Hostess Jokes
51 hostess jokes and hilarious hostess puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hostess that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a few laughs for the dinner table? Check out our collection of hostess jokes featuring everyone from air hostesses to barmaids. These clever jokes are sure to bring a smile, even if you don't have a tray of hostess cupcakes to offer your guests. Enjoy!
Funniest Hostess Short Jokes
Short hostess jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hostess humour may include short waitress jokes also.
- What are the options? Air Hostess to passenger:
"Sir would you like to have dinner?"
Passenger: "What are the options?"
Air Hostess: "Yes and No." - How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
- Air Hostess : Can i offer you free head phones? Guy : Definitely but how do you know my name is Phones???
- Couple goes into a restaurant The man to the hostess: Can we have a table for 2 please?
Hostess: I'm sorry but you're going to have to wait
Man: Ok, may I take your order? - Political bar joke A liberal, conservative, and moderate walks into a bar.
The hostess says "Hi, Mitt!" - Why is everyone so mad at me? I was told to bring a Hostess gift to the party… …I brought a DOZEN Twinkies.
- An Oklahoman Rep referred to pregnant women as "hosts." That's so wrong! They're hostesses.
- I was on a flight the other day when the air hostess came up to me and said... Excuse me sir, would you like to have dinner?
I said, What are the options?
She said, Yes and No. - Restaurant hostess: Do you have reservations? RestaurMe: No, I'm confident I want to eat here.
- Did you hear about the guy that worked for Hostess bakery and tried unsuccessfully to get a job at Tropicana? Everyone knows that bakers can't be juicers.
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Hostess One Liners
Which hostess one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hostess? I can suggest the ones about housekeeper and stewardess.
- "Yes, I have reservations, but I'll eat here anyway." - my dad to every hostess ever
- United Air hostess: Is there a doctor on-board ?? Passengers : There was.
- The hostess said my name wasn't on the list but I had my reservations
- What do you call a pregnant air hostess Pilot error
- TWA airlines flight Hostess asks "TWA coffe sir?" "I prefer T thanks!"
- What do you call a pair of identical twins who are stewardesses? Hostess Twinkies
- Why are air hostesses bad at dating? Most men aren't interested in **plane** women.
- With hostess shutting down... I bet Colorado is rethinking legalizing w**... now...
Air Hostess Jokes
Here is a list of funny air hostess jokes and even better air hostess puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The air hostess has just told me if I don't put my phone away, she's going to slam my head into it. But I'm pretty sure she's just jokiNjdk$48('$76)?;;
- Air Hostess with a tag. Air Hostess had name tag on her chest, naming her Mia.
Guy: Beautiful name.
Air hostess: Thanks.
Guy: Didn't you name the other one? - Which mammal is known to spend most of it's life in air but gives birth on land? Student : Air Hostess
- Man to very beautiful airhostess:- "What's your name?"
Air hostess:- "Eva Benz.."
Man :- "Lovely name...any relation to Mercedes Benz?"
Air hostess:- (smiling) "maintenance cost is same" :D - I once asked a Air hostesses of American Airlines for some water, she told be to get it by myself This is a true incident that took place at a birthday party.

Laughter Hostess Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about hostess you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean house guest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hostess pranks.
So a kid gets on a plane for the first time
and he is really excited about it. He is sitting inside the plane mid-flight when he finds out the plane's a Boeing. So he starts saying "Boeing.. Boeing.. Boeing.."
After a while when he doesn't stop the passengers start getting irritated, and the hostess comes along and tells the boy "Be Silent". So the boy starts "Oeing.. Oeing.. Oeing.. "
The excited blonde .
A blonde went to Brisbane for first time.. She was very excited and as soon as the plane landed in brisbane, she began shouting ''Brisbane Brisbane''
The air hostess being annoyed said '' Please mam , Be silent''
The blonde then shouted ''Risane Risane''
The air hostess comes to know that the old married couple is...
flying to Hawaii on their 50th marriage anniversary.
She asks them how it feels to be married for so long.
The old man replies: "It all felt like 5 minutes..."
The air hostess was about to reply on the profoundness of what he said, when he earned a slap from the old lady for his next word:
"...underwater".
--Taken from All in a day's work; Reader's digest
A Native American walks into a busy restaurant.
The hostess asks, "Do you have a reservation?"
A flight from Dublin to Boston
Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she said, "If anybody is hungry, we still have 80 dinners available".
Jesus and his apostles go to a restaurant...
"Table for 26, please," Jesus tells the hostess.
"But there are only 13 of you."
"Yeah, but we're all going to sit on one side of the table."
I wish restaurant food
looked like the pictures on the menu.
A hostess asked me how everything was.
I said, "My compliments to the photographer."
The owner of hostess just brought the p**... mansion
Guess he really liked h**...-hos and ding dongs
Jesus and the Apostles walk into a bar.
"How many?" the hostess asks.
Jesus replies: "Table for 26 please. It's our Last Supper and we all want to sit on the same side."
A man walks into a bar with a politician, a liar, and a con-artist.
Approaching the hostess, the man then announced "Table for two!"
A man walks into a steakhouse
A man walks into a steakhouse and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling.
"What's with the meat?" he asks the hostess.
She says, "It's a contest we are running. If you can jump up and grab a piece, your entire meal is free."
"And what if I miss?"
"Then you need to buy everyone in the restaurant a drink. Do you want to try?"
He looks up again.
"No, the steaks are too high."
I went to a dinner and when I came back my friend asked me how it was.
"It would have been great if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, the fish as fresh as the maid, and the maid as willing as the Hostess!
We're waiting for a table at a restaurant...
The hostess call out, "Donner family of 8, your table is ready." She looks back at the book. "Correction, Donner party of 7"
What hostess gift should you bring to a brothel?
Hohos.
What hostess gift should you bring to a gay brothel?
Twinkies.
People always ask why my foreign confectionary looks 2 mini Hostess treats...
No one expects my Spanish t**... fission.
Mr. Smith found a doppelganger of his wife.
Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.
*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.
Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.
The best compliment.
Once at a party, the hostess paid me a nice compliment. You are a good-looking guy, she said. Honest! I've had only one shot of v**.... she said, looking at my bemused expression.
My glow was only slightly dimmed when my wife interjected, Imagine how great he'll look after two.
I wrote a movie about a male sheep and his son enjoying a Hostess pastry.
I call it
*Ram, a Lamb, a Ding d**...*
The Pilot
The pilot gave his normal address to the passengers, this is your captain speaking, we will be ascending to 30000 feet and the flight time is two hours. Unfortunately he forgot to turn off his microphone and he joked to his co pilot that what he would really enjoy was a cup of coffee and a b**.... A hostess rushed to the cockpit to alert the captain about the microphone. A nearby passenger quipped, he also wants a coffee.
A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.
He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "
A Russian, a Texan, and a New Yorker walk into a restaurant in France
The hostess says excuse me, due to a Mad Cow Disease there is a shortage of steak so we currently don't have any.
The Texan says What's a shortage?
The Russian says What's a steak
The New Yorker says What's excuse me?
Photos
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera."
He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said "That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots."

