humorous Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious humorous stories

What are the best Humorous puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Humorous? Well here is a complete list of Humorous dad jokes:

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]






Edit1: a typo


Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!

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The Entertainment

A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."

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Ravens

Humorous story from the web:

Researchers for the Western Australian Main Roads Department found over 200 dead crows on the Great Northern Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and confirmed that it was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during the analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars. The MRD then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The O.B quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".

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President's Day jokes

Q. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?

A. Because he couldn't lie.

Q. What do you call George Washington's false teeth?

A. Presidentures!

Q. What would George Washington be if he were alive today?

A. Really, really, really old!

Abraham Lincoln made many humorous quotes and jokes in his lifetime:

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

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I was trying to come up with a funny bone joke...

But I couldn't think of anything humorous.

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Humorous jokes: A man in a bar

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, Here…paint my house.

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What did the doctor say to the patient that had a broken humerus

The doctor said "without a humerus you will not be humorous anymore, get it??? Humerus and humorous, hahaha!!!"

The patient then said "I see you must of lost your humerus as well as that joke was not funny."

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Historians recently discovered evidence that Hitler was a ventriloquist.

Apparently he would sneak out some nights with his dummy who was a violinist. He would bring the dummy to small concert venues and ventriloquize the violin music, interjecting humorous anti-Semitic remarks in between songs. To avoid being recognized, we wore a fake mustache, and called his act A Doll Fiddler.

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5 Humorous Commercials

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Humorous quote: "Well, my mother's name was Opal, her mother's name was Ruby, her mother's name was Pearl, her mother's name was Sapphire and my daughter's name will be...

Jane, because this is a tradition that needs to stop.

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Intellectual Jokes

Post jokes that require a degree of knowledge to find humorous. If your a physics nerd, make a physics joke. If you claim that you exist, and are a philosopher, make a philosophy joke. Statistics, chemistry, medicine, computer science, literature... It's all fair game!

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In biology class we dissected a sheep eye.

It was quite humorous.

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My favorite short joke.

How much cum does a queer have?
...
A buttload.

I always found this humorous because a lot of people use 'shit load' or 'fuck ton' as units of measure.

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How many x does it take to change a lightbulb?

f(x), where f(x) = the optimal number of x for establishing a humorous stereotype.

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How do you make an Asian joke?

Hold a gun to his head and tell him you'll shoot unless he says something humorous.

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