Hospital Jokes

• Short Hospital Jokes
• Hospital One Liners
• Hospital Patient Jokes
• Hospital Bed Jokes
• Mental Hospital Jokes
• Hospital Waiting Room Jokes
• Hospital Food Jokes
• More Hospital Jokes

Funniest Hospital Short Jokes

Short hospital jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hospital humour may include short hotel jokes also.

1. What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital? I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
   
2. Step by step guide on how to fall down stairs Step 1:
   Step 2:
   Step 4:
   Step 7:
   Step 12:
   Step 18:
   Step 25:
   Hospital
3. What's the most common operation in a lego hospital? Plastic surgery.
   [Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
4. Chuck Norris caught COVID-19 and the prognosis is not good. Anyone wanting to say goodbye to the virus should visit the hospital tonight.
   (Cr
5. "Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
6. Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ? The ICU
7. Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children's hospital? I dunno, I just fly the drone...
8. If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.
9. A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious accident He shouts "Doctor, Doctor I can't feel my legs!"
   The Doctor replies, "I know, we amputated your arms."
10. Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero. I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.

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Hospital One Liners

Which hospital one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hospital? I can suggest the ones about medical and hospice.

1. Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital? In the ICU.
2. Why'd the gardener get banned from the hospital? He kept watering the vegetables.
3. Who has two thumbs and is headed to the hospital? Not me. Christ that tablesaw was sharp.
4. My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.
5. A dark sense of humor is like a hospital. Lots of sickness and occasionally dead babies.
6. My Dad was in the hospital from being electrocuted When he left he was discharged
7. A guy using Apple map walks into a bar ...or maybe a hospital....or possibly a church
8. I got kicked out of the hospital because I told the Covid patients to stay positive
9. What's the worst place to hide in a hospital? The ICU
10. Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip doctor.
11. Hillary Clinton is in the hospital... She is being treated for third degree Berns.
12. The guy who fell off the ferris wheel is at the hospital.. He's in fair condition.
13. What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital? ICU
14. What Christmas song do they play at the mental hospital? Do you see what I see?
15. Why are hospitals allways so cold? To keep the vegetables fresh.

Hospital Patient Jokes

Here is a list of funny hospital patient jokes and even better hospital patient puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• At a mental hospital, one patient keeps yelling "I am a messenger of God! I am a messenger of God!" "I didn't send anybody" says someone in the adjacent room.
• Two ladies meet up for coffee... The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
  (I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.)
• Hospital patient lying in bed: "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" Doctor: "Yes, I'm sorry. We had to amputate your arms."
  [A brief sketch from an ancient episode of 'Not The Nine O'Clock News']
• There was a doctor and a patient in a hospital. Doctor: relax David, it's just a small surgery. Don't panic.
  Patient: But Doctor, my name is not David.
  Doctor: I know... that's my name.
• I heard laughter is the best medicine I heard laughter is the best medicine, so I went to the local hospital, found some cancer patients, and laughed at them.
• A famous singer sang for patients in a hospital. He finished with a cheerful greeting:
  -Bye-bye , and hope you get better!
  -Thanks, you too! replied the patients.
• I heard patients were not sleeping well at the hospital So I unplugged all the loud annoying beeping things in their rooms. They sleep much better now
• A girl I know who works in the X-ray department of a local hospital is dating one of her patients Nobody know what she sees in him
• What's the difference between an angry mother and a bad hospital? One is losing their patience. The other is losing their patients
• Hospital When checking a patient in for surgery, he said he was a mechanic. I said, "Good, the surgeon likes that because you understand when there are parts left over."

Hospital Bed Jokes

Here is a list of funny hospital bed jokes and even better hospital bed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My brother won a prize for staying in a hospital bed for a really long time. He got a trophy.
• A man wakes up in a hospital bed and yells Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs! The doctor replies I know, I amputated your arms.
• I was in the hospital bed when a nurse came up to me and said, "Would you like me to inform anyone that you're here?" I said, "Yes. The doctor."
• Did you know, anti-vaxxers don't last as long in bed? …especially if the bed is in a hospital.
• A man is lying in a hospital bed. "Doctor, how long do I have to live?" asks the man.
  "10," replies the doctor.
  "10 what?"
  "9."
• A man's in the hospital bed When the doctor came in, so he asks:
  Doctor, how did my tests went? I'm dying of curiosity
  Which he answers:
  Well, not just of curiosity
• I once fell down 2 flights of stairs and hit my head I quickly realized it was a dream when I woke up safely in my hospital bed.
• What do they announce overhead when a patient poops in the bed in the hospital? I Heard they call a Code Amber.
• The local hospital hired a Roman nurse! Complications arose when the IV was issued to bed #4.
• Told my son to live every day like it was his last. Nobody can pull him out of that hospital bed.

Mental Hospital Jokes

Here is a list of funny mental hospital jokes and even better mental hospital puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• If mental hospitals had walkways... They'd be called psychopaths.
• Where do you take someone who overdoses on homeopathic medicine? A mental hospital
• A man who thinks he's a piece of luggage has been admitted to a mental hospital. Psychiatrists say he's the strangest case they've ever come across.
• What's the best way to get to the mental hospital? Take the psychopath!!
• A man walks into a mental hospital wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The clerk says to him, "You definitely belong here, I can clearly see your nuts!"
• Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital? The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.
• A police officer arrested a man who was in a mental hospital. The officer busted a nut.
• What Christmas song is banned from playing at mental hospitals? 🎤Do you hear what I hear? 🎤
• What person shows you around a mental hospital? Tour-ettes :)
• What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety? Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.

Hospital Waiting Room Jokes

Here is a list of funny hospital waiting room jokes and even better hospital waiting room puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Waiting in hospital's waiting room makes You patient.
• What do you call a midget in a hospital waiting room constantly complaining about how long he's been waiting? Imp-Patient!
• Heard in a hospital waiting room. I only read the paper to look at the obituaries. If I am not there. I read the divorces and check for my name. I can then start my day.
• Notice in a hospital waiting room. "Thanks for being Patient.'

Hospital Food Jokes

Here is a list of funny hospital food jokes and even better hospital food puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A joke told to me by a doctor in a hospital elevator What are the three rules of proctology?
  >!1) Don't shake hands!<
  >!2) No finger foods!<
  >!3) Don't pick your nose!<
• How do you know when a British person is demonstrating great hospitality? You visit their house and they don't offer you their food.
• What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital? Donor Kebab
• I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea.
  They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
• What's the only type of food hospitals stock? Vegetables

Entertaining Hospital Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about hospital you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean patient jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hospital pranks.