Horse Face Jokes

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face.
Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men.
The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons.
Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face.
There is only one King.

A girl was pampering a horse with her hand while watching display of the horses, suddenly she touched the g**... of the horse.
The excited horse screeched, jumped and ran away very fast.
The horse’s guard faced the girl and said, “Ma’am please do the same to me, so I can run, chase and retrieve my boss’s horse.”

The cowboy enters the saloon

-Who painted my horse blue??
A huge guy stands up, and walks right into the cowboy's face.
-It was me, you have a problem with that?
-I just wanted to let you know that it's dry and ready for the second coating.

So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My wife is dying of terminal cancer."

So a horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender asks, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
The horse looks up and responds, "I'm out of the job! Sarah Jessica Parker started doing her own stunts."

A horse walks into a bar...

The Barkeeper asks:"hey dude, why the long face?"
The horse has cancer.

A horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
And the horse replies, "I'm finally starting to realize that my alcoholism is tearing my family apart,"

There is no bar.

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says: "Why the long face?"
Horse says: "I'm a solipsist."
The bartender doesn't understand because he is a horse. Horses can't talk.

A mule walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The mule replies, "Well, my mother was a horse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a horse, of course. Which eventually led to divorce, of course. Of which there was no recourse, of course.
So without my father but with my mute mother, it took quite a long time for me to discover...
...I can't have kids"

Why the long face ?

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender: why the long face ?
Horse: because I'm a r**... alcoholic.

A horse walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

A horse walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says why the long face?
The horse let's out a sigh and says "I'm a metaphysical character that exists only in the scope of this joke and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence.''

Horse t**... up and says to mirror: "why the long face?" Mirror says "It's okay, I'm just a bit reflective today."

I'll be here all week folks.

So a horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse responds, "They wouldn't renew s**... and the City for another season."

A horse walks into a bar...

and the bartender says why the long face?
(Old I know)
But I've heard so many variations on that one. What others are there?

A horse walks into a church...

Priest says, 'Why the long face?'
Horse replies, 'evolution'.

When a girl has a ponytail...

-Hey, what do you call that hairstyle?
-A ponytail?
-Ah, it really compliments your horse face.

Buffalo Hunt

Two Native American scouts are hunting buffalo in the Great Planes. One scout hops off of his horse and puts his face to the ground, closing his eyes in concentration.
"Buffalo come!", he exclaims as he lifts his head.
"Did you hear them?", asks the mounted scout.
"No," grunts the man, "face sticky."

Why the long face?

"A horse walks into the bar and the bartender comes over and says, 'Why the long face?'" - Not my original for sure, but always makes me smirk.

A horse walks into a bar. ..

A horse walks into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Sarah Jessica Parker responds, "I'm a person you know? I have feelings!"

(Dirty) The cavalry were riding through the plains with their Native American guide.

The Indian gets off his horse and puts his ear to the ground. He looks up at the captain and says " Buffalo come " . The captain is astounded and asks " Can you really hear buffalo from here? The Indian replies "NO, side of face all sticky!"

A horse walks into a bar...

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from s**... in the City."

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse unable to understand human speech promptly takes a dump on the floor and leaves

So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks

Why do you look so sad and the horse says well i haven't gotten a bj in months the bartender says she will do it so she gets on her knees and starts s**... the horse off. The horse is so big she has to stretch her lips out as far as they can go Then the horse looks down and asks why the long face?

A horse walks in a bar

Bartender: why the long face?
Horse: I just found out I have cancer.

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender asks, "why the long face?"
The horse starts crying. In between the sobs, he says "it's not my fault I look like Sarah Jessica Parker!"

A Horse Walks into a Bar...

He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."

A horse in a bar

A horse is standing at the bar when a man walks up to him.
"Why the long face?" he asked jokingly.
"I'm stage four terminal and my wife left me, taking everything with her."

A horse walks into a bar...

The barman says "Why the long fac**e**?" The horse says "As an anthropomorphic horse, I fit in neith**e**r with humans nor my own kind, and have thus lived a life of lon**e**liness."

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

"Because alcoholism has destroyed my life and my family. Let me get your rail whiskey."

Another horse walks into a bar

The barman says "why the long face?"
and the horse replies "because my entire family were killed and served to customers in Subway.

What's the difference between a horse and a v**...?

The horse has more than just a long face.

My wife walked into a bar.

The bartender asked "Why the long face?"
Glaring at the bartender, my wife responded "That joke's for horses, you idiot."
"Yes, it is," the bartender replied.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, Why the long face?

I was born into servitude, and when I die, my feet will be turned into glue, replied the horse.
The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.

A horse walks into a bar...

"1 whiskey" - says the horse
"Why the long face?" - the waiter asked
"My wife killed herself because of my alcoholism"

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender asks what's with the long face, the horse doesn't say anything because it's a horse, it doesn't understand English and it looks confused. It walks out the bar knocking over a few tables.

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse screams, "I will end you!" And bites the bartender in the t**.... A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?!"

I don't think I am

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, why the long face? The horse morosely replies, my wife wants a divorce, she says I'm an alcoholic. The bartender asks if he is, and the horse answers, I don't think I am and promptly vanishes from existence. Now this is funny because it is a play on the phrase 'I think therefore I am' but to explain this before hand would be to put Descartes before the horse. (Joke from my mathematics professor)

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

An old engineering professor ...

An old engineering professor was welcoming the incoming class of freshman. "I've been teaching here for over 50 years and have seen some dramatic change over that time. When I started, less than 5% of the class was female, and they all looked like they were kicked in the face by a horse.
"Today, more than half of you are female, but by God, we still have the same horse."

A man walks up to a horse and says, "Why the long face?"

The horse says, "My wife left me."

A young couple is getting ready to have s**... for the first time.

A young couple is getting ready to have s**... for the first time. The boyfriend asked his girlfriend, "Have you ever ridden a horse?"
She said, "Yes, I have."
Satisfied, he responded with, "So this will be just like riding a horse."
Suddenly, the woman's face looked horrified.
Concerned, the man asked his girlfriend what was wrong.
Tearfully, she responded with, "So it will be bumpy and uncomfortable?"

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender sees the horse is upset. He asks, Why the long face?
The horse slaps him and says, Why does everyone make fun of me for having a long face!
The bartender replies, So thaaats why your upset

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey why the long face?"
Then the horse says, "I am sad that I can no longer support myself with residuals from s**... And The City re-runs."

A guy bought a horse and named him 'My Face'.

He trained this horse and entered him into races.
When asked why he called it 'my face' he replied,
So when the girls are cheering on the horses they are screaming "Come on My face come on my face"

Today Donald trump Called Stormy Daniels a horse face and I find that highly offensive...

To horses everywhere who now have to deal with the stigma of now being compared to stormy daniels.

A horse wearing l**... walked into a bar on Halloween

The bartender said "Why the long face?"
The horse said "shut up, I've heard enough of that kind of talk from the president!"

A jew walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The jew sighs and says, "the neo n**... killed my family and genetically grafted a horse to my face."

A horse was in a horrific accident.

I'm too tired to write the whole story.
​
Basically, the bartender goes, "Hey, pal. Why such the long face?"

So, a horse walks into a bar...

The bartender asks "Why the long face?" And ann coulter just flips her hair around while trying to remember when her parents told her she was pretty.

A horse goes into a bar

The bartender says "why the long face"
The horse says
"My wife has terminal cancer"

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face" the horse replies

"I have clinical depression"

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face?

The horse responds with my wife just died of cancer

A shy horse wants to go to the bar and have a drink.

But he does not want to be seen in public. So he puts on a a donkey mask. Wearing the donkey mask, the horse walks into the bar.
The Chinese bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender is a horse.

He says, "Oh, hey Rene, you want the usual?". Rene says "Yeah sure. Why the long face?". The horse and bar disappear because they were never, in fact, real and the only thing that definitely did exist was Rene.
You see it's a joke about Rene Descartes, but if I told you that at the beginning I would be putting Descartes before De Horse

A horse walks into a bar

and says to the bartender, Your entire family was just killed in a horrible accident.
Who's got the long face now?

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says "Why the long face?"
"Ha, ha, very funny," says the horse. "But I gotta say, today was not a good day. Injured my leg out, on the racetrack. My career's probably finished."
Bartender reaches under the bar, pulls out a gun, and shoots the horse.
Then he feels sorry for him, says "Tell ya what, buddy. That round is on the house."

A man is driving down a country road...

... and his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.
"Looks like your timing chain broke"
He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around.
The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down.
A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke.
"What?" The farmer asks "wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?"
"Yes! That's the one!" The man replies.
Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars"

2 Native American animal trackers sit on their horses.

One gets down, lays his ear to the ground and after a moment he says "Buffalo come."
His friend asks "How you know?"
Then he stands up and touches the side of his face, "Sticky."

A man is sitting in his easy chair watching the football game when his wife comes in and slaps him in the face.

He says, What was that for!
She says, I found a piece of paper in your coat pocket with the name Dorothy written on it!
The man says, oh that's just the name of the horse I was going to bet on
A week passes and the man is back in his easy chair watching another football game.
Wife walks into the living room and slaps him in the face again.
The man yells, what was that for!
She says, your horse just called...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, s**... on the floor and leaves.

A Horse Walks into a Bar

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, Hey fellow, why the long face?
The horse, incapable of understanding the English language, s**... all over the floor and leaves.

A horse walks into a bar ...

The bartender says "why the long face?"
The horse, not understanding English, s**... on the floor and leaves.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, Why the long face?

The horse says, Because idiots keep eating up my dewormer medicine.

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Why the long f--" when suddenly the horse cuts him off.
"I've heard that a million times. 'Why the long face, haha!" I hear that everywhere I go."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," says the bartender. "Other than that, how's your
life?"
The horse responds with, "Stable."

A Horse Walks Into A Bar…

The Bartender says, Why the long face?
The Horse, not knowing the English language, s**... all over the floor and kicks the bartender with its back leg and leaves.

A Centaur walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him "So, why the long face?"

I'm half horse...the wrong half.

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "I have AIDS."

A baton-twirling dancer walks into bar...

The bartender is delighted to see her.
"It's so good to see a fresh face It's so drab seeing the same lawyers and rabi's here! Like, can you get any more tired of the same setup?"
"I know!" replies the dancer, "I'm so sick of those overused..."
Just then, a horse walks into a bar. The bartender rolls his eyes and the dancer sighs and begins walking over to the horse, baton in hand.
"What are you doing?" asks the bartender.
The baton-twirling dancer turns, "I'm not entirely sure yet, but it looks like we're about to beat a dead horse."

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender says why the long face? to which the horse responds my wife left and she took the kids … also I'm a horse