Houston Jokes
120 houston jokes and hilarious houston puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about houston that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Come laugh with us as we examine the best Houston jokes! We'll look at hilarious jokes about the Houston Astros, Houston Texans, the hurricane season, Amarillo, and the Oilers. Get ready to chuckle and giggle!
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Funniest Houston Short Jokes
Short houston jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The houston humour may include short hurricane jokes also.
- Roe vs Wade is in the news again. Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation
- First woman on the Moon: "Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is." - What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE
- A woman astronaut.. A woman astronaut calls her base:
-Houston we have a problem.
-What is it?
-Nothing... - A Valentines Poem Roses are red
Violets are blue
whitney houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou - What's Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
It's my cake day humour me. - Anyone else hear the new Whitney Houston song they just released? No? Well it's very underground right now.
- I'm glad the Astros won the World Series The people of Houston have waded so long for this.
- A reporter in Houston asked a woman how many churches were open during the flood She said; "I don't know I eat at KFC"
- During today's press conference, someone asked the mayor of Houston about his opinion on Roe vs Wade. He said "Honestly, I don't care how people get back to their houses."
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Houston One Liners
Which houston one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with houston? I can suggest the ones about gulf and whitney houston.
- It's ironic Whitney Houston did all those Pepsi endorsements Then over dosed on Coke
- Whitney Houston is 3 Years sober! Wow! Never thought it would happen
- Strippers in Houston must be doing great. Because they're making it rain.
- I'd like to congratulate Whitney Houston... ...on being 24 hours sober!
- How are the Houston Rockets just like Metapod? All they've got is Harden
- Every bar in Houston right now.. ..is a dive bar.
- Astronauts must be having a blast Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem" - What was Whitney Houston's biggest hit? Her last one
- Today marks a very special landmark Whitney Houston has been clean for five years
- What type of car did Whitney Houston drive? HYUNDAI I I I I I I I I I I I I I...
- Whitney Houston May Not Have Had The Last Word! But I know She Had The Last Line!!
- Who hits Houston harder? Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.
~Probably too soon. - We're in Houston, so don't call us... Just Texas
- Did you hear about the debate between Houston and Florida? It's Roe v. Wade
- Why wouldn't you want to go to a bar in Houston? All of their drinks are watered down.
Whitney Houston Jokes
Here is a list of funny whitney houston jokes and even better whitney houston puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- President of Columbia has announced that the country is going into severe economic depression... ...since the deaths of amy winehouse and Whitney Houston.
- Houston, we have a problem
Whitney Houston Jokes
Whitney Houston to star in her new film. The Bodybag.
One more..,
If she wasn't before, Whitney Houston is definitely 100% soul now.
- What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Whitney Houston? The rock Neil was on made him famous, the rock she was on made her dead.
- Congrats to Whitney Houston Four Years drug-free
- Whitney Houston had quite the set of pipes on her. In fact she died clutching onto one of them.
- Houston, Texas, is six feet underwater Unlike Whitney Houston, who is six feet underground.
- Why is Whitney Houston good at video games? One of her strong suits is HAAND EEEEEEEYYYEEEE coordination.
- What's black on the outside and white on the inside? Whitney Houston's nose
- It's been 6 years since Whitney Houston passed away In memorial, McDonald is releasing the Whitney Houston Happy Meal.
It's just coke and ice.
Grats on 6 years sober, Whitney Houston! - The last Houston to be submerged in water was Whitney and that didn't end well.
Houston Texas Jokes
Here is a list of funny houston texas jokes and even better houston texas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why didn't Johnson Space Center in Houston get one of the retired Space Shuttle orbiters? Because Texas already got Columbia.
- Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Houston, Texas.
Houston Rockets Jokes
Here is a list of funny houston rockets jokes and even better houston rockets puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's Kim Jong Un's favourite sport team? Houston Rockets ...
- There are a lot of great players on the Houston Rockets right now, but which one has helped solidify the teams ranking this season the most? If you ask me, I'd say Harden.
- Houston got smacked... The Astros and The Rockets
Houston Astros Jokes
Here is a list of funny houston astros jokes and even better houston astros puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Black lives matter held a rally in Houston, but no one knew what they were trying to say. The Astros stole all their signs.
- What's the difference between the trash can in the Houston Astros dugout and me? That trash can is getting banged
- I'm glad the Houston Astros and the Washington Nationals made it into the World Series... It's the Astro-Nats and you can call it the Out of This World Series.
Gather Around for Fun Houston Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about houston you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean land jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make houston pranks.
The first all-female spacewalk happened recently
Meanwhile in space:
"Houston, we have a problem."
"What sort of a problem?"
"Well if you don't know without asking, I guess there is no problem at all! Everything is JUST FINE!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.
Congratulations on your accomplishments!
Whitney Houston, on being year sober!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for the day.
Give a man two prosthetic legs, and he'll shoot his girlfriend.
Inside the Alamo, Davy Crockett got up from his cot, walked across the dusty dirt floor to the ladder, and climbed to the roof. There, he found Sam Houston and Jim Bowie staring off in the distance...
...as over the hills rode straight toward them a thousand Mexicans. Davy thought for a moment and then said, "Guys...are we laying concrete today?"
I'd like to tell a Whitney Houston joke...
... but then I realized that It's Not right, But It's Okay
Punch lines...
I have all these great jokes, but Whitney Houston keeps snorting all my punch lines!
Blonde flying to Houston, TX
A blonde hops on a flight to Houston, TX. She sees first class sits down and thinks, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am." So the flight is about to take off and the flight attendant comes by and asks for the ladies ticket. "Mam, your ticket is for coach. You need to go back to your seat because this is first class seating." The blonde replies. "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am." Puzzled the flight attendant goes to the pilot and says "We have a problem, this blonde lady in first class wont go back to coach where her ticket is." The pilot then says, "My wife is blonde, let me take care of this." Pilot walks up to the blonde and says "Mam, May I see your ticket?" Blonde hands him the ticket.
Quickly the pilot says to the blonde, "You might want to go back to coach, first class isn't flying to Houston." She quickly gets up and goes to coach.
What did Whitney Houston have in common with her songs?
They both ended on a high
Recently got back from a vacation in Mexico.
I'm sorry, I spelled Houston wrong.
What was the physicist's favorite football team?
The Houston Eulers.
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London...
As they went past the Tower of London the cabbie explained what the building was and provided a brief history. Upon hearing that its construction started in 1346 and was completed in 1412, the Texan stated, "Really? A little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"
Next they passed the House of Parliament, and the cabbie again gave a brief history, omitting the construction dates this time. However, being eager to brag, the Texan questioned its construction too. The cabbie replied that it was built in 1544 and completed in 1618.
"Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a month!"
As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.
"Well? What's that over there?" asked the Texan.
The annoyed cabbie scratches his head and replied "I haven't the foggiest idea, Sir. It wasn't there yesterday!"
After the death of Bobbi Kristina Brown in similar circumstances to her mother Whitney Houston...
The family have released an online video to commemorate their lives.
"Two Girls, One Tub" was probably not the best idea for a title.
What did the astronaut from AA say in space?
"Houston, I have a problem."
NASA decides to send up an all-female crew for their next shuttle mission...
"Houston, we have a problem."
"What's the problem?"
"Nothing. Nevermind."
"Repeat, what is the nature of the problem?"
"It's fine, whatever."
What do Whitney Houston and Jeremy Clarkson have in common?
They were both on Top Gear.
An Australian travels to Houston for business, and sees who he suspects to be a famous football player. So he decides to ask him....
You Watt, mate?
You know what is ironic about Whitney Houston dying in her bath tub?
She was taking swimming lessons at that time
Did you hear the new Whitney Houston album?
It didn't make much of a splash.
What do MLK, Elvis, and the Houston Oilers have in common?
They all died in Tennessee
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a b**... in the streets of Houston yesterday...
Don't worry, the police have everything under control..... they shot him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Muslim on a plane?
Soon to be detained for flying home to his family in Houston after a business trip.
What did Whitney Houston say when asked which parts of public buildings are generally the most affectionate?
Hallways love yooooouuuuu.
First woman on mars.
Houston we have a problem...OK what is it? If you don't know already I am not going to tell you. You wouldn't understand.
What kind of restaurant is most common in the airport in Houston?
Asian takeout
Donald Trump just tweeted he will build a Moon base and be the first person to step foot on the Moon again.
I can hear it now... Houston this is Tranquility base the Ego has landed
Houston, we have a problem.
Title is the joke, the city of houston is currently experiencing a small problem... It's under water.
People in Houston are bringing some retro styles back.
I heard high water pants are back in.
Hear about the 2020 summer olympics?
They're going to hold the water sports in Houston.
What did the crew of the International Space Station say to Mission Control?
Houston, you have a problem.
Debbie Did Dallas
And then Harvey Did Houston.
I wanted to make a Houston joke a few days ago...
but i didn't want to be flooded with all the notifications.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Its a good time to buy property in Houston
A lot of the mortgages are under water
**Had to re-post since I cant spell *Huston
Only in Houston is it considered appropriate to ask a stranger
How many inches you got?
Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...
Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."
Teenagers in Houston can look forward to the used car sales in a few months.
The market is going to be flooded.
Whats the good thing about living in Houston?
Property values are gonna be higher than Miami on Monday.
What did NASA have to say about Hurricane Harvey?
*Kzzzzz* Houston, we have a problem.
Whitney Houston might not have been part of Queen
but she did rock
80's: Tina Turner / 90's: Whitney Houston / 00's: Beyoncé / 10's:
Halsey
If only Whitney Houston could hit a baseball pitch as well as she could hit notes and pitch her voice.
She would have had the world's best hAND EYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII coordination.
Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?
Because it's way to cold for planting Bushes in Maine.. told to me by my mother
What's the difference between a drug addicted hobo lying dead in the ditch and Whitney Houston?
Only one of them will always you.
What do you call a person who proposes while it is raining in Houston?
Wet-knee Houston.
Went to see the movie 'The Bodyguard' with Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner. It was ok.
They loved it though.
