Hot Blooded Jokes

Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant.
They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
The day of delivery arrived.
Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room.
Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!”
The partner agreed to do that.
About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face.
“What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant.
The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”

Three vampires walk into a vampiric bar...

... they all sit down at the bar and the first vampire says, " I'll take a shot of O-", the bartender gives him his shot
"I'll take a cup of AB+ please" says the second vampire, the bartender gives him his blood and turns to the third vampire
"what do ya want?" asks the bartender
"can I get a cup of hot water?" says the third vampire. The bartender gives him a confused look but gets him his hot water and sets it infront of him
"what are ya gonna do with the water" asks the bartender.
The third vampire pulls out a used t**... and says, "I'm making tea"

Jar Full of $10 Bills

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"

3 vampires walk into a bar

There were these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood and v**...." The bartender gives him the shot of blood and v**.... The vampire drinks it, and leaves. The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood and v**...." The bartender gives him the shot of blood and v**.... The vampire drinks it, and leaves. The third vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a mug of hot water." The bartender gives him a surprised look, "Why do you want a mug of hot water?" The vampire pulls out a dirty t**... and says, "It's tea time."

Three Vampires in a bar

Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first one signals the bartender and says, " I'll take one pint of blood."
The bartender says ok and served him the pint of blood.
The second vampire signals the bartender and says, " I'll take two pints of blood."
The bartender says ok and serves him the two pints of blood.
The third vampire signals the bartender and before he can order the bartender says, "Let me guess, you want three pints of blood."
The vampire says, " No, actually I will just take a cup of hot water."
The bartender looks confused and ask, " Oh ok, but what for?"
The vampire pulls out a t**... and says, "Because I have a tea bag"

A vampire walked into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of blood.
The bartender give the vampire a shot of blood.
Vampire pays, drinks, says thanks and then leaves.
The next time the vampire walks into the bar, orders a shot of blood, same thing happens. Bartender gives the shot of blood, vampire pays drinks and leaves.
Third time the vampire walked into the bar, the bartender gets ready to poor a shot of blood. Vampire says "no thanks I would just like a mug of hot water please".
Bartender says "what would a vampire want with a mug of hot water"
Vampire takes out a dirty t**... and says "it's tea time".

Three vampires walk into a bar...

The first vampire walks up to the bar and the bar man asks what he can get him.
Vampire 1 responds "A nice warm cup of blood"
Bartender says "coming right up"
Vampire 2 pipes up and says "make mine cold!"
After the bartender hands the second vampire his drink he turns to the third vampire.
The bartender asks " let me guess, you want a cup of blood as well?"
Vampire 3 sits down and says "actually may I get a glass of hot water?"
Bartender is in shock and asks "hot water? But why?"
Vampire 3 takes a used t**... out of his coat pocket and responds
"I'm having tea"

Three vampires walk into a bar.

The vampires sit down and greet the vampire bartender. The bartender asks, "what will you be having?" The first vampire says, "give me a shot of blood." The bartender fills a shot glass with blood and hands it to him. The bartender then asks the second vampire, "what would you like?" The second vampire says, "a shot of blood sounds good, give me one as well." The bartender gives him the shot of blood. The bartender then goes over to the third vampire and asks, "what would you like?" The third vampire says, "I would like some hot water." The bartender as well as the other two vampires look extremely perplexed and ask, "what do you want hot water for?" The third vampire pulls out a used t**... and says, "makin' tea."

THREE vampires walk into a restaurant one casual night.

The host welcomed them in and showed them their seats.
While they were seated, a waiter comes by to ask for their orders:
Vampire 1: "I'm hungry and have saved a lot of money for such an occasion. I'll have a glass of your finest human blood"
Vampire 2: "I'm kinda saving up for stuff, so I'll just have a cup of raw pig blood."
Vampire 3: "I don't have a lot of money with me today, so I'll just have a cup of hot water."
The two vampires and the waiter look at him with contempt
Vampire 3: "What're you looking at me for? I picked this pantyliner from the street so I'm just gonna make tea."