Housewife Jokes
22 housewife jokes and hilarious housewife puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about housewife that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These housewife jokes will have you laughing out loud! From the overworked 1950s housewife to the bored-stiff housekeeper and the not-so-happily-married rent-payer, you'll find something to giggle at in these vintage housewife jokes or as a divorcee.
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Funniest Housewife Short Jokes
Short housewife jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The housewife humour may include short house husband jokes also.
- Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!". So I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy!
- Everytime my SO refers to herself as a housewife... I have to remind her she is just an apartmentfiancee.
- My housewife wanted to go back to college At first I was skeptical, but eventually I agreed to a degree
- What's the difference between a h**..., a girlfriend, and a housewife? h**...: Are you done yet?
Girlfriend: You're done already?
Housewife: The ceiling needs to be painted. - My girlfriend told me there is no way you can turn a h**... into a housewife I said "Yes you can". She said "How"?
I proposed. - You know what's the difference between a housewife and a politician? The housewife thinks about doing her taxes while having s**....
The politician thinks about having s**... while spending your taxes. - To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of v**... not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes.
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Housewife One Liners
Which housewife one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with housewife? I can suggest the ones about housekeeper and farmers wife.
- What did the plumber say to the housewife? "That'll be 20 bucks"
- What's a housewife's favorite pay TV service? BeanFlix
- My friend told me if you can't beat them join them So I became a housewife
- What do you call an exemplary black housewife? Do'mestique
- Whats the similarity between a pornstar and a housewife? They work with meat
- What do you call a s**... housewife? A dirty dishwasher.
Laughter Housewife Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about housewife you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean farmer wife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make housewife pranks.
Husband's night out
An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.
"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."
"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."
What's the difference between a h**..., a lover and a housewife?
A h**... says "Faster! faster!"
A lover says "Slower....slooower..."
A housewife says "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
3 housewifes got fed up of cooking
so the 3 wives ( a british , a french and a russian ) decided not to cook for 3 days
at the end of the three days, they met again
the british said " the first day I didn't see anything new, the second day he went to the kitchen and started cooking"
the french said " the first day I didn't see anything, the second day he took me to a restaurant "
the Russian said " the first day I didn't see anything, the second day I didn't see anything either but the third day I could see a little bit with my left eye"
A housewife comes running from the kitchen and grabs her husband
"We have to make love right this moment," she declares, pulling his clothes off.
Not one to waste an opportunity, the man stands at attention and gets to work.
After the deed is done, the man says, "That was pretty good. But why all of a sudden?."
"Oh," the wife replies, "my egg timer is broken."
A plumber
is fixing some water pipes in the kitchen when suddenly the housewife comes in.
-Beware of my husband, he is gonna be home in an hour!
The plumber make eye contact with the lady in the kitchen door and asks.
-Why, I have done nothing inappropriate?
She quickly replies.
-That's why I'm telling you we still have an hour!
A middle-aged housewife decides to donate her old clothes to charity
Wife: "I've gathered up some old clothes and I need you to drop them off at the church charity."
Husband: *Groaning* " Why not just throw them out? It's easier that way."
Wife: "Because there are people out there who are poor and starving that need these clothes."
Husband: "Darling, anyone who fits into your clothes is not starving."
The Housewife and the Grocer 1988 (cat. no. 62)
A Housewife selected three small tomatoes and was told by the grocer they were 75 cents.
"What!" she exclaimed, "75 cents for those small tomatoes? Well, you can just take them and you know what you can do with them!?
"I can't lady," replied the unhappy grocer, "there's a 95 cent cucumber there."
- Richard Prince
