how to explain Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious how to explain puns

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

👍🏼

A feminist told me about the "Dwayne Johnson Rule."

The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, first ask yourself, 'Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?' If not, don't say it.

I thought this sounded like a good rule. So I told her:

"Your chest is fucking epic."

👍🏼

This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.

He's explaining Facebook to old people.

👍🏼

I asked my mum "How much is a couple?"

"2 or 3" she replied.

Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.

👍🏼

My drug test came back negative.

My drug dealer has some explaining to do.

👍🏼

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

But he's not buying it, in fact he's still making fun of me.

👍🏼

Missionary in the jungle

A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:

"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"

The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:

"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."

The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

👍🏼

Interviewer: How do you explain the five-year gap on your resume?

Me: Oh, that was when I went to Yale.

Interviwer: Amazing! You're hired.

Me: Yay, I got a yob!

👍🏼

Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..

Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.

Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: or a female partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: And that means you're bi.

Me: Yep

Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: Did you just...

👍🏼

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot.

👍🏼

I was watching porn with the missus and she complained, "This is so unrealistic."

I said, "Just because you're unwilling to try new things, doesn't mean everyone's that frigid."

"Not that," she explained, "It's just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny dicks."

👍🏼

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin...

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.

Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains...

"If she ain't good enough for her daddy, her uncle, her brother, and her cousin, she ain't good enough for me!!"

👍🏼

My buddy asked me if he could crash on my couch tonight

I had to explain to him that i am married now, and that's where i sleep

👍🏼

Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch.

I had to explain to him i was married now and that's where i sleep.

👍🏼

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

👍🏼

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...

My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!

What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.

Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'

👍🏼

An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never run out of flesh to sever. Your eyes will-"

"Are there printers?" The man interjects.

"....Printers? Um no, not that I know of, but-"

"Okay this place sounds fine, let's go."

👍🏼

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.



"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.



The American turns around. "He killed my wife."

👍🏼

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.

*

👍🏼

I used to be scared of pretty girls,

So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.

👍🏼

My son asked me what a dilemma was?

"Imagine you're naked and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...

Who you going to turn your back on?"

👍🏼

Dad joke

A dad goes to see his daughter in her room but the door is shut. He opens it, and finds his daughter and some guy he's never met having sex.

The daughter looks up, distraught and embarrassed.
"I.. I can explain! I'm sorry!"

"Hi Sorry, I'm Dad."

He looks at the guy.

"Are you fucking Sorry?"

👍🏼

Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad masturbating in the living room...

As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."

👍🏼

Found 4 fox cubs

I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

👍🏼

A man is walking through the woods...

when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"

👍🏼

A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear

The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the Native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"

The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."

👍🏼

A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.

Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?

Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.

Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have sex with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?

Daughter: Yeah sure!

Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two whores in this house.

👍🏼

Yet another redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin...

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.

Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...

"My mom just told me I'm adopted"

👍🏼

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.

👍🏼

I just explained Google images to my mum...

"Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

"Except that." I replied.

👍🏼

The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate...

That would explain the doughnuts...

👍🏼

I remember when my dad once gave me money to pay the electricity bill.

Instead, I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the house door, parked outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried; especially me, because the car was from the electricity company and they were there to cut off the electricity, so my dad beat the crap out of me again.

👍🏼

A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...

But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse!

👍🏼

Mother's Day

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

👍🏼

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.

"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

👍🏼

What are the best How To Explain puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about How To Explain? Well, here are the best How To Explain dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and How To Explain pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes