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Human Body Jokes

115 human body jokes and hilarious human body puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about human body that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Human Body Short Jokes

Short human body jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The human body humour may include short human anatomy jokes also.

  1. After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working? Your pupils; they dilate.
  2. My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body... I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
  3. Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.
  4. My teenage son recently started asking me awkward questions about the human body.... I should've probably hid it better...
  5. How much do all the bone in the human body weigh? A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.
  6. My son is at that age where he's curious about the human body. I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.
  7. There are over 60,000 miles of arteries, veins and capillaries in the human body. If you took all of yours and laid them end-to-end, You'd die.
  8. A restaurant in my town just started serving human body parts. They've really got a leg up on the competition now.
  9. How we know that God is not an engineer When designing the human body, an engineer would not run a sewer line through a recreational area.
  10. I used to be two separate cells in two human bodies… now i'm a human body in a separate cell

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Human Body One Liners

Which human body one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with human body? I can suggest the ones about body system and human organ.

  1. Jokes about the human body are generally corny… Jokes about eyes though are even cornea.
  2. How do you dispose of a human body Wait this isn't Google
  3. A joke The human body has 206 bones and you still think your dog loves you for no reason?
  4. The human body is made up of about 60% Water So I'm not fat, I'm just flooded.
  5. Why are normal human body temperatures around 98.7*F? Because we're all a little obtuse.
  6. How much do all the bones in a human body weigh? A skelly tonne.
  7. Perfect pick up line... There are 206 bones in the human body... Want another one?
  8. What's the worst part of having a human brain in a robot body? Can't fly
  9. Whats the most addictive drug you can formulate out of a piece of the human body? Hairoin
  10. What's the most indian bone in the human body? The patella. (I'll show myself out)
  11. Why is the most sacrilegious bone in the human body? The blas-femur
  12. Did you know? There is enough bones in the human body to make an entire SKELETON.
  13. There was a severed human nose found in the lake. Know who it belongs to? No body nose...
  14. What's the most renewable part of the human body? The solar plexus.
  15. The human body is roughly 60% water. I'm not fat, I'm flooded...

Human Body Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about human body you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean human beings jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make human body pranks.

Mr. Smith, the biology instructor at a Highschool, said during class, “Miss Jones, would you please name the o**... of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.”
Miss Jones gasped, then said, “Mr. Smith, I do not think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.” With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Smith called on Miss Brown and asked the same question. Miss Brown, replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light.”
“Correct,” said Mr. Smith. “And now, Miss Jones, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

Drunk lecture

A cop stops a drunk late at night and asks where he's going. " I'm going to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body." Slurs the drunk. " Really? who's giving that lecture at one in the morning?" " My wife."

Play around

So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"

Three Engineers

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."

Medical School Entrance Exam...

When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."


Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.

Three engineering students.

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Entrance Exam

A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.

An elderly man is stopped by the police at 1 A.M.

The officer asks where he's going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I'm going to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer laughs and says, "Oh really? And who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."

What Engineer Designed The Human Body?

Four engineers are arguing over who designed the human body.
The mechanical engineer points to the ways the bones, the muscles, and the tendons are joined together and move so smoothly and efficiently, and claims it must have been a mechanical engineer.
The electrical engineer diagrams the central and peripheral nervous systems and maintains that it would take an electrical engineer.
The hydraulic engineer insists that only a hydraulic engineer could be responsible for the circulation of the blood and the secretions of the many glands.
They look to the civil engineer and he says, "Don't look at me. No civil engineer would ever put a sewer outlet next to a recreational area".

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m

...and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied,
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."

Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"

Three Engineers are Sitting at a Bar...

...and discussing what kind of engineer constructed the human body. The first exclaimed that it must be a Mechanical Engineer because of all the joints and moving parts. The second said it had to have been an Electrical Engineer because of all the nerve endings and electrical signals. The third disagreed with both and declared that it had to have been a Nuclear Engineer, because who else would construct a toxic tube so close to a recreational area?

An artist, an engineer, and a civil planner are arguing about God's occupation by observing the human body.

The artist says, "God is an artist. You only need to see the beautiful shapes of our muscles, the rich colors of our skin, the textures of our hair to see that."
The engineer says, "God is a engineer. You only need to see the wonders of the human body and its ability to grow and rebuild itself, the perfect mechanisms of its joints, its balance and speed and grace to see that."
The civil planner gives them the finger and says, "God is an accountant! That sumbitch cut the cost of materials in half by running a waste disposal plant through a pristine recreational area!"

A man gets pulled over by the police...

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

Three engineers are debating what kind of engineer designed the human body

The first says "It has to be an electric engineer! The nervous system resembles some fantastic electrical work!"
The second says "It was obviously a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints throughout the human body."
The third says "It was a civil engineer! Who else would put a waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Joke: In my intro to archaeology lab, I had a pop-quiz about bones in the human body

I couldn't find that humerus either

The Largest o**...

**Q:** What's the largest o**... in the human body?
**A:** That depends. If you've just swallowed a Steinway and a Wurlitzer, it's probably the Steinway.

One More Ocean

The human body is around 50-60% water, so with China's population, it's technically at least half ocean!

Nose hairs must be the longest hairs on the human body.

When you pull them your a**... twitches.

Bones - joke

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

How I Nearly Became A Doctor

How I Nearly Became A Doctor
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters *PNEIS* into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when e**....
Those who answered spine are doctors today.

If God were an engineer...

3 Engineers are sitting at the bar, having a conversation along the lines of "If God were an engineer, what kind of engineer would he be?"
The Mechanical Engineer: "Obviously he was mechanical. Look at the joints, the complex range of motion, the connective tissue. Mechanical Engineer for sure!"
The Electrical Engineer: "No way. Electrical. Look at that brain! All the nerves, neurons, every little electrical impulse that ties it together! Must've been Electrical!
The Civil Engineer: Takes a sip of his drink. "Nope. I can say for a fact that the human body was designed by a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreation area?"

Biology Lesson

Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. "Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"
Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, "That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will report you to the Dean."
Dr Adams just nods and says, "Miss Conrad, same question."
Miss Conrad stands and says, "The pupil of the eye, under dim light."
Dr Adams nods again and says "Correct, full marks for Miss Conrad." Then he turns and says, "Miss Baker, I can tell you three things. First, you have not studied. Second, you have a dirty mind. Third, you are going to suffer a grave disappointment."

What's the most important liquid in the human body?

Seminal fluid.

which o**... of the human body expands to 10 times it's size

I don't know, you tell me.

An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are Engineers.

What is the funniest part of the human body?

It would be the humerus but something in the lungs is cilia

A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.

The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be trained to perform.
The third student says that God is a Systems Engineer, because the human brain is essentially a self-programming neural net computer.
The fourth student then quietly states that God is really a civil engineer, because nobody else would run a septic system through a recreational area.

In s**... education, the teacher asked: "does anyone have any questions about the female human body?"

I said: "yes miss, do you know any good places to hide one?"

What are the only human body parts that never grow?

Your kidneys.

Nearly became a Doctor

Only a few of my friends know that I nearly became a doctor. But this is what happened.
When I was young in the 1970's, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked of us was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when e**....
Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes via the internet!

Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.

The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."
The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."
The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."

Human sees Doggo for the first time and goes "Aww"

Then he decides to name its body parts...
Jaww
Paww
Claww.

A man has just died.

As his soul leaves his body and begins to float towards the clouds, he hears a loud, booming voice.
**"Come. Come towards the light, my son."**
And so he does.
Meanwhile, atop his cloud, God laughs, as another human hits his bug zapper.

Three engineers are discussing what sort of god designed the human body.

The first says "god must be a mechanical engineer. Look at all these joints!"
The second says "nonsense! God must be an electrical engineer. The brain is made of millions of electrical connections!"
The third says "both of you are wrong! God must be a civic engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Using the letters P S N I E... name a part of the human body that works best when e**....

If you answered "SPINE" You are correct

There are 265 bones in the human body.

Wanna add another one?

A Japanese student went to America to study the human body.

He was found in a morgue by one of its workers. When asked what he was doing he said:
I'm studying abroad.

If the human body is 75% water

How can you be 100% salt?

Why do marketers in the human body employ meiosis over mitosis when making their advertisements

Because s**... cells!

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

One day, all the human body parts got together to decide who should be in charge.

The mouth said, I should be in charge because I can talk.
...No one else said anything.

My Daughter…

My daughter once said to me
Dad, according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
She was just an embryo.

This is a little science joke my friend told me.

A 99kg man asks his friend if I eat 1kg of nachos, does that make me 1%nacho.? The friend replied to that
Well the human body is made up of sodium, oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. So that practically makes us 100% NaCHO

I used to think the human brain was the most wonderful o**... in my body

Then I realized who was telling me this

What happens to the human body when you watch Mary Poppins too many times?

Supercalifragilisticexpiacidosis.

How is the human body similar to large i**... drug manufacturers?

Cartel-age

Today I discovered something curious about the human body

Did you know that if you were to take someone's intestines out and stretch them along a 25ft tape measure, the said person would die?

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"

Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."

Three engineers are sitting at a bar and the bartender asks "If God were an engineer what type would he be."

The first engineer says "He'd be a mechanical engineer. Think about all the bones in the human body and well they work together."
The second engineer says "Well, God was most likely an electrical engineer. Consider the human brain and the complexity of the nervous system."
The third engineer says "Obviously He was a civil engineer. Who else would run water and sewer through a recreational area."

2 women argue over who designed the human body

2 long time friends meet up at a bar and have some drinks when the conversation turns to who designed the human body.
Women 1 is a mathematician and argued as such a mathematician must have
Women 2 is a scientist and as such argued that due do science and stuff it must have been a scientist
Drunk construction worker guy spins around and says "both you broads are wrong, a plumber designed the human body"
The 2 women look confused and asked the construction worker how so. His reply? "Only a plumber is s**... enough to put the waste disposal through the main o**..."

Legend tells of an incredible hero...

Legend tells of an incredible hero: Carto-Man. Half of his body is a regular human, but the other half is made up of a key from a map.
The man, the myth, the legend

If the human body can survive a 50 ft fall

Then why did my girlfriend scream when I pushed her off the roof?

Why didn't the human anatomy professor tell her students they dissected the wrong body?

... She didn't have the heart to tell them.

I have an old soul, the mind of a scholar, the heart of a child and the body of a stripper.

And that completes my basement collection of human body parts.

Tom was stopped by the cops while walking home at 2am the other night.

The cop asked where him where he was going at that time of night. Tom replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" Tom replied, "That would be my wife."

Poor planning?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Three engineers argue about who designed the human body

"Look at all the supports and joints... " said the first engineer, "... it must have been a structural engineer."
"No, no, it was an electrical engineer; just look at the nervous system and all its connections and wiring." said the second engineer.
"Both of you are wrong" exclaimed the third engineer. "It was a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a toxic pipeline through the middle of a recreational area."

Who designed the human body?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."

What are the three shortest words in the english language to describe the shortest thing in the human body?

Is it in?

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, That would be my wife.

Three engineering majors

Three engineering majors were discussing who designed the human body.
The first one said "It had to be a mechanical engineer; the body has hundreds of joints."
The second one says "It had to be an electrical engineer; the nervous system has thousands of electrical connections."
The last one says "It had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"