Horse Mounted Jokes
19 horse mounted jokes and hilarious horse mounted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about horse mounted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Horse Mounted Short Jokes
Short horse mounted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The horse mounted humour may include short horse riding jokes also.
- In the old West, a lantern was often mounted on a horse for night time travel.... It was thought to be the first generation of 'Saddle-Light-Navigation'.
- What did the mountain climber name his horse? Everest. Any time he is bored I see him Mount Everest.
- What is the Tactical Division of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police called? The Special Horses.
- After a horrible crime wave, the NYPD put mounted police officers on every street corner in the city. It was an impressive show of horse.
- I am being accused of stealing a horse. I said I didn't do it. They said there is mounting evidence to the contrary.
- Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A: She wanted to mount the horse her way. - What did the boy say to the mounted policeman? I've never seen a horse with two d**... before!
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Horse Mounted One Liners
Which horse mounted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with horse mounted? I can suggest the ones about horse jumping and horse neigh.
- What do you call something that is half horse and half pig? A mounted police officer
- The suspect was stomped by the officer's mount... It was ruled a "use of excessive horse"
Cheerful Fun Horse Mounted Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about horse mounted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean horse crossed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make horse mounted pranks.
The King was leaving his castle to fight in the Crusades. He left the key to his wife's chastity belt with his most trusted knight.
"God commands that I fight, but not even he can promise that I will return. If I die fighting in these holy wars, I leave it to you to release my wife to marry again." The king mounted his horse and rode off the horizon.
As he nearly rode out of sight, he turned back and looked at his kingdom one last time.... only to see his most trusted knight, chasing after him, shouting.....
"IT'S THE WRONG KEY! IT'S THE WRONG KEY!"
A preacher trained his horse to go when he said "Thank God" and to stop when he said "Amen"
The preacher mounted the horse and said "Thank God" and went for a ride. When he wanted to stop for lunch , he said " "Amen." He took off again saying "Thank God"
The horse started going toward the edge of a cliff. The preacher got exited and said "whoa! whoa!" Then he remembered and said "Amen" and the horse stopped at the edge of the cliff. The preacher was so relieved and grateful that he looked up to heaven and said "Thank God!"
Buffalo Hunt
Two Native American scouts are hunting buffalo in the Great Planes. One scout hops off of his horse and puts his face to the ground, closing his eyes in concentration.
"Buffalo come!", he exclaims as he lifts his head.
"Did you hear them?", asks the mounted scout.
"No," grunts the man, "face sticky."
A preacher trained his horse...
A preacher trained his horse to go when he said "Thank God" and to stop when he said "Amen."
The preacher mounted the horse and said "Thank God" and went for a ride. When he wanted to stop for lunch , he said " "Amen." He took off again saying "Thank God"
The horse started going toward the edge of a cliff. The preacher got excited and said "whoa! whoa!" Then he remembered and said "Amen" and the horse stopped at the edge of the cliff. The preacher was so relieved and grateful that he looked up to heaven and said "Thank God!"
A blonde tries to go horseback riding ....
.....
even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle.
In t**..., she grabs for the mane but can't seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider.
Unfortunately, the Blonde's foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over again.
As her head is battered against the ground she is moments away from losing consciousness when, to her great fortune, the Walmart's Manager sees her and unplugs the horse.
A blonde decides to try horseback riding
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experiences. She mounts the horse unassisted & the horse
immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In t**..., she grabs for the horses's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup & she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again & again.
The blonde's head is continually battered against the ground, she is mere
moments away from unconsciousness when........
The Walmart manager runs out and shuts the horse off.
A cowboy sees a majestic horse...
It's the most beautiful horse he's ever seen, and he wants nothing more than this horse. He finds the owner of this horse, an immigrant, and asks to buy it. The owner says, "I tell you misser, dis horse no look so good." The cowboy persists, extolling the physical virtues of this horse. The immigrant says, "Okay misser, but I tell you he no look so good". The cowboy mounts the horse and says "Giddyup". The horse immediately slams into a tree and breaks its neck. The infuriated cowboy goes back to the immigrant and asks him why he didn't tell him the horse was that suicidal. The immigrant says "He not suicidal, he just no look so good!"
Blond who wanted to ride horses.
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In t**..., she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.