How High Jokes
54 how high jokes and hilarious how high puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about how high that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest How High Short Jokes
Short how high jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The how high humour may include short higher than jokes also.
- I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.
- Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market? It was a Big Mcsteak
- Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves. Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.
- In high school some kids told me they'd give me $20 to hang out with them. Turns out it was just clique bait.
- Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
- TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
- Twenty years ago, my friend made a website where you compare getting high from different drugs. It was the original trip advisor.
- What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common? They both contain high amounts of trans fats.
- As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests. My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging
- I had my leg x-rayed today. The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
The doctor replied "披萨卷2.54披萨卷"
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How High One Liners
Which how high one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with how high? I can suggest the ones about high people and high ground.
- What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks.
- Why didn't the japanese guy get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
- It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.
- Gas prices are so high... That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..
- My friend used my todo list to roll a blunt He's high on my list of priorities
- I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high She looked surprised.
- What would you call the Fantastic Four if snoop dogg joined the team? The High Five
- I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high... She seemed surprised.
- We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes. We never made it to a gig.
- What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.
- My dad gets high all the time He's a pilot.
- Cop asks a guy..how high are you? Guy: no officer, it's hi, how are you.
- What's a pirate's favorite musical note? The High Cs
- 2020 Olympic high jump results Gold - Mexico
silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico - "Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!" "Actually, you're not."
Laughter How High Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about how high you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean height of heights jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make how high pranks.
I bet a guy $50 that I could jump higher than a house.
So we went outside and stood by a house. Mustering all my strength, I managed to jump about 18 inches off the ground.
"Ha! Is that as high as you can jump?"
"Hold on, let's see how high the house jumps."
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Overheard from a 14 year old: Why does Donald Trump watch the Olympics?
To see how high Mexicans can pole vault
How high do you have to be to adopt a mouse as your son and name it Stuart
a little
A man walks up some stairs and into a pub.
There isn't a joke here... I just wanted to see how high I could set the bar.
High aunt
My family have a tradition of placing bets on how high they can hoist my mother's sister. I keep telling them to stop as it will end in disaster but they just keep upping the ante each year...
Sorry
In honor of 420
Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
Agreement
My wife and I have an agreement that works...
She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones.
This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room.
I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners.
Cop: Sir, how high are you?
5'11.
They told this joke at the end of church today
A father and young son were driving down the road when the son asked, "Dad, how high can you count?" The dad thought about it and replied "I'm not sure, son...how high can you count?" Without missing a beat, the son answered, "1542." The dad asked, "why did you stop counting?" The son replied, "well, I would have kept going, but church was over."
:)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An eagle is flying over the Grand Canyon when it spies a frog by a stream.
The eagle swoops down and swallows the frog whole, flying off with a full stomach. Somehow the frog makes it through the eagle's digestive tract and pokes his head out of the eagle's a**....
The frog takes a look around and yells back at the eagle: "Hey eagle. About how high up are we?
The eagle yells back, "Oh about 10,000 feet."
The frog replies, "Really? You wouldn't s**... me now, would you?"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say...
"Look how high up in this tree I am".
On a scale of 1-10 how high was Carl?
420
True story: I'm at a music festival with my wife and she is looking good.
I convince her to go to the port-a-potties. I ask here how high do you think the floor is off the ground. She says "I don't know, 3 inches?". I seductively ask her if she would like to accompany me in to the port-a-pottie and Join the 3 inch club. She looks at me sarcastically and says......"Oh, I've already joined the 3 inch club!!!" OUCH!
A drunk driver gets pulled over
A drunk driver gets pulled over by a cop
The cop asks him "how high are you?"
The drunk driver then says "isn't it supposed to be hi, how are you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
David Bowie said he was s**... when watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, which inspired his hit song Space Oddity. How high was he though?
Far above the moon.
Height matters
For example, a difference in how high the rocket flew determined the years the scientists spent in a labor camp.
Donald Trump was down in Rio at the Olympics.
He wanted to see how high the Mexican pole vault team was getting.
Recent study shows 3% of scientists are Republicans
Scientists are still baffled at how high this number is.
How high is the china man joke
How high is the china man?
Yes, he is.
Hi Officer
I was pulled over one day and the officer looked at me ask asked "How high are you?"
I laughed and said "No officer, you said it wrong, it's Hi how are you"
I was dissapointed at how high the bar was...
but I got over it.
How high is a Chinese man
No really he js
How high is a cherokee chieftan.
No seriously, he is.
Canada highly underestimated how high it's population could get.
Physically or figuratively? I can't remember.
I treat the speed limit like I treat breathalyzers
Once I'm over the limit, I might as well see how high I can go.
How high is Elon Musk's insurance cost for his flying car?
I have no idea, but it must be astronomical.
I asked Siri, "How high am I?"
She gives me my elevation She never understands me.
When Chuck Norris says "Jump", you don't say, "How high?" - you say, "When do I come down?"
There are 3 guys in prison...
The guard asks the first guy how high he can jump. 1 meter he awnsers. Okay says the guard you get 1 sandwich.
#
The guard goes to next prisoner and asks how high the man can jump. 2 meters he says. Okay says the guard you get 2 sandwiches.
#
The third guy who was listening thought in his head: I am hungry, if I say I can jump 20 meters I get 20 sandwiches.
#
So the guard asks the last man how high he can jump. 20 meters says the man.
##GET HIM
Shouts the guard.
##HE CAN JUMP OVER THE WALL
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
hitlers loaves
h**... walked up to one boy, he asked the boy,"how high can you jump?" The boy replied one meter. h**... gave the boy one loaf of bread. h**... walked up to the second boy and asked,"how high can you jump?" The boy replied 2 meters. h**... then gave him two loaves of bread, h**... finally walked up to the third boy, who saw what happened before and realized the pattern, h**... asked him the golden question,"how high can you jump?" The boy excitedly replies with 10 meters. h**... then pulled out a gun and shot him dead.
h**...'s eyes then looked at his soldiers and said," Dear god, he could've jumped the fence!"
How high is an asian man?
That's all.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How high can you kick a baby?
It depends. Are you inside or outside?
Did you hear how high the offshore banker's salary is?
I heard he makes boatloads.
How High Is a China Man!
Is he?
*One of my Grandad's jokes, works better when spoken*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How high is a s**... sailor?
Sea Level.
Little kids will love this one .... promise ...
How high does a frog stand in the water?
Knee-deep.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, h**... decided to test out the skills of several prisoners in Treblinka.
As the first test, he had his soldiers bring him out the three prisoners, then line them up before him.
"How high can you jump?" he asks the first one.
"About 1 meter," answers the prisoner.
h**... nodded before turning to his soldier.
"Take this one back to work, but give him 1 kilogram of rye bread."
After the soldier did as he was told, h**... stood before the second prisoner.
"How high can you jump?" he asks again.
After a moment of thinking, the prisoner says.
"Two meters, if I really try."
h**... nodded before turning to his soldier again.
"Take this one back to work too, but give him two kilograms of rye bread."
Observing this, the third prisoner did the maths and hatched a plan.
Finally, h**... stood face to face with him.
"How high can you jump?" he asked him at last prisoner.
"My most illustrious Führer, I can jump 5 meters!" said the prisoner as a smug grin bloomed on his face.
h**... frowned before turning to his soldier.
"Tell me, Walter: how tall are the walls around the camp?"
"Three meters, my Führer!" cried the soldier.
h**... nodded again before turning to the last prisoner.
"In that case, shoot this one: he may become a problem in the future."
