Hundred Bucks Jokes
22 hundred bucks jokes and hilarious hundred bucks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hundred bucks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hundred Bucks Short Jokes
Short hundred bucks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hundred bucks humour may include short hundred jokes also.
- I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars. But nature is only out a buck.
- What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea? I never payed a hundred bucks to have a Lima Bean on my face.
- What do you get when you combine . . . 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?
.
.
.
.
.
A hundred sows and bucks!
(Say it out loud) - Some days I feel like a hundred million pennies It's a million bucks, but it's kinda heavy
- What do female reindeer do for fun during the holiday season? They go into town and blow a few hundred bucks.
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Hundred Bucks One Liners
Which hundred bucks one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hundred bucks? I can suggest the ones about thousands dollars and dollars.
- What do female reindeer do for fun? Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.
- What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A hundred sows and bucks.
- What do you get when you have 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? One hundred sowsand bucks
Unearthly Funniest Hundred Bucks Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about hundred bucks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean millions dollars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hundred bucks pranks.
A priest is walking through Kings Cross (a rough area of town), when a woman approached him and says
"Do you want a naughty? 200 bucks."
"Certainly not," he mutters and hurries on. Soon he passed near another woman who says "$200 for a naughty. Interested?"
"No thank you," he replies flusteredly.
As he comes near a third woman she again offers him a naughty for $200, which he of course refuses. Arriving back at the abbey, he happens upon the Mother Superior. Curiosity gets the better of him and he asks, "Mother...er...what's a naughty?
She replies "Two hundred dollars, just like in Kings Cross."
A man walks into a bar.
He sees his friend there, holding a ten inch bic lighter. So naturally, he asks his friend - Where did you get that bic?
The friend replies - I got it from my genie.
You have a genie?
Yes - says the friend, and puts him on the counter.
Can I make a wish?
Yes.
I wish for a hundred bucks.
After some time, the sound of quacking is heard and a hundred ducks enter the bar.
Confused, the man turns to his friend, asking- What is this? I asked for a hundred bucks, not a hundred ducks.
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, he is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked for a ten inch bic?
Five Hundred Bucks
A trucker who has been on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!" The madam is astonished. "But, sir, for that kind of money, you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't h**..., I'm homesick."
Lawyer teaches his son!
A lawyer obviously wanted his young son to become a lawyer too, so he began training him in the right earnest, quite early. He began teaching him how to tell lies
One day to test his son, he asked, "Son, if you tell a lie without thinking for a second, then I will give you 100 bucks!"
The son replied, " Hundred? You said two hundred bucks, Dad!"
Painting a Church: My favourite joke
Bill, an unscrupulous painter, would often thin down his paint when hired to do a job, and pocket the money he'd save.
One day, the local church decided to do some long-awaited maintenance, and hired Bill for the job.
Bill gets to work, and after a good few hours, he's nearly done - as he stands on his scaffolding to finish off the steeple, he smiles to himself: the paint job looks pretty good, he's scammed the church out of a few hundred bucks, and he'll be done before dinner.
Suddenly, thunder ensues, a huge bolt of lightning knocks Bill right off his scaffolding, and the skies open up - and all of Bill's newly-applied paint washes right off the church.
Bill, a religious man despite his thievery, knows it's a sign from God. He falls to his knees in a puddle of rainwater and paint, and cries, "Oh God, forgive me! What should I do?"
And amongst the thunder, a booming voice: "REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!"
Day 30 self-isolation sale! Lifesize mannequin! Free!
Child-sized mannequins require occasional feeding. They come in several sizes, not responsible for breakage. And if you take the full-sized wife model too, I'll through in one hundred bucks as a special bonus! Hurry before I expire,
Shakey went to a psychiatrist.
Doc, he said, I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!
Just put yourself in my hands for two years, said the shrink. Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears.
How much do you charge?
A hundred dollars per visit.
I'll sleep on it, said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. Why didn't you ever come to see me again? asked the psychiatrist.
For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed!
A blonde and a redhead are sitting in a bar
and on TV is news footage of a guy threatening to jump off of a building. The redhead says "Hundred bucks says he jumps." The blonde says "You're on!" and they precede to watch. After about 2 or 3 minutes of crying, the man jumps off of the building. The blonde reaches into her purse and grabs the money but the redhead shakes her head and says "I can't take your money. This is from earlier today, I've already seen this." "So did I." Said the blonde "I just didn't think he'd do it twice!"
A blonde was desperate for money...
so she decided to go to the richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs.
At the first house, a man answered the door and told her. 'Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?'
'Sure,' smiled the blonde, 'I'll do it for $100.'
'Great,' the man replied. 'You'll find the paint and stuff you need in the garage.'
The man went back into the house to his wife, who'd been listening. 'A hundred bucks! Does she know it goes all the way around the house?' asked the wife.
'Well, she must. She was standing right on it!' he said.
About 45 minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. 'I'm all done,' she reported.
The man was amazed. You painted the whole porch?'
'Yeah,' the blonde said. 'I even had some left, so I put on two coats!'
The man reached into his wallet to pay her.
'And by the way,' said the blonde, 'that's not a Porsche. It's a Ferrari.'
Husband and wife are in bed one night...
when the doorbell rings. The wife says "I'll get it" and goes downstairs and opens the door and it's the next door neighbor. Neighbor whispers "look, I'll give you a hundred bucks if you just open your robe for me..." so the woman shrugs and opens her robe for a few seconds and the neighbor smiles and gives the woman a hundred dollar bill. Wife gets back in bed and husband goes "who was it?" And the wife says "oh it was just the neighbor." And the husband goes, "did he give you the hundred bucks that he owes me?"
An old-timer told me this so it can't be that fresh but I had never heard it and thought it was good.
Fishing
Two r**... go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. o**... turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
