Hotel Jokes
156 hotel jokes and hilarious hotel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hotel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Everyone loves a good joke, and a stay at a hotel isn’t complete without a few! Get ready to laugh out loud at this collection of funny jokes about front desk clerks, bellboys, inns, concierges, and other hotel fun. Whether you’re a traveler or a hotel employee, you’ll enjoy these hilarious hotel jokes!
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Funniest Hotel Short Jokes
Short hotel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hotel humour may include short restaurant jokes also.
- A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you? The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
- What did the Russian billionaire say when checking in at a hotel? I'd like a room on the first floor, please.
- My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician - /u/username hates the hotel he is staying in and starts packing his stuff. Username checks out.
- My partner and I can never agree on vacations. I want to go to exotic island and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me.
- I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said. No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
- Jesus walks into a hotel... He places 3 long nails on the counter and asks - can you put me up for the night?
- A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby. - My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess So I took her to Paris.
We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.
Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died. - Why did the Russian oligarch sign up for the draft? Because going to the front line was safer than trying to open his hotel room window.
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Hotel One Liners
Which hotel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hotel? I can suggest the ones about hospital and villa.
- How do you tell if OP has left the hotel? Username checks out
- Why did the Native American sleep in the hotel lobby? He didn't have a reservation.
- I rely on hotels so much I've actually become quite Inn-dependent
- I hate hotel towels....So thick and fluffy. I can't even close my suitcase.
- What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common? No *ball*room
- Why'd the bomb builder call the hotel at 8pm? He was looking for nitrates.
- Girls pants are like a cheap hotel... ... no ballroom.
- Sad news for music lovers today.... Justin Bieber was found in his hotel room, alive.
- If you ever feel useless, remember there is a hotel in North Korea
- Did you know Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating? 1.1 million stars
- What's the best hotel in the world? Auschwitz. 1.3 million stars.
- Two arab brothers open a hotel Their names are Amil and Abed.
- No ashtrays in the hotel room Looks like smokings out the window
- Why couldn't godzilla eat the hotel? Because it was too suite.
- what do you call it when your side chick tattles on you? A Hotel.
Hotel Room Jokes
Here is a list of funny hotel room jokes and even better hotel room puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Username walks into a hotel... And asks for a room. A few days later he leaves.
I guess you could say,
Username checks out. - What did the regular hotel room say to the fancy hotel room Oh suite!
This was made up by my 11 year old son, I thought it was fist bump worthy. - Frenchman in a hotel. A french man calls the room service and asks for some "pepper".
"Well ... would you like some white pepper or black pepper?" asks the receptionist.
"Toilet pepper." - What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe? I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.
- I'm starting to have second thoughts about the hotel room I booked at the Indian Casino this weekend. simply put, I'm having reservations about my reservation on the reservation.
- A mathematician is in a burning hotel room. When he spots the fire extinguisher, he says, ok, the problem is solvable and goes back to sleep.
- Last night last night a girl kept pounding on my hotel room door.....finally i had to let her out...
- So the hotel staff gave me room 404… … but I just couldn't find it, so they gave me room 301 instead.
- I was checking in a hotel, and the guy at reception told me that my room was upgraded. I said, Sweet!
Reception guy: Exactly Sir. - What did the two knights say when they got to the hotel? We'd like a room for two nights please.
Front Desk Hotel Jokes
Here is a list of funny front desk hotel jokes and even better front desk hotel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Photon A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk man asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."
- The last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for a wake up call. So the next morning the front desk called me and asked "What are you doing with your life?"
"I'm up." - I'm in a hotel room and call down to the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in the sink..." The guy answers, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..."
- H. Youngman - I tried to call the front desk of my hotel. Needless to say, I couldn't get reception.
- A catholic priest checks into a hotel... And he asks the lady at the front desk, "Have you disabled adult movies?" She responds, "No, just the regular kind."
Hotel Reservation Jokes
Here is a list of funny hotel reservation jokes and even better hotel reservation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hotel Indian. Did you hear about the Indian who had to sleep in the hotel lobby because he didn't have a reservation?
- A Cherokee chief walks into a hotel. The receptionist: You have a reservation?
Yeah you're right. The Cherokee chief walks away. - If you were to second guess your decision to stay at a hotel on a native american reserve... ....that would be a reservation reservation reservation
-credit to Brian Regan - My wife says she is really looking forward to the hotel... But I have my reservations.
- I work in a popular hotel... I see people come in to stay from all over the world, yet for some reason I've never seen a Native American here. I guess they just don't like to make reservations.
- What do a homeless Native American and a hotel with no business have in common? No reservations.
- I was excited to get a job as a hotel receptionist Then I started getting reservations!
- A Native American man walks into a hotel in Las Vegas. The receptionist asks, "Do you have a reservation?"
- An Indian walks into a hotel, and the receptionist asks "Do you have a reservation?"
Hotel Staff Jokes
Here is a list of funny hotel staff jokes and even better hotel staff puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Wife is not going to be happy My wife said "you treat this place like a hotel"
She will regret that when I give her a low score on TripAdvisor for 'rude staff' - Why is Roy Moore's Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel? He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.
- My mum just said I treat this place like a hotel. She'll regret that when I flag her up for "rude staff" on tripadvisor.
Bug Hotel Jokes
Here is a list of funny bug hotel jokes and even better bug hotel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the hotel keeper tell the guest who was complaining about cockroaches? "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
- What is it called when the Dalai Lama and all his friends get reincarnated as bed bugs at the Marriott? Grand Buddha-Pest Hotel
- Studies have shown an epidemic of bedbugs in hotels across the world. Experts believe the NSA is to blame because: "They bug everything".
Fun-Filled Hotel Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about hotel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean holiday inn jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hotel pranks.
So I checked into a low class hotel
I called the frontdesk and told him "I got a leak in my sink," he said "go ahead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
A maintenance matter
A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room, "Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel."
The manager responded, "Sir that's a personal matter."
The husband responded, "Idiot, the window won't open! That's a maintenance matter!"
A husband and a wife were searching for a hotel near the ocean...
The travel agency hooked them up with a four star hotel for a great price, and they decided to go with it. The agency described the hotel as 'a stone's throw from the beach'. "How will we know which one it is?" the wife asked. "Simple", the agency replied; "It's the one with all the broken windows."
A woman staying in a hotel was taking a shower after a long days work when she heard a knock on her door.
She went to the door, looked through the door-hole and saw it was her friend Steve. She wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.
"I finally got my racing licence!" exclaimed Steve.
"Good for you." the woman said, and closed the door, left the towel by the door and got back in the shower. A second knock came, and she saw it was John, another friend of hers. Again she wrapped the towel around her and opened the door.
"I won the lottery!" John said, and the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. for the third time, a knock on the door came. she looked through the peephole and saw it was Tom, her blind friend. she didn't bother putting on a towel.
"What is it Tom?! This is the third time I have been interrupted while showering!"
Tom gleefully replied:
"I can see!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife likes to talk after s**.....
So she called me from a hotel room.
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel...
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel and asks for a room for the night. The receptionist says "of course, sir, do you have a reservation?"
To which he replies "I'm not that kind of Indian!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
the newlyweds go to the hotel swimming pool...
The guy goes to the diving board and performs a 2 1/2 sommersaults with 2 twists backwards.
-"Whoa, that was impressive," says the wife when the man comes back.
-"I was a double medallist in London olympics, dear".
So the woman dives in and does 90 lenghts of the pool in 2 1/2 minutes.
-"Baby, that WAS impressive", says the husband.
-"I was a p**... in Venice, dear"
I phoned my wife today and said...
"Pack a bag dear, I've booked us into a hotel for a few nights."
"Ooh, why's that?" she asked.
I said, "Well I've been playing poker all day, havent I!"
"Really?" she asked again in excitement, "How much have you won?"
"Nothing," I replied. "I've lost the house."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know when you're staying in a h**... hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."
I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach...
You can't imagine how far those kenyans will walk.
[source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian]
Australians
An australian tourist flies to america. He is unpacking his bags in a hotel, rents a motorcycle and start driving. He goes 70MPH in a 40MPH speed limit roas, whan a cup is telling him to pull over. The police officer yells at him: "What is wrong with you, man?!?! Did you came here to die?!"
"No," the tourist said, "I came here yesterday"
Every hotel room was taken.
By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time?"
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...
When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish sectarianism joke
An American is visiting Ireland, and walking back to his hotel from the local pub. Suddenly he hears a voice behind him, demanding, "Are you a protestant or a catholic??". The American is well aware of the sectarian issues in Ireland and is understandably afraid to admit to either affiliation. In a flash of inspiration he responds, "neither, in Jewish!". And the voice comes back, "I must be the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A p**... was b**... on my hotel door last night.
I was afraid she would wake the neighbors, so I let her out.
Pretty woman sneezes
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders finest scotch.
Bartender: (giving him the drink) that would be $2 Sir.
Guy: woah, this is cheap. You are good people. I want to thank your manager. Where is he?
Bartender: in the hotel room Sir, with my wife.
Guy: What's he doing with your wife?
Bartender: The same thing I'm doing with his business.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
75 story hotel
Phil, Jim, and John were at a convention together sharing a large suite at the top of a . After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear the elevators were broken, and they now had to climb 75 flights of stairs.
Phil said to Jim and John,"let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something more interesting. Hmm, I'll tell jokes the first 25 floors, Jim, you can sing songs the next 25 floors and John you can say your collection of sad stories."
The others agreed and they started the climb for their hotel room. At the 26th floor Phil stopped with his jokes and Jim started his songs. At the 51st floor songs stopped and John's sad stories started.
"I guess I'll begin with my saddest story first. I forgot the room key in the car."
(EDIT) FIXED THE GRAMMAR d**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I slept with 4 girls last night...
And the floor of the hotel room killed my back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Hotel guest calls the front desk
and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen you idiot.
The window won't open and that's a maintenance matter."
Chemistry Hotel
So I was driving down the road, getting pretty tired on my way home and saw a sign that said "Chemistry Hotel"
the sign said:
*"Cheap Day Rates, and Even Cheaper NO3-'s"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.
Man: Hi, I'd like to book a t**... for the weekend.
Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.
Man: Are you sure? I really need the t**....
Yoda: There is no tri, only du.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend is a s**... who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks.
She's kind of high maintenance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An undertaker comes home with a black eye.
"What happened to you?"asks his wife."I had a terrible day," replies the undertaker. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When i got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge e**... .Anyway, I find the room and sure enough, there's this big n**... guy lying on the bed with this huge e**....So I did what I always do; I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half." "I see,"says his wife."But how did you get the black eye? "The undertaker replies,"Wrong room."
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel.
They were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories when the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off.
''Because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two s**... workers enter Trump's Russian hotel room.
s**... worker: "On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate us?"
Trump: "Urinate"
A photon walks into a hotel
The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"
Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Jewish man walked in to a hotel...
and asked to rent a room. The clerk said, "Sorry, no vacancies." The man pointed at a couple who were checking out and asked, "What about their room?"
"Sorry," the clerk said, "this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
The old man, looking to have a little fun, said "What makes you think I'm a Jew? I'm actually Catholic."
The clerk says, "Catholic, eh? Tell me then, did God have a son?"
"Sure," the old Jew says, "Name of Jesus."
"And where was He born?"
"In Bethlehem, in a manger."
"And why was He born in a manger?" pressed the clerk.
"Because a s**... like you wouldn't rent him a room!"
A man enters an elevator of a fine hotel and says "Ballroom please"
To which the lady standing in front of him replies "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy, arriving at the hotel in his dream vacation, sends his wife an SMS but he accidentally mistyped her number...
...the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband f**....
When she read the message she instantly passed out. Here's the message:
"Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. You're coming next week, I just made your reservation. I miss you so much. Bring light clothes cause the temperature here is hellish. Xoxo"
Jesus walks into a hotel...
He hands the attendant 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
A man called the hotel manager...
He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".
I went to a hotel that had continental breakfast
Unfortunately the continent was Africa so all I got was an empty plate
A tourist is travelling down the Rhine
He books himself into an old castle that has been converted into a hotel. Once he enters, he has the creepiest feeling come over him. He asked the lady a reception if they have ghosts in the hotel. She laughs and says, " I have been here for 300 years and never seen one"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was awakened at 3 am by some h**... screaming and pounding on my hotel door.
She got so loud, I finally had to get up and let her out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Daffy Duck was in a hotel room, he called room service and asks for a c**..., receptionist says shall we put it on your bill? Daffy replied.
Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the hotel that's only for guys with big d**...?
It's called the Halfway Inn.
A husband and wife are checking out of a hotel
Receptionist: "That will be $400, sir"
Husband: "But we only stayed one night! Why is it so expensive???"
Receptionist: "We are a 5 star hotel, sir, with a world class private golf course and one of the finest spas in the country."
Husband: "But we didn't use the golf course, and we didn't go to the spa!"
Receptionist: "I understand, sir, but it was there if you wanted to."
The husband pulls out $100 and hands it to the receptionist.
Receptionist: "excuse me, sir, but you're $300 short"
Husband: "The cost for sleeping with my wife is $300"
Receptionist: "I did not sleep with your wife!!!"
Husband: "I understand, but she was there if you wanted to."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.
He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started s**... his inner thigh.
Just like that, the man turned into a hotel.
A man walks up to a hotel counter to check out.
The woman at the counter notices his bulge, and can't help but stare at it. The man asks what are you doing? The woman says I'm checking you out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Plot Twist
A hotel receptionist gets a call*
Man: Hello, I'm in room 210, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.
Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.
On my recent trip to Kenya, I booked a hotel within walking distance of the beach.
You can't imagine how far the Kenyans would walk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was laying in my hotel room bed, n**... and spread eagle, when the cleaning lady comes in.
Finally.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck and a beautiful woman
A duck and a beautiful woman are sitting on a hotel room bed when the duck realizes he has no c**... not wanting to take any chances he calls room service. Room service arrives he asks "Do you want me to put this on your bill?" "No what do you think I am some kind of pervert?"
I caught the flu in Madrid.
While sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realized I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.
"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"
The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:
"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...
he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.
We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.
Nobody expected the Spanish Inn Physician
Bigger in Texas
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Wow, this bed is big!
Everything is big in Texas, says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. Wow these drinks are big!
The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Second door to the right, says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, Don't flush, don't flush!
A man was invited to a wedding...
A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them:
1. Bride's relatives
2. Groom's relatives
He entered the groom's door and found two doors again:
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered the men's door and found two doors again:
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts) and
He found himself outside the hotel.
A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.
He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.
They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
Kanye West
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he'll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.
Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day
The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.
"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"
"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he says handing over the key. "I appreciate its quite late so we'll have a bit of a later start tomorrow. Are you happy to meet us in the lobby for ten-ish?"
"Tennish?" asks Sean, "but I didn't even bring my racket!"
... An old joke in honor of the great man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
'But why?' they asked, as they moved off.
Because, he said, I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
Watching Queen's Gambit really put me in the holiday spirit. Especially the scene where the player are in the hotel lobby bragging about the matches they won
I love chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
I met some chess players in the hotel lobby bragging about how good they were
It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
