Hundreds Jokes

Following is our collection of multibillion puns and dozen one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Hundreds jokes for adults, dirty radio jokes and clean lunatic dad gags for kids.

The Best Hundreds Puns

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"

Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that's just being hippocritical...

What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.

As she watches the news, an elderly woman calls her husband in concern.

She knows he is driving home, so she calls his cell phone.

"Dear, please be careful on the road today! I just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the highway."

Her husband replies, "Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of them!"


I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars.

But nature is only out a buck.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done.

I've quit hundreds of times.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction.

She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.

He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope.

The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing."

"Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says.

"But why?" the bartender asks.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.


Every year, hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school...

...never to be heard from again.

Last Names.

It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known for making barrels.
If your last name is Dickinson I wouldn't delve too deep into your family history.

An elderly man was driving down the highway when his phone rang.

It was his wife urgently warning him: Honey, I just heard on the news that there's some lunatic in a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!

It's worse than that, said the man, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!

There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored?

The turn signals.

An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work...

... when his wife rings him on his cellphone.

"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".

"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"

A man is driving down the freeway

when his wife calls him. He picks up and asks what the matter is. She says, "I want you to be careful honey, I heard on the radio there's a lunatic barreling down the highway going the wrong way." He replies, "it's much worse than that, there's hundreds of them

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime, and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with hundreds of other men.

There is a three year waiting list.

First joke I ever learned

An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.

"Thank goodness you're home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!"

He responds, "*A* Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!"


Have you heard about the elevator conspiracy?

Hundreds of people are saying they got stuck between floors. But I don't believe them. I think they made it up.

Is Google a boy or a girl ?

Google is a Girl because it won't let you complete
the whole sentence and starts guessing, suggesting and
you ask only one question,
but get hundreds of irrelevant answers in seconds...

Doctor: are you active sexually?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.

Doctor: I'll write virgin.

Gender inequality.

There is an inequality when it comes to men and women. For example...

If a man sleeps with hundreds of women he is respected and labled as a stud or a player. Nothing bad is said about him and he goes on acting like the player he is.

However, if a woman that goes around sleeping with hundreds of men, she's your mum.

Who are the best readers in the world?

Suicide jumpers : hundreds of stories in a few seconds

Guys, just remember that every yo mama joke that exists has been done hundreds of times by hundreds of different people.

Like your mom.

Someone stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our local store.

I don't know how they can sleep at night.

A lawyer goes to heaven...

...and finds himself at the back of a long queue of Popes.

Suddenly, St. Peter grabs him and takes him straight through the pearly gates.

I don't understand" the lawyer said puzzled. There's hundreds of Popes waiting in line and you've let me in before them. Why?"

Sir, said St. Peter. We've had lots of Popes here. But, you are our FIRST lawyer.

The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy.

I need to quit making rash decisions.

How many sheep?

A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's stupid and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"

An elderly man was out on a drive...

An elderly man was out on a drive when he received a phone call from his wife.

"Honey, be careful. I just heard on the radio that one idiot out there is driving the wrong way on the highway."

To which he replied, "Are you kidding me? There are hundreds of them!"

A couple of guys stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our neighborhood store.

I don't know how they can sleep at night.

My dad loves telling this joke to women

Robert is walking down the street and sees two hearses followed by hundreds of men walking. At the front of the line, one man is walking his dog.
Robert walks up to the man and asks,
>"What happened?!"
The man- "My wife and mother in law died."
Robert - "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did they die?"
The man - "My dog bit them."
Robert - "Your dog bit them and they died?!"
The Man - "Yup"
Robert - "...Can I borrow your dog?"
The man simply smiles and says, "Get in line."

Scientists and spiders.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.

'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'

The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'

The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'

The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.

The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'

The spider didn't move.
'Move right'

Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

Two men were lost in a desert...

Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.

The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.

Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.

As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.

The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.

The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"

The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."

Rihanna's take on the meteor

A massive meteor has hit Russia injuring hundreds, Rihanna insist that the meteor has changed and deserves a second chance.

!!BAD DRIVERS!!

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"

David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"

Wrong way

Anna was worried about her husband: he was not home yet from his trip to Birmingham. She phoned him on his mobile, "Where are you, dear?"

"I'm on the M1," he replied.

"I was so worried about you," she said. "The radio reported that some fool was driving along the M1 the wrong way."

"Just one??" he retorted, "There are hundreds of them!!"

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory?

Hundreds of soles were lost

For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

A wife is at home watching the news.

On the TV she sees footage of a crazy man driving the wrong way on the freeway. She realizes her husband takes the same path home from work. She immediately calls him and warns him of the danger. She says, "Be careful! There's a crazy man driving on the wrong side of the freeway!"


The husband replies, "One!? There's hundreds of them!"

A wife calls her husband driving to work

and says, "Honey be careful. There's a maniac driving on the wrong side of the road on the highway."


He responds, "One maniac? There are hundreds of them."

An older woman is watching the news

When a newscaster cuts in.

"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."

The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.

"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"

Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated, but I've got hundreds of degrees"

How many 12 year old girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

11; 1 to actually put the lightbulb in, and the other 10 to take hundreds of pictures and upload them to Facebook.

Newsflash! A small, 2-seat aircraft crashed in a graveyard in Poland.

Rescuers have found 115 dead so far and expect to find hundreds more as they continue digging.

An elderly couple is taking a Sunday drive on I-80

when the wife gets a call on her new-fangled cell-phone. Her daughter is frantic, "Mom, there is a lunatic driving the wrong way down the road on I-80 near your house!"

The wife turns to her husband and says, "Did you hear that? Some maniac is driving down the wrong side of the road!"

The husband screams, "One lunatic?! There are hundreds of them!"

Yesterday, there was a fire in a shoe factory.

Hundreds of soles were lost.

An elderly woman rang her husband while he was driving...

He heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Darling, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way down the freeway, please be careful!"
He replied, "There's not just one car, there's hundreds of them!"

An elderly woman is watching the local news

An elderly woman is watching the local news and hears about a madman driving the wrong direction on the highway that her husband takes home. Worrying, she calls her husband and tells him about the insane driver. The man replies, it's worse than you think! It's not just 1, there's hundreds of them!

Hey Grandma, be careful. They said on the radio someone is driving the wrong way down the highway.

"That's funny, I see hundreds of them"

Driving down the highway

So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"


"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"

What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway..

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway when his mobile phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "George, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M40. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said George. "It's hundreds of them!"

Traveling through Italy I spent hundreds of Euros on pasta. (Pun)

It was worth every Penne.

A woman called her husband about what she had seen on the news.

She says, "Watch out honey! There's a madman driving on the wrong side of the highway."
The husband replies, "One? There are hundreds of them!"

My grandpa left to pick up his prescription across town.

About 10 minutes later I saw a wrong way driver on the news. I got worried since my grandpa had to take that route to get to the pharmacy and called quickly to warn him.

Me: "Grandpa be careful on I-94 there's a man driving in the wrong direction."

Grandpa: "It's not just one! There are hundreds of them!"

I have hundreds of jokes about cash machines

I just can't think of one atm

Hundreds of women are battered in the US every day

And all this time I've just been eating them raw...

Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled "The Milky Bars are on me!", people just cheered.

So I used to date this graphic designer...

We broke up because I caught her cheating. Writing hundreds of letters to some guy named Lorem Ipsum. What a creep, right?

A man is riding through the highway listening to the radio...

Suddenly the radio starts booming: Traffic alert. There is a car driving on the wrong side of the road in Route 54. Please avoid entering the highway until further notice.

The man, confused at this alert thinks to himself One car? There are hundreds of them!

A woman is driving for the first time on a highway.

Her husband calls her while she is driving. "Be careful honey, it was just broadcasted that someone's driving the wrong way on the highway."

"Someone?" the wife replies. "These idiots are in hundreds!"

Did you hear about the tornado that swept through the cemetery?

Hundreds dead.

What would someone in the 13 hundreds say if you told them we fly in giant metal birds all around the world?

You mean across?

Drunk driving

A drunk guy was driving home on the wrong side of the road. His wife saw the scene live on TV and in horror rushed to call him: "Hello?! Are you driving home? Be careful, there is a madman driving on the wrong side of the road!". He replies: "I know, there isn't only one, there are hundreds!".

An old man was driving along the highway...

...when a traffic emergency came on the radio.

"Attention all drivers on Highway 11, there is a lunatic driving on the wrong side of the road!"

The old man muttered to himself; "A lunatic? More like hundreds!"

My ex told me she had a stalker

I stayed in the bushes for hundreds of hours and still haven't found one

Girlfriend asked me what to do this evening...

My girlfriend asked me what I wanted to do this evening? Should we go out bowling or should we go upstairs and mess around in the bed? I told her that I am NOT going to put my fingers in some dirty hole where hundreds of guys had put their fingers in before me!!! So we went bowling.

What's the difference between COVID-19 and Donald Trump?

One is a ruthless force hellbent on killing hundreds of thousands, and the other is a virus.

A Chassidic Jew walks into a bar...

He's wearing a long black frock coat, his ear locks are curled and dangling, and he's got a large bullfrog just sitting on his shoulder. The bartender turns around, sees him, and says, "hey, where'd you get that thing?" The bullfrog croaks, "in Brooklyn, there's hundreds of them!"

A man put an ad in the newspaper, saying "WIFE WANTED".

The next day, he had hundreds of letters, saying

"You can have mine"

I was working in a library and this guy comes up to me and asks, Do you have a bookmark?

I said, Yes, we have hundreds, but my name's Dave.

What do you call a line of hundreds of rabbits, moving backwards slowly?

A receding hareline

A guy goes into a military surplus store...

..and asks the owner if he has any camouflage jackets. He says, "I've got hundreds, but I can't find any of them!"

A friend of mine used to brag about picking up hundreds of women a day.

And then METRO laid him off.

Trump left hundreds of supporters stranded in the freezing cold last night

Which goes to show that even the biggest support can be turned blue

So a Rabbi with a frog on his shoulder walks into a bar...

...and the bartender says: "That's awesome! Where'd you get one of those?"

And the frog says "Brooklyn! There's hundreds of em!"

*credit to Robin Williams for the joke

Who are the fastest story readers in history?

9/11 victims because they went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.

A friend of mine recently got rid of his STD

It only took him 18 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars, but he no longer has to pay child support!

A husband calls his wife

"Oh honey, there's someone driving on the wrong side of the highway. Please be careful. It's all over the news."

Wife replies, "Only one??? These idiots are in hundreds"

Useless People

One useless person is useless.
Two useless people are a law firm.
Hundreds of useless people are Congress.

A man is watching the news.

All of a sudden, he sees an alert saying that there is a car driving the completely wrong way on I-84. Shocked by this, he goes to call his mom, who was planning to come go his house later that night, via I-84.

"Mom, be very careful out there, there is a car driving backwards on I-84."

She responds, "I know! There's hundreds of them!"

Husband and wife are driving on a highway...

Honey be careful! There's been news of a crazy lunatic driving in the wrong direction on the highway!

There's not just one, there are hundreds!

There is an abundance of hundred bucks jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 84 funniest jokes and hundreds puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any eight hundred dollars witze you can hear about hundreds.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes