hung Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious hung puns

A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips...

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

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I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.

A kid answered, called me a cunt then hung up.

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I was having sex with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed

She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.

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A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

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I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn and they just hung up.

They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.

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You know how sometimes...

You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front of you?ο»Ώ ο»Ώ

Well, that's how I lost my job as a gynecologist.

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I'm so hungry I could eat my watch.

But that would be time consuming

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Hunger Games : Mockingjay

For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.

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An old lady was tired of her hard life and wanted to commit suicide.

She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.

The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left nipple.

The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.

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My wife told me a joke that I actually laughed at.

A women was in bed with her husbands best friend when suddenly the phone rings. She answered the phone and said to the person have a wonderful time and hung up. The man asks her who was it and she replied that it was her husband, he said that he was at a bar with you.

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Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...

The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.

Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hung for his crimes.

Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.

Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the crowd?

"Aren't you worried about dying?" A voice asks.

Trump shrugs his shoulders as he smiles again and shakes his head for the last time.

He replies: "Fake noose."

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What did the hungry clock do?

It went back four seconds.

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I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall...

I thought, that's a little condescending.

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A man walked into a bar with a sandwich taped to his head

The bartender said, "Why the hell do you have a sandwich taped to your head?"
The man said, "My family always wears a sandwich hat on Wednesdays."
The bartender said, "It's Tuesday."
The man hung his head in shame and said, "Gosh, I must look pretty silly right now, then."

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I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock....

I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds.

I'm here all day..

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Hung Chow Calls into work and says "Hey boss, I no come into work today, I really Sick...

I got Headache, stomachache, and my legs hurt. I no come to work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and i go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

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Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...

One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.

The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".

The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"

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A Texan cowboy was walking down the road

When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"

"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied

"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.

"Yes ma'am I am."

"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired

"Yes ma'am I am"

Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"

The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."

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I was hungover this morning so I phoned work and said to the boss...

.. "I'm afraid I won't be in today, my father had a massive heart attack and died last night."

"That was your last chance Dave," he said, "I'm taking the 'and son' off the shop sign."

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The head of KFC called the Pope

He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 10 million.

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 100 million.

The Pope said, "You have a deal!"

The Pope got all the churches big wigs together and said, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, we are 100 million richer. Bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account.

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I met this european guy last night who claimed he was a well endowed white supremacist

Well, he said he was a hung aryan

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Chinese sick leave.

Hung Chow calls into work and says"hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come in"
The boss says" you know something Hung Chow, whenever I feel sick I just get my wife to have sex with me and it really makes me feel better. You should give that a try and then come to work."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again " I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got nice house."

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What does a hungry clock do?

He goes back four seconds.

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Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself?

He was already suspended.

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I was depressed and found a genie.

He offered me one wish, so I said I wished I could be hung.

**POOF!** my penis doubled in length.

It was then I realized that the proper word was hanged

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There was an impotent guy...

There was an impotent guy who asked his wife to always have sex with lights off because he was wearing a strap-on and didn't want her to know about his problem.
After years, one night she dared to turn on the light to see what's his big secret. Seeing the dildo hung on her husband's hips she got angry: "I guess it will be quite difficult for you to explain this!"

"Way less difficult than you explaining the kids to me"

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How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

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I got banned from a Christian dating site

I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.

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Doctor said getting some natural light would help with my depression.

Now I'm depressed *and* hung over.

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When does a hunger strike stop?

When hunger strikes.

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What do you call a lesbian with big fingers?

Well hung.

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I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm,

next time Alpaca lunch.

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Why did the gay man want to go to Iran?

He heard all the gays were hung .

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The Horse and the Chicken

One day the horse and the chicken were walking along the road near the farm, merrily chatting away. Suddenly, the horse fell into a muddy hole and couldn't get out.

"Help help Chicken! I've fallen and I can't get out of this hole!", the Horse yelled. "Don't worry," said the chicken. "I'll just get the farmer's BMW and pull you out!"

The chicken did this, and all was well. The following day, without thinking the chicken fell into the same hole.

"Help help Horse! I've fallen into this hole and I can't get out!"

The horse smiled and said, "Don't worry Chicken. Just grab a hold of my weiner!"

"What?!?"

"Well, when you're hung like a horse, you don't need BMWs to pick up chicks."

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What did the Hungarian man say before he went to bed?

"I'm going to bed." Except he said it in Hungarian.

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What are the most funny Hung jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Hung? Well, here are the best Hung dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Hung pick up lines to share with friends.

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