Hose Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Hose jokes. There are some hose nozzle jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these hose water hose puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Comical & Quirky Hose Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

Two Mexicans

What do you call two Mexicans in the back of a fire truck? José and Hose B

An old snake

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine, doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

I met a Mexican with two dicks

He called one Jose and the other Hose B

My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

jokes about hose

Cats and ladders

A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Did you hear about the Spanish Fire Brigade

jose and hose b

(This one is better when spoken) Did you hear about the man with two penises?

Yep. First one he named Jose. Second one he named hose B.(again, better spoken)

Hose joke, (This one is better when spoken) Did you hear about the man with two penises?

Peeing !

A drunken man was casually peeing into a drinking fountain in the park.
A police officer comes up to him and yells frantically.
"What do you think you're doing. There's a public toilet fifty meters from here!"
The man, amazed, yells back.
"What do you think I have, a hose?

What do you call two mexican firefighters?

Hose A and Hose B.

A Mexican man has two penises. What did he name them?

José and Hose B.

What's the difference between a hipster and a fire hose?

It takes more than one hipster to push the black people out of a neighborhood.

You can explore hose piped reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hose firemen dad jokes. There are also hose puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

So my wife said "take off my shirt".

So I did as she said and took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.

"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.

"Now my hose, bra, and panties." And lastly, I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

Why do firemen get the people out of the building before putting off the fire?

Because bros before hose

Was told to turn on the water hose

I was told to turn on the water hose.

Responded
"I don't know anything about mermaid sexuality"

A missionary came to my door asking if I could help with the floods in India.

I said sure, but my garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway.

Hose joke, A missionary came to my door asking if I could help with the floods in India.

Why are fire trucks red?

You would be too if someone was pulling on your hose all day.

What did the mexican fireman name his 2 children?

Jose and Hose B

Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter?

Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.

What kind of girls date firefighters?

Hose.

A Mathematician is given a psychological test.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?

He couldn't trust his hose.

Yesterday I took LSD and I wrestled with a grass snake for three hours.

On a side note, our garden hose is completely wrecked.

A man went to water his garden...

He didn't have a hose or a watering can, so he improvised by filling a bucket with water and throwing it all over the garden. However, when he did so, the water only landed on every other plant.

Shocked, the man threw his arms up in the air and shouted "water the odds!?"

What did the firefighter pimp say when he walked into the club?

Where my hose at?

Why do the firemen take out people from a burning building before they put the fire out with water?

Bros before hose.

Hose joke, Why do the firemen take out people from a burning building before they put the fire out with water?

A house isn't a home without you...

It's a hose

Did you hear about the Mexican fireman?

He named his first son Jose.

And the second one Hose B.

How do you put out a fire at a strip club?

You use the hose.

What kind of women are attracted to firefighters?

Hose!

What did the empty watering can say to his plant friends at the strip club?

Where dem hose at

I once met a guy who asked me aren't you that guy who brags about really weird, specific stuff?

I then replied No, I'm the guy with the longest garden hose in the county. 1

I used my opposite hand with the kitchen sink sprayer hose

felt like someone else was doing the dishes

Did you hear about the hose that was into BDSM?

It had a few kinks.

A fireman has two sons. He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second?

Hose B

What did the fireman say when he walked into the burning strip club?

Where my hose at?

I think my neighbour is growing tomatoes in his car...

He's been sat in there with a hose through the window for hours!

What do you call a mermaid prostitutes?

Water Hose.

What kind of women do firemen get?

only Hose

Why isn't snoop dogs lawn green?

Cuz he don't love no hose

Jose went to the urologist for an exam...

When he removed his pants the doctor was surprised at what he saw.

"You have two penises!" Said the doctor.

"Yeah, I know." Jose replies, "I call the one on the left 'Little Jose.'"

The doctor smiles at the joke, "What about the other one?"

"I call that one 'Little Hose B.'

English is not first language want to try joke from my country

Why did snoop dog not have a pretty green American yard?

Because he don't love no hose.

Why couldn't the retired pimp water his lawn?

He no longer had any hose!

What is the best job in the world?

Gardener. They get all them hose.

Why is the shower hose pansexual?

Because every naked person it sees turns it on

My wife pulled into the driveway and excitedly told me "Honey, you'll never guess who I ran into at the protest today!"

I said I couldn't possibly guess, who?

"I don't know either, we'll have to watch the news to find out. Now please help me hose the blood off our truck!"

Never have sex with a garden hose...

They're too kinky.

How was the Canadian able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico?

With the help of a hose eh.

Me: I know panty hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone

**Bank Teller:** So— is this not a robbery?

**Me:** No, It is.

Why was the hose always unsatisfied?

It could never find anyone into its kink.

What do you call slutty garden gnomes?

Garden Hose. They're a kinky bunch.

I hate when my hose stops spraying water.

But then I remember not to kink shame.

There was a firefighter who always recited a poetry verse before extinguishing a blaze.

He was a real prose before hose kinda guy.

Did you hear about the depressed hipster?

They found him in his garage, with a hose in his drivers side window, leading to the charging port of his Tesla.

An old snake is feeling his age.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine, doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

Yesterday I took LSD and I wrestled with a grass snake for three hours.

On an unrelated note, my mum needs a new garden hose.

Did you hear about the Mexican fireman that had twins?

He named one José.

He named the other one hose B.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the hose hoes puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working hose fireman hose piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes