Hundreds Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Can we ban "Yo Momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times

Just like yo momma.

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

A straight tree and a gay tree lived next to each other for 60 years

The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"

Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.

As she watches the news, an elderly woman calls her husband in concern.

She knows he is driving home, so she calls his cell phone.

"Dear, please be careful on the road today! I just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the highway."

Her husband replies, "Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of them!"

I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars.

But nature is only out a buck.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done.

I've quit hundreds of times.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction.

She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

An old woman phones her husband..

An old woman called her husband during his drive home, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"

Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's bloody hundreds of them!"

Every year, hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school...

...never to be heard from again.

Last Names.

It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known for making barrels.
If your last name is Dickinson I wouldn't delve too deep into your family history.

An elderly man was driving down the highway when his phone rang.

It was his wife urgently warning him: Honey, I just heard on the news that there's some lunatic in a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!

It's worse than that, said the man, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!

A woman is waiting for her elderly husband to come home

She turns on the news and sees a live report of a dangerous motorist driving the wrong way down the motorway, so she calls her husband to warn him.

He responds: "Just one? There's bloody hundreds of them!"

There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored?

The turn signals.

An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work...

... when his wife rings him on his cellphone.

"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".

"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"

A man is driving down the freeway

when his wife calls him. He picks up and asks what the matter is. She says, "I want you to be careful honey, I heard on the radio there's a lunatic barreling down the highway going the wrong way." He replies, "it's much worse than that, there's hundreds of them

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime, and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with hundreds of other men.

There is a three year waiting list.

First joke I ever learned

An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.

"Thank goodness you're home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!"

He responds, "*A* Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!"

An elderly lady calls her husband during his drive home, "Stanley, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 5, Please be careful!"...

Stanley said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

Have you heard about the elevator conspiracy?

Hundreds of people are saying they got stuck between floors. But I don't believe them. I think they made it up.

Is Google a boy or a girl ?

Google is a Girl because it won't let you complete
the whole sentence and starts guessing, suggesting and
you ask only one question,
but get hundreds of irrelevant answers in seconds...

Doctor: are you active sexually?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.

Doctor: I'll write virgin.

Gender inequality.

There is an inequality when it comes to men and women. For example...

If a man sleeps with hundreds of women he is respected and labled as a stud or a player. Nothing bad is said about him and he goes on acting like the player he is.

However, if a woman that goes around sleeping with hundreds of men, she's your mum.

Who are the best readers in the world?

Suicide jumpers : hundreds of stories in a few seconds

Guys, just remember that every yo mama joke that exists has been done hundreds of times by hundreds of different people.

Like your mom.

Someone stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our local store.

I don't know how they can sleep at night.

Quiting smoking is easy

I've done it hundreds of times.

The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy.

I need to quit making rash decisions.

How many sheep?

A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's stupid and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"

An elderly man was out on a drive...

An elderly man was out on a drive when he received a phone call from his wife.

"Honey, be careful. I just heard on the radio that one idiot out there is driving the wrong way on the highway."

To which he replied, "Are you kidding me? There are hundreds of them!"

A couple of guys stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our neighborhood store.

I don't know how they can sleep at night.

My dad loves telling this joke to women

Robert is walking down the street and sees two hearses followed by hundreds of men walking. At the front of the line, one man is walking his dog.
Robert walks up to the man and asks,
>"What happened?!"
The man- "My wife and mother in law died."
Robert - "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did they die?"
The man - "My dog bit them."
Robert - "Your dog bit them and they died?!"
The Man - "Yup"
Robert - "...Can I borrow your dog?"
The man simply smiles and says, "Get in line."

Scientists and spiders.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.

'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'

The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'

The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'

The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.

The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'

The spider didn't move.
'Move right'

Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

Two men were lost in a desert...

Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.

The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.

Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.

As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.

The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.

The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"

The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."

Rihanna's take on the meteor

A massive meteor has hit Russia injuring hundreds, Rihanna insist that the meteor has changed and deserves a second chance.

!!BAD DRIVERS!!

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"

David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"

Wrong way

Anna was worried about her husband: he was not home yet from his trip to Birmingham. She phoned him on his mobile, "Where are you, dear?"

"I'm on the M1," he replied.

"I was so worried about you," she said. "The radio reported that some fool was driving along the M1 the wrong way."

"Just one??" he retorted, "There are hundreds of them!!"

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory?

Hundreds of soles were lost

For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

A wife is at home watching the news.

On the TV she sees footage of a crazy man driving the wrong way on the freeway. She realizes her husband takes the same path home from work. She immediately calls him and warns him of the danger. She says, "Be careful! There's a crazy man driving on the wrong side of the freeway!"


The husband replies, "One!? There's hundreds of them!"

A wife calls her husband driving to work

and says, "Honey be careful. There's a maniac driving on the wrong side of the road on the highway."


He responds, "One maniac? There are hundreds of them."

A tourist is lost in the deepest part of the Amazon...

Once there was a tourist lost in the deepest part of the Amazon. After a few days, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by hundreds of blood-thirsty natives. He looks up to the sky and says, "Oh my God, I'm screwed!!"

All of a sudden, the sky opens up, and there is a beam of light streaming down on him, and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your foot, and smash it onto the skull of the chief."

So the tourist looks down, and sees the stone. He picks it up, and bashes the life out of the chief, who is standing right in front of him. The chief is down on the ground, bleeding and lifeless, with his tribesmen in shock and disbelief.

Now, the sky opens up once again, and the voice booms out... "NOW, you're screwed."

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated, but I've got hundreds of degrees"

An older woman is watching the news

When a newscaster cuts in.

"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."

The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.

"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"

Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"

The hypnotist

A renowned hypnotist is attempting a mass hypnotism in a large auditorium. There are over 15,000 people there listening with rapt attention. The hypnotist pulls out a very nice golden pocket watch and holds it up for the entire crowd to see. He begins by saying:
"This is a watch passed down from hundreds of generations of magicians and hypnotists, it's worth is beyond measure. Today I will bring you under such a strong hypnotism with this very watch that you will do whatever I say."
As he says this, he begins to swing the watch, letting the chain out gradually as it rocks back and forth. Under his soothing performance the crowd's heads begin to droop. just as the crowd slips completely into the hypnotic state the hypnotist's hands slip on the watch and it drops to the floor, cracking the front plate.
"Shit!" He mutters under his breath.


It took a month to clean that place up.

How many 12 year old girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

11; 1 to actually put the lightbulb in, and the other 10 to take hundreds of pictures and upload them to Facebook.

Newsflash! A small, 2-seat aircraft crashed in a graveyard in Poland.

Rescuers have found 115 dead so far and expect to find hundreds more as they continue digging.

An elderly couple is taking a Sunday drive on I-80

when the wife gets a call on her new-fangled cell-phone. Her daughter is frantic, "Mom, there is a lunatic driving the wrong way down the road on I-80 near your house!"

The wife turns to her husband and says, "Did you hear that? Some maniac is driving down the wrong side of the road!"

The husband screams, "One lunatic?! There are hundreds of them!"

Yesterday, there was a fire in a shoe factory.

Hundreds of soles were lost.

An elderly woman rang her husband while he was driving...

He heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Darling, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way down the freeway, please be careful!"
He replied, "There's not just one car, there's hundreds of them!"

An elderly woman is watching the local news

An elderly woman is watching the local news and hears about a madman driving the wrong direction on the highway that her husband takes home. Worrying, she calls her husband and tells him about the insane driver. The man replies, it's worse than you think! It's not just 1, there's hundreds of them!

Hey Grandma, be careful. They said on the radio someone is driving the wrong way down the highway.

"That's funny, I see hundreds of them"

So a man finds a magic lamp with a genie...

The genie grants him the three wishes that he asks.
The next morning, he wakes up to see hundreds of beautiful girls still sleeping around him. He walks into the hall of his house, and feels crunching under his feet. He picks some off the ground and realizes that the floor and walls are covered in hundred dollar bills! But just then, his front door gets shoved in and huge men in white robes and masks holding burning crosses drag him outside, beat him mercilessly, and hang him from a tree.
Meanwhile, the genie meets another genie who is also just off duty.
"Whatup? "
"Dunno man, people want weird things these days."
"You're telling me! This last guy of mine is kinda dumb! I mean, I get the enormous sex appeal wish and the filthy rich beyond imagination wish, but why the hell would he want to be hung like a black man?"

Yesterday while working I saw a gigantic funeral precession...

There were two hearses, followed by a man walking a dog, followed by hundreds of men.

I take a break from work and say to the man walking the dog " excuse me sir, I don't mean to be rude but do you mind telling me what happened?"

The man replies:
"A couple of weeks ago I bought this dog for my wife. Last week it turned on her and killed her. During the attack my mother in law tried to pull the dog off of her daughter and ended up dying as well"

I say : " sir can I borrow you dog?"

He replies : "Get in line "

Driving down the highway

So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"


"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"

Hitler, Stalin and Osama Bin Ladin are having an Argument

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

Osama Bin Ladin says, "Nonsense, I have killed hundreds of thousands of people and have brought grief millions of families"

Hitler said "Why don't we hold a vote in hell and see who is the most hated of all?"

The group agreed and Hitler left to go make the vote. After counting the ballots, Hitler returns and asks:

"Who the fuck is Axel Voss!?"

A geologist and his intern

A geologist and his clueless intern are outside examining hundreds of specimens retrieved from an old dig site. The intern gets excited when he finds an interestingly shaped object. He rushes over to the geologist and says, "Hey, what kind of mineral is this?"

The geologist takes it and looks it over. He smiles and says, "Good find, that's leaverite."

The intern, with a big grin, says, "Wow! Really?"

The geologist replies, "Yeah, leaverite there. It's just a fucking rock."

My dad's favourite joke. Mine too.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.

'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'

The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.

'Spider, walk left'

The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.

'Spider, move right.'

The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.

The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.

'Move left'

The spider didn't move.

'Move right'

Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.

'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking at each other for hundreds of years. One day, a wizard feeling sorry for them, brought them to life for 30 minutes...

Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds and moans from there.

After a while they came back out, giggling.

The wizard told them, "You have another 15 minutes left, if you want to have another go..."

The statues looked at each other and the male statue answered, "Fine, but this time you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on it!"

What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking each other for hundreds of years out in a park.

One day, a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds and moans from there. After a while they came back out, giggling. The wizard told them "You have another 15 minutes left, if you want to have another go." The statues looked at each other and the male statue answered "Fine, but this time you hold the pidgeon and i'll shit on it."

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates...

...and meets Saint Peter. She says, "I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here."

Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?"

She answers, "Smith."

Saint Peter replies, "I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"

She responds, "His name is John Smith."

Saint Peter says, "I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"

She answers, "He's got red hair."

He replies, "I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"

She responds, "Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he'd roll over in his grave!"

Saint Peter says, "Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!"

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway..

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway when his mobile phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "George, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M40. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said George. "It's hundreds of them!"

Traveling through Italy I spent hundreds of Euros on pasta. (Pun)

It was worth every Penne.

1000 Years.

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven, St. Peter looks upon them and says "Though you are all good men, you have sins to absolve before i can let you enter the great kingdom!" So St. Peter takes them off to purgatory.

The first man had an addiction to sex. St. Peter took this man to a room, inside were hundreds of women fully nude. The man runs in the room excited as can be as St. Peter says " Ill be back in 1000 years to see if you've learned your lesson."
The second man was a serious alcoholic. St. Peter takes this man to his room and inside there was an endless supply of every type of alcohol imaginable. St. Peter says again, "Ill be back in 1000 years to see of you've learned your lesson."

The third man was a chronic pothead. St. Peter takes him to his room, which is filled with endless amounts of marijuana, bongs, and pipes. St. Peter again says, " I'll be back in 1000 years to see if you've learned your lesson."

1000 years pass and St. Peter returns to the first room, the sex addict inside is so releived, and repents. St. Peter allows him into heaven.

The alcohol speeds out the door as St. Peter opens it. He begs for forgiveness and is allowed in.

St. Peter opens the potheads door only to find him joint in one hand pipe in the other, rocking feverishly. The pothead looks up at St. Peter shaking and says " You got a light, man?"

A male and female statue stare at each other for hundreds of years.

One day a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds and moans from there. After a while they came back out, giggling. The wizard told them "You have another 15 minutes left, if you want to have another go." The statues looked at each other and giggled. The male statue said "Fine, but this time you hold the pidgeon and I'll shit on it."

2 patients break out of a mental asylum

They make it to the roof. There they see hundreds of rooftops stretching as far as they could see.

The first guy jumps from the roof, and lands on the rooftop without injury.

The second guy is afraid of heights, and wouldn't jump.

"Wait, i have a flashlight with me!", "I'll make a path with the light, so you can walk across!"

"Hell no, I ain't crazy", "You'll just turn the light off when I'm halfway across!"

A train in the US derailed for a bit then went back on track...

after the train stopped, the boss of the station had a talk with the train driver

Boss : What happened ?!

Train driver : There was a guy in the middle of the track!

Boss : so ? next time you have to hit the guy and not endanger the lives of hundreds of people.

Train driver : well I was going to do that, but that son of a bitch tried to run away.

A woman called her husband about what she had seen on the news.

She says, "Watch out honey! There's a madman driving on the wrong side of the highway."
The husband replies, "One? There are hundreds of them!"

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

My buddy from Atlanta Georgia swears this works.

Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint.

Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.

The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds.

Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.

Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.

Sitting at home I heard on the radio there was a car travelling the wrong way down the road my Wife comes home on so I quickly phoned her to warn her..

'Honey please be careful, there's a car driving the wrong way on the road you come home on'

'One car? There's fucking hundreds of them!'

My grandpa left to pick up his prescription across town.

About 10 minutes later I saw a wrong way driver on the news. I got worried since my grandpa had to take that route to get to the pharmacy and called quickly to warn him.

Me: "Grandpa be careful on I-94 there's a man driving in the wrong direction."

Grandpa: "It's not just one! There are hundreds of them!"

Hundreds of women are battered in the US every day

And all this time I've just been eating them raw...

I have hundreds of jokes about cash machines

I just can't think of one atm

BBC News: "Illegally downloading pirated films is costing hundreds of millions of pounds a year"

Fuck, what site are they downloading them off? It's free for me..

A young bull and an old bull are at the top of a hill.

There are hundreds of cows grazing below. The young bull says, "Let's run down there and fuck a cow!"

The old bull says, "No, let's walk down and fuck them all."


Yes, very old joke....

Not Here To Swim...

My uncle Mike owns hundreds of acres of land. In a back corner of that land there is a small lake surrounded by peach trees. One day he decides he'll pick some peaches and relax by the water. So he grabs a peach bucket and starts toward the lake. As he gets closer he hears women screaming and thinking something is wrong he sprints to the lake but to his surprise he finds three girls skinny-dipping. As soon as he gets to the shore the three girls see him and swim to the middle of the lake. They yell, "You're not coming in and we're not coming out until you leave." So thinking fast he holds up the bucket and says, "I'm not here to swim. I'm here to feed the alligators!"

Sensitive men do exist

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they're lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks,
smiling,

"Well, how was it for you?"

The guy says:

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Heard an old man tell this one

There was a small group of soldiers camped in the middle of a forest. A soldier runs up to the General and says there are hundreds of infantry coming towards them! The General turns to the soldier and screams, "Get my red shirt!". The group manages to defeat the attackers and the soldier asks the General why he wanted the red shirt. The General replies that he wanted the red shirt so that if he got shot the enemy couldn't tell. Psychological warfare he said. Another soldier comes in and tells the General thousands of infantry are now approaching! The General turns to the original soldier and screams , "Get my brown pants!".

A funny true encounter

I was spending some time alone in an isolated cabin in the Ozarks. Not a neighbor for hundreds of meters. One day at around 9 p.m. I get a knock on the door, so I go to answer it. I see a large, pot bellied man with a huge bushy beard.

"The name's Hank. I live just a mile down the road. I see you're new around here. I'm throwing a party tonight and I thought you might like to come."

"Sure, sounds great!" I said.

"There's gonna be drinking!"

"I can drink with the best of them!"

"There's gonna be fighting!"

"Sounds like fun!"

"There's gonna be some wild sex!"

"Sweet! What should I wear?"

"It don't matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

What are the funniest hundreds jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Hundreds? Well, here are the best Hundreds puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Hundreds pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes