Human Jokes

• Short Human Jokes
• Human One Liners
• Human Body Jokes
• Human Rights Jokes
• Dog Human Jokes
• Human Resources Jokes
• Stupid Human Jokes
• More Human Jokes

Funniest Human Short Jokes

Short human jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The human humour may include short mans jokes also.

1. Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
2. I know global warming is bad but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?
3. We thought it was our ability to love that made us human, but it turns out it was actually our ability to SELECT EACH IMAGE CONTAINING A TRUCK.
4. As God created this human child, God asked him... "How about an extra chromosome?"
   The child replied, "I'd be down for that."
5. My 8-year-old wrote a dinosaur joke What do you get when you cross a T-Rex and a human?
   A T-Rex
6. After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working? Your pupils; they dilate.
7. Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year... ...so that's just being hippocritical...
8. I read online today that humans, on average, eat more banana than monkeys. It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
9. Dear Humans, You get mad at me when I work....You get mad at me when I don't work.
   Sincerely,
   Confused alarm clock.
10. My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body... I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.

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Human One Liners

Which human one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with human? I can suggest the ones about creature and mankind.

1. What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? Banned from of Seaworld
2. TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
3. What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? You get kicked out of sea world…
4. What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose? Arrested apparently
5. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the zoo.
6. What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA? Thrown out of the petting zoo
7. You can freeze a human to -273.15 C He'd be 0K.
8. If I don't perfect Human Cloning... ...I won't be able to live with myself
9. What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? ...banned from the petting zoo...
10. The Human centipede wasn't that bad really.. ...most of it was tongue in cheek.
11. What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
12. Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need: just five more minutes
13. A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar... The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.
14. What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
15. I wasn't sure about getting involved in human trafficking at first... But now i'm sold.

Human Body Jokes

Here is a list of funny human body jokes and even better human body puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.
• My teenage son recently started asking me awkward questions about the human body.... I should've probably hid it better...
• Jokes about the human body are generally corny… Jokes about eyes though are even cornea.
• How much do all the bone in the human body weigh? A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.
• How do you dispose of a human body Wait this isn't Google
• My son is at that age where he's curious about the human body. I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.
• A joke The human body has 206 bones and you still think your dog loves you for no reason?
• There are over 60,000 miles of arteries, veins and capillaries in the human body. If you took all of yours and laid them end-to-end, You'd die.
• The human body is made up of about 60% Water So I'm not fat, I'm just flooded.
• A restaurant in my town just started serving human body parts. They've really got a leg up on the competition now.

Human Rights Jokes

Here is a list of funny human rights jokes and even better human rights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Wanna hear something funny? China is a member of UN human right council
• Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects. I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.
• Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.
• Saudi Arabia... ...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.
• I really don't like Saudi Arabia's human rights record. I won't beheading there anytime soon.
• What does the H in Saudi Arabia stand for? Human rights
• While humans get their Miranda rights, what does a Zombie get when they are arrested? They get habeas corpus.
• It's cool how today everyone is applauding patriots for standing up for human rights... ...and by next Sunday everyone will be back to hating the Patriots again
• There is a guy who lives in my town that holds the record for the most concussions by a human. He actually lives right near me, only a stone's throw away.
• We have to buy our basic human rights Food, water, the internet...

Dog Human Jokes

Here is a list of funny dog human jokes and even better dog human puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog? They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.
• A new discovery which makes dogs live as long as human beings... Allowing a loving bond between them and their non vaccinated owners had been discovered.
• Two Dogs talking. Dog one: Why are all of the humans wearing muzzles?
  Dog two: Because they broke the rules and didn't sit and stay....
• My sister got upset that I washed our puppy with my own, human shampoo. I reassured her it had already been tested on dogs.
• If dogs had the ability to speak to humans We still would have no idea what Scottish Terriers would be trying to tell us.
• I was trying to do some research on human and dog relationships But I got stuck in my lab
• If Paw Patrol had humans instead of dogs They'd probably look pretty weird while barking
• Scientists have determined that one dog year is not equal to 7 human years. The only thing equal to 7 human years is 2020
• A dog looks at its human and thinks "this person feeds me, they must be God" A cat looks at its human and thinks "this person feeds me, I must be God"
• Apparently a dog whistle in inaudible to the human ear. Just think, my pet could be sitting in front of me whistling a tune and I can't hear a thing.

Human Resources Jokes

Here is a list of funny human resources jokes and even better human resources puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I'm always hard at work. But Human Resources keeps telling me that it's extremely inappropriate to have erections at the office.
• How does the Soylent Green factory deal with workplace misconduct? Human Resources.
• What's Frankenstein's favourite part of a company? Human resources
• Which part of his new job disappointed the cannibal? The human resources department
• I've always preferred management over human resources I guess that's just a personnel preference
• What department do you not want to end up at in a corporation run by cannibals? Human Resources.
• I've made a fortune through international human resource management! Or 'human trafficking', as some call it.
• I almost got fired last month because the word got out that I was intolerant... I had to explain all about lactose to the Human Resource department.

Stupid Human Jokes

Here is a list of funny stupid human jokes and even better stupid human puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Only three things are infinite The universe, human stupidity, and the winrar trial period.
• It's Albert Einstein, not mine Few things are Infinite,
  The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.
• "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." ~ Albert Einstein I'm not so sure either...
• Only three things are infinite... The universe, human stupidity and and the Winrar trial period.
  Actually I am not very sure about the first two.
• Like Einstein said, "Only 2 things are infinite, human stupidity And... WinRAR trial version".
• Good news everyone. The cure for human stupidity has been invented in a convenient pill form. Unfortunately, Donald Trump refuses to take it.
• The human brain is one of the most complex objects in the universe. Is it any wonder that so many people never learn to use it.
• human skin boots My friend paid $4,000 for human skin boots and pants.
  I told him how s**... that was--he could have had the same thing in black for $29.

Uproarious Human Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about human you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean alien jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make human pranks.