Hundred Jokes
156 hundred jokes and hilarious hundred puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hundred that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This collection of Hundred Jokes gives you plenty of laughs! Get ready for funny puns, silly cartoons, and laugh-out-loud one-liners! Enjoy some light entertainment as you explore jokes about hundreds of Parsi, hundred thousand cold, hundred kids and more! Laugh until you weigh eighteen kilograms and you will be sure to have a forty good time!
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- Short Hundred Jokes
- Hundred One Liners
- Hundred Years Jokes
- Hundred Bucks Jokes
- Hundred Kid Jokes
- More Hundred Jokes
Funniest Hundred Short Jokes
Short hundred jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hundred humour may include short thousand jokes also.
- Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year - Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
- I don't understand why they say hundreds of people lost in Squid game. In the end, 45.6 billion won.
- Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year... ...so that's just being hippocritical...
- Today, me and my wife had a .69 It would have been a hundred times better without the period.
- What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless? 2nd place in a presidential election.
- My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta
- I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars. But nature is only out a buck.
- Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction. She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!
- I like my women like I like my coffee jokes Done by hundreds of redditors before I do them
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Hundred One Liners
Which hundred one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hundred? I can suggest the ones about one thousand and century.
- My gf is like the square root of negative one hundred She's a perfect ten but imaginary
- Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done. I've quit hundreds of times.
- What's the difference between religion and mythology? A few hundred years.
- How do you say good bye to two hundred thousand Indonesians? A big wave.
- What do female reindeer do for fun? Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.
- What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A hundred sows and bucks.
- What has over a hundred teeth and keeps back Godzilla? my zipper!
- What lies on its back a hundred feet in the air? A centipede.
- Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory? Hundreds of soles were lost
- Is it bad that I hate certain races...? Because the hundred meter dash really irks me.
- Yesterday, there was a fire in a shoe factory. Hundreds of soles were lost.
- Not trying to impress anyone here but.. I got a hundred percent on my iq test.
- What do you call one hundred bunnies walking backwards? A receding hareline
- What do you get when you have 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? One hundred sowsand bucks
- I have hundreds of jokes about cash machines I just can't think of one atm
Hundred Years Jokes
Here is a list of funny hundred years jokes and even better hundred years puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Every year, hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school... ...never to be heard from again.
- Homosexuality in Russia is a crime, and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with hundreds of other men. There is a three year waiting list.
- What's the difference between America and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for a couple hundred years, it develops a culture.
- How many 12 year old girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 11; 1 to actually put the lightbulb in, and the other 10 to take hundreds of pictures and upload them to Facebook.
- A few hundred years ago, Mozart was composing beautiful music But for a while now, hes only been de-composing.
- A few hundred years ago, the boomerang was Australia's only export. And import.
- If we isolated all the worlds criminals on an island for a hundred years what would they say if we met them again G'day mate
- "May you live a hundred years!" A perfectly normal and decent birthday greeting, unless you say it to someone who's 99.
- Why didn't the dyer color the hundred-year-old nun's
garments? Because old habits dye hard. - To celebrate my cake day, I decided to post a joke I got more birthday wishes than my real-life birthday.
[Reddit, thank you for years of facts, hobbies, jokes, and hundreds of unproductive hours]
Hundred Bucks Jokes
Here is a list of funny hundred bucks jokes and even better hundred bucks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea? I never payed a hundred bucks to have a Lima Bean on my face.
- What do you get when you combine . . . 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?
.
.
.
.
.
A hundred sows and bucks!
(Say it out loud) - Some days I feel like a hundred million pennies It's a million bucks, but it's kinda heavy
- What do female reindeer do for fun during the holiday season? They go into town and blow a few hundred bucks.
Hundred Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny hundred kid jokes and even better hundred kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does Hurricane Katrina and Kim Kardashian have in common? They have both swallowed hundreds of black kids :)
- When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend Now thanks to social media I have hundreds of them!
Uproarious Hundred Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about hundred you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ten thousand jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hundred pranks.
Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds...
...so I bought her a scale.
You know, as a child I was always told to give one hundred precent at everything I do...
Needless to say the blood drive did not go very well.
What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A hundred dollar bill.
A guy is sitting in a bar when a great looking woman comes over to him.
He's really excited, but it immediately comes clear that she is a h**.... She says, "Hey, handsome. Want to play a game? Here is how it works. I'll do absolutely anything you want for three hundred dollars, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy thinks for a minute. Then he pulls his wallet out of his pocket, lays three hundred dollar bills on the bar, and says, "Paint my house."
It's the first day for a fraternity...
It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.
One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?
Craigslist
A man placed an ad on his local craigslist: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A man sees a f**... procession...
... with nearly one hundred men following a man and his dog behind the two hearse's. The man goes up to the lead man and asks what happened. He is answered, "My dog killed my wife and her mother." With a slight grin, the man covers his mouth and says, "You think you might be able to lend me that dog?" To which he is answered, "Get in line."
Ethics done right
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"
How many dubstep fans does it take to wash a car?
One hundred and one. Two to wash it, one to dry it, and ninety eight to talk about how dirty it was.
A genie in a bottle grants a man all his wishes
"But", says the genie, "of all the things you wish, your wife gets double."
"I wish for a hundred million dollars!", orders the man.
"So it shall be. Your wife gets $200 million", replies the genie.
"I wish for a Ferrari!"
"A Ferrari for you, two Ferraris for your wife."
The man is not satisfied, so after a minute of thinking, he wishes:
"Beat me half dead!"
A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.
She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.
"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"
The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."
The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"
Wife Wanted!
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received hundred of letters. They all said the same thing:
["You can have mine."](/spoiler)
Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar...
An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar was offered a large skull by a street-trader. "Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra, effendi," said the Egyptian, "only one hundred English pounds."
"No, thank you," said the Englishman. "It's far too expensive."
"How 'bout dis one, effendi?" said the street-trader, producing a small skull.
"Whose skull is that?"
"Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra when she was little girl!"
What do you call a hundred black men buried up to their necks in dirt?
Afroturf
A lawyer is about to go home for the night...
...when a client shows up, asking for his council. The lawyer decides to stay late and work with the client. Afterwards, the client asks how much he owes for the lawyer's time.
"One hundred dollars," the lawyer responds.
The client pays him and walks out, at which point the lawyer realizes it's two hundred dollar bills stuck together. This leaves the lawyer with a moral dilemma...
Does he tell his partner?
The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
The captain and the p**...
A captain of the army goes to a p**... and asks her :
"Say, madam, for a hundred dollars, would you accept my company ?"
And the p**... answers : "Of course, a handsome military like you"
The captains thanks her, turns around and shout :
"Company, FORWARD !"
(I hope the joke translates well)
I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.
That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.
On a scale from one to one hundred, how mature are you?
69.
I heard this joke today for the first time, it might be repost/an old one (idk), but here it is
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
Fool me once...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thirty five thousand six hundred times, shame on the weatherman.
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed...
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard.
"Is that how many men you've slept with?", I asked.
"Yes", she replied, "One thousand, one hundred and eleven."
There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored?
The turn signals.
One Second
So this guy is talking to God and ask, "Hey God what does 100 million years seem like to you?"
God answered, " One hundred million years ? That's like a second to me."
Then the man ask, "Hey God, what's 100 million dollars seem like to you?"
One hundred million dollars? It seems like a penny to me."
So the guy says, "Hey God could I borrow a penny?"
And God answers, "Sure. Just a second."
*This is my all time favorite joke, friend told it to me awhile ago, so yeah.*
I spot a beautiful woman in a night club,
I approach her and ask if she will have s**... with me for a million dollars. She smiles and says "sure thing handsome" I return the smile and ask if she would have s**... with me for a hundred dollars. She looks offended and says "what kind of woman do you think I am?" I say "we have already established that, I'm just negotiating the price".
I got banned from the s**... bank the other day...
They said I couldn't come within five hundred feet of the building.
Hundreds of women are battered in the US every day
And all this time I've just been eating them raw...
A fellow was walking along a country road...
...when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"
The farmer didn't say anything. So the guy decided to just start walking again.
After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out, "About 20 minutes".
"Thanks. But why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Didn't know how fast you could walk."
A tourist in Amsterdam sees a p**... in a window
He taps on the glass and says "How much?"
"Two hundred and fifty euros," she responds.
"Wow! I never realized it was so expensive"
"Well of course it's expensive, it's shatter-proof!"
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."
The husband is mad, but forgives her, and asks, "but which cheapskate gave you the nickel?"
She replies, "They all did."
Credit goes to u/umm_umm_
A man lost $100 bill
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
An economist found himself one night in a bar standing beside a gorgeous woman.
"Would you be willing to sleep with me for $1 million? he asked her.
She looked him over. There wasn't much to see—but still, $1 million! She agreed to go back to his room.
All right then, he said. Would you be willing to sleep with me for $100?
A hundred dollars! she shot back. What do you think I am, a p**...?
We've already established that. Now we're just negotiating the price.
Physicist, Engineer and Statistician are out bow-hunting.
They see a stag about a hundred feet away. The Physicist takes a shot, but he forgets to allow for wind resistance and the arrow falls five feet short. The Engineer takes his shot, but he adds too much of a fudge factor and the arrow's five feet too far.
The statistician goes "Nice job guys, we got him!"
So I was at my bank today.
There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"
"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.
"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"
Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery.
Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found.
Interviewer: You said you are quick in mathematics, could you tell me what is a two hundred and fifty times eighty whole divided by sixty nine?
Man: Six thousand eight hundred and fourty five.
Interviewer: Hm... that's not the right answer...
Man: But i'm quick.
Why did the Irish man only eat two hundred and thirty nine beans?
If he ate one more, it would be too f**...!
Call a woman beautiful a hundred times...
Call a woman beautiful hundred times, and she won't remember.
But call her fat just *one* time, and she'll never forget.
Because elephants never forget.
"Awww... your baby is cute!"
...I said to a woman with a stroller one day.
"How old is he?" I asked.
"Well, my friend, little Johnny here is 18 months old!" she replied, motioning to her baby. "Also, I'm sorry to bother you, but what time is it?"
"Sure. It's eighty-three thousand, four hundred thirty-two seconds past midnight."
A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"
A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
Going through customs at a US airport
Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!
(Sorry if the formatting s**.... On mobile)
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde visit a magical bridge.
The sign reads "Magical bridge: Jump off the bridge and shout out what you want to land in and so it shall be."
The brunette goes first, she climbs on the rail, jumps off and yells "Pillows!" She lands safe and sound in a pile of pillows.
The redhead jumps next. " Hundred dollar bills!" She yells and lands in a huge pile of money.
The blonde goes last. She climbs up, jumps off and gets scared. She yells "Oh shiiiiiiiit!"
What can you jump over that's a hundred feet in the air?
A dead centipede.
A duck walks into a bar...
And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest.
The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"
"Last year, I shot a sixteen hundred pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.
"How'd you manage that?"
"Twelve trips."
Did you hear about the e**... in a garment factory
Apparently there were over a hundred casual tees
Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government.
Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.
A wife tells her husband her underwear cost $300...
The husband screams "Three hundred dollars!? That's outrageous!" The wife says "Well you don't wrap a beautiful jewel in newspaper".
The husband replies "Yeah, but you don't gift wrap a dead b**..., either".
For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.
Man, horses must really hate us.
Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?
Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too f**...!
Woman goes to a doctor with a t**... lodged inside her...
Doctor: So how did this happen?
Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!
Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?
Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear
One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...
...no strings attached!
There is no ghost
While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
And how long have you worked here? asked the woman.
Three hundred years.
The Trump Family is flying from New York to DC
Donald-"I think I'll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy"
Melania- "Why don't you throw ten $100 bills and make ten Americans happy?
Ivanka- "It will be even better if you throw one hundred $10 dollar bills and make one hundred people happy?
The pilot hears the conversation and exclaims "Why don't y'all jump out the window and make the entire country happy?"
Why do waiters love serving hardworking people?
Because they always give a hundred and ten percent
"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands"
"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands" a defense lawyer confided in his client.
"That's nothing," the client replied, ""I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn't see me running from the bank with money bags in my hands"
An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp
Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishman looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie responds, "It is twenty miles tall, a hundred feet thick and made of granite. Nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it with water."
A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"
The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.
Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"
Didn't know how fast you could walk".
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: Wife wanted .
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.
Dad: What did you get in your tests?
Son: Nearly a 100 for every test.
Dad: What do you mean **nearly** a hundred?
Son: Well, I got the zero's . . .
