Hospice Jokes

18 hospice jokes and hilarious hospice puns to laugh out loud. Read places jokes about hospice that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of hospice jokes. From funny one-liners to hilarious hospice care stories, we've got you covered.

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Funniest Hospice Short Jokes

Short hospice jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hospice humour may include short nursing home jokes also.

  1. Last night I bought my friend a lifetime supply of peach Ice Cream He has cancer, in Hospice, and the Doctors have given him two weeks tops.
  2. We found out our child is allergic to cats We've sent it to a hospice and we will try to get another one.
    After all, not every child will be allergic.
  3. Hillary Clinton is rumoured to join the spice girls if she loses the race. Welcome to the band, hospice.
  4. A young English farmer girl is watching a news report on the state of hospices in the country She asks her father confusingly dad, what's a hospice?
    Dad: About a gallon and a half
  5. I've just been watching an unusual martial arts film set in a semaphorists' hospice It's called The House Of The Dying Flaggers.
  6. Why does the ocean roar? If you had c**... all over your bottom, you'd roar too.
    A patient of mine told me this joke today... gotta love working in hospice ☺️

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Hospice One Liners

Which hospice one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hospice? I can suggest the ones about hospital and hospital bed.

  1. I volunteer a lot at a children's hospice... It never gets old.
  2. My horoscope said that I won't get along with Cancer... Nether do people in hospice care.
  3. How much is a hospice? About 10 gallons
  4. Why did the man have to sell his hospice? It was a dying business.
  5. What would you call a 90 year old h**...? h**...-spice

Hospice joke, What would you call a 90 year old h**...?

Comedy Hospice Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about hospice you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hospital stay jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hospice pranks.

An elderly man was on his deathbed.

A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the f**...!"

A doctor comes to check up on a hospice patient who's taken a turn for the worse.

They do some tests and look at some charts, then unlock the wheels on the bed and roll it into the hallway. "We're transferring you to the East Wing."
"What's the East Wing?" asks the patient.
"The morgue." replies the doctor. The patient exclaims, "The morgue?! .. but I'm not dead yet!"
"It's a long hallway."

I went to a flower shop on my way to the hospice and asked for a dozen roses...

"I'm sorry sir, " said the florist, "I only have some with a couple of days life left in them. "
"No problem, " I replied, "that's more than enough. "

Letter to a madman

Inside a hospice, a madman approaches the others with a blank paper, examining it with attention. The other crazy people can not resist curiosity and ask:
_ What is it?
The crazy one with the letter, responds
_ A letter from my brother
Even for the other crazy people, that was too absurd.
_ But the letter is blank.
The madman responds serenely
_ We do not talk anymore

So I'm a male nurse, and I work in hospice. It's a great company, and sad sometimes, but it has taught me some great life lessons.

1) Pull your skeletons out of your closet now, or they'll come out while you're dying.
2) Love the one you're with.
3) I don't need to worry about finding true love. All the demented women seem to love me like it's the first day we met.

Hospice joke, How much is a hospice?

jokes about hospice