Hose Jokes
124 hose jokes and hilarious hose puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hose Short Jokes
Short hose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hose humour may include short rope jokes also.
- Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter? Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.
- Did you hear about the Mexican fireman that had twins? He named one José.
He named the other one hose B. - Why do the firemen take out people from a burning building before they put the fire out with water? Bros before hose.
- English is not first language want to try joke from my country Why did snoop dog not have a pretty green American yard?
Because he don't love no hose. - Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire? Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!
- I think my neighbour is growing tomatoes in his car... He's been sat in there with a hose through the window for hours!
- I once met a guy who asked me aren't you that guy who brags about really weird, specific stuff? I then replied No, I'm the guy with the longest garden hose in the county. 1
- How was the Canadian able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico? With the help of a hose eh.
- Two Mexicans What do you call two Mexicans in the back of a fire truck? José and Hose B
- There was a firefighter who always recited a poetry verse before extinguishing a blaze. He was a real prose before hose kinda guy.
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Hose One Liners
Which hose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hose? I can suggest the ones about pipe and cable.
- What do you call a mermaid prostitutes? Water Hose.
- What kind of girls date firefighters? Hose.
- A house isn't a home without you... It's a hose
- What did the mexican fireman name his 2 children? Jose and Hose B
- What do you call two mexican firefighters? Hose A and Hose B.
- What did the Hispanic firefighter name his kids? José and Hose-B
- What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Hose-A and Hose-B
- Did you hear about the Spanish Fire Brigade jose and hose b
- Why isn't snoop dogs lawn green? Cuz he don't love no hose
- What is the best job in the world? Gardener. They get all them hose.
- What kind of women do firemen get? only Hose
- A fireman has two sons. He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second? Hose B
- Why are fire trucks red? You would be too if someone was pulling on your hose all day.
- Have you heard of the two Mexican firemen? Hose-A and Hose-B.
- What kind of women are attracted to firefighters? Hose!
Water Hose Jokes
Here is a list of funny water hose jokes and even better water hose puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Was told to turn on the water hose I was told to turn on the water hose.
Responded
"I don't know anything about mermaid sexuality" - After much debate comparing early black communities to modern during all these officer related shootings They have decided water hoses weren't so bad
- What do prostitutes drink? Hose water.
- My mom wanted me to water the plants and my friends wanted me to get on Fortnite... I got on Forntite because bros before hose.
- What did the strong water hose say to the week water hose during their shoot out? You mist.
- Why doesnt snoop dog ever water his garden? Cuz he don't love hose
- Why should you go out with the lads before you water the garden? Bros before hose.
- My girlfriend got me a water hose for Christmas I asked her why? and she said it's the only way you can get me wet
- Water hose, something you use on your lawn or What Aquaman refers to as his one night stands.
- What does Congress use when they water the Capitol lawn? The Hose of Representatives!
Fireman Hose Jokes
Here is a list of funny fireman hose jokes and even better fireman hose puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the Mexican fireman? He named his first son Jose.
And the second one Hose B. - Did here about the Mexican fireman who had twins? He named them Jose and Hose B
- What do you call a Mexican fireman ? Josè.......
What do you call the second Mexican fireman?
Hose-b - What did the spanish fireman name his 2 sons? Jose and Hose B
- What did the fireman say when he walked into the burning s**... club? Where my hose at?
Comical & Quirky Hose Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about hose you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plumber pipe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hose pranks.
An old snake
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine, doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
I met a Mexican with two d**...
He called one Jose and the other Hose B
My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and p**...." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Cats and ladders
A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's t**....
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
(This one is better when spoken) Did you hear about the man with two p**...?
Yep. First one he named Jose. Second one he named hose B.(again, better spoken)
Peeing !
A drunken man was casually peeing into a drinking fountain in the park.
A police officer comes up to him and yells frantically.
"What do you think you're doing. There's a public toilet fifty meters from here!"
The man, amazed, yells back.
"What do you think I have, a hose?
What's the difference between a gardener and a p**...?
A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.
A Mexican man has two p**.... What did he name them?
José and Hose B.
Why are mexicans bad firefighters?
Because they cant tell jose from hose B
There was a Mexican boy born with two d**.... He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second one?
Hose B
What's the difference between a hipster and a fire hose?
It takes more than one hipster to push the black people out of a neighborhood.
What did the mexican name his two d**...?
Jose and Hose B
So my wife said "take off my shirt".
So I did as she said and took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.
"Now my hose, bra, and p**...." And lastly, I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Did you ever hear about the Mexican born with two wieners.
He named them Jose and hose b
Why is a creative writing workshop the first step when training to become a firefighter?
Prose before Hose
Why do firemen get the people out of the building before putting off the fire?
Because bros before hose
What's the difference between a garden hose and a the male prostate?
Well, there is a vas deferens.
Why are Mexicans bad firefighters?
Because they can't tell the difference between José and hose B
Why did Chris Brown get a lawn sprinkler system installed?
His hose ain't loyal
Why are fire engines red?
You would be too if you were running down the road with your hose hanging out!
A m**... came to my door asking if I could help with the floods in India.
I said sure, but my garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway.
A Mathematician is given a psychological test.
The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."
What do you call a Mexican garden hose in Canada?
Joseh
Why wouldn't the p**... water his lawn?
He couldn't trust his hose.
Yesterday I took l**... and I wrestled with a grass snake for three hours.
On a side note, our garden hose is completely wrecked.
What makes firefighters such great pimps?
They have a handle on their hose.
A h**... is lying on a hammock in his backyard drinking a beer while his wife mows the lawn.
His neighbour leans over the fence and says, "That's disgusting. You let your wife do all the work while you just lie there and drink beer. You should be d**...-well hung!"
"I am," replies the h**.... "That's why she mows the lawn for me."
A man went to water his garden...
He didn't have a hose or a watering can, so he improvised by filling a bucket with water and throwing it all over the garden. However, when he did so, the water only landed on every other plant.
Shocked, the man threw his arms up in the air and shouted "water the odds!?"
What are the two most common names of Mexican fire-fighter?
José and Hose B.
What do you call a hose that likes to get t**...?
k**....
What do you call someone who has s**... with a garden hose?
k**....
What did the firefighter p**... say when he walked into the club?
Where my hose at?
A p**... walks into a hardware store...
... and tells the clerk, "I need some more hose."
What's the difference between a car and a woman?
A car doesn't mind when you shove a hose in its gas hole.
How do you put out a fire at a s**... club?
You use the hose.
What did the Latino name his 2 d**...?
Jose and Hose B
Why'd the blind Canadian think he had a gardener?
He kept hearing his wife ask, Where's that hose, eh?
Why did the Mexican get fired from the firestation?
He couldn't tell the difference between Jose and Hose 'B'.
What does a mexican firefighter call his 2 kids?
Jose and Hose B
What did the empty watering can say to his plant friends at the s**... club?
Where dem hose at
I used my opposite hand with the kitchen sink sprayer hose
felt like someone else was doing the dishes
What do you call two spanish firemen
Jose and hose b
Did you hear about the hose that was into b**...?
It had a few kinks.
When buying a race car bed...
Always upgrade the tail pipe to a Fleshlight so when you hookup your hose, you only die a little.
Why did Snoop Dogs grass die?
Cuz he don't love no hose.
What do you call s**... mermaids?
Water hose
Why is a fire engine red?
You'd be red too if your hose was showing.
Fire fighters throw the best parties.
They've got a lot of hose with smoking hot bodies.
Jose went to the urologist for an exam...
When he removed his pants the doctor was surprised at what he saw.
"You have two p**...!" Said the doctor.
"Yeah, I know." Jose replies, "I call the one on the left 'Little Jose.'"
The doctor smiles at the joke, "What about the other one?"
"I call that one 'Little Hose B.'
Why do pimps make good gardeners
Because they are used to garden hose
What did the Mexican fire department name their hose?
Hose A and Hose B.
Why are firetrucks red?
It's because they get embarrassed when they bring out the hose
Why couldn't the retired p**... water his lawn?
He no longer had any hose!
My neighbor's been working hard during this hot summer day, so I decided to cool him off with my garden hose
I appreciate the thankful little dances his body has been making but I really wish he'd get back to repairing my power line.
Why is the shower hose pansexual?
Because every n**... person it sees turns it on
