Hostess Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Hostess puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Hostess

What are the options?

Air Hostess to passenger:
"Sir would you like to have dinner?"

Passenger: "What are the options?"

Air Hostess: "Yes and No."

I was on a plane and the air hostess said, "Want some headphones?"

I said, "Blimey. How'd you guess that my name is Phones?"

So a kid gets on a plane for the first time

and he is really excited about it. He is sitting inside the plane mid-flight when he finds out the plane's a Boeing. So he starts saying "Boeing.. Boeing.. Boeing.."

After a while when he doesn't stop the passengers start getting irritated, and the hostess comes along and tells the boy "Be Silent". So the boy starts "Oeing.. Oeing.. Oeing.. "

A man walks into a steakhouse

A man walks into a steakhouse and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling.

"What's with the meat?" he asks the hostess.

She says, "It's a contest we are running. If you can jump up and grab a piece, your entire meal is free."

"And what if I miss?"

"Then you need to buy everyone in the restaurant a drink. Do you want to try?"

He looks up again.

"No, the steaks are too high."

"Yes, I have reservations, but I'll eat here anyway."

- my dad to every hostess ever

Air Hostess : Can i offer you free head phones?

Guy : Definitely but how do you know my name is Phones???

A flight from Dublin to Boston

Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she said, "If anybody is hungry, we still have 80 dinners available".

10 engineering professors board a plane

Once they are inside and the plane is a about to take off, the air hostess comes out and tells everyone that the plane has been made by the students of those teachers. Immediately 9 of the professors get up and run away from the plane while one of them stays sit, calmly reading a book.

One of the students who was on the plane to see how their plane worked, approached the professor, thanking him for trusting them.

To which he replies "if my students really made this plane I'm 100% confident this won't even take off"

A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.

He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "

American Businessman's First Visit to Japan

A successful American businessman heads to Japan to meet with a big supplier. Naturally, the Japanese are going to set him up with a good time and loads of entertainment. The first night, they go to Karaoke and a gorgeous young Karaoke hostess is sent back to the man's hotel room to entertain him further.

Despite her willingness, she still wants everything done with the lights off. As he is going at it, she is crying out "Oshimigaso, Oshimigaso", over and over.

When it is all said and done, he asks her, "What does Oshimigaso mean?"

"Oh," she says blushing, "it means 'fantastic' or 'incredible'."

The next morning, the businessman joins his Japanese hosts for a round of golf. Naturally.

On the fifth hole, the CEO of the Japanese company hits a hole-in-one.

Aiming to impress, the American cries out, "Oshimigaso, OSHIMIGASO!!".

The Japanese CEO replies, "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"

A rich society hostess gives a dinner for a number of businessmen.

Unfortunately she suffers from flatulence. The first time she 'toots' one of the gentlemen gets up and says pardon me ma'am and leaves the room. The next time she 'toots' another gentleman does the same. An American turns to his British colleague and says 'What gives - she keeps farting and guys leave the room'. His colleague says 'this is British politeness - the gentlemen are taking the blame for the lady'. The next time she 'toots' the American stands up and says 'have this one on me, ma'am' and leaves the room.

The air hostess comes to know that the old married couple is...

flying to Hawaii on their 50th marriage anniversary.

She asks them how it feels to be married for so long.

The old man replies: "It all felt like 5 minutes..."

The air hostess was about to reply on the profoundness of what he said, when he earned a slap from the old lady for his next word:

"...underwater".

--Taken from All in a day's work; Reader's digest

I was on a flight the other day when the air hostess came up to me and said...

Excuse me sir, would you like to have dinner?

I said, What are the options?

She said, Yes and No.

United Air hostess: Is there a doctor on-board ??

Passengers : There was.

I went to a dinner and when I came back my friend asked me how it was.

"It would have been great if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, the fish as fresh as the maid, and the maid as willing as the Hostess!

The excited blonde .

A blonde went to Brisbane for first time.. She was very excited and as soon as the plane landed in brisbane, she began shouting ''Brisbane Brisbane''

The air hostess being annoyed said '' Please mam , Be silent''

The blonde then shouted ''Risane Risane''

I wish restaurant food

looked like the pictures on the menu.
A hostess asked me how everything was.
I said, "My compliments to the photographer."

The air hostess has just told me if I don't put my phone away, she's going to slam my head into it.

But I'm pretty sure she's just jokiNjdk$48('$76)?;;

The hostess said my name wasn't on the list

but I had my reservations

Air Hostess with a tag.

Air Hostess had name tag on her chest, naming her Mia.

Guy: Beautiful name.

Air hostess: Thanks.

Guy: Didn't you name the other one?

Mr. Smith found a doppelganger of his wife.

Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.

*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.

Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.

The owner of hostess just brought the playboy mansion

Guess he really liked ho-hos and ding dongs

I wrote a movie about a male sheep and his son enjoying a Hostess pastry.

I call it

*Ram, a Lamb, a Ding Dong*

The Pilot

The pilot gave his normal address to the passengers, this is your captain speaking, we will be ascending to 30000 feet and the flight time is two hours. Unfortunately he forgot to turn off his microphone and he joked to his co pilot that what he would really enjoy was a cup of coffee and a blow job. A hostess rushed to the cockpit to alert the captain about the microphone. A nearby passenger quipped, he also wants a coffee.

A Native American walks into a busy restaurant.

The hostess asks, "Do you have a reservation?"

Which mammal is known to spend most of it's life in air but gives birth on land?

Student : Air Hostess

Political bar joke

A liberal, conservative, and moderate walks into a bar.

The hostess says "Hi, Mitt!"

Jesus and his apostles go to a restaurant...

"Table for 26, please," Jesus tells the hostess.

"But there are only 13 of you."

"Yeah, but we're all going to sit on one side of the table."

The best compliment.

Once at a party, the hostess paid me a nice compliment. You are a good-looking guy, she said. Honest! I've had only one shot of vodka. she said, looking at my bemused expression.

My glow was only slightly dimmed when my wife interjected, Imagine how great he'll look after two.

People always ask why my foreign confectionary looks 2 mini Hostess treats...

No one expects my Spanish Twinkie fission.

Man to very beautiful airhostess:-

"What's your name?"

Air hostess:- "Eva Benz.."

Man :- "Lovely name...any relation to Mercedes Benz?"

Air hostess:- (smiling) "maintenance cost is same" :D

What hostess gift should you bring to a brothel?

Hohos.

What hostess gift should you bring to a gay brothel?

Twinkies.

We're waiting for a table at a restaurant...

The hostess call out, "Donner family of 8, your table is ready." She looks back at the book. "Correction, Donner party of 7"

What do you call a pregnant air hostess

Pilot error

Jesus walks into a tavern...

And asks for a table for 26. The hostess says but there are only 13 of you . Jesus replies yeah, but we're all gonna sit on the same side

A man walks into a bar with a politician, a liar, and a con-artist.

Approaching the hostess, the man then announced "Table for two!"

Jesus and the Apostles walk into a bar.

"How many?" the hostess asks.

Jesus replies: "Table for 26 please. It's our Last Supper and we all want to sit on the same side."

I brought cake and candy to my son's birthday celebration.

And that, officer, is why I told the hostess at Chuck E. Cheese's that I was the sugar daddy looking for my party boy.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes