Following is our collection of Humans jokes which are very funny. There are some humans humanity jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these humans mankind puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?
Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors.
So Thor, the God of Thunder, is sitting on his cloud on Asgard when he suddenly wants to visit the humans. He jumps on his magical flying horse and rides down to them. When he gets there he proclaims, "I AM THOR!" to which his horse replies, "Well, that's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."
one says to the other, "Do you think its weird that humans have no tails?" In reply, the other cat said,"Actually, that's only true for half of them. The other half have a tail, but it's put on backwards."
Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."
Luiz Suarez.
So he goes in and they tell him they need humans to mate with gorillas. The guy thinks about it for a second, then says, "I'll do it under three conditions:
1) No one can find out that I did this.
2) If there are any offspring, they should be treated humanely.
3) I'm gonna need some time to come up with the $500."
Why do I only ever see them with 2?
Alien 1: Did the humans get our message?
Alien 2: Yes, but they named it dubstep and are dancing to it
Alien 1: Idiots
Two of them grow into adult knees.
...they hate it when we do that.
You can explore humans chimps reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean humans persons dad jokes. There are also humans puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
And we all seem to be cool with it. But when **I** try to sacrifice my son for my love of humans, I get arrested and imprisoned.
I'm starting to see some discrimination going on here...
A significant amount of then would probably drown.
It's doing well, but maintenance costs are killing him, so he decides to build 3 robots. They're instantly doing 10 times the work of humans, & he's happy. One day the club pro is teeing off in a money game & gets blinded by the glare from a robot. Its not the first time, & he tells the owner he must fix this issue. He thinks about it, & decides to simply paint the robots black. So the next day two of them don't show up for work & the third one robs the pro shop.
The study showed that within a few weeks in captivity, they were able to teach humans to stand at the edge of their pool and throw fish at them.
Once
Because he's dead.
"Sure, I'm game."
The Great ones are always white.
They might be in all different colors, but they all taste the same when you eat them.
In 2015 humans consumed 65 million tons of bananas and only 8 monkeys.
"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.
"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.
The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"
The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."
Do you know how many animals I had to screw to find that out?
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."
God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"
The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."
Because it kills humans
He explained about Adam and Eve and they were our original ancestors and they had babies and that's where we came from.
Later that day the girl asked her Mom who explained that their ancestors were monkeys and apes and humans evolved from the monkeys. "So, our relatives are monkeys?" "That's right, dear"
Now the little girl was angry and stomped into the living room to see her Dad and told him what her Mom said. "You lied to me!" the little girl shouted at him.
No I didn't honey. Your Mom was talking about her side of the family
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
We still would have no idea what Scottish Terriers would be trying to tell us.
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.
Nobody I know has ever eaten a monkey before
A hen and her chick are having a talk.
"Why do humans have names, but us chickens don't? All we have is chicken, or hen.", asks the chick.
"Well, humans may have names when they are ALIVE, but when they are dead, they are only called ghosts.", Says the hen, "but, we have lots of names when we are dead. Such as chicken curry, fried chicken, roast chicken...."
In fact, they have trained humans to stand at the edge of the pools and throw fish at them.
The peer asks the scientist, "What are you working on?"
The scientist says, "Its amazing. I taught a dog how to communicate to humans with morse code!"
The two walk down the hall to see the dog and the scientist gives the dog a command. The dogs taps his paw on the ground with intervals of time creating letters in morse code.
The peer says, "What is he saying?"
The scientist says, "Woof."
I believe her, bananas are much easier to peel.
just five more minutes
It understands me.
Tarzan was not a virgin when he met jane
Mediterranean sea
They found it very hard to keep their Bering Strait.
I dont remember the last time I ate a monkey.
But I get the strange feeling that they'd make no progress in advancing their own culture once they come into contact with humans.
I guess that's what happens when you encounter Stagnation
God is slowing down old humans!
until we got it Wright.
let that sink in.
Both die when you stick a wooden stake in their hearts
"Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?
Human: we are an advanced species
A: how do you travel?
H: we light old dinosaurs on fire"
"It will rain."
"How do you know?"
"Humans stare at us."
Chick: Why do humans get names but we don't? We are only called hens, or chickens or roosters.
Hen: Well, WE might not get names but when we die, we have many names. Humans on the other hand, are only called zombies or ghosts.
Chick: What are we called when we die then?
Hen: Names such as, curry chicken, roast chicken, fried chicken..
Fruits cantaloupe.
I mean, your mom told me I was sexy, but I didn't realize that it was a biological reaction.
"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."
they live a shell-tered life?
Humans miss JFK
About 100 billion humans have died and I've not heard any of them complaining
Calling out "Mom!" will make the item appear instantly out of nowhere.
God: "They shall drink BLOOD!"
God: "They shall be responsible for the DEATHS of more humans in history than any other creature!"
God: ". . . And they can FLY!"
God: . . .But let's troll them so they can only make annoying high pitched whiny noises
God: . . .And are only 1/2" tall. At most.
\*Creates Mosquito\*
Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.
I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What are you? asks the cat. I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you? The cat thinks for a moment and says, I guess i'm a gnome.
What is the difference between bullets and humans?.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Humans miss JFK.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy.
I just love mischief!
And what, may I ask, creature are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says,
"I guess I'm a gnome."
The older they are, the more maintenance is required.
and I'm very proud to be apart of that remaining 7% who are not.
Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.
We really should have seen this coming, they told us WHO let the dogs out for years
It's true, i can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
...so that's just being hippocritical...
Although monkeys are more filling.
"Well, you see, God created Adam and Eve..."
"But dad said we came from apes."
"He was talking about his family, I am telling you about mine."
They'd probably look pretty weird while barking
It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
There's going to be hell toupee
When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.
"First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them"
"But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?"
"Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat them with all the shit still inside?"
"Why that area first?"
"It seems a habit around here..."
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys" which to me sounded a bit obvious.
I cant remember the last time I ate a monkey...
So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.
Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...
Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.
In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his buddy, Hey compadre, we don't have to just *accept* this as our new normal, ya know? What with modern fashion and technology these days… we can *do* something about this!
So they went out and bought matching hairpieces. They were toupees in a pod.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
He's so full of himself.
A dog is running away from a farm.
The pig asks him why?
The dog replies, "this family doesn't want me man, I'm out"
The pig says what do you mean, the humans always pet you, they take you in walks, you have free reign over the farm. To which the dog replies, "not even pig, all I get for food are left overs, you get corn, and fruits, look how fat you are. I even overheard Papa say he was going to make you Ham for Christmas!!"
...I think we just have a better grasp on things.
Dog one: Why are all of the humans wearing muzzles?
Dog two: Because they broke the rules and didn't sit and stay....
They commit math genocide on a daily basis.
...but now, I don't think I can live with myself.
Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.
Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a loss as to how to combat them.
These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information, and yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive."
...but once they proved me wrong, I was beside myself.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the humans civilization jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working humans cats piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.