Horse Face Jokes
62 horse face jokes and hilarious horse face puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about horse face that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Horse Face Short Jokes
Short horse face jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The horse face humour may include short horse mounted jokes also.
- If I owned a race horse, I would name it My Face Just to hear the crowed chant "COME ON! COME ON MY FACE!"
"...and here comes My Face coming up from the rear!"
-Credit goes to my mother
- - Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks why the long face? Horse replies, The bank denied my home loan because I don't have stable income.
- A horse walks into a bar... The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My alcoholism is destroying my family." - A pony goes into a bar, and the bar tender asks him why the long face? I didn't make it into the men's choir.
Well, you are a little horse. - A horse walks into a church... Priest says, 'Why the long face?'
Horse replies, 'evolution'. - A Centaur walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him "So, why the long face?" I'm half horse...the wrong half.
- A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" "Because alcoholism has destroyed my life and my family. Let me get your rail whiskey."
- A man walks up to a horse and says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "My wife left me."
- Another horse walks into a bar The barman says "why the long face?"
and the horse replies "because my entire family were killed and served to customers in Subway. - A horse in a bar A horse is standing at the bar when a man walks up to him.
"Why the long face?" he asked jokingly.
"I'm stage four terminal and my wife left me, taking everything with her."
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Horse Face One Liners
Which horse face one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with horse face? I can suggest the ones about horse neigh and horse crossed.
- This never gets old A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face"
- A horse walks into a bar... And the bartender says to him "hey why the long face"
- What do you say to a sad horse? Why the long face
- Do you think horses feel remorse? They have such long faces.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Horse Face Jokes
What funny jokes about horse face you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean horse track jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make horse face pranks.
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face.
Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men.
The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons.
Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face.
There is only one King.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl was pampering a horse with her hand while watching display of the horses, suddenly she touched the g**... of the horse.
The excited horse screeched, jumped and ran away very fast.
The horse’s guard faced the girl and said, “Ma’am please do the same to me, so I can run, chase and retrieve my boss’s horse.”
The cowboy enters the saloon
-Who painted my horse blue??
A huge guy stands up, and walks right into the cowboy's face.
-It was me, you have a problem with that?
-I just wanted to let you know that it's dry and ready for the second coating.
Buying a Horse
A man is looking to buy a new horse and decides to take his 8 year old son with him to a horse show for fun. As they're walking around examining the horses, the boy sees his father running his hands all over the horses' body and slapping their rumps. Not understanding why he is doing this, the little boy asks "Daddy, why are you doing that stuff to the horses?" and the man replies, "Well son, I've go to make sure the horse is in good shape if I want to buy it." The little boy nods, but still looks confused.
They continue on and as the man is examining another horse, he sees his son's still-confused face and asks, "What's the matter son? Are you still confused? I told you I have to rub and slap the horse like this if I want to buy it." The son replies, "I know, daddy. I just don't understand why the mailman wants to buy mommy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cowboy is captured
A cowboy is captured by a group of Indians after a gunfight. Because he fought so valiantly, they decide to kill him in three days, and to give him one wish each day before he dies. On the first day, he wishes to speak to his horse. The Indians bring his horse to him, and he whispers in its ear. The horse rides off and returns hours later with a buxom n**... blonde on its back. The cowboy takes her into his tent for a couple hours, then she leaves. The Indians are mildly puzzled, but shrug it off. The next day, the same process occurs. The man whispers in his horse's ear, and the horse rides off. Hours later, the horse returns with a n**... redhead, who spends a couple hours in the cowboy's tent. The Indians agree that this is not a terrible way to spend your last days. On the morning of his last day, the cowboy asks to see his horse one last time. He walks up to his horse, grabs him by both ears, and stares him in the face.
"Listen to me Buster. I - SAID - POSSE!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A foreign dignitary visiting Russia...
was invited to have dinner with Catherine the Great. After a few glasses of wine the man asked the Empress "Your majesty I probably shouldn't ask you this but I've been hearing stories lately and I must know, Are the rumors true?"
The woman's face turned bright red "I don't know where people come up with these things," she told the man quickly."I would never have s**... with a horse."
The man sat for a moment clearly embarrassed and after a long uncomfortable silence said "So Russia is not going to invade Poland?"
Horse in a bar.
A horse stumbles into a bar and without pause goes to the bartender. The bartender looks up from cleaning the counter and nods to the horse and motions for him to take a stool.
The horse does so, but decides to remain where he is anyway, so the bartender asks him 'What will it be?'
The horse ponders this for a moment, snuffles at the bartenders hair, and finally whinnies as he makes his selection.
"A shot and a fifth of whiskey, please."
The bartender raises an eyebrow before figuring it out, and calmly reaches under the bar, pulls out a rifle and shoots the horse, who dies on the spot.
The bartender stows the rifle, much to the awe of the other patrons, and proceeds to take a pull directly from a bottle of whiskey before applauding.
One of the regulars waves the bartender over, confusion evident on his face, and asks the bartender what that was all about, to which the bartender replies,
"Oh, he wanted to be an actor so he could pretend to be human, so they told him to break a leg. Fool horse should have known better."
A mule walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The mule replies, "Well, my mother was a horse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a horse, of course. Which eventually led to divorce, of course. Of which there was no recourse, of course.
So without my father but with my mute mother, it took quite a long time for me to discover...
...I can't have kids"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some day in Berlin
Yussel Rabinowitz and his wife Bessie were hiding from the n**... in a secluded Berlin basement.
One day Yussel decided to get a breath of fresh air, but while out walking he came face to face with Adolf h**... himself. The German leader pulled out a gun and pointed to a pile of horse-s**... in the street.
All right, Jew! he shouted, Eat that or I'll kill you.
Trembling, Yussel did as he was ordered. h**... began laughing so hard that he dropped his gun.
Yussel grabbed it and said, Now you eat, or I'll shoot!
The fuhrer got down on his hands and knees and began eating. While he was occupied, Yussel sneaked away and ran back to his basement. He slammed the door shut, bolted and locked it securely.
Bessie, Bessie! he shouted. Guess who I had lunch with today!
Tonto
Little known fact about Tonto is he use to take white man on buffalo hunts. He was the best buffalo tracker and the white man payed him well.
One day Tonto was out with a group of white men in search of Buffalo. He got off his horse, which excited the men. He checked the breeze, smelled the air, and then slowly bent down to listen to the earth.
When he stood back up, in a calm voice he said, "buffalo come"
The white man responded, "well how do ya' know?"
To which Tonto replied, "hm! Face sticky."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Horse t**... up and says to mirror: "why the long face?" Mirror says "It's okay, I'm just a bit reflective today."
I'll be here all week folks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Lone Ranger gets caught.
The Lone Ranger is caught by a group of Crow braves and buried up to his neck in sand. The leader of the braves tells him he has one last dying request, and so coolly and calmly he whistles to his horse Silver and Silver t**... over and the Lone Ranger whispers something in his ear.
Immediately Silver bolts off into the distance and then quickly returns with a beautiful woman on his back, who gracefully slides off him and proceeds to lift her skirt, sit upon the Lone Ranger's face, and then writhe and buck in screaming ecstasy for a full five minutes before climbing off and walking away.
The crow are so amazed at this sight, and the depths of communication displayed between man and horse that they grant one more request, to which the Lone Ranger once again whistles Silver over, and in a voice of mild annoyance says, "I said a posse."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks
Why do you look so sad and the horse says well i haven't gotten a bj in months the bartender says she will do it so she gets on her knees and starts s**... the horse off. The horse is so big she has to stretch her lips out as far as they can go Then the horse looks down and asks why the long face?
A Horse Walks into a Bar...
He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A horse walks into a bar...
The barman says "Why the long fac**e**?" The horse says "As an anthropomorphic horse, I fit in neith**e**r with humans nor my own kind, and have thus lived a life of lon**e**liness."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a horse and a v**...?
The horse has more than just a long face.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife walked into a bar.
The bartender asked "Why the long face?"
Glaring at the bartender, my wife responded "That joke's for horses, you idiot."
"Yes, it is," the bartender replied.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, Why the long face?
I was born into servitude, and when I die, my feet will be turned into glue, replied the horse.
The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.
A horse walks into a bar...
"1 whiskey" - says the horse
"Why the long face?" - the waiter asked
"My wife killed herself because of my alcoholism"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse screams, "I will end you!" And bites the bartender in the t**.... A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?!"
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young couple is getting ready to have s**... for the first time.
A young couple is getting ready to have s**... for the first time. The boyfriend asked his girlfriend, "Have you ever ridden a horse?"
She said, "Yes, I have."
Satisfied, he responded with, "So this will be just like riding a horse."
Suddenly, the woman's face looked horrified.
Concerned, the man asked his girlfriend what was wrong.
Tearfully, she responded with, "So it will be bumpy and uncomfortable?"
A cowboy goes into a bar and sits down...
.... he orders a drink and lights a cigarette. A lady walks up to him and asks are you a real cowboy? He looks up and says Of course I am! I ride a horse and rope cows all day long. What are you? The lady replies I'm a lesbian. I think about women constantly. I wake up and I think about women, I go about my day thinking about women and I go to sleep and dream about women.
Later a couple walks into the bar and they sit down next to the cowboy and order drinks. Are you a real cowboy? The wife asks. The cowboy looks up at her with an ashen face and says I thought I was but today I learned I'm a lesbian!
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender sees the horse is upset. He asks, Why the long face?
The horse slaps him and says, Why does everyone make fun of me for having a long face!
The bartender replies, So thaaats why your upset
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bat teaches his three children how to s**... blood...
After teaching them, he orders them away to test their abilities
The first of the children return, filled with blood on his mouth, and says "Dad, can you see that cow?"
"Yes, I do son"
"So, I s**... it's blood", the first one replies
The second one comes later, with even more blood on his face
"Dad, can you see that horse?", he asks
"Yes, I can, son"
"So, I s**... its blood"
Finally, the third one returns, with even more blood on his face, and says
"Dad, can you see that wall?"
"Yes, I can, son", replies the father
"I couldn't"
Today Donald trump Called Stormy Daniels a horse face and I find that highly offensive...
To horses everywhere who now have to deal with the stigma of now being compared to stormy daniels.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A horse wearing l**... walked into a bar on Halloween
The bartender said "Why the long face?"
The horse said "shut up, I've heard enough of that kind of talk from the president!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A jew walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The jew sighs and says, "the neo n**... killed my family and genetically grafted a horse to my face."
A horse was in a horrific accident.
I'm too tired to write the whole story.
Basically, the bartender goes, "Hey, pal. Why such the long face?"
So, a horse walks into a bar...
The bartender asks "Why the long face?" And ann coulter just flips her hair around while trying to remember when her parents told her she was pretty.
A shy horse wants to go to the bar and have a drink.
But he does not want to be seen in public. So he puts on a a donkey mask. Wearing the donkey mask, the horse walks into the bar.
The Chinese bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"
Horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says "Why the long face?"
"Ha, ha, very funny," says the horse. "But I gotta say, today was not a good day. Injured my leg out, on the racetrack. My career's probably finished."
Bartender reaches under the bar, pulls out a gun, and shoots the horse.
Then he feels sorry for him, says "Tell ya what, buddy. That round is on the house."
A man is driving down a country road...
... and his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.
"Looks like your timing chain broke"
He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around.
The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down.
A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke.
"What?" The farmer asks "wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?"
"Yes! That's the one!" The man replies.
Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars"
A man is sitting in his easy chair watching the football game when his wife comes in and slaps him in the face.
He says, What was that for!
She says, I found a piece of paper in your coat pocket with the name Dorothy written on it!
The man says, oh that's just the name of the horse I was going to bet on
A week passes and the man is back in his easy chair watching another football game.
Wife walks into the living room and slaps him in the face again.
The man yells, what was that for!
She says, your horse just called...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, Why the long face?
The horse says, Because idiots keep eating up my dewormer medicine.
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "Why the long f--" when suddenly the horse cuts him off.
"I've heard that a million times. 'Why the long face, haha!" I hear that everywhere I go."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," says the bartender. "Other than that, how's your
life?"
The horse responds with, "Stable."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "I have AIDS."
A baton-twirling dancer walks into bar...
The bartender is delighted to see her.
"It's so good to see a fresh face It's so drab seeing the same lawyers and rabi's here! Like, can you get any more tired of the same setup?"
"I know!" replies the dancer, "I'm so sick of those overused..."
Just then, a horse walks into a bar. The bartender rolls his eyes and the dancer sighs and begins walking over to the horse, baton in hand.
"What are you doing?" asks the bartender.
The baton-twirling dancer turns, "I'm not entirely sure yet, but it looks like we're about to beat a dead horse."
Tracker
So the cowboys hire a native american tracker. The tracker would often dismount his horse, look closely at the ground, sniff, put his ears on the ground, etc.
So today they are riding a trail. Tracker asks for a halt, gets off the horse and holds his ears to the ground. Gets up says "Buffalo come!"
Cowboy says "Wow! You can feel the vibrations of the herd moving?"
Tracker : "No. Face sticky!"
So a horse walks into a bar.
He sits down and notices that the bartender is a very large lion who's having trouble picking up his comparatively tiny liquor bottles because he doesn't have fingers.
The lion bartender says "Hi," then stares at the horse for an entire minute.
The lion bartender finally continues,
"Why the long face?"
The horse laughs and replies,
"Why the big pause?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A horse walks into a bar
And the bartender asked "why the long face?"
The horse said, well, it has been a really bad day. Around 10 years ago, I married a pony, the absolute love of my life. She just passed away at the hospital from t**... cancer. I'm on my way back home and I just came in for a few drinks to ease the pain.
The bartender felt horrible about the s**... joke he said earlier and apologized profusely.
The horse just shook his head and said don't worry about it. In all honesty, we should have caught the cancer much earlier. She was always a little horse.
A horse walks into a bar...
and orders a beer.
As the bartender serves him, he looks at the horse and says "hey, why the long face, pal? Are you depressed?"
The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" - and promptly disappears.
See, this is a joke about Rene Descartes' famous statement, "I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned this at the start of the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A horse walked into a bar.
The bartender looked at the horse and said: "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
Later, a bear walked into the bar and said: "I'll have a ... beer." The bartender looked at the bear and asked: "Why the big pause?"
Soon, three anteaters came in and requested a bowl of ants to share. The bartender looked at the anteaters and said: "I'm going to stop doing l**... before work."
A horse walks into a bar.
"Why the long face?" the bartender asks...
"Haha," the horse replies, sarcastically, "Haven't heard that one before."
"Just got the news," the horse continues, "I've been accepted into college."
Bartender says, "That's great news! You should be celebrating."
"Yeah... now I'll be saddled with student loans."
