House Painter Jokes
13 house painter jokes and hilarious house painter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about house painter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest House Painter Short Jokes
Short house painter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The house painter humour may include short painter jokes also.
- The painters I just got my house painted, and they gave me a bill that said $0.
I asked them, "Why aren't you charging me for the paint?"
They said, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house." - I just got my roof painted. The painters worked all day long, when I asked them how much I had to pay, they just replied,
"Don't worry about the paint, it's on the house. " - House Painter I was a house painter for five years, I never thought I was going to get that house painted.
- Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job? Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.
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House Painter One Liners
Which house painter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with house painter? I can suggest the ones about painting house and handyman.
- I was a house painter for 4 years... I never thought I'd get that house done.
Fun-Filled House Painter Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about house painter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean house husband jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make house painter pranks.
So the painters finish painting my home...
and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."
Made this up while laying in bed and yes it's bad. I apologize in advance
A 35 year old house painter walks out of his home on a snowy winter day but quickly scurries back inside and says with a grin on his face "It likes like I'M the one that needs another coat today"
Needed a new paint job
My house needed a new paint job on the outside so I called up a painter and he came and a did a couple hours of work.
Knowing how expensive painters usually are I begrudgingly asked
"So how much is this gonna bankrupt me"
He replied
"Nothing it's on the house!"
A painter's patience (my first joke)
A painter asked his client where to start painting his house.
-"Roof" said the client.
-"Ok" said the painter.
Moments later after hard work, the painter went back to ask where to proceed painting.
-"Where now?" Said the painter.
-"Roof!" Yelled the client.
-"I already painted there, tell me where to paint now..." Said the painter with little patience.
-"Roof!!" Yelled the client again
With anger in his eyes the painter said:
-"That's it! This is the last time i paint a dog's house!"
I hope you have a s**... smile because of this s**... joke.
So a s**... house painter gets a contract to paint a rectory.
Being the swindler cheapskate he is, he stirs water into the paint to save a buck. The painter hastily slaps the paint onto the rectory, and right as he applies the last s**..., the weather, which had been perfectly clear and sunny, instantly went dark, and a torrential rain poured down. The cheap paint instantly washes away with the deluge, and the painter, furious with the turn of luck falls to his knees and shakes his fists to the sky.
"WHY GOD, WHY?" He shouts.
An earthshaking voice booms in response **"REPAINT, REPAINT: THIN NO MORE"**
I can use some help with some painting . . .
A man looking for food and shelter comes upon a cozy house on a nice, small farm.
When the farmer answers the door, the man asks him, Can you spare me something to eat? I haven't eaten in several days and I'm not picky.
The farmer says, I never give anything away for free. I can give you food and even a place to stay tonight in the barn, but only if you're willing to work for it. The porch out back really needs a new coat of paint. Interested?
"Oh, yes sir," the man says. An hour later the newly minted painter returns. The farmer is impressed. That was fast! Come on in and sit down, and I'll bring you a nice bowl of soup and some fresh bread.
The painter says, Thank you very much! I truly appreciate it the opportunity to earn this food. But there's something I need to say. Please don't be offended, but I have to tell you something important; you need to hear this. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW.
An Irish Painter
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar,
was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all
over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to
get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a
stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the n**.... This being
the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed,
particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in
fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while
he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked
much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the
decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition.
In a few minutes he returned.
"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The
wife says it's okay.
"I'll paint you in the n**... all right; but I have to at least leave me
socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."