Hug Jokes
77 hug jokes and hilarious hug puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hug that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out these hilarious hug jokes! From bear hugs to virtual hugs, handshakes to caresses, we've got jokes about all types of hugs. Plus, we'll give you tips on how to hug a tree or even make up your own hug-joke. Don't miss out on these rib-tickling jokes!
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Funniest Hug Short Jokes
Short hug jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hug humour may include short embrace jokes also.
- A thief pointed a knife at me and said "your money or your life" I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment.
- I told my dad to embrace his mistakes... I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried.
Then he hugged me and my brother. - My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!
- I OBJECT! the defendant screams in court. The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, No…you human.
- What's the difference between Mcgregor and Mayweather? Mcgregor hugs his wife and beats his opponents while
Mayweather beats his wife and hugs his opponents - Sometimes, I will squat to the floor, hug my legs, and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
- i told my girlfriend yesterday, she should learn to embrace her mistakes she seemed very content, because she instantly hugged me.
- My wife asked me how she looked I told her that she was a 10/10 and she hugged me, i had to inform her that 10/10 is still equal to 1
- A son asks his dad if he regrets anything about having a son at 16. Nuttin the dad responds with a straight face.
Thanks Dad the son says as he gives the dad a hug. - A son is coming out to his father "I'm gay" the son says.
"You aren't thinking straight" says the dad.
And then they laugh and hug, for it was a dad joke.
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Hug One Liners
Which hug one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hug? I can suggest the ones about handshake and darling.
- I told my dad to embrace his mistakes He gave me a hug
- I told my wife she needed to start embracing her mistakes. So she gave me a hug.
- I can tell how uncomfortable a person is... ...just by hugging them for 18 minutes.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mstakes... She gave me a hug.
- My girlfriend told me to man up and embrace my mistakes I hugged her.
- I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
- You know you are fat when ... you hug a child and it gets lost.
- Always hug your enemies Then you'll know what size the hole needs to be in your garden
- You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.
- I told my husband he could embrace his mistakes So then he hugged our children.
- My dad told my mom to embrace her mistakes. She hugged him.
- What do you call a snuggly rabbit? Hugs Bunny
- I told my mother to embrace her mistakes She proceeded to hug me
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes She hugged me
- How do nudists greet each other? With a bare hug.
Hug Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny hug day jokes and even better hug day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- With all this controversy about being friend zoned made me nervous,so one day I bent down and hugged my best friend and told her I love her,and she licked my face and wagged her tail!
- As a young man I was told if I wanted to improve myself I should learn to embrace my mistakes. Which is why I hug my children every day.
- I was waitering the other day and a nice old man asked me for a little spoon so I gently lay him down and hugged him from behind
- What did the french chef give his wife on Valentine's day? A hug and a little quiche.
- I made a joke about ugly people the other day. Someone walked up to me and hugged me and said " it takes courage to talk about your face"
Hug A Tree Jokes
Here is a list of funny hug a tree jokes and even better hug a tree puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you call three hippies hugging a tree? A treesome.
- Paul Walker really loved nature... He even died hugging a tree.
- Jesus was a hippie He had sandals, long hair and he died hugging a tree
- Why didn't the hippie hug the tree? Because he didn't wanna get all sappy!
Bear Hug Jokes
Here is a list of funny bear hug jokes and even better bear hug puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear
- What's the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night? Beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
Horror night is...
when your teddy bear hugs you BACK.
Gather Around for Fun Hug Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about hug you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kiss jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hug pranks.
One boy tell the other: "There is an easy way to get what you want"
The other boy said, "How?"
"Tell people you know their secret"
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!"
The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10"
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"
The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15"
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!"
The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
families
so a young boy was told by one of his friends that if he told adults he knows the whole truth they'll give him stuff. so he went home and told his mom i know the whole truth. the mother responded by saying " take these 20 dollars and shut up", so the next day he said the same thing to his dad his dad said "shut up and take this 50 dollars". so the next day he saw the mail man and said i know the whole truth the mail man said " then come and give your real father a big hug.
A man stands up at a f**...
and says to the priest, 'Excuse me, Father... I knew the deceased. Would you mind if I said a quick word?'
The priest nods him on, so the man clears his t**..., pauses for a moment, and says, 'Plethora', before sitting back down.
The widow goes back to the man, gives him a hug and says, 'Thank you. That means a lot.'
I hate it when I go to hug someone really s**......
and my face smashes right into the mirror.
Husband: You should learn to embrace your mistakes.
\*Wife gives him a tight hug immediately\*
I would rather hug an erupting volcano than run away from it.
'cause I' m a lava, not a hata'!
I almost got mugged today
Guy runs up on me with a knife and says' "Your money or your life."
I said, "Look, man, I'm married. I ain't got no money and I ain't got no life."
He gave me a hug and a cigarette.
Oh Grandma!
The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious.
"What trick is that my dear?" she asked.
The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again."
Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and want to hug them.
I know life is tough for the visually impaired.
McDonald's
Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a p**... for a hug.
I told my girlfriend to start embracing her mistakes
I never expected such a tight hug from anyone
A married couple were walking through a garden
when suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them..
The husband lifted his wife to let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart.
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do, barked a little and ran away.
The husband put his wife down, expecting a hug and a few kind words of gratitude from her.
But his wife shouted, I've seen people throwing stones & sticks at dogs, this is the first time I see someone trying to throw his wife at a dog
Moral : No one else can misunderstand a Husband better than a Wife
My friend Jack …
… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
Oh my god! he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, What happened last night?!
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year's resolution!
Some people just need a hug...
Around the neck...with a rope
Difference between Romantic and Horror Movie
After watching a romantic one, you look for your teddy to hug.
After watching a horror one, your teddy starts looking at you
2 boys were talking...
2 boys were talking and one said to the other, "There is an easy way to earn money..The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."The boy jumps up to his dad, "I know your secret!" dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."The boy then tries it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
I wanted to improve my physical affection skills, so I went down to the library and took out a book called How to Hug ...
...You can imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be volume six of the Oxford English Dictionary
One day, Hot Dog Bun Boy came home from school...
His mother saw him come in looking pretty glum and asked, "What's the matter Hot Dog Bun Boy? Did something happen?"
Hot Dog Bun Boy replied, "I was in my history class and it's so frustrating that there are no lessons at all about Hot Dog Buns like us! It's so unfair!"
The mother came up to Hot Dog Bun Boy and gave him a consoling hug. She then said, "I know son, it's not fair. But in the end, history is written by the wieners."
Sam's girlfriend asked if he had ever slept with a p**...
Sam says "Darling, i've never told you this, but you were my first and only. I have never been with any woman other than you."
Sam's girlfriend gives him a huge hug and kiss in relief. As they hug Sam says "So to answer your question, yes."
My birthday was so beautiful
Even the cake was in Tiers
Obligatory cake day post :)
Hope you enjoy it.
I hope everyone is doing well during these tough times. Even if you're not, that is completely understandable and valid. Just know, that I may not know you, but I am supporting you. Sending you all a virtual hug. You may also have a slice of my cake :)
My husband told me to embrace my mistakes
So I gave him a big hug!
Steer clear if you don't like cow puns
Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.
Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.
I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a cow's eyes. He just loved to make them low and behold.
You know what makes cow puns so great?
You can always come up with an udder one.
Needed some help with romance, so I took the book "How to Hug" out of the library.
Turns out it was volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
Hey I've got 70 ways to cheer you up. First is a big hug.
The rest is 69.
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He then proceeded.... to hug **me**.
Everyone should go out right now and give ten random people a hug.
I did this earlier and it's lonely in this holding cell. I want someone nice to talk to.
Snakes can't hug.
They just ssssssssnuggle.
Mayweather was supposed to fight his opponent and hug his wife but apparently he got mixed up
When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them
I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.
Going to McDonalds for a salad roll is like going to a brothel for a hug.
Why should you always hug children after they lose their parents?
It helps release endorphans.
How to freak her out
I love walking up to women I barely know, hug them and sniff loudly followed by me saying, "You smell so much better when you are awake."
A boy is told by a classmate that every adult has at least one big secret
A boy is told by a classmate that every adult has at least one big secret and that it is easy to blackmail them by saying: I know the whole truth.
When the boy comes home he decides to test this, so he goes to his mother and says: I know the whole truth.
The mother gives him $20 and says: Take this and go just don't tell your father anything.
Next, the boy goes to his father and says: I know the whole truth.
The father gives his son $40 and says: Take this and go just don't tell your mother anything.
The next day on the way to school the boy sees the mailman and says to him: I know the whole truth.
The mailman responds: Then come give your daddy a big hug!
I saw the sexiest guy in the world today.
I went to hug him but I ended up just hurting my face on the mirror.
How do porcupines hug?
Carefully!