Hot Girl Jokes
135 hot girl jokes and hilarious hot girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hot girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hot Girl Short Jokes
Short hot girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hot girl humour may include short hot women jokes also.
- I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1 - There's this hot girl in my college writing class. Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.
- A really hot girl was checking me out today. Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store.
- I was walking down the road and I saw this really hot homeless girl... So I asked her if I could take her home with me. She said yes and so I took her box to my house.
- I gave my number to a really hot girl at the bar and told her to text me when she got home. She must have been homeless.
- Hot Date: Girl: Sorry, I don't put out on the first date.
Me: [on fire] I respect that in a woman. - What's the difference between a hot girl and a mouse? One charms the he's and the other harms the cheese.
- So you're in bed... So you're in bed with a hot girl to the right side of you and a gay man to the left of you. Who would you turn to face?
be careful with whom you chose - "Hey man, the hot girl from class winked at me today!" "Really, bro?"
"Yeah, with both eyes too!" - What did the hot girl say when she was overcharged for her bikini wax? That was a rip off!
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Hot Girl One Liners
Which hot girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hot girl? I can suggest the ones about beautiful girl and pretty girl.
- Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto Ignore him.
- Since I installed adblock, my popularity with hot girls in my area has plummeted
- A hot girl texted me "Come over, no one's home" So i went over...
And no one's home - How do you hit on a Jewish girl? Tell her that she israeli hot!
- Why are girls on only fans hot? Cuz they only got fans, they need to get an AC unit
- Hey girl, are you the big bang? Cause you're pretty hot, but very dense
- Hey girl are you Little Caesar's? Cus you're hot and I'm ready
- Hot girl in accounting? It's a thot that counts
- I dated this girl who was only hot when we went camping She was pretty intense
- So this hot girl checked me out today... The total was $7.83
- I met a hot girl. We had dinner yesterday. At least I'm assuming she had dinner.
- Why should a hot girl date a cool guy? To maintain Thermal Equilibrium.
- I finally got the attention of a hot girl That's the joke.
- How did the farmer plan to pick up the hot girl at the bar? A tractor
- "Hot girl, likes horses" is a pretty broad demographic. ... I'll show myself out.
Humorous Hot Girl Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about hot girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hot blonde jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hot girl pranks.
After every sentence i say you say ketchup and rubber buns.
what did you eat for breakfast? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for lunch? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for dinner? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what do you do when you see a hot girl? "ketchup & rubber buns."
YOU WHERE RUBBING MY GF'S WHAT?!?!
After every sentence i say you say ketchup and rubber buns.
what did you eat for breakfast? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for lunch? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for dinner? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what do you do when you see a hot girl? "ketchup & rubber buns."
YOU WHERE RUBBING MY GF'S WHAT?!?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you ever see a really hot s**... girl, you should offer to buy her dinner.
Just some food for thot.
Wife's Duties
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home.
The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was cleaned and the dishes were done, and food was on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hygienic!
Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot summer day. They come upon this old lady sitting on steps in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice that she wasn`t wearing any p**.... So they ask her if its cooler without wearing any p**....
She said, "I don't know if it's cooler but sure keeps the flies off the watermelon.
Hot girl at prom
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Pope say to the hot atheist girl?
Shake that blasphemy
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
The Dirtiest Dad Joke
Every time my dad drives by a Little Caesars Pizza he says
"5 dollars hot and ready....I used to know a girl like that" he says it EVERY TIME and thinks he's hillarious
I want an option to hit "like" on the hot friend instead of the girl who actually has the tinder account.
Sometimes the friend is better and there is no option on tinder for that.Where is the justice tinder?
How did Watson and crick blow their chance with a hot girl?
They said, "baby you'd look good if you got a pair of skinny genes"
Why is there no 'Hot girls' guide to getting laid'?
My phone number won't fill up an entire book.
A guy is sitting alone at the bar
when a hot girl comes up to him. She leans to his ear and whispers in a seductive tone:
"For $100 I'll do anything, as long as you can describe it in no more than three words!"
She leans back, and the man thinks about the offer for a second and answers:
"Paint my house"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Having a t**... with a mom and daughter
So it was Saturday night and I had no date and decided to drop in at the bar to get drunk and hopefully a girl to get laid with. As I started downing a few shots I noticed this hot looking mature lady ( must be in her 50s) sitting all alone at a corner table getting drunk and this thought came to mind that if she looks so hot for her age then she must be having a hot looking daughter as well and wish I could have a t**... with them. So I went to her table and asked her if I could join and to my delight she said yes. I chatted her up and next thing I know we caught a taxi and proceeded to her home. In the taxi I told her about my fantasy of having a t**... with a mother daughter combo and to my delight she felt it was a great idea and so we reached her home and as we entered she let out a shout,"Mom you still awake?"
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
I met a girl who was looking hot and I said to her:
Your temperature is high today,as usual got weird reaction.
6 things should be common in a Girl and Tea.
Should be hot.
should be strong.
should be sweet.
adequate milk.
should be ready in 5 minutes.
And lastly, won't let you sleep whole night :)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last night, I was sitting next to a hot girl at the bar...
...and all I could think was, "Don't get an e**..., don't get an e**..., don't get an e**......"
But she did.
Variants for running.
Variants for running:-
1. Hot girl in front of you.
2. Creepy guy behind you.
(If 1 applies to you, you're probably 2)
Gay guys know everything...
A gay guy and a straight guy are in a car and stuck at a stoplight for a very long time. The gay guy looks at the straight guy and says
"I'm going to go, it's going to turn green anyways."
the gay guy goes and it turns green. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that."
"Gay guys know everything." said the gay guy.
Then the two go to the mall and while they're in the parking lot the gay guy stops the straight guy and says.
"I bet you in about 4 seconds 5 hot girls come around that corner over there."
About 4 seconds later 5 hot girls walk around the corner. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that?"
the gay guy says yet again.
"Gay guys know everything."
*At this point in the joke you say to the person "Then the two guys go up these things that are a lot like stairs but they move?" Struggle to think about what they are called and hopefully the person you're telling the joke to says "escalator." Then you say*
"Gay guys know everything..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."
Pretty Girl: "Did you just call me fat?!"
Crazy girls are like a street vendor's kebab
Hot, jucy, and dangerous.
3 things happened to me today
3 things happened to me today
1. I woke up
2. I met a hot girl
3. I kissed a hot girl
But it happened in this order,
1. I met a hot girl
2. I kissed a hot girl
3. I woke up
What do you call a hot dead girl?
An opportunity you can't pass on.
a hot girl asked me what came first, the chicken or the egg?
I answered truthfully " it's usually me".
How my day went today
1. Woke up
2. Went to work
3. Saw hot girl
4. Kissed the girl
Too bad it happened in the order 2,3,4,1.
Tons of hot girls in my neighborhood stopped talking to me.
I guess they find ad-block really unattractive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy gets on a city bus...
and sits down next to a really hot girl. The bus bumps and her glass eyes falls out of its socket and the guy catches it. To repay him for catching her eye and due to the awkwardness she invites him to dinner and a movie and after that they went back to the guys house and had great s**...! In the morning the guy looks at the girl and asks: "Do you usually hang out and have s**... with random strangers"? She replies: "No, You just happened to catch my eye"!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandad let me in on the secret to picking up hot Jewish girls during WWII..
with a brush and shovel..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**... from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two very hot girls try to tease an old man saying ..
" Hey grandpa, what would you do with hot and k**... girls like us ?"
He says :
" Well with only 2 nothing much, but if i had at least 5 i would open a w**.... "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met a girl at a bar...
Things were getting hot and heavy and she said lets get out of here. I said where do you want to go back to? She said in a seductive voice, "wherever we can cause the most damage".
So I took her to my therapist.
Don't you hate it when you meet a hot girl who says she's "bi"...
...then the next morning you realize she meant "polar".
What do you call a hot girl in a wheelchair?
Hotwheels.
A Scotsman is out walking with his girlfriend.
They walk by a hot dog stand, and the girl exclaims, "Mmm, that smells so good!"
"Oh," the Scotsman answers, "do you want to go walk past it again?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A smoking hot girl walks into a bar.
A guy at the bar says, "Wow, you're gonna get laid tonight!"
She replies, "Hehe, how do you know?"
He replies, "Because I'm stronger than you."
What did the sauce cook text to the hot girl working in his kitchen?
Send noodles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at McDonalds earlier today, just chilling when a really hot, girl walked up to me.
She grabbed me and took me to her car. She ripped my clothes off and starts s**... me as if she's dying of thirst. She s**... long and slobbery and I let out a huge load. She looked up with the face of satisfaction.
Then I realised I'm a straw.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was in high school, I had a girl in the back seat of my car...
She confided in me, "I think you're really hot, but I've never hooked up with anyone before, and I don't know what to do."
I replied, "Me either, but don't worry. We'll finger it out."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Life's been a bit weird lately.
A while back I showed up late to a dinner at my hot lesbian neighbours. They forgave me, and eventually we got chatting about my birthday. They asked me what I wanted for it. Answer was pretty obvious, I told them I wanted a watch. They giggled a bit, and eventually agreed.
I think they were just teasing me though, its been a week since my birthday and I still can't tell the time.
Seen two girls have s**... though.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.
The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fell out of the sky and knocked out her new puppy. Later they come across a little boy who is also crying. They ask him what's wrong and he says a bag fell from the sky and knocked out his new kitten. Then they come across a little girl who's laughing really hard. They ask her what's so funny and she says "I f**... and the building behind me blew up!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Good, Bad, Worse, Worst.
Good: A hot girl hugs you.
Bad: You get an e**....
Worse: You realize it's not yours.
Worst: Now even you get an e**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Double Standards [One-Liner]
Sure if a girl wants to be choked it's hot and k**..., but if I want to choke a girl, it's all of a sudden "domestic a**..."
Yesterday I Found A Very Hot Girl
And I recommended her to drink some cold drinks or get a shower.
Met a really hot girl last night, but my buddies we're telling me "Forget her, dude, she's way out of your league".
I'm going "Oh, you think she's too pretty for me?". They're saying "No not that, it's just that she's in the Minors".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the similarity between having s**... with a hot German girl and James Joyce's Ulysses?
I fall asleep before they finish.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are hot girls made up of oil ?
Because when I try to look at their face, my eyes slip.
There's a hot girl in my bedroom.
So I turned on the AC.
Girl are you a turtle?
Because your hot as shell
An old lady told me this
You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the glove, the longer they have to hold their hand in the molten rubber.
Betcha can't guess how condoms are made?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl, you're like steam.
Too hot, but I'll try touching you anyway.
^^^^^.
^^^^^.
^^^^^.
(This is just a joke. Dont actually do this.)
I was playing truth or dare with this really hot girl and she chose truth...
...so I asked her for her atm pin and social security number.
A serial killer walks into a club
He meets a hot girl and she begins leading the serial killer on, what is this girl?
His ride or die.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sitting on a train next to a hot thai girl.
I thought to myself "Please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**...."
But.....she did.
Have you ever?
Have you ever looked at a hot mexican girl and thought, "I want to put a citizen in you"?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nerd walks up to a hot girl
"Girl you must not have been indexed by Google, because I haven't found anyone like you"
I love playing chess with a hot girl...
...Get to check her a few times before mating her.
Hey girl, are you a hot single from my area?
Because you look like you'll give me some form of virus
Saw a really hot one-armed girl today
She was definitely an amputease.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man at the bar was telling his friends about a girl tied to the train tracks...
She screamed for help. The man waited a bit, then he quickly untied her. He then told his friends about the hot s**... both of them right after he untied her. He was describing all the positions they did it in. Then one of his friends asked:
- Did she give you head
To that he man replied:
No, I couldn't find it .
LinkedIn is a lot like Tinder
hot girls add you and when you ask to go out for a coffee they block you
Maybe my anti virus is anti dating too..
After i have installed it, now no hot girl in 20 km of my area is interested in me..
:C
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey Girl, do you like Little Ceasars?
Because I'm hot and ready for you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The sun is like a hot girl with a STD
It might be nice to be in it at first but later you might get itchy and regret it
A cop and a firefighter die and go to heaven.
God gives them each some wings, with a warning that if they have even one bad thought, they'll lose their wings.
A little while goes by. The cop and firefighter are checking out heaven together. Then, a smoking hot girl walks by. The firefighter's wings fall off.
The firefighter bends over to pick up his wings, and the cop's wings fall off.
