Hotel Room Jokes
124 hotel room jokes and hilarious hotel room puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hotel room that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Hotel Room Short Jokes
Short hotel room jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hotel room humour may include short hotel reservation jokes also.
- A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you? The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
- What did the Russian billionaire say when checking in at a hotel? I'd like a room on the first floor, please.
- I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said. No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
- A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby. - Why did the Russian oligarch sign up for the draft? Because going to the front line was safer than trying to open his hotel room window.
- Username walks into a hotel... And asks for a room. A few days later he leaves.
I guess you could say,
Username checks out. - What did the regular hotel room say to the fancy hotel room Oh suite!
This was made up by my 11 year old son, I thought it was fist bump worthy. - Frenchman in a hotel. A french man calls the room service and asks for some "pepper".
"Well ... would you like some white pepper or black pepper?" asks the receptionist.
"Toilet pepper." - What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe? I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.
- I'm starting to have second thoughts about the hotel room I booked at the Indian Casino this weekend. simply put, I'm having reservations about my reservation on the reservation.
Share These Hotel Room Jokes With Friends
Hotel Room One Liners
Which hotel room one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hotel room? I can suggest the ones about hotel and comfort room.
- What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common? No *ball*room
- Sad news for music lovers today.... Justin Bieber was found in his hotel room, alive.
- tight pants are like a cheap hotel... No ball room
- I slept with 4 girls last night... And the floor of the hotel room killed my back.
- No ashtrays in the hotel room Looks like smokings out the window
- Why do men in tight pants remind me of a cheap hotel? No ball-room.
- I am addicted to nice hotel rooms. I am going to have to cut out suites for a while.
- What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms? A maid man.
- /u/username hates the hotel room he's currently staying in. Username checks out.
- Two men in suits of armour enter a hotel... And ask for a room for two knights.
- Where do dinosaurs go for leisure while at a hotel? The Rex room
- How do you get a hotel room in Prague? You Czech in.
- I'm in a hotel room atm. It has about 1034 millibar and 1 minibar.
Sorry. - What do you call a movie about a hotel room light bulb? Tungsten checks-in.
- John Cena is staying at hotel and orders a drink to room 222
Laughter Hotel Room Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about hotel room you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean meeting room jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hotel room pranks.
Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed.
When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a h**..., and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a h**....
Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!
Caught Short
Two dwarfs have just won the lottery, so they go out and hire two prostitutes and two hotel rooms. The first dwarf tries desperately all night to get an e**..., but all he can hear from the next room is, 'One, two, three, huh!'. This goes on all night.
The next morning, the second dwarf asks, 'So how did it go?'. The first dwarf replies, 'Shit, I couldn't get an e**.... How was your night?'. The second dwarf turns round and replies, 'Even worse, I couldn't even get on the bed.'
Three guys on a road trip.
It's late at night and they need a place to sleep. The only hotel that has a room has one double bed. So, they take it. In the night, the guy on one side wakes up, saying "I just had the most vivid dream that I was getting a h**...". The guy on the other side wakes and says "me too!" The guy in the middle wakes up and says "I just dreamed I was skiing".
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
A maintenance matter
A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room, "Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel."
The manager responded, "Sir that's a personal matter."
The husband responded, "Idiot, the window won't open! That's a maintenance matter!"
I was staying in an Hotel
Last night I was staying in an hotel, trying to get some sleep after a long day of travel, meetings, and work.
I kept getting woken up by a woman screaming at me and beating on the door of the room.
She just wouldn't stop, I tried to ignore her as best I could but I finally came to accept the fact, after a few hours, if I wanted to get any sleep, I would have to let her out.
My wife likes to talk after s**.....
So she called me from a hotel room.
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel...
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel and asks for a room for the night. The receptionist says "of course, sir, do you have a reservation?"
To which he replies "I'm not that kind of Indian!"
A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton...
A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper "Black pepper, or white pepper? " asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper! "
A CHICKEN AND AN EGG
A chicken and an egg walked into a hotel room. 20 minutes later the chicken came out smoking a cigarette and said, "Well, I guess that solves that question."
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
A Lithuanian couple in a hotel
A Lithuanian couple go to a hotel in USA. They spot a mouse in the room.
"A mouse! Dear, call the lobby, you know at least some English, right?!"
The man picks up the phone.
"Helou."
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, dū jū nau Tom and Džeri?"
"Yes sir, of course."
"So, Džeri iz hier."
Last night
last night a girl kept pounding on my hotel room door.....finally i had to let her out...
Every hotel room was taken.
By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time?"
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders finest scotch.
Bartender: (giving him the drink) that would be $2 Sir.
Guy: woah, this is cheap. You are good people. I want to thank your manager. Where is he?
Bartender: in the hotel room Sir, with my wife.
Guy: What's he doing with your wife?
Bartender: The same thing I'm doing with his business.
Three guys go on a ski trip...
...they arrive at the hotel only to find out that there is only one room available, and it has only one bed. They have a great day skiing and then go to sleep. The next day, they wake up. The guy on the left says "I had a dream that this beautiful woman was giving me the best h**... of my life!" The guy on the right says "I had the same dream!" The guy in the middle says "I had a dream I was skiing!"
75 story hotel
Phil, Jim, and John were at a convention together sharing a large suite at the top of a . After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear the elevators were broken, and they now had to climb 75 flights of stairs.
Phil said to Jim and John,"let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something more interesting. Hmm, I'll tell jokes the first 25 floors, Jim, you can sing songs the next 25 floors and John you can say your collection of sad stories."
The others agreed and they started the climb for their hotel room. At the 26th floor Phil stopped with his jokes and Jim started his songs. At the 51st floor songs stopped and John's sad stories started.
"I guess I'll begin with my saddest story first. I forgot the room key in the car."
(EDIT) FIXED THE GRAMMAR d**...
So many years after his death, I stayed in room 1401 and remembered how great Mitch Hedberg was.
"The hotel I'm staying in has no 13th floor 'cause of superstition. But people on the 14th floor: You know what floor you're really on. What room are you in? 1401? No, you're not! If you jump out that window, you will die earlier."
— Mitch Hedberg
R.I.P.
My wife likes to talk to me after s**....
It really bugs me when she calls me from her hotel room.
A Hotel guest calls the front desk
and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen you idiot.
The window won't open and that's a maintenance matter."
Why did the hotel refuse hospitality to the Navy?
They didn't want their rooms covered with s**....
Three men share a hotel room
Three men share a hotel room in order to minimize costs, only to find out that the room only has one bed, so they share the bed with each other.
The next morning, the man sleeping on the right side of the bed says, "I had a dream that I got a h**...." The man on the left side of the bed said, "I also had a dream that I got a h**...."
The man sleeping in the middle remarked, "That's weird, I had a dream that I was skiing."
A poor farmer wants a vacation.
So he saves up money, then goes to a luxury hotel. The waiter gave him his key to his room, then told him where to go next. So the farmer did what he was told, but then a few minutes later, he stomped to the waiter, complaining:" THAT IS A ROOM? YOU CAN'T EVEN PUT A CHAIR THERE! I'M OUT!"
The waiter laughed, then told the farmer: "Sir, that's the elavator."
BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT
The flight crew all showed up on time, all except for one brand-new stewardess. They called the hotel and she answered the phone, sobbing. I can't get out of my room, she cried. What... Why not? There are only three doors in this room. One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and the other way has a sign hanging on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'.
In a hotel room in London, the room service boy knocks on the door,
And says "here are your Pringles sir" The Arab guest looks at the box of potato chips for a few minutes appearing confused. Finally he says, "Wallah Habibi, I said bring girls"
While on vacation the desk clerk at the London hotel told me I'd only get the key to my room if I presented him with 250 pounds...
... so I introduced him to my wife.
Gary Johnson is at a fundraiser
Gary Johnson is at a fundraiser for the upcoming election. Worn out from being in the spotlight, he propositions a h**... and heads to a hotel room. Once inside, they rip their clothes off and start making out. She throws him on the bed and seductively asks "Do you enjoy felacio?" He looks at her with a blank face:
"Man, can't anyone cut me a break?"
A drunk staggered up to the h**...
A drunk staggered up to the hotel reception desk and demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
An undertaker comes home with a black eye.
"What happened to you?"asks his wife."I had a terrible day," replies the undertaker. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When i got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge e**... .Anyway, I find the room and sure enough, there's this big n**... guy lying on the bed with this huge e**....So I did what I always do; I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half." "I see,"says his wife."But how did you get the black eye? "The undertaker replies,"Wrong room."
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
Two s**... workers enter Trump's Russian hotel room.
s**... worker: "On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate us?"
Trump: "Urinate"
Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?
In a moooo-tel.
I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room.
Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.
So I'm in my hotel room, it's the middle of the afternoon, I'm completely n**...—and the maid walks in
...finally.
The duck and c**...
Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel. As they are about to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms.
The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?''
''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''
A man, his wife and the hotel receptionist
Man: Hello, I'am in room 420. Please send someone over immidiately. I'am having an argumemt with me wife and she wants to jump from the window.
Receptionist: Iam sorry sir but thats personal matter.
Man: Listen you dumb f*c**..., the window is not opening and that's a maintenance problem!
I'm in a hotel room and call down to the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in the sink..."
The guy answers, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..."
- H. Youngman
French Pepper
A french guest was in a hotel. He phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"toilet pepper!"
An old Jewish man walked in to a hotel...
and asked to rent a room. The clerk said, "Sorry, no vacancies." The man pointed at a couple who were checking out and asked, "What about their room?"
"Sorry," the clerk said, "this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
The old man, looking to have a little fun, said "What makes you think I'm a Jew? I'm actually Catholic."
The clerk says, "Catholic, eh? Tell me then, did God have a son?"
"Sure," the old Jew says, "Name of Jesus."
"And where was He born?"
"In Bethlehem, in a manger."
"And why was He born in a manger?" pressed the clerk.
"Because a s**... like you wouldn't rent him a room!"
A man calls the hotel receptionist where he is staying,
"My wife and I were arguing earlier and now she's trying to jump out of the window. Send someone to room 314 please!"
The receptionist responds, "Sir, that sounds like a personal problem. Sort out the matter yourself."
The man is taken aback. "How is this a personal problem? I'm calling for maintenance, the window won't open!"
The bellboy
The vacationer paid his hotel bill then yelled to the bellboy, "Please-hurry! Run up to room 1026 and see if I left me briefcase and overcoat. Hurry-please! I've got just six minutes to make my plane!" Four minutes later, the bellboy came back, terribly out of breath. "Yes sir," he reported. "They're up there!"
Three business men share a hotel room but there's only one bed
When they wake in the morning the one on the left says "I had a vivid dream I had s**... with a beautiful blond." The one on the right says "I had a vivid dream I had s**... with a beautiful brunette." The one in the middle says "I had a dream I was skiing."
Leon Trotsky asks a travel agent if they have any hotel rooms in Mexico.
The travel agent responded by saying that Mexico would be a very ice pick.
A blonde calls the front desk of her hotel in a panic.
"Help! I'm trapped in my room!" she says. "How do I get out?"
The clerk at the front desk says, "just go out the door."
"I tried," she says "but one just leads to the bathroom, and the other has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it!"
What did the businessman say when he woke up in a hotel room Monday morning next to two prostitutes?
Hi h**.... Hi h**.... It's off to work I go.
My hotel room has a partial water view!
I would have preferred oxygen but hydrogen is nice, too.
A young guy says to the hotel receptionist, "I'd like a single room, please."
"Certainly, sir. With a bath or shower?"
The guy is a bit short of cash, so he asks, "What's the difference?"
She answers, "You have to stand in the shower."
A Frenchman staying at a hotel in England calls room service and asks for some pepper...
"What kind of pepper would you like, sir? Black pepper, white pepper, red pepper?" asked the manager.
He replied, "Toilette pepper!"
A chess player was travelling abroad for a tournament
He managed to find a room at a small hotel. Upon entering the room, he immediately knew something was wrong and briskly made his way back to reception.
"Is something wrong?" the receptionist asked, startled by the man's disgruntled demeanour.
The man exclaimed "I thought I paid for room and board!"
A mathematician is in a burning hotel room.
When he spots the fire extinguisher, he says, ok, the problem is solvable and goes back to sleep.
Daffy Duck was in a hotel room, he called room service and asks for a c**..., receptionist says shall we put it on your bill? Daffy replied.
Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.
A man is looking for a p**...,
He comes across a woman who says she can give a guy head while singing.
The man says "I'll give you $50, just tell me how you do it."
"No," she replies "Just let me do it."
He agrees.
They go into a hotel room and she starts blowing him while singing away.
The man says, "Turn on the lights and let me see how you're doing that."
She replies "Hold on, let me put my glass eye back in."
It's a man's 80th birthday
His buddies decide to hire him a call girl as a gift. The wheel him into a hotel room and on the bed is a gorgeous blonde. His buddies leave the room and she says "I'm here to give you super s**...!". The old man looks at her and says "I'll take the soup".
I woke up in the hotel room and the housekeeper was b**... on the door, just b**....
Finally, I had to get up and let her out.
A man calls the hotel front desk
"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"
I was staying in a hotel last night.
I phoned down to reception. Hi, this is room 26 Can I have a wake up call, please? She said Yes, you're in your mid 30s, Single, live with your mother and have achieved nothing in life!"
Plot Twist
A hotel receptionist gets a call*
Man: Hello, I'm in room 210, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.
Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.
As I sat there n**... in George Clooney's hotel room, I thought to myself..
I might have accidentally picked up my wife's bucket list instead of mine.
I was laying in my hotel room bed, n**... and spread eagle, when the cleaning lady comes in.
Finally.
What do Captain Kirk and Mister Spock do to get their baggage up to their hotel room?
Tell a porter.
A duck and a beautiful woman
A duck and a beautiful woman are sitting on a hotel room bed when the duck realizes he has no c**... not wanting to take any chances he calls room service. Room service arrives he asks "Do you want me to put this on your bill?" "No what do you think I am some kind of pervert?"
Dave and his girlfriend check into the hotel room.
As soon as they walk in, the girl immediately jumps up on the bed and lays in a spread eagle.
She asks - Dave, do you know what it means?
Dave - yeah, that you wanna sleep on this bed all by yourself.
3 men go to a hotel late at night
Only one room is left and there is only one large bed to sleep on, the men decide to go and share it.
The morning after...
Man on the left: Guys, I had an awesome dream last night. I hooked up with this smoking hot blonde and got a h**...!
Man on the right: whoa, what a coincidence... I had a similar dream but with a red head!
Man in the middle: That doesn't even touch the dream that I had! I was a professional skier!
I caught the flu in Madrid.
While sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realized I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.
"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"
The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:
"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
A man checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.
Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?
The desk clerk says, Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?
The person says, Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it.
A guy walks into a hotel
He asks at the front desk for his reservation .
The manager asks about his details and then gives him the key.
The guest then takes his room key and goes into the elevator.
After half an hour he comes back and angrily complains the manger that he couldn't find his room
The manager calmly replies," Well what did you expect when you booked room 404?."
A man visits a hotel in Spain and injures himself in the room.
So he calls the front desk and asks them to find him a doctor.
"you're in luck, sir! We have a doctor that lives in this very hotel."
They send the doctor up. After tending to the man's injuries the man remarks:
"Wow! I never would have thought this hotel would have its own doctor."
"Well you see," says the doctor "no one expects the Spanish in-physician"
Bigger in Texas
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Wow, this bed is big!
Everything is big in Texas, says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. Wow these drinks are big!
The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Second door to the right, says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, Don't flush, don't flush!
I was staying in a hotel last night. Before I went to bed, I phoned down to reception.
Hi, this is room 317. Can I have a wake-up call, please?
The receptionist replied, Yes. You're fat, in your 40′s and given you're staying in such a cheap hotel probably haven't achieved much in your life.