Horrific Jokes
38 horrific jokes and hilarious horrific puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about horrific that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Horrific Short Jokes
Short horrific jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The horrific humour may include short atrocious jokes also.
- "Jesus loves you." A nice thing to hear in church. And a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
- A soldier was rushed to the hospital with a horrific bayonet wound. Unfortunately, he was pronounced dead on a rifle.
- Did you know Dracula had a brother who feasted on pancakes? His name was Count Spatula
(Tried this out on my kids the other day. It went horrifically bad) - My brother-in-law is missing half of his hand due to a horrific logging injury, so I asked him do you get half off when you get your palm read?
- My girlfriend lost her left arm and left leg in a horrific accident. Don't worry. She's all right now.
- A man got into a horrific accident that resulted in him losing an arm and a leg. Don't worry, he's all right now.
- I'm watching the horrific pictures of the US Wild Fires in Bel-Air. They believe it was started by an Arsonist.
They are dusting for fresh prints.
.
.
.
.
Too soon??????? - A horse got into a horrific accident Don't woeey though, he's now in a stable condition in the hospital.
- TIL the musical group Ace of Base was killed in a horrific traffic accident after they missed their exit on the highway and crashed... Police later said, "they didn't see the sign..."
- A horse was in a horrific accident. I'm too tired to write the whole story.
Basically, the bartender goes, "Hey, pal. Why such the long face?"
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Horrific One Liners
Which horrific one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with horrific? I can suggest the ones about horrible and hideous.
- My wife's skydiving experience ended horrifically. The parachute worked.
- What does Captain America and Spain have in common? A horrific Civil War
- What's more horrific than 9/11 for an Italian ? 7/11 pizza ...
- My sister was injured in a horrific singing accident. "Oh no, is Carrey OK?"
- What was the dentist's horrific gastronomical invention? Tartar sauce.
- Did you hear about the horrific van attack in Germany? It was a truly Muensterous attack.
- What is it called when you're born in space? Horrifically deformed.
- Why did Jimmy get into a horrific car accident? He let God take the wheel
- What do you call an orphan who suffers from horrific parental a**...? A paradox.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Horrific Jokes
What funny jokes about horrific you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dreadful jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make horrific pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm immortal
Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I a**... my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.
At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"
A man was in a horrific car accident and rushed to the hospital. A few days later, he woke up startled and yelled, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!
The doctor replied, I'm sorry, but we had to amputate your arms.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.
It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That's right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!
I was watching some construction workers today
outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.
I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...
It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: What did the judge say about the man shot twelve times by the police?
A: The most horrific s**... scenario I have ever heard of.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A great tragedy befalls the USSR
At a Central Committee meeting dozens of high ranking officials were accidentally killed, poisoned with toxic mushrooms in their soup.
The investigation team arrives at the scene. It was horrific, some had scratched their throats deeply, other lay with foam at they mouth or bloodshot eyes.
But the investigation teams discovers something interesting, three of the dead had gun shot wound to their heads.
"What happened here, we thought this was a poisoning?"
"It was, but these three refused to eat their soup."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A fiery d**..., clad in sleigh bells, entered the chamber.
Gandalf immediately froze in fear. It was what he had feared since entering Moria.
With each horrific step, the bells jangled d**....
That's the jingle bell, muttered Gandalf.
Step.
That's the jingle bell.
Step.
That's the jingle Balrog.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In London, British scientists created a frog embryo without a head, a breakthrough that could lead to the production of headless human clones to provide organs and tissue for transplant, as well as horrific nightmares for the rest of my life.
Asked to give a statement after a cigarette sparked a fire that burned down a sweatshop where their products were being made, Old Navy replied:
"It's a travesty. It's a truly, horrific travesty. Nobody should be allowed to sell cigarettes to children that age!"
I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by not going out and getting into a horrific car accident on Black Friday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba died in a terrible accident...
Bubba died in a horrific accident and they were unable to reach his family to identify the body. So they brought in his two best friends, Leroy and Jimmy, as the three of them went everywhere together.
When they walked into the morgue they were unable to tell if the body was Bubba for certain, as his face had been badly mangled. Leroy asks the mortician to roll him over so he can check to be sure. As soon as he rolls him over both of the friends answer, "Nope, ain't him!" The mortician is a little confused so he asks how they knew.
Leroy says,"Everybody around town would always say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a**...'. This guy's only got one."
