Host Jokes
165 host jokes and hilarious host puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about host that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Welcome to the world of Host Jokes! In this article, you'll discover funniest jokes to use as a host in a variety of settings, from Oscars 2022 to radio, game show, karaoke, and more! We've also got unique jokes for a talent show host and bingo caller. Read on for the funniest jokes to make your hosting gig a hit!
Quick Jump To
- Short Host Jokes
- Host One Liners
- Talk Show Host Jokes
- Radio Host Jokes
- Game Show Host Jokes
- Oscars Host Jokes
- More Host Jokes
Funniest Host Short Jokes
Short host jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The host humour may include short guest jokes also.
- I got to a party and the host said, Make yourself at home , so I got comfortable. Turns out English was not his first language, and he was asking me to leave.
- I attended a meet called "How Stop Taking Things Literally". "What brings you here?" asked the host on my first day.
I said, "My legs." - I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp The host asked me: What are you?
Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.
Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp
Me: Are you calling me a lyre? - Levar Burton cannot replace Mayim Bialik as the host of the show... Because Captain Picard would never willingly put a member of his crew in Jeopardy.
- Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest. Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.
- A contestant made a meringue on Australian Masterchef and the crowd started clapping and cheering. The host said, "This is very unusual for an Australian audience. They normally Boo meringues!!"
- Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games? All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.
- Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest. It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
- What did the host say after her guest complimented her on her tea? Thanks, it's my special tea.
- My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
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Host One Liners
Which host one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with host? I can suggest the ones about holder and hare.
- Why can't a fish be a radio host? Because if he goes on air, he'll die.
- I hosted a huge event for gingers last week Sadly not a single soul showed up.
- Who hosts the Late Night Show in North Korea? Jimmy Kim-il
- I hosted an Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous meeting Nobody came
- My Uncle John is hosting a gender reveal party Sorry, I mean my Aunt Jane.
- A man was late to a cannibal party the host gave him a cold shoulder.
- Theresa May to host new game show! Neither Deal Nor No Deal
- What's the name of the cuban cooking show host? Fidel Gastro
- What do you call it when Edgar Allen Poe hosts an indoor strobe party? A Rave-in
- Why didn't Stephen hawking host a talk show? because he can't do stand-up comedy
- i hosted a party for snails that don't have shells it was a slugfest
- Heard at a wake "Here's a toast to the host, who is , at most, a ghost ".
- What do partygoers and parasites have in common? They use the host for food.^^^sorry
- What do you call a warship that hosts greek weddings? A dishtroyer.
- Why Is The Letter G Scary? It Turns A Host Into A Ghost!
Talk Show Host Jokes
Here is a list of funny talk show host jokes and even better talk show host puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who is Euler's constant's favorite talk show host? ln Degeneres
- What do you call a fat female host of a talk radio show about fishing? A broadcasting broad casting broad.
- When it comes to talk show hosts I don't usually go for Conan... I find his humor and style a bit too Barbarian for my personal taste
- Did you hear about the fish who wanted to be a radio talk show host? Apparently he suffocated and died when he went on air.
- Who's the trashiest talk show host ever? David Litterman.
- Why did the talk show host get cancer? Because he was really radio-active
- Which talk show host is most popular with pirates? ARRRRRRRRRR-senio Hall
- What do you call a Dinosaur hosting a talk show? The EllenDegeneresaurus show!
- Who's a pokemons favourite talk show host? Pokemontel Williams
- Who is the kindest talk show host? Ellen DeGenerous
Radio Host Jokes
Here is a list of funny radio host jokes and even better radio host puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many Public Radio hosts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? We'll be back with that answer right after this pledge break.
- I came across a podcast the other day hosted by a guy who dresses like a nun. It's called "Transistor Radio".
- I was scanning radio stations and landed on a religious show where the host made mention of Jesus's will. I thought wow, someone should read that. It would probably solve a lot of arguments.
- What did the Spanish radio host say after broadcast? Audios
- I was going to dress up as a CBC radio host for Halloween this year... ... but, I choked.
- If I were a radio host And now a song for my dear friend Alan that is sitting on his couch m**... furiously.
This is Michael Jackson's «Beat IT»
Game Show Host Jokes
Here is a list of funny game show host jokes and even better game show host puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the name of the new game show hosted by Katt Williams? Are You Stronger Than A 7th Grader?
- Why did the game show host's tire pop? It was the wheel of misfortune!
- Why doesn't Alex Trebek want to host another game show? Because his life is in Jeopardy
- What do you call a c**... Chef, a pro pool player, a white guy, a cell phone store employee, a game show host, a military recruiter, a plate of food, and a led blimp? (Now read it backwards)
Oscars Host Jokes
Here is a list of funny oscars host jokes and even better oscars host puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Congratulations to John Cena for his job hosting the Oscars last night. Really on his way to the A list now
- Why did Leonardo di Caprio want Steve Harvey to host the Oscars? He'd get it.
Charming Humor Host Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about host you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean agent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make host pranks.
What is the last thing the host of an o**... says to his guests?
Thank you for coming!
Scientists and spiders.
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'
An American, an Australian and an Irishman are all on a quiz show...
The host asks; "Old MacDonald had a what, and then spell it for me."
The American says; "Old MacDonald had a ranch, R-A-N-C-H," he was incorrect.
The Australian buzzes in and answers; "Old MacDonald had a property, P-R-O-P-E-R-T-Y," he was incorrect.
The Irishman thinks for a a little and finally answers, "Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O,"
Did you know the host of the Discovery Channel's show Dirty Jobs has 2 degrees?
In Mike Rowe Economics and Mike Rowe Biology.
Why should they have hosted the World Cup in a different country this year?
.... because a brazillian things could go wrong
A man heard a talk show was looking for people with unusual talents
When he showed up to audition for the segment the talk show host asked him what talent he was going to perform. The man explained "I imitate birds." The talk show host laughed, waving him away saying "thousands of people can imitate birds. We want something nobody has ever seen before." The man shrugged, flapped his arms, and flew away.
An infectious disease enters a bar...
the bartender says,"we dont serve your kind here". The disease replies, "well you're not a very good host!"
I tried hosting a b**... party last night...
It was awful, nobody came.
What did the host of an o**... say to his guests?
I'm glad you all came!
I asked the Riddler if I could be the host of his next party.
He said, "Be my guest."
Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships?
They wanted to see what a winning team looked like.
An infectious disease enters a bar...
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here." It replies, "Well, your not a very good host."
It isn't mine, my doctor told me this one
I've hosted an b**... party for my girlfriend
You should've seen her face
I hosted my very first o**... last night and it was a total disaster
Nobody came.
Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.
Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.
"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.
"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.
"Shaken, not stirred."
"Oh, thank God."
Halloween Joke
This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.
s**... and the gang on Family Fortunes
The host goes to Daphne and asks her to name an endangered African animal, she ponders for a second and then a voice in the background goes "Rhino!"
The host says "I know you do s**..., but it's not your go..."
Come Party!
I tried to host a bukakke party...
but nobody came.
Reservations
A couple walk into a nice restaurant on Friday night, hoping to get a table. Upon seeing the couple, the host asks the couple, "Do you have reservations?" The wife replies, "Yes, but we'll eat here anyway."
I hosted a debate between "Safe Space" advocates and critics
The safe space advocates didn't show up and called for my resignation.
Middle of the night...
Middle of the night asking a guest at a party after the time. The host says: "My watches are unfortunately broken, but we did the same!" He opens the window, brings his trumpet and begins to play. As a neighbor opens his window and yells: "Are you mad? It is at half past two! "
My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice...
I can't seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line.
A poem for Valentine's Day
Love is the f**... of every heart, for when held in it pains the host, but when released pains others most.
So this Pharaoh was making a dinner reservation...
Tutankhamen- I'd like to make a reservation for dinner, it's a special occasion. Name, Tutankhamen.
Restaurant Host- Oh, nice, who will you be dining with?
Tutankhamen- Oh my wife, also my sister and step-mother.
Restaurant Host- Ok, I'll put you in for a table for four, near the grotto.
Tutankhamen- Four? I'm just bringing Ankhesenamun.
A r**... walks in to a restaurant with his wife, sister and cousin
He walks up to the host and says table for two please
How do you host an amnesia support group on a budget?
The moment they show up, tell them the meeting went great and their speech was inspiring.
Currently, the Olympic host country has...
One brazillian medals.
They say being a hostage is hard
But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.
What's the best day to host a midget convention?
The Winter solstice. It's the shortest day of the year!
Honest Husband
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
Jesus walks into a restaurant with his Apostles...
and says to the host, "Table for 26 please". The host, confused said, "but Jesus, it's just you and your 12 Apostles, that only makes 13". To this Jesus replied, "Yeah, but we're only going to sit on one side of the table."
An infectious disease walks into a bar.
Barman says, we don't serve your type here . Infectious disease replies, well, you are not a very good host.
The Ant, and Spider,were hanging at the millipede's house...
They ran out of Booze. So being a good host, the Millipede volunteered to get more at the store.
Waited for 2 hours and the millipede was nowhere to be found.
They opened the front door and saw the Millipede was still putting on his shoes ..
A man is invited to a costume party...
where the theme is to come as something or someone that represents your s**... life. After thinking a little, he finally comes up with the perfect costume!
As he enters the party, the host comes up to ask him about his costume.
"I'm curious, how does Abraham Lincoln represent your s**... life?"
"Easy," he replies. "My last four scores were seven years ago!"
I am hosting a charity event for people who fail to reach c**... during s**...
If you can't come, let me know
What do you call a dad and his son over for dinner at a famous hockey players home?
.....
.....The Father
.....The Son
.....And The goalie Host
Guy with a lisp turns up to a dinner party carrying a selection of cheeses and a couple of ducks under his arm
The host says, "thanks for bringing the cheese, but why the ducks?"
The guest replies, "can't have cheese without cwackers"
Who hosts the tool awards?
Emcee Hammer
Entering a friend's home for his weekly poker game, Slick is amazed to see a dog sitting at the table.
He's even more surprised when the dog wins the first hand with a full house, and takes the second with a royal flush.
"This is unreal," Slick says after the dog wins the next two hands. "He's got to be only dog in the world that can play like that."
"Aw, he's not so great," says the host. "There's a dog in Las Vegas who doesn't wag his tail every time he gets a good hand."
A dangerous parasite walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."
The parasite replies, "Well, you're not a very good **host**."
A Welshman enters a game show....
A Welshman enters a game show, and he is given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, sheeps.
He chooses door # 1 and the host opens door #3 to reveal a sheep behind it.
The host askes, "Do you want to change your choice?"
To which the man replies, "Nay, I'm good."
I hosted an erectile disfunction dinner....
I hosted an erectile disfunction dinner but it was a flop. Nobody came.
A guy goes to a halloween party with a g**... his back.
The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"
I hosted an o**... for the socially anxious.
Nobody came.
A n**... lady enters the costume party behind the turtle
She has nothing but a monkey covering her p**... area.
The host takes one puzzled look.
"Alright, I give up. Judging by what I asked the turtle, I may regret asking this, but what are you supposed to be?"
"I'm an Italian boy!"
"What's with the monkey?"
"That'sa not a monkey! That's a macaque!"
Went to a costume party last night
The host asked what I was supposed to be, so I told him I dressed up as a harp. "But your costume is too small to be a harp," he said.
"Are you calling me a lyre?"
Costume party
Host: What are you?
Me: A harp
Host: Ur costume's too small to be a harp.
Me: Are you calling me a lyre
A man walks into a costume party.
Host: What are you?
Man: A harp.
Host: Your costume's too small to be a harp...
Man: Are you calling me a lyre, sir?
I hosted a sad o**... the other night...
Nobody came.
So I was arrested for showing my e**... to an NPR host...
I don't get it. She SAID she wanted to see more sustaining members.
Welcome to the Incomplete Thoughts podcast!
I'm your host,
Rudolph the Russian visits New York
His host and wife take him out to dinner. On the way it begins to lightly rain, the wife says Oh look it's snowing! Rudolph replied, no it's rain. The wife again says, It's snow! The husband getting embarrassed settled the argument saying, Rudolph the red knows rain dear.
I was hosting a f**... for my goldfish, and my friend thought it was okay to ask "What herbs should I season which fish with?"
I told him "Come on dude, there's a thyme and plaice."
A husband calls a men's help line.
Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"
God and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said God . "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."
I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a Pirate, the host said where are your buccaneers? I replied.
Under my buckinghat.
There isn't enough recognition for the farmer who used his barren field to host the first Bovine Boxing tournament
He gave up an awful lot to see some bulls hit.
What do you get when you cross the host of America's Next Top Model with multiple member-owned financial cooperatives?
Tyra CreditUnions
North Korea just announced it will host peace talks...
Between the United States and Canada.
Guy calls in on radio show
**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan
I went to a costume party
Host: What are you supposed to be?
Me: I'm a harp!
Host: No Way! Your costume is way to small to be a harp.
Me: Are you calling my a lyre????
What's the difference between a farmer MC and this joke?
One is a reap host; the other's a repost.
A man goes to a party
And he says to the host "I admire your gold toilet seat."
The host says "I have no gold toilet seat, but you're the man who pooped in my tuba."
I came up with a new game:
Two players need a chessboard, a diamond ace, a dice, a bunch of bananas, two condoms and a set of kitchen knives. Players must improvise. After two hours, host opens an envelope with the rules, and players will find out which of them has lost the least.
I called this game "Life".
I hosted the worst possible o**....
Nobody came.
If you ever want to host a great but inexpensive party, have it in some catacombs.
I hear it's cheaper for Wights.
A French internet cafe had to cancel a CS:GO tournament it was supposed to host, after someone stole all the baked goods.
The gamers could not tolerate that much baguette loss.
I thought I was invited to a swingers party but it turned out to be just a regular party.
Unfortunately I didn't realize it until I stepped in out of the cold and misunderstood when the host said "Jacket off, buddy!"
The hostess said my name wasn't on the list
but I had my reservations
I hosted a party for men with erectile dysfunction
It was lame. Nobody came.
Three priests gathered together for a drink .
During their get together ,the host ask the other two :
- How do you split your money with the Lord ?
"I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest.
The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" .
"How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest.
I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.
I hosted a silent disco party in my apartment
I got a complaint from the mime next door.
A guy arrives at a music-themed costume party and the host asks him what he is supposed to be. The guy happily shouts 'A harp'. The host pauses and then says 'I think that costume seems a little small to be a harp'.
The guy replies 'Are you calling me a lyre?'.
