House Warming Jokes
38 house warming jokes and hilarious house warming puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about house warming that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest House Warming Short Jokes
Short house warming jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The house warming humour may include short house keeping jokes also.
- Give a man a jacket He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.
- Give a man a jacket, and he will be warm for the day. Teach a man to jacket, and he will never leave his house.
- When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party. Now I'm homeless.
- I love throwing house warming parties But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.
- Give a man a jacket.. and he'll be warm outside. Teach him to jacket and he won't ever leave the house
- Wifes are like hurricanes When they come they're warm and wet and when they go they take your house with them
- Give a man a jacket, he'll be warm for a day. Teach a man to jacket and he'll never leave the house.
- I bought a new heater for my wife, as she is constantly complaining about how cold our house is. She didn't like it at first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
- It's cold outside. Give a man a jacket and he will stay warm for a day.
Teach a man to jacket and he will never leave his house. - I still have nightmares.... I still have nightmares about the time I gave my Eskimo friend a house warming gift...
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House Warming One Liners
Which house warming one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with house warming? I can suggest the ones about house cleaning and keeping warm.
- When I moved into my igloo, my friends threw me a house warming party Now I'm homeless
- I lost my home because I threw a house warming party. I miss my igloo.
- Threw my new neighbors a house-warming party... The police called it arson. Whatever...
- What do you call a house warming party for an Inuit? Eviction
- Eskimo We threw a surprise house-warming party for our Eskimo mate.
He's now homeless - Radiators! They make great house warming gifts!
- I got my friend a house warming present I got him a bag of logs for his wood burner
- What's the best gift for a house-warming party? A space heater
Comical & Quirky House Warming Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about house warming you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean house husband jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make house warming pranks.
Two Women Talking in Heaven
1 Woman: Hi, Wandal
2 Woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?
1 Woman: I froze to death.
2 Woman: How horrible!
1 Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2 Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1 Woman: So what happened?
2 Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1 Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be alive.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things!
I just won the Lottery!'
Martha shouts back, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
The man replies, 'I don't care, just as long as you're out of the house by noon!'
A couple move to Nevada and the husband hits it big at the casino
He rushes into his house and yells to his wife,
"Pack up your things. I just won a million dollar slot machine jackpot!"
The wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The husband responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon."
The difference between cats and dogs
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me and take good care of me ... THEY MUST BE GODS!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me and take good care of me ... I MUST BE A GOD!
My fellow eskimos threw me a house warming party when I moved into my igloo
I'm homeless now
Women are like candles
They may be warm and smell good, but they'll burn your house down if you don't pay enough attention to them.
What's the difference between a woman and a tsunami?
When they come they are wet and warm, when they leave you lost your house and car.
A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!"
"Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
"Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"
What's worse than infected soil in the greenhouse?
A global warming denier in the White House.
Why are tornadoes always named after women?
Because when the tornadoes arrive they are warm and moist but when they leave, you only have half a house, no car, and your entire life lies in ruins.
Give a man a torch and he will be warm for the next few hours.
Burn his house down while he sleeps and he will be warm for the rest of
His life
So a Man's VERY Liberal Neighbors Adopt a Young Child.
One day, the man goes to their house with a warming gift, and says to the little girl-
"What would you like to do when you grow up?" The child responds that she would like to help the homeless. So the man says-
"Alright, how about this. You mow my lawn a and ill give you $12. You can give that to a homeless man."
The Child thinks for a second, and says to the man-
"Why can't you get the homeless man to mow your lawn?" To which the man smirks, and replies-
"Welcome to the Conservative side."
-Sry i'm new this is my first and favorite joke so ya thx.
