Human Body Jokes
83 human body jokes and hilarious human body puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about human body that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Human Body Short Jokes
Short human body jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The human body humour may include short human anatomy jokes also.
- My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body... I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
- Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.
- How much do all the bone in the human body weigh? A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.
- My son is at that age where he's curious about the human body. I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.
- There are over 60,000 miles of arteries, veins and capillaries in the human body. If you took all of yours and laid them end-to-end, You'd die.
- How we know that God is not an engineer When designing the human body, an engineer would not run a sewer line through a recreational area.
- I used to be two separate cells in two human bodies… now i'm a human body in a separate cell
- Why didn't the human anatomy professor tell her students they dissected the wrong body? ... She didn't have the heart to tell them.
- What are the three shortest words in the english language to describe the shortest thing in the human body? Is it in?
- What is the funniest part of the human body? It would be the humerus but something in the lungs is cilia
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Human Body One Liners
Which human body one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with human body? I can suggest the ones about body system and human organ.
- Jokes about the human body are generally corny… Jokes about eyes though are even cornea.
- A joke The human body has 206 bones and you still think your dog loves you for no reason?
- The human body is made up of about 60% Water So I'm not fat, I'm just flooded.
- Why are normal human body temperatures around 98.7*F? Because we're all a little obtuse.
- Perfect pick up line... There are 206 bones in the human body... Want another one?
- What's the worst part of having a human brain in a robot body? Can't fly
- Whats the most addictive drug you can formulate out of a piece of the human body? Hairoin
- What's the most indian bone in the human body? The patella. (I'll show myself out)
- Why is the most sacrilegious bone in the human body? The blas-femur
- Did you know? There is enough bones in the human body to make an entire SKELETON.
- What's the most renewable part of the human body? The solar plexus.
- The human body is roughly 60% water. I'm not fat, I'm flooded...
- If the human body is 75% water How can you be 100% salt?
- There are 265 bones in the human body. Wanna add another one?
- What are the only human body parts that never grow? Your kidneys.
Human Body Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about human body you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean human beings jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make human body pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which o**... of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which o**... of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted.
She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.
"Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson.
"Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you."
Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. Smith, the biology instructor at a Highschool, said during class, “Miss Jones, would you please name the o**... of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.”
Miss Jones gasped, then said, “Mr. Smith, I do not think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.” With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Smith called on Miss Brown and asked the same question. Miss Brown, replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light.”
“Correct,” said Mr. Smith. “And now, Miss Jones, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
Play around
So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
What Engineer Designed The Human Body?
Four engineers are arguing over who designed the human body.
The mechanical engineer points to the ways the bones, the muscles, and the tendons are joined together and move so smoothly and efficiently, and claims it must have been a mechanical engineer.
The electrical engineer diagrams the central and peripheral nervous systems and maintains that it would take an electrical engineer.
The hydraulic engineer insists that only a hydraulic engineer could be responsible for the circulation of the blood and the secretions of the many glands.
They look to the civil engineer and he says, "Don't look at me. No civil engineer would ever put a sewer outlet next to a recreational area".
Three Engineers are having an argument...
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
Three Engineers are Sitting at a Bar...
...and discussing what kind of engineer constructed the human body. The first exclaimed that it must be a Mechanical Engineer because of all the joints and moving parts. The second said it had to have been an Electrical Engineer because of all the nerve endings and electrical signals. The third disagreed with both and declared that it had to have been a Nuclear Engineer, because who else would construct a toxic tube so close to a recreational area?
An artist, an engineer, and a civil planner are arguing about God's occupation by observing the human body.
The artist says, "God is an artist. You only need to see the beautiful shapes of our muscles, the rich colors of our skin, the textures of our hair to see that."
The engineer says, "God is a engineer. You only need to see the wonders of the human body and its ability to grow and rebuild itself, the perfect mechanisms of its joints, its balance and speed and grace to see that."
The civil planner gives them the finger and says, "God is an accountant! That sumbitch cut the cost of materials in half by running a waste disposal plant through a pristine recreational area!"
Joke: In my intro to archaeology lab, I had a pop-quiz about bones in the human body
I couldn't find that humerus either
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The Largest o**...
**Q:** What's the largest o**... in the human body?
**A:** That depends. If you've just swallowed a Steinway and a Wurlitzer, it's probably the Steinway.
One More Ocean
The human body is around 50-60% water, so with China's population, it's technically at least half ocean!
Bones - joke
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!
If God were an engineer...
3 Engineers are sitting at the bar, having a conversation along the lines of "If God were an engineer, what kind of engineer would he be?"
The Mechanical Engineer: "Obviously he was mechanical. Look at the joints, the complex range of motion, the connective tissue. Mechanical Engineer for sure!"
The Electrical Engineer: "No way. Electrical. Look at that brain! All the nerves, neurons, every little electrical impulse that ties it together! Must've been Electrical!
The Civil Engineer: Takes a sip of his drink. "Nope. I can say for a fact that the human body was designed by a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreation area?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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How do you dispose of a human body
Wait this isn't Google
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Biology Lesson
Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. "Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"
Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, "That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will report you to the Dean."
Dr Adams just nods and says, "Miss Conrad, same question."
Miss Conrad stands and says, "The pupil of the eye, under dim light."
Dr Adams nods again and says "Correct, full marks for Miss Conrad." Then he turns and says, "Miss Baker, I can tell you three things. First, you have not studied. Second, you have a dirty mind. Third, you are going to suffer a grave disappointment."
What's the most important liquid in the human body?
Seminal fluid.
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which o**... of the human body expands to 10 times it's size
I don't know, you tell me.
An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are Engineers.
A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.
The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be trained to perform.
The third student says that God is a Systems Engineer, because the human brain is essentially a self-programming neural net computer.
The fourth student then quietly states that God is really a civil engineer, because nobody else would run a septic system through a recreational area.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In s**... education, the teacher asked: "does anyone have any questions about the female human body?"
I said: "yes miss, do you know any good places to hide one?"
Human sees Doggo for the first time and goes "Aww"
Then he decides to name its body parts...
Jaww
Paww
Claww.
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A man has just died.
As his soul leaves his body and begins to float towards the clouds, he hears a loud, booming voice.
**"Come. Come towards the light, my son."**
And so he does.
Meanwhile, atop his cloud, God laughs, as another human hits his bug zapper.
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Using the letters P S N I E... name a part of the human body that works best when e**....
If you answered "SPINE" You are correct
A Japanese student went to America to study the human body.
He was found in a morgue by one of its workers. When asked what he was doing he said:
I'm studying abroad.
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Why do marketers in the human body employ meiosis over mitosis when making their advertisements
Because s**... cells!
One day, all the human body parts got together to decide who should be in charge.
The mouth said, I should be in charge because I can talk.
...No one else said anything.
My Daughter…
My daughter once said to me
Dad, according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
She was just an embryo.
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Four men are stuck on a desert island...
Four men are stuck on a desert island, but one of the men suddenly drops dead.
The remaining three men decides the best way to survive is that they eat his dead body, and that they should decide who gets what by which football team they support.
The 1st guy says: "I support Liverpool, so I should get the liver"
The 2nd dude says; "I support Manchester United, so I'll eat his chest"
The 3rd male human says: "I support Arsenal, and I think I've lost my appetite..."
Old but gold ;)
This is a little science joke my friend told me.
A 99kg man asks his friend if I eat 1kg of nachos, does that make me 1%nacho.? The friend replied to that
Well the human body is made up of sodium, oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. So that practically makes us 100% NaCHO
What happens to the human body when you watch Mary Poppins too many times?
Supercalifragilisticexpiacidosis.
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How is the human body similar to large i**... drug manufacturers?
Cartel-age
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
Three engineers are sitting at a bar and the bartender asks "If God were an engineer what type would he be."
The first engineer says "He'd be a mechanical engineer. Think about all the bones in the human body and well they work together."
The second engineer says "Well, God was most likely an electrical engineer. Consider the human brain and the complexity of the nervous system."
The third engineer says "Obviously He was a civil engineer. Who else would run water and sewer through a recreational area."
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2 women argue over who designed the human body
2 long time friends meet up at a bar and have some drinks when the conversation turns to who designed the human body.
Women 1 is a mathematician and argued as such a mathematician must have
Women 2 is a scientist and as such argued that due do science and stuff it must have been a scientist
Drunk construction worker guy spins around and says "both you broads are wrong, a plumber designed the human body"
The 2 women look confused and asked the construction worker how so. His reply? "Only a plumber is s**... enough to put the waste disposal through the main o**..."
Legend tells of an incredible hero...
Legend tells of an incredible hero: Carto-Man. Half of his body is a regular human, but the other half is made up of a key from a map.
The man, the myth, the legend
If the human body can survive a 50 ft fall
Then why did my girlfriend scream when I pushed her off the roof?
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I have an old soul, the mind of a scholar, the heart of a child and the body of a stripper.
And that completes my basement collection of human body parts.
Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
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An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, That would be my wife.
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I bumped into a guy in a supermarket yesterday.
He cursed me and told me not to walk like an idiot.
I told him, I'm sorry, but I haven't possessed a human body in a long time.
The look on his face was priceless.
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What are the longest hairs on the human body?
Nose hairs. Because every time you pull one your a**... twitches.
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That's disgusting...
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a Big disappointment."
A dog and a cat were having an argument on who is the favorite of humans
The dog says, Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.
The cat smiles and says, You're not really going to win this one you know.