Hospital Stay Jokes
17 hospital stay jokes and hilarious hospital stay puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hospital stay that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Hospital Stay Short Jokes
Short hospital stay jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hospital stay humour may include short hospital discharge jokes also.
- My brother won a prize for staying in a hospital bed for a really long time. He got a trophy.
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Hospital Stay One Liners
Which hospital stay one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hospital stay? I can suggest the ones about hospital bed and hospital patient.
- I got kicked out of the hospital because I told the Covid patients to stay positive
Hospital Stay Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about hospital stay you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hospital waiting room jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hospital stay pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."
Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
Mental Hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...
he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.
We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.
Nobody expected the Spanish Inn Physician
surgeon's disappointing holiday
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. "Oh, it was very disappointing"' he said. "I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Asurgeon had been a long time hunting
"d**... I didn't kill anything" he exclaimen when he got back to the hospital. "I should've just stayed here" he muttered.
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?”
God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.”
Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.
She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?”
God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!”
Jim and Mary.
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident."
"Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident."
"Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
The girlfriend ask her boyfriend.
What will happen if i pulled the plug when you are in the middle of your game.
The boyfriend replied.
I will treasure the time with you, deepen our relationship, so that one day we can get married. Have 1 or 2 kids in our happy family and grow old together. And when we are too old, we will stay in the same hospital room side by side with our life support on. I will walk over to your bed and tell you this "Remember that time when you pull the plug in the middle of my game? Now is my turn."
Three guys are in a hospital waiting room
Each of them has a wife in labor and is anxiously awaiting the arrival of their bundle of joy. The nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations...your wife has given birth to twins!" The man says, "Wow, that is such a blessing. Twins! Imagine that! You know what's funny, though? I work for the Minnesota Twins, so that's kind of a coincidence!"
Five minutes later the nurse returns and says to the second guy, "Congratulations! Your wife was carrying triplets, and they are all healthy...two boys and a girl!" The man is thrilled. "Triplets! Imagine that! Wow, two boys and a girl! You know what's funny, though; I work for 3M, so that's kind of a coincidence!"
The third man then suddenly reaches for his coat and starts to head for the exit. Confused, the nurse says, "Wait a minute! Your wife is in labor...don't you want to stay and be with her??" The guy replies, "No way. Forget it. I'm outta here. I'm a truck driver for 7up!"
A 54 year old woman had a heart atack.
She was taken to the hospital for surgery. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up yet?" God said, "No, you have another 34 years to live". Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, tummy tuck, and changed her hair color. Finally she was released from the hospital. While crossing the road on her way home she was killed by a truck. Arriving in front of God in heaven she asked "You said I had another 34 years to live, why didn't you save me from the truck?" God said "I could not recognize you"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Magic
So there is this man, lets call him John, who just took a magic course. Convinced that he was a magician, he went up to his friend called Rob. John then requested Rob to hit his head with a hammer. "why would I do that?" asked his friend. "because I am a magician. I'll be alright. It's really cool! Hit me as hard as you can. I'll live. I really will! I promise I will live. Just hit me." So Rob takes the hammer, and reluctantly smashes John on the head. To his dismay, John crumples to the ground. Rob rushes him to the hospital and explained what happened to the doctors. The doctors take Rob in, and try everything they could do to get him out of the coma he fell into, but nothing worked, so they put John on life support. Rob felt so guilty and s**... that he smashed John with a hammer, believing he was a magician,that he stayed by his side all year through, until he awoke from his coma. "John! You promised me you would live if I smashed you with that hammer! I should have known you weren't a magician." John then gestured to himself, and said "tadaaaa"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was immediately transported to the hospital.
While she was in surgery she had a supernatural, near death experience.
She met God and asked him: "Has my time come?"
He answered: "No, you have 43 years, 2 months and 8 more days to live."
After she recovered, the woman decided to stay in hospital and do plastic surgery on her face, liposuction, breast e**... and abdominal fat removal.
She also called a hair stylist to change her hairstyle and an orthodontist to perform a ‘teeth lifting’.
She figured, if she had so much time in front of her, she should live the best way possible.
After her last plastic surgery and not until she has recovered, she wore a new dress with matching heels, left the hospital, went across the street and an ambulance run over her…
While crossing the gates to heaven, she reached God and demanded to know what happened: "You told me I had 43 more years! Why didn’t you save me from the ambulance?"
And he answered: "I didn’t recognize you."