Hot Girl Jokes
135 hot girl jokes and hilarious hot girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hot girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hot Girl Short Jokes
Short hot girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hot girl humour may include short hot women jokes also.
- I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1 - There's this hot girl in my college writing class. Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.
- A really hot girl was checking me out today. Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store.
- I was walking down the road and I saw this really hot homeless girl... So I asked her if I could take her home with me. She said yes and so I took her box to my house.
- Trail mix dad joke I made a playlist of songs from Eminem, The Cranberries, California Raisins, Red Hot chili Peppers, Spice Girls, and the Peanuts.
I call it my Trail Mix. - I lent a hot girl my umbrella while it was raining That takes the amount of girls I've made wet to -1
- I gave my number to a really hot girl at the bar and told her to text me when she got home. She must have been homeless.
- No guy has ever looked at a girl and thought… She would be so hot if her eyelashes were longer
- Hot Date: Girl: Sorry, I don't put out on the first date.
Me: [on fire] I respect that in a woman. - What's the difference between a hot girl and a mouse? One charms the he's and the other harms the cheese.
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Hot Girl One Liners
Which hot girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hot girl? I can suggest the ones about beautiful girl and pretty girl.
- Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto Ignore him.
- Since I installed adblock, my popularity with hot girls in my area has plummeted
- A hot girl texted me "Come over, no one's home" So i went over...
And no one's home - I was talking to a hot North African girl for hours. We just clicked
- How do you hit on a Jewish girl? Tell her that she israeli hot!
- Why are girls on only fans hot? Cuz they only got fans, they need to get an AC unit
- Hey girl, are you the big bang? Cause you're pretty hot, but very dense
- Hey girl are you Little Caesar's? Cus you're hot and I'm ready
- Hot girl in accounting? It's a thot that counts
- I dated this girl who was only hot when we went camping She was pretty intense
- So this hot girl checked me out today... The total was $7.83
- I met a hot girl. We had dinner yesterday. At least I'm assuming she had dinner.
- Why should a hot girl date a cool guy? To maintain Thermal Equilibrium.
- I finally got the attention of a hot girl That's the joke.
- How did the farmer plan to pick up the hot girl at the bar? A tractor
Humorous Hot Girl Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about hot girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hot chicks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hot girl pranks.
If you ever see a really hot s**... girl, you should offer to buy her dinner.
Just some food for thot.
So I took this girl back to my place. While making
out, things started getting hot and heavy....
I take my pants off and give her a look. Offended, she says, "Woah, woah... don't you think that's being a little presumptuous?" So I replied, "Presumptuous? That's a pretty big word for a 12 year old."
So you're in bed...
So you're in bed with a hot girl to the right side of you and a gay man to the left of you. Who would you turn to face?
be careful with whom you chose
Wife's Duties
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home.
The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was cleaned and the dishes were done, and food was on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
Hot woman with baby carriages
Isn't it just so dissapointing to see a beautiful girl with a baby carriage, the only consolation is when you notice that the baby is half black. Because then at least you know she's single.
So Thor hears about the other gods coming down to Earth for a good time ...
and decides to try it out for himself.
Meets a girl in bar and they get hot and heavy all night. At the end, he decides to tell her how he's honoured her: "I am Thor!"
And the girl says: "You're thor? I'm tho thor I can't pith."
Hygienic!
Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot summer day. They come upon this old lady sitting on steps in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice that she wasn`t wearing any p**.... So they ask her if its cooler without wearing any p**....
She said, "I don't know if it's cooler but sure keeps the flies off the watermelon.
Hot girl at prom
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
Engineers
Two engineering students are walking along and the first engineering student asks, "Hey where did you get the new bike?". The second engineering student replies, "It was the craziest day, there I am headed to class and all of a sudden this hot girl rides up to me with the bike. Then she throws the bike down, takes all her clothes off and says 'Take what you want!'". The first engineering student nods his head and says, "Smart choice, there's no way those clothes would've fit".
What did the Pope say to the hot atheist girl?
Shake that blasphemy
Why do hot girls always travel in threes?
Because they can't even.
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
The Dirtiest Dad Joke
Every time my dad drives by a Little Caesars Pizza he says
"5 dollars hot and ready....I used to know a girl like that" he says it EVERY TIME and thinks he's hillarious
"Hot girl, likes horses" is a pretty broad demographic.
... I'll show myself out.
I was going to work this morning and sat across from a really hot Thai g**... the train. I kept blushing and sweating and thinking "Please don't get a hard-on".
But she did.
What do you call a hot girl in Germany ?
Tourist
I want an option to hit "like" on the hot friend instead of the girl who actually has the tinder account.
Sometimes the friend is better and there is no option on tinder for that.Where is the justice tinder?
A guy is sitting alone at the bar
when a hot girl comes up to him. She leans to his ear and whispers in a seductive tone:
"For $100 I'll do anything, as long as you can describe it in no more than three words!"
She leans back, and the man thinks about the offer for a second and answers:
"Paint my house"
Having a t**... with a mom and daughter
So it was Saturday night and I had no date and decided to drop in at the bar to get drunk and hopefully a girl to get laid with. As I started downing a few shots I noticed this hot looking mature lady ( must be in her 50s) sitting all alone at a corner table getting drunk and this thought came to mind that if she looks so hot for her age then she must be having a hot looking daughter as well and wish I could have a t**... with them. So I went to her table and asked her if I could join and to my delight she said yes. I chatted her up and next thing I know we caught a taxi and proceeded to her home. In the taxi I told her about my fantasy of having a t**... with a mother daughter combo and to my delight she felt it was a great idea and so we reached her home and as we entered she let out a shout,"Mom you still awake?"
I like my girls like I like my little Caesars pizza
Hot and ready when I walk in
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
"Hey man, the hot girl from class winked at me today!"
"Really, bro?"
"Yeah, with both eyes too!"
Variants for running.
Variants for running:-
1. Hot girl in front of you.
2. Creepy guy behind you.
(If 1 applies to you, you're probably 2)
Gay guys know everything...
A gay guy and a straight guy are in a car and stuck at a stoplight for a very long time. The gay guy looks at the straight guy and says
"I'm going to go, it's going to turn green anyways."
the gay guy goes and it turns green. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that."
"Gay guys know everything." said the gay guy.
Then the two go to the mall and while they're in the parking lot the gay guy stops the straight guy and says.
"I bet you in about 4 seconds 5 hot girls come around that corner over there."
About 4 seconds later 5 hot girls walk around the corner. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that?"
the gay guy says yet again.
"Gay guys know everything."
*At this point in the joke you say to the person "Then the two guys go up these things that are a lot like stairs but they move?" Struggle to think about what they are called and hopefully the person you're telling the joke to says "escalator." Then you say*
"Gay guys know everything..."
Crazy girls are like a street vendor's kebab
Hot, jucy, and dangerous.
I was sitting next to this really hot thai g**... the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an e**..., don't get an e**..."...
But she did
3 things happened to me today
3 things happened to me today
1. I woke up
2. I met a hot girl
3. I kissed a hot girl
But it happened in this order,
1. I met a hot girl
2. I kissed a hot girl
3. I woke up
How my day went today
1. Woke up
2. Went to work
3. Saw hot girl
4. Kissed the girl
Too bad it happened in the order 2,3,4,1.
Guy gets on a city bus...
and sits down next to a really hot girl. The bus bumps and her glass eyes falls out of its socket and the guy catches it. To repay him for catching her eye and due to the awkwardness she invites him to dinner and a movie and after that they went back to the guys house and had great s**...! In the morning the guy looks at the girl and asks: "Do you usually hang out and have s**... with random strangers"? She replies: "No, You just happened to catch my eye"!
A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..
After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"
I sat next to a hot g**... bus and thought:
Please don't get an e**....
Please don't get an e**....
...
...
But she did. :<
My grandad let me in on the secret to picking up hot Jewish girls during WWII..
with a brush and shovel..
Eat your mother
Two cannibals, a father and son, are walking down the street, when they notice a hot girl passing by.
The son says to the father, "Daddy, I'm hungry, let's eat that girl that just passed by."
The father replies, "I've got a better idea son, let's take this one home and eat your mother instead!"
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**... from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"
Two very hot girls try to tease an old man saying ..
" Hey grandpa, what would you do with hot and k**... girls like us ?"
He says :
" Well with only 2 nothing much, but if i had at least 5 i would open a w**.... "
I met a girl at a bar...
Things were getting hot and heavy and she said lets get out of here. I said where do you want to go back to? She said in a seductive voice, "wherever we can cause the most damage".
So I took her to my therapist.
Don't you hate it when you meet a hot girl who says she's "bi"...
...then the next morning you realize she meant "polar".
A Scotsman is out walking with his girlfriend.
They walk by a hot dog stand, and the girl exclaims, "Mmm, that smells so good!"
"Oh," the Scotsman answers, "do you want to go walk past it again?"
A smoking hot girl walks into a bar.
A guy at the bar says, "Wow, you're gonna get laid tonight!"
She replies, "Hehe, how do you know?"
He replies, "Because I'm stronger than you."
What did the sauce cook text to the hot girl working in his kitchen?
Send noodles.
I was at McDonalds earlier today, just chilling when a really hot, girl walked up to me.
She grabbed me and took me to her car. She ripped my clothes off and starts s**... me as if she's dying of thirst. She s**... long and slobbery and I let out a huge load. She looked up with the face of satisfaction.
Then I realised I'm a straw.
When I was in high school, I had a girl in the back seat of my car...
She confided in me, "I think you're really hot, but I've never hooked up with anyone before, and I don't know what to do."
I replied, "Me either, but don't worry. We'll finger it out."
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
That same guy in your pool? Bob
Same guy in your hot tub? Stew
Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack
Same guy on your porch? Matt
Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer
Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel
What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen
Chinese girl with the same condition? Irene.
Life's been a bit weird lately.
A while back I showed up late to a dinner at my hot lesbian neighbours. They forgave me, and eventually we got chatting about my birthday. They asked me what I wanted for it. Answer was pretty obvious, I told them I wanted a watch. They giggled a bit, and eventually agreed.
I think they were just teasing me though, its been a week since my birthday and I still can't tell the time.
Seen two girls have s**... though.
A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.
The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fell out of the sky and knocked out her new puppy. Later they come across a little boy who is also crying. They ask him what's wrong and he says a bag fell from the sky and knocked out his new kitten. Then they come across a little girl who's laughing really hard. They ask her what's so funny and she says "I f**... and the building behind me blew up!"
A hot girl asked me if i wanted to watch a movie
Yesterday, a hot girl asked me if I wanted to see a movie
She asked, "What would you like to see?"
I said, "You pick".
She said, "You pick".
I said, "I don't care, you pick".
She said, "Sir, there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets."
Good, Bad, Worse, Worst.
Good: A hot girl hugs you.
Bad: You get an e**....
Worse: You realize it's not yours.
Worst: Now even you get an e**....
Yesterday I Found A Very Hot Girl
And I recommended her to drink some cold drinks or get a shower.
Met a really hot girl last night, but my buddies we're telling me "Forget her, dude, she's way out of your league".
I'm going "Oh, you think she's too pretty for me?". They're saying "No not that, it's just that she's in the Minors".
What is the similarity between having s**... with a hot German girl and James Joyce's Ulysses?
I fall asleep before they finish.
Are hot girls made up of oil ?
Because when I try to look at their face, my eyes slip.
Old guy with his personal trainer
Old Guy in the gym with a personal trainer: What machine do I use to get the hot girls?
Trainer: The ATM in the lobby!
There's a hot girl in my bedroom.
So I turned on the AC.
A man goes up to a hot girl
A man goes up to a hot girl in the supermarket and says, I've lost my wife somewhere. Can you talk to me for a few minutes? The woman is confused and asks, Why talk to me?
The guy says, Because every time I talk to a hot woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
A hot girl asked me whether I wanted to see a movie.
She said, "Which movie would you like to see?".
I said, "You pick".
She said, "No you pick".
I said, "I don't care, you pick".
She said, "Please decide fast sir, there are other people waiting to buy tickets".
[A forward that I received from my SO today]
An old lady told me this
You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the glove, the longer they have to hold their hand in the molten rubber.
Betcha can't guess how condoms are made?
Girl, you're like steam.
Too hot, but I'll try touching you anyway.
^^^^^.
^^^^^.
^^^^^.
(This is just a joke. Dont actually do this.)
I tried to ask out a hot girl yesterday, but she said she had a boyfriend...
I said I had a math test.
She was a bit confused, so I said "I thought we were naming things we could cheat on."
I tried asking a hot girl out yesterday...
She said she had a boyfriend.
I said I had a math test.
Puzzled, she asked what I meant
I responded "I thought we were naming things to cheat on!"
Hot Thai girl
I was sitting opposite a really hot Thai g**... the train this morning.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an e**..., Please don't get an e**...."
But she did.
I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.
I thought to myself "Please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**...."
But.....she did.
Have you ever?
Have you ever looked at a hot mexican girl and thought, "I want to put a citizen in you"?
A nerd walks up to a hot girl
"Girl you must not have been indexed by Google, because I haven't found anyone like you"
I met a really hot girl who says she only dates guys who know semaphore.
Raised a couple of red flags.
Hey girl, are you a hot single from my area?
Because you look like you'll give me some form of virus
A man at the bar was telling his friends about a girl tied to the train tracks...
She screamed for help. The man waited a bit, then he quickly untied her. He then told his friends about the hot s**... both of them right after he untied her. He was describing all the positions they did it in. Then one of his friends asked:
- Did she give you head
To that he man replied:
No, I couldn't find it .
