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Hosting Jokes

53 hosting jokes and hilarious hosting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hosting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

From the funniest jokes about DDoS attacks to the most outrageous stories about web hosting, laugh along with us as we attend a virtual party of the best hosting jokes.

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Funniest Hosting Short Jokes

Short hosting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hosting humour may include short hosted jokes also.

  1. I got to a party and the host said, Make yourself at home , so I got comfortable. Turns out English was not his first language, and he was asking me to leave.
  2. I attended a meet called "How Stop Taking Things Literally". "What brings you here?" asked the host on my first day.
    I said, "My legs."
  3. I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp The host asked me: What are you?
    Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.
    Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp
    Me: Are you calling me a lyre?
  4. Levar Burton cannot replace Mayim Bialik as the host of the show... Because Captain Picard would never willingly put a member of his crew in Jeopardy.
  5. Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest. Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.
  6. A contestant made a meringue on Australian Masterchef and the crowd started clapping and cheering. The host said, "This is very unusual for an Australian audience. They normally Boo meringues!!"
  7. Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games? All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.
  8. Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest. It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
  9. What did the host say after her guest complimented her on her tea? Thanks, it's my special tea.
  10. My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

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Hosting One Liners

Which hosting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hosting? I can suggest the ones about web designing and hiring.

  1. Why can't a fish be a radio host? Because if he goes on air, he'll die.
  2. I hosted a huge event for gingers last week Sadly not a single soul showed up.
  3. Who hosts the Late Night Show in North Korea? Jimmy Kim-il
  4. I hosted an Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous meeting Nobody came
  5. My Uncle John is hosting a gender reveal party Sorry, I mean my Aunt Jane.
  6. A man was late to a cannibal party the host gave him a cold shoulder.
  7. Theresa May to host new game show! Neither Deal Nor No Deal
  8. What's the name of the cuban cooking show host? Fidel Gastro
  9. What do you call it when Edgar Allen Poe hosts an indoor strobe party? A Rave-in
  10. Why didn't Stephen hawking host a talk show? because he can't do stand-up comedy
  11. i hosted a party for snails that don't have shells it was a slugfest
  12. Heard at a wake "Here's a toast to the host, who is , at most, a ghost ".
  13. What do partygoers and parasites have in common? They use the host for food.^^^sorry
  14. What do you call a warship that hosts greek weddings? A dishtroyer.
  15. Why Is The Letter G Scary? It Turns A Host Into A Ghost!

Hosting joke, Why Is The Letter G Scary?

Cheerful Fun Hosting Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about hosting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean conducting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hosting pranks.

The other day I was in charge of finding a caterer for this big event I was hosting.

Through a lucky series of events, I was able to book Bobby Flay's brother for the night! I thought it would be great, but once he cooked it all, the main course was terrible and people were complaining about food poisoning the whole night.
Moral of the story: Don't judge a cook by his brother.

Looking for jokes about Boy Bands!!!

Hosting a sing-a-long drink-a-long and need some jokes with boy bands as a theme. Please help!

Uptime

Two techies are in a restaurant discussing how to get out of an overpriced hosting contract. As the waitress approaches the table, one emphatically says to the other, "Yes, g**..., I want the server to go down on us!"

I tried hosting a b**... party last night...

It was awful, nobody came.

I'm an astronomer hosting a Halloween party tonight.

And this reminds me of my favorite astronomer joke:
Q: How do you identify the extrovert at the astronomer's party?
A: They're the one staring down at someone else's shoes.
Have a happy and safe Halloween!

I'm hosting a meeting for introverts.

Please don't come.

Mike Tyson is hosting a spelling bee

A contestant approaches the stage and Mike says, "the word is dictate"
The contestant thinks for a second, clearly pondering the spelling of the word. "Dictate... Mike, could you please use that in a sentence?"
Mike smoothly replies, "Well of course. When I was in prison, Maurice told me that my dictate good"

I invited a few friends to an o**... I was hosting...

Everyone came.

My wife and I are hosting a get together tonight that ends at 11:30..

We're calling it a before New Year's leave party.

Neil deGrasse Tyson will no longer be hosting NOVA.

Looks like they had to cut deGrasse.

The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.

The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh?

Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

When Jimmy Fallon started hosting The Tonight Show, Conan called him up to offer some advice...

The first thing he said was:
"Kill your enemies and see them driven before you..."

I'm thinking of hosting a rave in an Oakland warehouse...

I can use my mixtape. Its fire.

Watson was hosting a party.

Sherlock Holmes, however, was upset when there was nothing to put his tortilla chip in.
"No dip, Sherlock."

What do you call a Dinosaur hosting a talk show?

The EllenDegeneresaurus show!

I am hosting a charity event for people who fail to reach c**... during s**...

If you can't come, let me know

A doctor is hosting a party when suddenly his sink stops working.

He calls a plumber. After the plumber is finished with his work, he hands the doctor a bill.
"This is crazy," says the doctor. "Not even I make this much!"
The plumber says, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

A woman and her daughter are hosting a dinner party.

When all the guests arrive, the woman asks the little girl to say grace. She says, "But Mommy, I don't know what to say?" The mother says, "You've heard me pray. Just say you've heard me say." So the girl says, "Jesus, what was I thinking inviting all these people over to my house?"

If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?

499.
What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge
What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.
The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.

My attempt to prove time travel.

A month ago, I sent out invitations to a party I'm hosting this Friday. I'm expecting 100 guests from the past.

I'm hosting a staring contest next week.

If you're interested keep your eyes open.

I was hosting a f**... for my goldfish, and my friend thought it was okay to ask "What herbs should I season which fish with?"

I told him "Come on dude, there's a thyme and plaice."

I'm hosting a bake-off for people with speech impediments tomorrow

I don't know if I should whisk any yolks at all

I was trying to find out where my local pelt-merchant was hosting a Lupine Designs fashion gala for his fellow lycanthropes this year

So I asked Where is the werewolf's wolf-wares warehouse where werewolves wear wolves' wares?

Cuba Gooding Junior hosting Family Fued

Cuba: Name something you keep in your wallet
Me: The Money
Cuba: Ok then... Show me The Money

People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year.

They love Shaq Week.

While hosting a foreign exchange student I realized how advanced the Japanese are...

When I told Asahi he needed to shave and he asked me for a lazor.

I am thinking about hosting an invitation only nudist party...

It's going to be a private gathering...

Congratulations to John Cena

for his job hosting the Oscars last night. Really on his way to the A list now

I'm a police officer, and like a midget hosting poker night in a blanket fort...

I'm going undercover as a small arms dealer.

Still my funniest joke

A man is hosting a radio program and he wants to call a random person to ask for their favourite song in order to play it on the radio. So the random guy says " well I just want to say that I found a person's wallet on the street" and the host tells him " well do you want to share the owner's name so we can return the wallet?" And the random guy responds " no I just want to dedicate him a song" (sorry for my English I'm Spanish) :)

Did you hear j**... Seinfeld is hosting a new poker show

Its gonna be called "What's the Deal?"

A certain TV station was a hosting a contest and I happened to be the first caller

The host said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."
"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.
"Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a basic maths question."
"Well, I've got a master's in mathematics" I proudly replied.
"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats for Donald Trump's speech and to meet him back stage, followed by dinner with Mike Pence....
What is 2+2?"
I replied, "767.37"

My local off-licence has started hosting a book club.

First up is Tequila Mockingbird.

Why Wasn't LeVar Burton Offered the Hosting Job?

Because Captain Picard would never put any of his crew members in Jeopardy.

The Grim Reaper started hosting an art class in their spare time.

They call it, a brush with Death!

Hosting joke, The Grim Reaper started hosting an art class in their spare time.

jokes about hosting