Humorous Jokes

What are some Humorous jokes?

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]






Edit1: a typo


Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!

The Entertainment

A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."

Ravens

Humorous story from the web:

Researchers for the Western Australian Main Roads Department found over 200 dead crows on the Great Northern Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and confirmed that it was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during the analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars. The MRD then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The O.B quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".

I lost my job as a police officer just for giving a guy a breathalyser test.

Apparently it "wasn't humorous" to the passenger that survived.

I told my Kentucky raised girlfriend her family tree doesn't fork...

...it spoons.


She did not find it humorous

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Still unsure as to whether or not that full stop adds to humorous effect.

President's Day jokes

Q. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?

A. Because he couldn't lie.

Q. What do you call George Washington's false teeth?

A. Presidentures!

Q. What would George Washington be if he were alive today?

A. Really, really, really old!

Abraham Lincoln made many humorous quotes and jokes in his lifetime:

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

I was trying to come up with a funny bone joke...

But I couldn't think of anything humorous.

My teacher said, because I was acting up in class, I have to do a book report on the largest bone in the arm.

Isn't that humorous?

Three stereotypes (one that you don't like) are in this particular situation

The first two act in a normal or clever way, while the third confirms some negative thing you want to think about the stereotype, but in a humorous way!!

Humorous jokes: A man in a bar

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, Here…paint my house.

Q: How many members of a cultural, religious or social outgroup does it take to accomplish a routine task?

A: An arbitrary number: One or more to actually perform the task, and the remainder to behave in an absurd fashion consistent with perceived humorous stereotypes!

I would appreciate it if we stopped posting Holocaust Jokes. They're not funny, witty, or humorous. My Grandpa died in the Holocaust

He fell off the Guard Tower

Nasa techs put some humorous messages on the Space Shuttle Transporter attach points

You wanna know the most HUMOROUS person I know?

My Chiropractor, he really cracks me up

Everyone has a funny bone.

Mine is my humorous.

OG Rolling Stones Joke

I was on another forum, the comments section of a political site. Somebody was talking about how the Rolling Stones still got it despite having gotten a lot older. So people were making up humorous OG-version Stones song titles, like "Limping Jack Flash" and "Gimme Fiber."


And then somebody said it:

>!"Hey! You! Get Offa My Lawn!"!<

Why is your elbow called your funny bone?

Because it's connected to the humorous.

Humorous quote: "Well, my mother's name was Opal, her mother's name was Ruby, her mother's name was Pearl, her mother's name was Sapphire and my daughter's name will be...

Jane, because this is a tradition that needs to stop.

5 Humorous Commercials

Historians recently discovered evidence that Hitler was a ventriloquist.

Apparently he would sneak out some nights with his dummy who was a violinist. He would bring the dummy to small concert venues and ventriloquize the violin music, interjecting humorous anti-Semitic remarks in between songs. To avoid being recognized, we wore a fake mustache, and called his act A Doll Fiddler.

What did the doctor say to the patient that had a broken humerus

The doctor said "without a humerus you will not be humorous anymore, get it??? Humerus and humorous, hahaha!!!"

The patient then said "I see you must of lost your humerus as well as that joke was not funny."

How to make Humorous jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Humorous to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Humorous? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Humorous pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes