Hundred Jokes
151 hundred jokes and hilarious hundred puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hundred that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This collection of Hundred Jokes gives you plenty of laughs! Get ready for funny puns, silly cartoons, and laugh-out-loud one-liners! Enjoy some light entertainment as you explore jokes about hundreds of Parsi, hundred thousand cold, hundred kids and more! Laugh until you weigh eighteen kilograms and you will be sure to have a forty good time!
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Funniest Hundred Short Jokes
Short hundred jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hundred humour may include short thousand jokes also.
- I don't understand why they say hundreds of people lost in Squid game. In the end, 45.6 billion won.
- Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year... ...so that's just being hippocritical...
- Today, me and my wife had a .69 It would have been a hundred times better without the period.
- What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless? 2nd place in a presidential election.
- My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta
- I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars. But nature is only out a buck.
- Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction. She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!
- I like my women like I like my coffee jokes Done by hundreds of redditors before I do them
- A man placed an advertisement, "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine
- A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
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Hundred One Liners
Which hundred one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hundred? I can suggest the ones about one thousand and century.
- Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done. I've quit hundreds of times.
- What's the difference between religion and mythology? A few hundred years.
- What do female reindeer do for fun? Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.
- What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A hundred sows and bucks.
- What lies on its back a hundred feet in the air? A centipede.
- Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory? Hundreds of soles were lost
- Not trying to impress anyone here but.. I got a hundred percent on my iq test.
- What can you jump over that's a hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede.
- On a scale from one to one hundred, how mature are you? 69.
- A few hundred years ago, the boomerang was Australia's only export. And import.
- What do you call a hundred black men buried up to their necks in dirt? Afroturf
- Did you hear about the tornado that swept through the cemetery? Hundreds dead.
- What is five hundred meters long and eats only potatoes? Soviet bread line.
- I lost a hundred and twenty pounds recently! She broke up with me yesterday.
- How do you ruin a good joke's punchline? You repost it hundreds of times.
Hundred Years Jokes
Here is a list of funny hundred years jokes and even better hundred years puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Every year, hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school... ...never to be heard from again.
- A few hundred years ago, Mozart was composing beautiful music But for a while now, hes only been de-composing.
- If we isolated all the worlds criminals on an island for a hundred years what would they say if we met them again G'day mate
- "May you live a hundred years!" A perfectly normal and decent birthday greeting, unless you say it to someone who's 99.
- Why didn't the dyer color the hundred-year-old nun's
garments? Because old habits dye hard. - To celebrate my cake day, I decided to post a joke I got more birthday wishes than my real-life birthday.
[Reddit, thank you for years of facts, hobbies, jokes, and hundreds of unproductive hours] - Can't believe that it's been over a hundred years since Einstein proposed his theory of relativity. Feels like it was only yesterday...
- A friend of mine recently got rid of his STD It only took him 18 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars, but he no longer has to pay child support!
- I used to have delusions that I was living in the past. I'm fine today though and that happened hundreds of years ago.
- The Welsh have been using sheep intestine as a contraceptive for hundreds of years. It is only recently that they have decided to take the intestine out of the sheep.
Hundred Bucks Jokes
Here is a list of funny hundred bucks jokes and even better hundred bucks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Some days I feel like a hundred million pennies It's a million bucks, but it's kinda heavy
- What do female reindeer do for fun during the holiday season? They go into town and blow a few hundred bucks.
Hundred Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny hundred kid jokes and even better hundred kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend Now thanks to social media I have hundreds of them!
Uproarious Hundred Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about hundred you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ten thousand jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hundred pranks.
Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds...
...so I bought her a scale.
You know, as a child I was always told to give one hundred precent at everything I do...
Needless to say the blood drive did not go very well.
It's the first day for a fraternity...
It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.
One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man sees a f**... procession...
... with nearly one hundred men following a man and his dog behind the two hearse's. The man goes up to the lead man and asks what happened. He is answered, "My dog killed my wife and her mother." With a slight grin, the man covers his mouth and says, "You think you might be able to lend me that dog?" To which he is answered, "Get in line."
Ethics done right
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"
A genie in a bottle grants a man all his wishes
"But", says the genie, "of all the things you wish, your wife gets double."
"I wish for a hundred million dollars!", orders the man.
"So it shall be. Your wife gets $200 million", replies the genie.
"I wish for a Ferrari!"
"A Ferrari for you, two Ferraris for your wife."
The man is not satisfied, so after a minute of thinking, he wishes:
"Beat me half dead!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar...
An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar was offered a large skull by a street-trader. "Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra, effendi," said the Egyptian, "only one hundred English pounds."
"No, thank you," said the Englishman. "It's far too expensive."
"How 'bout dis one, effendi?" said the street-trader, producing a small skull.
"Whose skull is that?"
"Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra when she was little girl!"
Sean Connery: He Only Carries Plastic
*Again, read in the man's unmistakable voice*
What's the difference between your mother and a hundred dollar bill?
Well, I don't have the cash on me to break a hundred. But I did break your mother last night.
The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, "I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"
So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler.
I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.
That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
Fool me once...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thirty five thousand six hundred times, shame on the weatherman.
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed...
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard.
"Is that how many men you've slept with?", I asked.
"Yes", she replied, "One thousand, one hundred and eleven."
There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored?
The turn signals.
One hundred bacteria walk into a bar...
of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got banned from the s**... bank the other day...
They said I couldn't come within five hundred feet of the building.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hundreds of women are battered in the US every day
And all this time I've just been eating them raw...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tourist in Amsterdam sees a p**... in a window
He taps on the glass and says "How much?"
"Two hundred and fifty euros," she responds.
"Wow! I never realized it was so expensive"
"Well of course it's expensive, it's shatter-proof!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call someone who murders a hundred people with a potato masher?
A mash m**....
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."
The husband is mad, but forgives her, and asks, "but which cheapskate gave you the nickel?"
She replies, "They all did."
Credit goes to u/umm_umm_
A man lost $100 bill
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you.
Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.
"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"
Interviewer: You said you are quick in mathematics, could you tell me what is a two hundred and fifty times eighty whole divided by sixty nine?
Man: Six thousand eight hundred and fourty five.
Interviewer: Hm... that's not the right answer...
Man: But i'm quick.
"Awww... your baby is cute!"
...I said to a woman with a stroller one day.
"How old is he?" I asked.
"Well, my friend, little Johnny here is 18 months old!" she replied, motioning to her baby. "Also, I'm sorry to bother you, but what time is it?"
"Sure. It's eighty-three thousand, four hundred thirty-two seconds past midnight."
Donald Trump had a record amount of religious leaders participate in his inaugural ceremony including: a priest, a deacon, and....
one hundred million people saying "god help us"
A White House aide tells Donald Trump that one hundred people will attend his next event.
"A hundred thousand people?" Trump asks, "Do we even have enough room for 1.5 million people?"
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grandfather is telling his grandson war stories...
Grandfather: Did I ever tell you about the time we destroyed the opposing forces?
Grandson: I don't think you have...
Grandfather: it was hundred to two... Clearly outmatched. But we destroyed them both!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Going through customs at a US airport
Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!
(Sorry if the formatting s**.... On mobile)
I've got an elementary school reunion coming up that I'm dreading,
because I've gained like a hundred pounds.
Wife: Why did you spend a hundred dollars on a boardgame you've only played once?
Me: *quietly checks the wedding bill*
Idiot and Chicken
An idiot decided to start a chicken
farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he
returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the
first
lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for
another
hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I
think I know
where I'm going wrong," said the idiot. "I think I am
planting them too
deep."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call several hundred Native Americans without n**...?
The Indian Nippleless 500
Guy: Darling, from now on I will call you Eve as you are my first woman..
Girl: Honey, and I will call you Dalmatian because you're my one hundred and first...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde visit a magical bridge.
The sign reads "Magical bridge: Jump off the bridge and shout out what you want to land in and so it shall be."
The brunette goes first, she climbs on the rail, jumps off and yells "Pillows!" She lands safe and sound in a pile of pillows.
The redhead jumps next. " Hundred dollar bills!" She yells and lands in a huge pile of money.
The blonde goes last. She climbs up, jumps off and gets scared. She yells "Oh shiiiiiiiit!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL: On an average week in Chicago, there are around a hundred shootings and five to ten people are killed.
Those people need to take lessons or something. Their aim must be awful.
A duck walks into a bar...
And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest.
The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"
"Last year, I shot a sixteen hundred pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.
"How'd you manage that?"
"Twelve trips."
Last night, I walked into a bar. The bartender told me...
"Don't waste your time. it's been posted and and reposted at least a hundred times."
Do you want to hear me count from one to one hundred?
One... Two... One Hundred!
My four year old just made this up as I was putting him to bed. I know it's a terrible pun... takes after his old man, I suppose!
Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government.
Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wife tells her husband her underwear cost $300...
The husband screams "Three hundred dollars!? That's outrageous!" The wife says "Well you don't wrap a beautiful jewel in newspaper".
The husband replies "Yeah, but you don't gift wrap a dead b**..., either".
For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.
Man, horses must really hate us.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Amazon's f**... recognition matched 28 members of Congress to criminal mugshots
Now they just have to fine tune it a bit to pick up the other five hundred and seven.
If you have two hundred chickens, you have a poultry farm.
If you have two chickens, you have a paltry farm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman goes to a doctor with a t**... lodged inside her...
Doctor: So how did this happen?
Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!
Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?
Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear
One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...
...no strings attached!
There is no ghost
While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
And how long have you worked here? asked the woman.
Three hundred years.
A man takes a wallet to the patent office..
...and tells the patent officer he would like to apply for a patent for this special wallet he had designed. The patent agent tells him that he is about a hundred years too late to get a patent for a wallet. The man says, I don't think you understand. This is a special wallet made from foreskins. When you massage it ...it turns into a suitcase.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Trump Family is flying from New York to DC
Donald-"I think I'll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy"
Melania- "Why don't you throw ten $100 bills and make ten Americans happy?
Ivanka- "It will be even better if you throw one hundred $10 dollar bills and make one hundred people happy?
The pilot hears the conversation and exclaims "Why don't y'all jump out the window and make the entire country happy?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an anti-vaxxer couple and their kids on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call ten anti-vaxxer families on the moon?
A bigger problem.
What do you call a hundred anti-vaxxer families on the moon?
An even bigger problem.
So how about ALL the anti-vaxxer families on the moon?
Problem solved.
Why do waiters love serving hardworking people?
Because they always give a hundred and ten percent
"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands"
"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands" a defense lawyer confided in his client.
"That's nothing," the client replied, ""I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn't see me running from the bank with money bags in my hands"
A little girl runs to her mum
"Mummy, I just saw a rat as big as an elephant!".
Her mum starts shouting angrily at her: "I told you one hundred thousands billions times not to exaggerate things!"
The drowning man
A conservative and a liberal are walking along the beach when they see a man drowning a hundred feet off shore.
The conservative throws him a 50-foot rope and shouts to the victim "You provide the other fifty feet." The liberal throws the man a 200-foot rope ... and lets go of both ends.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A hundred year old man goes to the doctor for a checkup
The doctor: "How are you?"
The man: "Very good! I have a new girlfriend!"
Doctor chuckles....
The man: "She is twenty years old!"
Doctor: "... but you know, every s**... activity could mean death!"
The man: "What can I say, would be a pity if she died..."
A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"
The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.
Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"
Didn't know how fast you could walk".
An English tourist in a Cairo marketplace was offered a large skull by a street trader
"This is the skull of Great Queen Cleopatra for only One hundred English pound." said the trader.
The tourist says, "No thank you, it's far too expensive."
Then the trader produces a small skull and says, "How about this one?"
The tourist asks, "Whose skull is that?"
The trader replies, "Tis the skull of Great Queen Cleopatra when she was a little girl!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During my flight, I stopped a t**... from killing more than 300 hundred people.
Through self-control.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad: What did you get in your tests?
Son: Nearly a 100 for every test.
Dad: What do you mean **nearly** a hundred?
Son: Well, I got the zero's . . .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irishman's dog dies so he goes to see the local priest.
An Irishman's dog dies so he goes to see the local priest and tells him, "Father, me old dog died. Can ye say a wee mass for the old gal?"
"No. Can't do it. The Church doesn't do f**... mass for pets, but I'll tell you what, the Protestant church down the hill will most likely do it. They don't have the same high standards that we do."
"Fine father, but I have one more question for ye. Would two hundred euro be enough of a donation to thank them for their services."
The priest's eye grew wide and he slapped the man on the back telling him, "Ahhh, man, why didn't you TELL me that your dog was Catholic?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bodybuilder sees a group of beautiful women flocking around a skinny guy at the gym one day...
The bodybuilder is baffled. He asks his friend: "What the h**... do they see in that wimp?"
"I hear he can bench press a hundred pounds," says the friend.
"A hundred pounds?!?" The bodybuilder snorts. "h**..., I can bench press over three hundred and fifty!!"
The friend raises an eyebrow. "With your tongue?"
