Hostile Jokes
30 hostile jokes and hilarious hostile puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hostile that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hostile Short Jokes
Short hostile jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hostile humour may include short aggressive jokes also.
- A wife walks in on her husband playing on his PlayStation. "The house is still filthy! I thought I asked you to sweep the house!" she says.
"I did" replied the husband, "I found no hostiles" - What does the soil have in common with a mailman? They both become hostile when you rearrange their letters.
- i am StationEd at North korea to check the status of their leaDer. everyone HerE is so hostiLe and Pleasant.
- What is the similarity between Christianity and T2? Both were very popular sequels, and whatever has followed has faced hostility from the followers
- I had an idea for a movie about the hostile takeover of South Korea by North Korea. But it was too Seoul crushing to finish.
- NASA's New Horizons probe has shown that Pluto is a remote, hostile, and barren planet... this means it's now the front-runner to be awarded the next Fifa World Cup.
- Text my friend just sent "Be on alert for a possible hostile in your area by the name of Hu Mongous."
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Hostile One Liners
Which hostile one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hostile? I can suggest the ones about unpleasant and offensive.
- In a surprise move, taco bell is acquiring Taco Bueno... It's a hostile tacover.
- What do you call a cougar that's hostile to you? An enemilf.
- My ex and I split up with no hostility... We had a non-diss closure agreement
- What did the hostile say when he was shot with a L.A.W "I fought the law and the law won"
- Why is fashion for prostitutes so unfriendly? Because it's h**...-stile.
- What do you call a hostile f**... often found in Asian food? A shiitaking mushroom
Hilarious Hostile Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about hostile you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean threatening jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hostile pranks.
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse:
You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you speak english?
- Yes
- Name?
- Abdul bal-Rhasib
- s**...?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't it hostile?
- Horse style, d**..., any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer runs too fast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Interviewing Arab for US visa
Interviewing an arab for a visa
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: s**...?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, d**..., any style
Consul: Oh..........dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A close friend told me his wife had a hostile w**......
For some reason, he was upset when I asked if I could take up residency.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Better formatted version Reporter and Man...
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
By tightly securing our Nuclear arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...
... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Missionaries...
Two missionaries were ascending a hill in an expedition to convert the hostile unreached jungle inhabitants.
Since very few had ever returned alive from the unfriendly summit very little was known. The two agreed that the best way to win them over was with gifts from their food provisions.
They reached a pass where only one was able to ascend at a time. As the first man cleared the pass, he was immediately set upon by the natives. They took his large pack, pulled the large bunch of bananas out, and distributed them amongst themselves.
The natives began a strange ritual that involved shoving the bananas into their rectums and dancing about in a manner similar to the Māori Haka.
At first, the m**... was horrified by what he saw but he started to giggle and then broke into an hysterical cackle.
The dancings stopped and the leader said, "Why you laugh?"
The m**... said, "my friend is coming with pineapples!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback.
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback when an emu walked up to them.
One of the men was thrilled to see an emu so close up. The other man was more hesitant, for he read that emus can be very aggressive and hostile.
The man started to yell at the emu, "Go away, you big, fat, s**..., flightless bird! We don't want you here!"
The other man responded, "Dude, stop ostracizing it."
I wanted to be friends with...
Hoping to become friends, I started talking to a sea anemone. After a couple minutes of talking, I asked him about his family, and he became hostile.
It was a touchy topic.
*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Horse stile
**Reporter**: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" **Man**: "Yes!" **Reporter**: "Name?" **Man**: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." **Reporter**: "s**...?" **Man**: "Three to five times a week." **Reporter**: "No no! I mean male or female?" **Man**: "Yes, male, female… sometimes camel." **Reporter**: "Holy cow!" **Man**: "Yes, cow, sheep… animals in general." **Reporter**: "But isn't that hostile?" **Man**: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style." **Reporter**: "Oh dear!" **Man**: No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Reporter and the Man
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Captains Pants (one of my favorites)
One day, a scout on a small ship sees another equally sized ship on the horizon.
He tells the captain that the ship looks hostile, so the captain orders everyone on board to ready the cannons.
He then tells the scout to bring him his red shirt so that way his blood will not show and the men on board will continue to fight and not be afraid if he was injured.
After a long and weary battle, the day is won.
The very next day, 10 ships appear on the horizon, and the scout tells the captain.
The entire crew waits to here what he has to say.
Staring at the approaching ships the captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my grandma what people use to think of democrats and republicans over 70 years ago
*Watching the news with my grandma*
Me: Grammy, when you were really young, did they talk about democrats and republicans, like they do today?
Grandma: What do you mean?
Me: Were they always hostile towards one another, like this lady on the news.
Grandma: Oh yeah, that's one thing that has never changed over the years.
Me: Well, what do you remember people saying about democrats and republicans when you were young.
Me: What is the first thing you remember about it?
Grandma: Well, I always heard the older people say the same thing
Grandma: "Republicans are for the rich, and democrats are for the poor."
Me: What did they say about everyone in the middle?
Grandma: I don't know, they always just talked about getting s**....
