Humanity Jokes
80 humanity jokes and hilarious humanity puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about humanity that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the world of humanity jokes, from Cards Against Humanity to Cards of Humanity. Explore the natural and spiritual law of Habitat for Humanity and learn to have faith in all humanity, for crime against it cannot be tolerated. Enjoy the journey of understanding our omnipresent and omniscient creation, bringing us the humor and sanity that will make us smile.
Quick Jump To
- Short Humanity Jokes
- Humanity One Liners
- Faith In Humanity Jokes
- Cards Against Humanity Jokes
- More Humanity Jokes
Funniest Humanity Short Jokes
Short humanity jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The humanity humour may include short human beings jokes also.
- Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
- I know global warming is bad but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?
- We thought it was our ability to love that made us human, but it turns out it was actually our ability to SELECT EACH IMAGE CONTAINING A TRUCK.
- As God created this human child, God asked him... "How about an extra chromosome?"
The child replied, "I'd be down for that." - My 8-year-old wrote a dinosaur joke What do you get when you cross a T-Rex and a human?
A T-Rex - After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working? Your pupils; they dilate.
- Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year... ...so that's just being hippocritical...
- I read online today that humans, on average, eat more banana than monkeys. It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- Dear Humans, You get mad at me when I work....You get mad at me when I don't work.
Sincerely,
Confused alarm clock. - My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body... I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
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Humanity One Liners
Which humanity one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with humanity? I can suggest the ones about mankind and human body.
- What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? Banned from of Seaworld
- TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? You get kicked out of sea world…
- What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose? Arrested apparently
- What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the zoo.
- What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA? Thrown out of the petting zoo
- You can freeze a human to -273.15 C He'd be 0K.
- If I don't perfect Human Cloning... ...I won't be able to live with myself
- What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? ...banned from the petting zoo...
- The Human centipede wasn't that bad really.. ...most of it was tongue in cheek.
- What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
- Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need: just five more minutes
- A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar... The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.
- What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
- I wasn't sure about getting involved in human trafficking at first... But now i'm sold.
Faith In Humanity Jokes
Here is a list of funny faith in humanity jokes and even better faith in humanity puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The quickest way to lose faith in Humanity Customer service jobs.
- I still have some faith in humanity and I owe it to the kind people who leave free unbrellas at public places on rainy days. Just when you need them the most.
- Youtube Rewind 2018 `YouTube Rewind has joined the server`
`Faith In Humanity has left the server` - American policemen beaten Chinese tourist after asking him for his name... "I lost faith in humanity", said Fak Yu from the hospital.
- I look both ways before crossing a one street. That is how much faith I have left for humanity.
- If everyone was like you the human race would lose faith in the world.
Cards Against Humanity Jokes
Here is a list of funny cards against humanity jokes and even better cards against humanity puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are your guys' best Cards Against Humanity answers?
- You know what my favorite card against humanity is? Credit Card
Cheeky Humanity Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about humanity you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean human rights jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make humanity pranks.
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m
...and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied,
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Three Engineers are having an argument...
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
A man gets pulled over by the police...
A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.
The results speak for themselves.
Human drinks a vampire's blood. Out of curiosity, the Vampire asks what it tastes like.
"It's irony."
A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein.
Because he's dead.
Politicians are like s**.....
one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
Humans are being tested against the new AI program
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.
The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."
The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."
The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."
Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"
"Your parents when you move out."
My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results...
... speak for themselves
Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end
You'll go to prison for a very long time.
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
An old man is at home on his death bed
When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, "No, they are for the f**...."
A man is praying to God and asks "God, how is it you created all this in 7 days?"
God replied, "well, you see time is different for you and me. A million years in human time is only a second in time for me. I created everything in 7 days my time, not yours, so the time frame is much greater than interpreted."
"Oh my God, that is ncredible!" the man exclaimed. "So what, like a penny to you is a million dollars for us?"
"Um, yeah, kinda. Something like that...." God says
"Well, in that case, can I just have a penny, God?" The man shoots his shot
"Sure" God agrees, much to the surprise of the man. "Just gimme a second to find it...."
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine
He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat
So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, That would be my wife.
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.
The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.
The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine.
Yet the woman wed the second man.
Because no matter how g**... you pictured him to be...
The first man was just a little grocer.
Tuna must age about five times faster than humans.
This is supported by the fact that tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."
A dog and a cat were having an argument on who is the favorite of humans
The dog says, Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.
The cat smiles and says, You're not really going to win this one you know.
An actual joke that was told by Jews during World War II
An SS man says to a Jew in a concentration camp: "You are to be killed today, but I will give you a chance. One of my eyes is a glass eye. If you can guess which one it is, I will give you your life."
The Jew looks at the SS man and says, "The left one, Herr Corporal."
"That is correct. How did you recognize it?"
"Because it looks so human."
What do you get when you mix Human DNA and Goat DNA?
A stern police warning and a lifetime ban from the petting zoo
Hippos can swim and run faster than humans. What does this mean?
The bycicle is the only way to beat then in a triathlon.
A shark can swim faster than a human, but a human can run faster than a shark…
..So in a triathlon it comes down to who's the better cyclist
Christian theologians have long maintained that Jesus is both human and divine simultaneously. A recent squabble has divided them over the subject of His nostrils. I know which side I'm on
I'm going with the God-only-nose crowd
My son is at that age where he's curious about the human body.
I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.
I recently learned that humans farts have sounded the same since ancient Egypt.
We share a toot in common.
