Hug Day Jokes

Little Johnny and his ball.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."

A boy is told by a classmate that every adult has at least one big secret

A boy is told by a classmate that every adult has at least one big secret and that it is easy to blackmail them by saying: I know the whole truth.

When the boy comes home he decides to test this, so he goes to his mother and says: I know the whole truth.
The mother gives him $20 and says: Take this and go just don't tell your father anything.

Next, the boy goes to his father and says: I know the whole truth.
The father gives his son $40 and says: Take this and go just don't tell your mother anything.

The next day on the way to school the boy sees the mailman and says to him: I know the whole truth.
The mailman responds: Then come give your daddy a big hug!

"Most adults are hiding at least one dark secret!!!"

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

One day Jesus is helping St. Peter at the Gates to Heaven...

One day Jesus is helping St. Peter at the Gates to Heaven when an old man approaches.
"What have you done to enter Paradise?" Jesus asks.
"Me?" replies the old man, "not much, I am just a simple carpenter but my son makes me worthy."
"Your son?" asks Jesus
"Yes, my son. He was born under remarkable circumstances and underwent a miraculous transformation. He was loved by many and continues to be loved to this very day. His name will never be forgotten."
Jesus approaches the man and hugs him tightly, "Father!"
The old man hugs him back, "Pinocchio?"

My father?

There was a young woman who had never known her father. One year, on Christmas day, a stranger knocked at her door.
When she opened the door, there was an older gentleman standing there. He looked at her face for a moment, then reached out and handed her a beautifully bound book of poetry.
"What is this?" she asked.
"A present," the man replied, "from your father."
"My father?" she said, "but I don't have a father."
"Rachel... you do...and I'm him." said the man, looking at the young woman. His eyes filling with tears. Her heart began racing at the thought that this may actually be him. But how could it be? After all this time?
"How can I really know if my father is present before me?" she asked.
The man, still crying, softly replied, "Rachel, your father is not present." He pointed at the book.
"Book is present."
Then the woman cried as she hugged her dad for the first time.

Adam is lonely...

So God creates Eve. God orders Adam to reproduce with Eve. "How?," Adam asks. "First, you must hug and caress Eve." Adam asks "God, what is hugging and caressing?" And God explains.
"I liked hugging and carressing, what's next?" Adam asks. "Next you must kiss Eve," God answers. "What is 'Kiss'?" Adam asks, and God explains.
"I liked kissing Eve, what's next?" God answers, "Next, you must lay with Eve and make love to her." Adam asks, "What is making love?" And so God explains.
Next day, Adam asks in a frustrated tone, "God... What is a *headache?*"

A lady on the beach

There was a lady lying on the beach one day who had no arms and legs. Whenever a handsome fellow would walk by her though she would start crying, and eventually one stopped and asked her "what is wrong?"
She replied with "Since I have no limbs, nobody has ever hugged me before."
The man feeling bad picks her up and gives her a long and very satisfying hug. As he sets her down and starts to leave, she starts crying again. So he asks her again "Lady, what is wrong?"
She replied with "Since I have no limbs nobody has ever kissed me before."
The man then kisses her very romantically and loving. Though as soon as he gets up and leaves she starts to cry again, and he asks her "Lady, what is wrong now?"
She replies "I have never been s**... before."
So the man picks her up and carries her into the ocean and tosses her as far as he can. Then he says "Well, you are now."

A man goes to the beach...

...while he's walking down the shore he sees a 20-year old, blonde-haired girl sitting in the sand crying. Concerned, the man runs over to her. "What's wrong?" He asks.
"I'm twenty years old and I've never been hugged by someone other than family!" She starts sobbing.
Feeling bad, the man hugs her. "There, now you've been hugged." And walks on.
The next day the man walks on the beach again and sees another girl, this one with black hair, sitting in here chair bawling. "What's wrong?" He asks her.
"I'm 19 and I've never been kissed before!" She whines.
He gives her a small kiss on the lips. "There, now you've been kissed." And he walks on.
The third day of his vacation he sees a brunette, openly crying like the other two women. He sighs. "What's wrong?"
"I'm 18 and I've never been s**... before!"
He picks her up, looks her in the eyes, and tosses her out into the ocean, where sharks surround her.
"There. Now you're s**...."

A guy is walking on the beach...

A guy is walking on the beach when he sees a girl lying in the sand crying. He walks over and asks the girl what's wrong she says, " I am 18 years old I have no arms and no legs and I have never been hugged." The man feels bad and gives her a hug. The next day the man is walking on the beach, and he sees the girl crying. He walks over and asks what's wrong. The girl says, " I am 18 years old I have no arms and no legs and I have never been kissed" The mans feels. Ad and gives her a kiss. The next day the man is walking on the beach, and he sees the same girl crying again. He walks over and says, " What's wrong now." The girl says, " I am 18 years old I have no arms and no legs and I have never been s**.... The man immediately picks her up and tosses her into the ocean and says, " now your s**...."

Woman with no arms and legs.

heres mine a man goes down to a beach and is just walking and sees this woman with no arms and legs crying. The man asks her whats wrong. She replies "ive never been hugged before." So the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day the man is walking on the beach and sees the same woman crying. Once again the man asks her whats wrong. She says "ive never been kissed before". The man kisses her then walks away. The next day he goes to the beach and sees the lady yet again still crying. "What now?" The man says. The lady replies "well, ive never been s**... before." The man gets so mad he picks up the lady and throws her in the water and yells, "there, now your s**...!" and walks away.

We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.

My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it’s a really good idea!
My girlfriend?
She is a dream!
But there is something that bothers me! This something is her little sister…
This is my future 20 years old sister-in-law , wearing a super skinny, mini skirts and short blouses.
Always lean ahead and I was often lucky to see her underwear.
She never did that in front of someone else!
One day she calls me and asks me to go home to see the wedding invitations.
When I arrived she was alone.
She whispered that soon I get married and that she has feelings for me for long time and that she thinks she cann’t overcome them.
She also said that she desperately wanted to have s**... with me just once before I marry her sister.
I was shocked and could not say a word…
She said to me that she goes to bed and asked if I wanted to go up with her.
I froze and looked at her going up the stairs.
Going up, she took her p**... off and threw it at me.
I stayed there for a moment and then ran to the door.
I opened it and I walked to the car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said: "I’m glad you passed this little test and I am sure that my daughter could not find a better man. Welcome to the family, my son!"
Moral Lesson: Always keep your condoms in your car!

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"