Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.
I'll return.
I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.
He says to the madam, "Hi, I'm a traveling salesman, I've been on the road for eight weeks. I'll pay $100 for the worst blow-job in the house."
She says, "The worst...? For $100 you can have the *best* blow-job in the house!"
He says, "No, it's all right, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.
at her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them.
"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"
The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"
He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"
It's a thirty five minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless.
At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.
"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "... I'm sorry"
The dad being a dad replies "Hi Sorry! I'm Dad!"
He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking Sorry?"
"This is not working I'm going to my mum's house."
So, I opened the fridge's door, the light came on and the juice was cold.
- What the hell did she mean?
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?"
Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I meant to shout "Donald, duck!"
However, my house is two hours from the pub...
I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo
Doctor: sir, we've narrowed your wife's illness down to two things. She either has Alzheimer's or AIDS.
Man: Well how are we supposed to know which?
Doctor: Take her for a drive, drop her off 30 minutes from your house and if she comes home don't fuck her.
So I woke up to look with him.
And I answered, because of the decepticons!
She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.
It was a good time.
-
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One blow from a little kid and it all comes tumbling down
They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.
$0, it's on the house.
**people keep saying dad joke, funny thing is my mom actually told me this 😂**
For the record, it reaches the back of her sister's throat.
When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.
She thinks I'm stalking her or following her. She's worried that I may be obsessed with her and anytime she hears a noise in her house she is... purified. Wait, hold on: "petrified". Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.
"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"
The dad being a dad replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"
He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"
I said, "Just because you're unwilling to try new things, doesn't mean everyone's that frigid."
"Not that," she explained, "It's just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny dicks."
Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.
"I'll be returning"
.When asked why he answered, If I wanted to see a horse's ass, I would have finished second.
He orders nine shots.
The bartender apprehensive asks, "whats the occasion?"
The man mumbles, "first blowjob."
The bartender brightens up and pours nine shots and lays them out.
The man downs all nine in a row.
The bartender still smiling says,
"hey, make it an even ten. On the house."
The man shakes his head,
"No thanks. If the first nine didn't wash out the taste, I doubt one more would help."
Because it was 2 squared
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about House? Well, here are the best House dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and House pick up lines to share with friends.