Hotline Jokes
105 hotline jokes and hilarious hotline puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hotline that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious hotline jokes, inspired by Drake's "Hotline Bling" and popular mental health and immigration hotlines. From helpful dispatchers and agency workers, get ready for some of the funniest jokes out there.
Quick Jump To
Popular Hotline Short Jokes
Short hotline jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hotline humour may include short dispatcher jokes also.
- I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
- Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much better if... Every fifth caller was a winner.
- I called the paranoia society hotline this morning… The operator answered and said, "How did you get this number?!"
- My crush gave me her phone number!! I didn't know she works at the rejection Hotline, hope they pay her well :)
- I called one of those psychic hotlines and said can you put me through to a large overweight fortune-teller please? She said sorry, we only have mediums
- Breast Cancer Awareness Hotline I called the hotline for information about breast self-examination. I got a recording that said "Press one to continue.....OK, now press the other one.
- A radio station said to call their hotline to win a prize All I got was a burnt hand
- Paranoia Hotline I phoned the Paranoia Helpline, but I hung up after fifty-nine seconds.
I'm sure they were trying to trace my call. - If you call one of those psychic hotlines and they don't greet you by your name, you should hang up!
- Yo momma's so dumb, the psychic hotline only charges her half price to read her mind!
Share These Hotline Jokes With Friends
Hotline One Liners
Which hotline one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hotline? I can suggest the ones about agency and immigration.
- I called the tinnitus hotline but it just kept ringing :/
- "Hello, is this anonymous NSA hotline?" "Yes, David, how can we help you?"
- Thank you for calling the constipation hotline... Please hold.
- I tried calling the tinnitus hotline last night It just kept ringing……..
- I just called the paranoia hotline. A guy answered, How did you get this number?!
- So I phoned the Amputee Hotline the other day I got cut-off.
- Called the tinnitus hotline. 0 stars - never stopped ringing.
- Thank you for calling the anonymous NSA hotline What would you like to report, Peter?
- I wouldn't suggest calling the tinnitus help hotline It just keeps ringing
- Welcome to the suspense hotline. Please hold.
- Thank you for calling the narcissist hotline. How can you help me today?
- "Incontinence hotline... ...can you hold?"
- I think gambling hotlines would be more effective if every fifth caller won a prize.
- Don't bother calling the tinnitus hotline It just keeps ringing and ringing
- You know what would make gambling hotlines better? Make every 5th call a winner
Suicide Hotline Jokes
Here is a list of funny suicide hotline jokes and even better suicide hotline puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I called a s**... hotline in Iraq.. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
- I called the s**... hotline today They left me hanging
- I lost my job at the s**... hotline. Apparently reverse psychology isn't very well accepted.
- My boss hates that I have started saying 'just do it' Somehow he thinks it's inappropriate for s**... prevention hotline'
- My roommate called the s**... hotline and they put him on hold They just left him hangin'
- I was being trained as a caller in a s**... prevention hotline... ...On my first day of training, my manager said;
"Let me show you the ropes!" - My motto is "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." They don't let me volunteer for the s**... prevention hotline anymore.
- I called a s**... hotline in saudi arabia they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane
- I accidentally dialed a s**... hotline in Saudi Arabia. The first question they asked was if I knew how to fly a plane.
- Ya know, if you believe in reincarnation, s**... is a temporary solution to a permanent problem anyways, the hotline asked me not to come back
Hotline Bling Jokes
Here is a list of funny hotline bling jokes and even better hotline bling puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a line of diamonds on fire? Hotline Bling.
- Someone asked me who wrote Hotline Bling, and I said "ke." Because I forgot about Dra.
Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about hotline can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of hotline puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !
Happy Hotline Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about hotline you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean victims jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make hotline prank.
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the s**... Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
The s**... Hotline is Unbearable
They always leave people hanging.
I called the s**... a**... hotline for help.
...Apparently it's only for victims
I called into a s**... hotline
And they tried to save my life, talk about misleading.
Seriously, why put the s**... hotline on the backs of buses?
Put it on the fronts.
I lost my job at the s**... Hotline.
Whenever I put someone on hold, I'd play Van Halen's 'Jump'.
I called a s**... hotline today...
they do NOT give the kind of advice I was looking for.
Middle Eastern s**... hotline
A man living in Iraq calls in the the s**... hotline and he says to the operator " I'm feeling very suicidal and don't feel like living anymore"
The operator replies to him " well sir can you drive a truck".
I called the r**... support hotline last night.
Apparently it is only for victims.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependant, have someone press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,6. If you are paranoid, we know which one you want.
The r**... advice hotline hung up on me today...
Apparently "How do I stop them from blowing a r**... whistle?" wasn't a valid question
The Eddie Izzard Diabetic s**... Prevention Hotline
1-800-CAKRDTH
Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for...
During a practice run he caused negative results.
Apparently he wasn't what the s**... hotline was looking for.
new job in call center
I got a new job with the local s**... hotline. I tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.
I got fired from a s**... hotline
Apparently they look down upon reverse psychology.
s**... Hotline
Did you hear the government moved the s**...-hotline call center to the middle east to save money?
I called to talk to someone and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.
[Offensive] A muslim calls a s**... hotline.
H: Whats the problem?
M: I have suicidal thoughts.
H: Great! Can you pilot a plane?
Who is the world's worst s**... hotline operator?
Shia Lebouf.
I accidentally called Nike instead of the s**... hotline
They said just do it.
Terrible advice for a s**... survival hotline:
If at first you don't succeed...
I run a s**... hotline.
A guy called me once, told me I had 60 seconds to convince him not to jump off his balcony on the 41st floor.
He must've confused me with the *anti*-s**... hotline.
I called the ASPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road
"Are they moving?" asked the operator
"Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"
I also called a s**... hotline in Iraq...
They told me to try calling back in a few days because they already had enough volunteers for the week.
I called a s**... hotline in Japan.
They were really helpful. It was quick and painless.
I called a s**... hotline in India...
They told me to try turning it off and turning it back on again.
Why is working a s**... prevention hotline such an uplifting job?
Win or lose, you get no bad customer reviews.
What do you get for calling a s**... hotline in Iraq?
A job offer
The one about the Pakistani Mental Health Hotline
*Hotline*: Pakistani Mental Health Hotline, how can I help you?
*Caller*: My life s**..., I see no way out.
*Hotline*: Do not worry, we are here to help you.
*Caller*: I'm feeling suicidal. What should I do?
*Hotline*: How close are you to India?
*Caller*: Don't know exactly, maybe 400km.
*Hotline*: So can you drive a truck?
I called the a**... hotline and they were so rude to me
They said they only help victims
Today I got fired from my job as a s**... hotline operator...
Apparently reverse psychology wasn't a good method...
I called the s**... hotline today
Now homeland security is investigating my ties to ISIS.
Psychic Phone s**... Hotline
Hey baby, tell me what I'm wearing.
I called the r**... advice hotline the other day...
Turns out, it was meant for victims
I called the r**... advice hotline today
Apparently it's only for victims
I was about to kill myself yesterday...
Had the noose tied and stool ready. Just when I was about to hang myself, I decide to call the National s**... Hotline. I told them that I was going to hang myself. They said "Hang on for a moment".
A man wanted to commit s**...
But he hesitated and called the s**... prevention hotline.
s**... prevention: Hello?
Man: I'm so tired of life. I just want to end it all... please, what do I do?
s**... prevention: I know life can be tough... but just hang in there!
*a few minutes pass*
s**... prevention: Hello?
What's the phone number for the German r**... Support Hotline?
Nein! Nein! Nein!
I called the s**... hotline in Iraq. I told the operator that lately I've been having suicidal thoughts.
Operator: "Great! Can you drive a truck?"
I dialed the r**... hotline
It turns out they only help victims
A frog
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "In her biology class."
Some guy tried to call me 3 times and when I finally called him back, he didn't answer!
God I hate working for the s**... hotline...
Come hang with us...
Welcome to the s**... prevention hotline.
Nike should operate a s**... hotline
And tell every caller to just do it
Do you suffer from an addiction to water?
Can you not live without your water?
Do you try to quit, and come back to drinking water again?
Do you suffer from any of the following withdrawal symptoms when trying to quit?
* Headache?
* Fatigue?
* Dry t**...?
* Dry mouth?
* Darker u**...?
* Craving more water?
* Hunger?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, please call the water addiction hotline, 1-5-STOP-WATER.
So I went to Iraq for holidays...
And I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me back home...
Knowing that I can't trust anyone I wanted to kill myself.
So I called the s**... hotline...
They got excited and asked me if I can drive a plane.
A young man at his wit's end called the s**... Hotline for help. Unfortunately he was greeted by an automated voice message after waiting for several rings.
"Hello," spoke an artificial sounding voice on the other line "we regret to inform you that the s**... Hotline is no longer in service. If you do require assistance with your s**... please use the emergency number 911 and an officer will be out to assist you shortly."
I called the s**... prevention hotline
They told me to hang on
Dark pickup lines
Are you s**...?
Because I think about you every day.
Are you the s**... hotline?
Because I need to get your number.
Are you a noose?
Because I'd love to hang with you.
Are you a coffin?
Because I wish I was inside you.
Are you a death certificate?
Because I wish you were mine.
Are you an electrical outlet?
Because I'd like to stick my fingers inside you.
Are you death?
Because I long for your sweet embrace.
I can't believe the s**... hotline put my cousin on hold.
They left him hanging.
Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!
Discover more jokes
- Funny Disabled jokes short one-liners
- Funny Cut Off Finger jokes short one-liners
- Funny Autistic jokes short one-liners
- Funny Ginger puns short one-liners
- Funny Arab puns short one-liners
- Funny Palm Sunday jokes short one-liners
- Funny You So Ashy jokes short one-liners
- Funny Cancer puns short one-liners
- Funny Dead Mother puns short one-liners
- Funny Priest puns short one-liners
- Funny Nonbinary puns short one-liners
- Funny Ramadan jokes short one-liners
- Funny Women Drivers jokes short one-liners
- Funny Kate jokes short one-liners
- Funny Abortion jokes short one-liners
The impact of these hotline jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.