Hernandez had everything: talent, money, women... And now I hear he's well-hung, too?
- The bible purposely leaves out the decade of Jesus' life in his 20s because he was clearly a ladies man... I mean, he can turn water into wine, and was well hung. What do you expect!
- How can you tell if a black guy is well hung? You can't fit your finger between the noose and his neck.
- I got my ancestry results back and I'm part Welsh and hungarian. I am well hung
- What do you call a well-endowed Asian man? Hung Lo
- Why do the ladies love Jesus? He's well hung and there's always a second coming.
- What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed? A Hung-Ariyan.
- Is a comma just a well hung period? Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?
- Why do women love Jesus so much? Because he's well hung.
- What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? Well hung.
Hung Jury Jokes
Here is a list of funny hung jury jokes and even better hung jury puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Pornhub was sued a few months ago by xhamster The trial was long and hard, but ended with a hung jury
- I just got to know that my wife cheated on me with all the jury members of my trial Can't blame her though, it was a hung jury
- Bill Cosby is having a party to celebrate his hung jury. There will be free drinks for all the ladies.
- Did you hear about the pornstar in court that was tried by a group of his peers? They had a hung jury.
- What do you call a jury of well-endowed gentlemen? A hung jury.
- I think Aaron Hernandez misunderstood the verdict... He must have thought it ended in a hung jury.
- Why does the prosecutor only choose jurors who drive Hummers? So that there's no chance of a hung jury
- Whenever I get jury duty, I never make it through jury selection After all, no one wants a hung jury
- Why did the judge pass around XL Magnum condoms in court? Because it was a hung jury
- What do you call a group of twelve, angry, well-endowed men? A hung jury.
Hilarious Fun Hung Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about hung you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hoot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hung pranks.
Mowing the grass.
One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my porch, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
Hunger Games.
Zimbabwe's favorite pastime.
My wife told me a joke that I actually laughed at.
A women was in bed with her husbands best friend when suddenly the phone rings. She answered the phone and said to the person have a wonderful time and hung up. The man asks her who was it and she replied that it was her husband, he said that he was at a bar with you.
The Horse and the Chicken
One day the horse and the chicken were walking along the road near the farm, merrily chatting away. Suddenly, the horse fell into a muddy hole and couldn't get out.
"Help help Chicken! I've fallen and I can't get out of this hole!", the Horse yelled. "Don't worry," said the chicken. "I'll just get the farmer's BMW and pull you out!"
The chicken did this, and all was well. The following day, without thinking the chicken fell into the same hole.
"Help help Horse! I've fallen into this hole and I can't get out!"
The horse smiled and said, "Don't worry Chicken. Just grab a hold of my w**...!"
"What?!?"
"Well, when you're hung like a horse, you don't need BMWs to pick up chicks."
Why do the ladies love Jesus?
This joke makes more sense if you can see it in person, but we'll give it a shot, anyway. Use your imagination.
Why do the ladies love Jesus?
*spreads arms as far apart as they can go*
Because he was hung like this!
An old woman joins a gang.
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She went to a bar where she new they hung out and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms was at the entrance.
She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the parking lot.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my n**... a few times."
An old lady was tired of her hard life and wanted to commit s**....
She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left n**....
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.
What do you call a Black-Asian?
Hung
I was hungover this morning so I phoned work and said to the boss...
.. "I'm afraid I won't be in today, my father had a massive heart attack and died last night."
"That was your last chance Dave," he said, "I'm taking the 'and son' off the shop sign."
Cats and ladders
A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's t**....
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
A conversation between friends.
White kid: My dad's well hung.
Black kid: Mine was hung too.
Chinese kid: Hey! My dad's Hung too!!
This is a below average joke attempt. I know, hanged vs hung. Still I thought I'd share.
A Child Didn't Attend School
Late afternoon, the grandma saw the teacher walking up their driveway. She asked her grandson, "Did you leave school early today?" He hung his head and admitted, "Yes Grandma." The grandma thought it was hilarious and assured him saying she would tell the teacher that she hadn't seen him all day. "Maybe you should go hide," she suggested. "Oh no, Grandma. *You* should hide, not me!" Surprised, she asked why. The grandson said, "I told the teacher you died!"
Why do all the ladies love Jesus?
(spreads out arms to fullest length)
Because he was hung like this.
Farmer tries to breed pigs
A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"
You know how sometimes...
You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front of you?
Well, that's how I lost my job as a gynecologist.
Jesus/Easter joke
Jesus says to God, "Hey it's almost Easter, can't you like grant me a wish or something?"
God says "Oh alright then, but you only one."
So Jesus stretches out his arms as far as he can and says "I want to be hung like THIS!"
Hunger Games : Mockingjay
For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.
An old woman went on a walk looking for her husband of 50 years...
As she strolled down the sidewalk outside of the retirement home, so approached a shaking bush. When she peered inside, she saw her husband getting a h**... from old Gurt. Startled, they got up. The woman cried to her husband, "how could you do this to me?" He hung his head in shame. "What makes her so great?! What does SHE have that I don't?"
The old man just smiled, and replied, "Parkinson's."
I'm hungry
A boy walks up to his dad.
"Dad I'm hungry."
"Hi hungry!"
"Dad I'm serious."
"I'm sorry serious, I thought you were hungry."
The boy then dies of hunger.
Need a Break!
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"
He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
A man is looking for inspiration,...
...and decides to open up his Bible to a random passage. He found the passage in which Judas hung himself. "Well, that's no good," the man said to himself, "I'll try again." He then turned to a passage that read, "Go and do likewise."
What did the hungry Chinese man say to his friend?
Let's wok the dog.
Why did h**... have a thing for men from Hungary?
Because they are Hung a**...'s
A Hungry traveler stops by a monastery and makes his way into the kitchen
There he sees a brother is frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" Asks the traveler
"No, that's not me" He replies " I'm the Chip Monk!"
What did the Hungarian man say before he went to bed?
"I'm going to bed." Except he said it in Hungarian.
I was Hungary...
so Iran to Turkey
A girl from the recruitment agency called.
She said, "Sir, I have three openings for you."
I said, "I know."
She hung up.
The r**... advice hotline hung up on me today...
Apparently "How do I stop them from blowing a r**... whistle?" wasn't a valid question
I was having s**... with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed
She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm,
next time alpaca lunch.
Is BB hungry?
No, BB-8.
Telephone - Funny Joke
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock....
I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds.
I'm here all day..
I met this european guy last night who claimed he was a well endowed white supremacist
Well, he said he was a hung a**...
I called the cops about a m**... on my front lawn and they just hung up.
They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.
Why did Jesus get all the ladies?
Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)
I'm Hungary
I'm Russian to the kitchen to czech the fridge
There is turkey
But it's covered in Greece
There's Norway I can eat that.
When does a hunger strike stop?
When hunger strike.
I spent this past weekend baby-proofing my house...
I'm not having a baby, but I hung up a bunch of anime posters to make sure that I never do.
My wife was mowing the yard!
I was sitting back on the porch drinking a cold one while my wife was out in the heat mowing the yard. The lady next door came over to me in anger and said you should be hung. I told her I was that's why my wife was mowing the yard.
A boy tells his father that humans are cruel
"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.
"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.
The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"
The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."
A Texan cowboy was walking down the road
When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"
"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied
"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.
"Yes ma'am I am."
"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired
"Yes ma'am I am"
Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"
The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."
A woman was having s**... with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang
And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.
As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry
"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.
he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with you.
Who wasn't hungry on Christmas?
The Turkey, he was stuffed!
My girlfriend hung a note on the fridge...
...which said: "I can't do it, it's not working anymore."
Door could be opened. Light is fully functional. Beer is cold.
I got no clue what she was talking about
I would never go hungry if I got stranded on a beach
Because of all of the sand which is there
A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips...
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."
Did you know there is a Hungry Hippo that was a US Military Veteran?
Yeah! He fought in VietNOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM
So a guy kills himself the night he gets acquitted of m**....
No one explained to him what a hung jury meant.
A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.
One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.
Two men, about to be hung from the gallows
Dave turns to John, and asks:
Dave: Why did the chicken cross the road?
John: I don't know.
Dave: Me neither, but I'll see you on the other side.
A Hungarian cockroach was telling terrible jokes at an open mic night. What do you do?
Budapest
Why did the gay man want to go to Iran?
He heard all the g**... were hung .
Did you hear about the time Jesus overdosed on male enhancement drugs?
He was hung for three days and then he died.
Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...
One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.
The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".
The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"
What did the hungry clock do?
It went back four seconds.
What did 20 do when he got hungry?
28
My girlfriend has a constant case of halitosis...
So I guess it's a good thing I'm hung like a Tic-Tac.
I hung around this really depressed Arab guy....
...he was really killing Mahmoud
What were the hung man's last words?
What's the big deal? Your sister had no problem taking it.
