Hug Jokes

One boy tell the other: "There is an easy way to get what you want"

The other boy said, "How?"
"Tell people you know their secret"
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!"
The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10"
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"
The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15"
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!"
The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

families

so a young boy was told by one of his friends that if he told adults he knows the whole truth they'll give him stuff. so he went home and told his mom i know the whole truth. the mother responded by saying " take these 20 dollars and shut up", so the next day he said the same thing to his dad his dad said "shut up and take this 50 dollars". so the next day he saw the mail man and said i know the whole truth the mail man said " then come and give your real father a big hug.

A man stands up at a f**...

and says to the priest, 'Excuse me, Father... I knew the deceased. Would you mind if I said a quick word?'
The priest nods him on, so the man clears his t**..., pauses for a moment, and says, 'Plethora', before sitting back down.
The widow goes back to the man, gives him a hug and says, 'Thank you. That means a lot.'

I hate it when I go to hug someone really s**......

and my face smashes right into the mirror.

Husband: You should learn to embrace your mistakes.

\*Wife gives him a tight hug immediately\*

I would rather hug an erupting volcano than run away from it.

'cause I' m a lava, not a hata'!

I almost got mugged today

Guy runs up on me with a knife and says' "Your money or your life."
I said, "Look, man, I'm married. I ain't got no money and I ain't got no life."
He gave me a hug and a cigarette.

Oh Grandma!

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious.
"What trick is that my dear?" she asked.
The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again."

Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and want to hug them.

I know life is tough for the visually impaired.

McDonald's

Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a p**... for a hug.

I told my girlfriend to start embracing her mistakes

I never expected such a tight hug from anyone

A married couple were walking through a garden

when suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them..
The husband lifted his wife to let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart.
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do, barked a little and ran away.
The husband put his wife down, expecting a hug and a few kind words of gratitude from her.
But his wife shouted, I've seen people throwing stones & sticks at dogs, this is the first time I see someone trying to throw his wife at a dog
Moral : No one else can misunderstand a Husband better than a Wife

My friend Jack …

… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
Oh my god! he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, What happened last night?!
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year's resolution!

Some people just need a hug...

Around the neck...with a rope

Difference between Romantic and Horror Movie

After watching a romantic one, you look for your teddy to hug.
After watching a horror one, your teddy starts looking at you

2 boys were talking...

2 boys were talking and one said to the other, "There is an easy way to earn money..The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."The boy jumps up to his dad, "I know your secret!" dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."The boy then tries it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

I wanted to improve my physical affection skills, so I went down to the library and took out a book called How to Hug ...

...You can imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be volume six of the Oxford English Dictionary

One day, Hot Dog Bun Boy came home from school...

His mother saw him come in looking pretty glum and asked, "What's the matter Hot Dog Bun Boy? Did something happen?"
Hot Dog Bun Boy replied, "I was in my history class and it's so frustrating that there are no lessons at all about Hot Dog Buns like us! It's so unfair!"
The mother came up to Hot Dog Bun Boy and gave him a consoling hug. She then said, "I know son, it's not fair. But in the end, history is written by the wieners."

Sam's girlfriend asked if he had ever slept with a p**...

Sam says "Darling, i've never told you this, but you were my first and only. I have never been with any woman other than you."
Sam's girlfriend gives him a huge hug and kiss in relief. As they hug Sam says "So to answer your question, yes."

My birthday was so beautiful

Even the cake was in Tiers
Obligatory cake day post :)
Hope you enjoy it.
I hope everyone is doing well during these tough times. Even if you're not, that is completely understandable and valid. Just know, that I may not know you, but I am supporting you. Sending you all a virtual hug. You may also have a slice of my cake :)

My husband told me to embrace my mistakes

So I gave him a big hug!

Steer clear if you don't like cow puns

Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.
Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.
I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a cow's eyes. He just loved to make them low and behold.
You know what makes cow puns so great?
You can always come up with an udder one.

Needed some help with romance, so I took the book "How to Hug" out of the library.

Turns out it was volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.

Hey I've got 70 ways to cheer you up. First is a big hug.

The rest is 69.

I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.

He then proceeded.... to hug **me**.

Everyone should go out right now and give ten random people a hug.

I did this earlier and it's lonely in this holding cell. I want someone nice to talk to.

Snakes can't hug.

They just ssssssssnuggle.

Mayweather was supposed to fight his opponent and hug his wife but apparently he got mixed up

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

Going to McDonalds for a salad roll is like going to a brothel for a hug.

Why should you always hug children after they lose their parents?

It helps release endorphans.

How to freak her out

I love walking up to women I barely know, hug them and sniff loudly followed by me saying, "You smell so much better when you are awake."

I saw the sexiest guy in the world today.

I went to hug him but I ended up just hurting my face on the mirror.

How do porcupines hug?

Carefully!